Charms

Jesse stopped at Blockbuster on his way to Kevin's house. He tried browsing the shelves of new releases but gave up after a few minutes and sought out his favorite movies. Classics were classics for a reason.

He followed the directions to Kevin's house that he'd scrawled during their short phone conversation, and after a short drive, he was pulling into the driveway of a medium-sized house in the 'burbs. Nothing as elaborate as Jesse's father's home, but it was nice, well-maintained. Jesse got out of his car, bringing the movies and six-pack he bought on the way with him. The front door swung open before he could even knock.

Jesse smiled. "Hey."

"Hey, come on in." Kevin stepped away from the door, motioning for Jesse to follow him into the living room. The coffee table was covered with Chinese takeout boxes. Kevin looked at all the food and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "I didn't know what you like, so I went a little overboard."

"Don’t worry, so did I." Jesse held up the Blockbuster bag of DVDs and handed it to Kevin, before sitting down on the sofa. "I picked up a bunch of my favorites. You can pick whichever you like."

Kevin sat down next to Jesse and going through the movies. "Grease 2?"

"What? It’s a good movie. And the dude in it is way hotter than Travolta."

"I’ll take your word on that." He continued looking through the movies. "How about Shaun of the Dead?"

"Sounds good to me. Put it in."

They spent the next few hours eating, watching movies and bullshitting about everything from celebrity gossip to life goals. If Jesse had met Kevin a year ago, he'd already be half in love with the guy. As it was, he was half in love with the guy and in serious denial. The last thing he needed was a relationship.

So it only made sense that Jesse was surprised when Kevin kissed goodbye, on the lips, as he was leaving. His surprise didn't stop him from responding though. Only when Kevin pulled away did his mind catch up to his body. Before Kevin could get a word in edgewise, Jesse was muttering "I can't do this," and running out of the front door, not looking back.

XXXXXXXXXX


Jesse was beating himself up the next day. He'd made a fool of himself. He shouldn't have let it go that far. He didn't want or need any kind of relationship. And now Kevin kept calling and Jesse just couldn't bring himself answer. He didn't know what to say. Kevin was kind of amazing. And Jesse had a habit of forgetting his no relationship rule when he was with the other man. He'd laugh and flirt and smile, and it just felt so good to be around him.

Jesse watched his cell phone vibrate on the coffee table before it started ringing. He knew it was Kevin. It wasn't like there was anyone else left to call him anymore. Just that thought was enough to remind him why he shouldn't have gotten involved with Kevin in the first place. He shouldn't have let him in that first day, but Kevin had been so…persistent, and if Jesse were honest with himself, deep down, he'd wanted some kind of human contact after the last of his family died.

Jesse heard a knock on the door. Yeah, Kevin was persistent alright. He debated between answering the door and just pretending no one was home. Jesse had already made his decision about his non-relationship with Kevin and he didn't want Kevin to change his mind, because Jesse knew the man could.

But, before he knew it, Jesse was at the door. He squared his shoulders and opened the door, prepared to tell Kevin that he'd rather not see him anymore and shut the door in the man's face. Maybe he'd offend the guy so much he wouldn't come back. Jesse's plan was ruined when Kevin pushed past him and entered the house though.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" Kevin was pacing in front of the living room sofa. "You run out on me like a crazy person last night and then you won't return any of my fucking phone calls. I thought something had happened to you, but you’re just holed up in your house like a fucking hermit."

Jesse hadn't been expecting this. "Um...I'm sorry? I didn’t mean for you to worry."

"Then you should have picked up your phone." Kevin had run out of steam and sat down on the sofa in front of him. He looked up at Kevin who was still standing by the door a little shell shocked. "So are you going to tell me what happened last night or what?"

It was now or never. Jesse sat down in a chair across from Kevin. "I don't know if I gave you the wrong impression or something. I'm just not interested in anything other than friendship with you."

Kevin looked at Jesse and nodded. "Bullshit. I know you’re attracted to me Jesse. That much is obvious."

Jesse didn't think he'd been obvious, but Kevin did have a point. "I may be attracted to you, but that doesn't mean I want a relationship with you, or anyone for that matter. I just want to be alone for awhile."

"Whether we end up having a relationship or not, you won't be alone, Jess. I thought we were friends. Over the last couple weeks..." Now Kevin sounded hurt and Jesse hadn't meant to do that.

"You don't want to be my friend, Kevin."

Kevin shook his head. "No, you don't want to be my friend. You don't want to be in a relationship of any kind. You want to be alone for the rest of your life. You're the one not making any sense."

Jesse considered just telling Kevin to leave, but he had a feeling Kevin would never let it go. He kind of reminded him of his father in that regard. His dad had a reputation for being relentless.

Jesse took a deep breath and started his story. "Did you know my dad had just picked me up from the hospital when we got in the accident?" The look of surprise on Kevin's face was enough of an answer, so Jesse just continued. "Well, yeah, we were headed home when we got hit. It took ambulances forever to get there." Jesse paused, remembering the accident. "All I could do was watch him die."

"There was nothing else you could've done, Jesse."

Jesse gave Kevin a soft smile. "I know that. I know I’m not responsible up here." He tapped his temple with his index finger. "I know it wasn't my fault, but I still feel so guilty. And the thing is that wasn't the first time something like that happened. There was the whole reason I was in that hospital in the first place. Last year, my best friend, Mal, was killed.

I had this boyfriend and we broke up because…well, he was crazy actually. He didn't take the break up so well. He came over to her place looking for me. I heard him from one of the back rooms and called the police before I went to talk to him. He had a gun with him. He tried to shoot me, but he missed and got Mal instead. I tried to stop the bleeding. My ex was just standing there in shock. The police arrested him. Mal died before the ambulance got there. After a couple weeks, I checked myself in for depression." Jesse paused. "Two dead and one in jail." Jesse gave a chuckle without humor. "It’s like I’m a bad luck charm or something." He took a deep breath and exhaled. He looked into Kevin's eyes full of sympathy and caring. "You don’t want to be my friend Kevin."

"Hey, hey." Kevin reached out for Jesse's hand, taking it in his. "Let me be the judge of that. I like you Jesse, and that isn't going to be changing anytime soon. You've had a rough year. But we can take things slow. I can do slow. Just give me a chance, okay?"

Jesse didn't know what to say. What did he really have to lose though? He'd lost everyone else already. Jesse nodded. "Okay. I can do that."

The End