Crush

Chay pulled his briefcase across the seat as he juggled a cup of Dunkin’ Donut’s hot chocolate in one hand, along with a bag full of knickknacks to decorate his desk. Straightening from the car, he closed the door with his hip, and looked around.



He was here early, so the schoolyard was as quiet as graveyard; a fact he knew would soon be a thing of the past. A few cars were scattered in the employee parking lot, assuring Chay that he wasn’t the only one here. The high school he entered was bigger than anything Chay had attended in all his years in Colorado. It seemed more like a museum to him, with its brightly polished floors, shrines of awards incased in glass, and color-coded lockers.



Chay found the main office easily enough and punched in with his employee’s time card. A red-haired secretary, who reminded him a lot of Kevin, smiled broadly at him, obviously flirting, as he walked out of the break room “Hello, I’m Katie Smith.” She thrust out a pale, freckled hand.



“Nice to meet you, Miss. Smith. I’m Chayton Whitehorse.”





“Do you prefer to go by your first or last name?” she asked.



“Chay is fine, ma’am.”



Katie reached out to place one manicured hand on his sleeve. “Katie’s fine for me too, sweetie.”



Chay flushed. “Oh, okay.” Flustered by her obvious come-hither look, Chay could only think about making a hasty escape. He was never any good at turning down women who came onto him without looking like a total ass. “If you would excuse me, please, I need to find my classroom.”



“Well do you need any help? I’m just a secretary but I’ve worked here for over ten years. I know these halls like the back of my hand.”



Chay smiled to soften his decline to her offer. “I’ve been here twice with Principal Monroe. He’s shown me quite a bit. I think I can find it on my own.”



“ Okay. Well I’ll be here if you need anything.”



“Thanks Miss Smith. I’ll let you know.”



Breathing a sigh of relief when Katie’s hand fell away, Chay slipped out of the office into the safety of the deserted hallways.

*****



Chay had just enough time to run off the last of his self-report dittos before his first class ambled in. Chay wrote his name in big block letters on the board and waited patiently for everyone to be seated. He tried not to fidget as several students stared across the room at him, and began whispering into their cupped hands to each other. Finally, most of the seats were filled and Chay took center stage. He introduced himself, took attendance, and explained about the dittos.



The students seemed receptive to the idea that he would like to know more about them. Chay had made a special category for each of their likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, and what they would like to see brought up in the class.



When Chay saw a group of girls talking during his quiet assignment he approached them, and instead of chastising them for being disobedient, inquired if what they had to speak about couldn’t wait until after the self-report. They conceded with much blushing that they could and the class resumed in a quiet manner.



Chay was just collecting the handouts from everyone when the door to his classroom swung open. Several excited whispers had him turning toward the door with curiosity. Chay felt as if his stomach had taken a dive to his feet as his eyes once again clashed with cool, blue-green. Drew’s initial surprise was soon covered up by a pleased smile. He walked toward Chay, under the scrutiny of several admiring glances, and handed him a note from his coach.



Chay quickly read it. It was a note saying that Coach Barnes had called an early morning workout regiment, and that Drew had been required to attend. Chay lifted his head and nodded to Drew who was hovering close to his shoulder. “Thank you, Mr. Robinson. You may take a seat.” He handed Drew a self-report ditto. As Drew took the sheet his finger brushed over Chay’s.



“Thank you,” the younger man said, looking Drew in the eyes.



The class erupted with feminine giggles. Drew turned and walked to his seat at the back of the class.



Chay stood where he was for a moment and tried not to be obvious as he rubbed his tingling fingers against his pants leg.



*****





Chay was grateful when he finally wrapped up his last class before lunch. Instead of jumping up as soon as the bell rung, a few students—mostly girls—took their time getting ready to leave Chay’s classroom.



Chay tried to mind his business and ignore the stares and giggles as the girls shuffled out. One girl even had the nerve to blurt out “He is so HOT!” before she and her girlfriends scampered around the corner and out of sight. Chayton didn’t catch who had said the words and doubted he ever would. As he erased the board, he worried that his new position might get him into trouble. He’d seen the damage done to teachers who go involved with students. Not that he would ever consider talking to a high school student, but an innocent act with one of the girls could be misconstrued as something more.



He made a mental note to make sure he was never alone with any of the girls and clapped his hands free of chalk dust. Chay was just gathering together the papers he’d collected, trying to recall where the staff cafeteria was located when Drew ducked into his classroom.



The young man was smiling. “Hey, Chay, I was surprised to see you teaching this class.”



“Not half as surprised as I was to see you, I bet. How’d you get switched at this late a date?”



Drew shrugged broad shoulders and turned his knees-to-water-grin on full blast. “I might have an ‘in’ with the guidance counselor, Mrs. Kirkpatrick.”



“Oh?”



“She’s my second cousin.”



Drew stared at Chay for an intense moment and then made a face as comprehension dawned. “You thought…Argh, now I’m going to need a bottle of brain bleach to scrub that image from my mind,” he said laughing.



Chay blushed and stammered. “No, no. I never even thought that. I mean, I can see you being a charmer, but not that...you know." Chay cleared his throat and pulled his scattered brain cells together."I didn't mean to imply anything scandalous or indecent was going on. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. ”



“You do that a lot.”



“Hmm?”



“Apologize when you’ve done nothing wrong and let other people off the hook. I was just joking around. I knew what you meant.”



Chay shrugged and started to say, “I’m sor—.” He caught himself and playfully rolled his eyes. “I guess you’re right, I do say that a lot.”



Drew smiled at him. His gray-blue gaze studied Chay’s face as if compartmentalizing each of his features. “And you say I’m charming, Teach.”



Suddenly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was going, Chay switched topics. “So this is your last year at Brighton High, yes? Won’t you miss it?”



“Not really. School is just another shitty institution to slog through to get to where you want to be.”



Hesitant to chastise Drew about his language for fear of coming off as a stick-in-the-mud, Chay decided he’d ignore it just this once. After all, it wasn’t as if kids Drew’s age didn’t swear. “I can’t be all that bad. High school is supposed to be your best years.”



“Don’t get me wrong. I like the teachers and the classes here. I’ve learned a lot at Brighton High. It’s the school hierarchy that gets on my nerves. It’s like a food chain. Jocks on top, cheerleaders right below, then the preps, alternative kids, and finally the geeks. “



Taking in Drew’s letterman jacket, Chay didn’t have to guess where he fell on the hierarchy. “You don’t have to conform to the school hierarchy,” Chay said thoughtfully. His own high school back on the rez had been too small and the majority of the students too poor to worry about fashion and status. Graduating had been a top priority. The only sport Chay’s school had was soccer and it was on played at leisure and P.E.



“It’s not that I want to. I mean, I like football and I wouldn’t want to give it up. But it’s like just because I’m a football player people expect me to be a certain way just to please everyone. I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t want the accolades and adoration and people following me around and being in my business twenty-four seven. People have this perception of me that isn’t real, yanno. Sometimes I feel like I’m on this big stage, reading a script to please the audience.” Suddenly, bashful, Drew scratched absently at the back of his head and said, “Ah, sorry for getting all deep on you. Guess I just needed to get that all out with someone who would understand. You do understand what I’m saying? Right?”



“I do.” Wow, this kid was smarter and more insightful than Chay would have given him credit for right off the bat. He had to constantly remind himself that Drew was only seventeen, because while he did not look his age, he did not act like it either. This kid was going to be a potent heartbreaker when he grew up. Chay could tell. “It’s hard being popular Drew, and it can make you feel just as helpless as someone who isn’t so popular, but the key thing is to never lose who you are. Don’t worry about what everyone wants you to be and do. Do what makes you happy. Because at the end of the day you are the only one who has to live with what you’ve done.”



Drew was grinning at him at the end of his little speech. Now it was Chay’s turn to look bashful. “Well, that’s my two cents anyway.” Chay fished out his keys from his pocket and started to sort through them to find the one that locked his room. “I better get going to lunch.”



“You know where the teacher’s cafeteria is?” Drew asked, with a knowing smile.



Chay shook his head.



“I’ll show you the way.”



“Okay, thanks.” Chay walked past Drew into the hallway. Drew stood beside him while he attempted to lock the door. The young man was hovering a little too close. Chay could feel the heat emanating from his big body and the knowledge made him shiver. A worried frown creased his brow as he fumbled with the key. This was not the type of reaction a teacher should be having with his student.



“Here, let me.” Drew’s big hand covered his easily and plucked the key from his fingers. Deftly, Drew picked out the right key, inserted it into the lock, and handed the keyring back. Chay nodded his thanks and pocketed the keys.



Drew cupped the small of his back with one big hand and swept his arm in the direction he wanted them to go. “After you, Chay.”



“Uh, Drew?”



“Yeah?”



“Please call me Whitehorse when we’re in school.”



Drew just smiled.



***

“Ms. Collette acts like a whore!” Chay heard one of the faculty whisper vehemently to another teacher. If the middle-aged woman thought that was a whisper he’d hate to see her version of a shout.



Hurrying away from the corner of the cafeteria the gossiping women occupied, Chay made his rounds for second lunch. It was day twenty-four(week five) of his new job. All things considered it had been smooth as pie, if he discounted the over-familiarity of one of his students, namely Andrew Robinson. To be fair, there were a handful of students at Brighton high that he was absolutely certain looked at him in an unprofessional manner,and Drew had nothing on the rumor mill about Chay's attractiveness going around the school. But Drew had an effect on Chay like no one else did.



Increasingly Chay found himself before the classroom without a thought for his next topic because he’d gotten distracted by something Andrew had said or done. While not exactly the class clown, it had become apparent that Andrew was the brains of the operation—the beating heart of Brighton High. To look at him you’d never think he hated high school. He was always cool, calm and collected; quick to offer a smile and laugh.



The girls adored him, the boys wanted to be him or around him, and the teachers were wrapped around his little finger. Chay had been fully prepared to give Andrew the grade he deserved when Chay gave his first mock exam to gauge where the students were at in their learning. Having to mark Andrew’s paper the highest in the class was somewhat of a relief and a letdown at the same time.



He wasn’t out to get Drew. He didn’t hate him, even though he often wished that Drew would miss his class due to football practice, but ever since that one time he was late, Drew never missed a second of his class. Often Drew was the first one to arrive, waving to Chay and sometimes perching on the side of his desk to ask questions that bordered on too personal to be answered.



He knew it was partially his fault; he’d invited the young man to his home to help him finish moving in on a whim and he didn’t exactly send Drew away when he sought him out.



A commotion in the cafeteria signaled the arrival of half the football team with Drew walking at the center of the crowd—the others gravitating around him like planets around the sun. Unconsciously, Chay worked his way across the cafeteria, putting as much space between him and Drew as possible, less he be pulled into the sun’s field of gravitation too.



And there lay the heart of his problem. Not only was Drew showing more concern about his welfare than a student should, but Chay was coming to expect, even anticipate, the younger man’s attention. Though Drew hadn't acted in an inappropriate manner where he was concerned, Chay feared for his growing attachment and rumors of favoritism in the school.



Alternately avoiding and interacting with Andrew kept him on tenterhooks most of the time. But Chay didn’t regret coming to Brighton. He was starting to fall in love with the town and people. He enjoyed his job, and found validation of his place in life at the end of the day just by knowing he was giving back to the next generation.



If anything bothered Chay besides the risk of deeper feelings toward his student it was that he was growing increasingly aware of his loneliness and isolation. Invitation by Diane Peters aside, Chay didn’t have much of a social life outside of school and trading instant messages with Scott.



Used to the hustle and bustle of life interacting with a big family, it was hard to turn the lights out at the end of the night and hear nothing but quiet. It was hard to return home tired and hungry and make a meal for one.



Chay wanted someone. He wanted someone to be home to listen to him talk about his day, whether it were good or bad, and comfort him, to hold him in their arms late at night and be there when he woke up in the morning.



He couldn’t even begin to determine a means to make that happen. Brighton’s gay population wasn’t exactly advertising, and Chay had never been much of a risk taker, so presuming on the sexual orientation of the handful of attractive men he’d crossed paths with in the last few weeks was beyond his kin.



He’d nearly signed up for one of those matchmaking sites but chickened out last minute, fearing any such profile—however unlikely it was—might be viewed by someone who’d recognize him in Brighton.



Chay held up in the corner of the cafeteria, looking pensively out the window as he weighed his options. He realized that he hadn’t thought too much beyond getting away from the rez and starting over in a new town. A random internet search had turned up Brighton, with its smiling townsfolk and luscious landscaping. Further research had revealed a housing market with modest pricing. Only now, he was realizing he should have looked toward a more open-minded residency.



Chay thought, at least for this moment, he’d gladly trade his house for a studio apartment in San Francisco.



“It’s supposed to rain today.”



The voice startled Chay, who jumped and pressed a hand over his heart before looking wide-eyed at a sober looking Andrew.



Andrew laid a hand on his shoulder. Chay fought the instinct to twist away. The heat of the young man’s hand seemed to penetrate the thin layer of his clothing burn down to his skin. “Didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?”



Chay shook his head. “I’m okay. Um, is there something you needed?”



“Yeah, before I forget, I just wanted to extend my mom’s invitation to come to my house for dinner Friday night. I’ve been telling her how great a teacher you are and that you’re new in the neighborhood and a bachelor to boot. She insisted on making you a home cooked meal.”



The thought that maybe Andrew was trying to set him up with his mom made Chay’s stomach churn uneasily. “Um, Friday night…I might have to…” Shit, Chay was never very good at lying.



The hand on his shoulder squeezed lightly and Andrew gave him an imploring look. “Please, say you’ll attend. Mom’s making her famous chicken fried steak and they’ll be ice cream sundaes afterword.



Chay wavered. “Sundaes you say?” Really, how bad could it be if Andrew and his mom were serving sundaes?



Andrew laughed, and mercifully let his hand fall away from Chay’s shoulder. No doubt he’d realized how odd it would look if he continued to touch his teacher in such a manner.



Chay thought carefully before he answered Drew. While he didn’t want to play the matchmaking game with one of his student’s mothers, if that were the case, he wanted to learn more about Andrew “The White Knight” Robinson and he was curious to meet the woman who created such a son. He reasoned that turning down Drew’s invitation would be purely because of insecurities on his part. Drew was a charmer by nature, but he’d never made any inappropriate overtures where Chay was concerned.



This perceived attraction was a demon Chay had to wrestle on his own. For all he knew, Drew would be disgusted that he was gay. Projecting his own feelings on the jock would be unfair and unwise and it wasn’t as if Chay was a savage beast primed to attack a high school boy just because he found him attractive.



A little voice in the back of his head grumbled about erring on the side of caution. Why subject himself to further temptation?



The pros and cons were pretty evenly matched, until he added in the fact that he was near desperate to feel the closeness of family again, even if it wasn’t his own.



Eventually, what decided Chay were three little words: I am lonely.