Rift. (Rewritten in 2010)

Autumn, Year One (9th Moon)

"So do you think you can help me?"
Garron had to fight to keep his tail from thumping in agitation as he waited for the response from the dark-haired human before him. The man crossed the room to a desk, leaned against it, and touched an elegant hand to his lips. Eventually, he looked up at Garron and brought his hand away.
"I am desperate to see my brother again. I have to, or I'll never believe that he's really alive."
"Yes, but will you talk to him for me?"
Nikolai chewed at the inside of his lip.
"I am not certain that I can promise you it will help."
"Why not?" Garron demanded, petulant in his worry for his mate.
Nikolai shrugged.
"I am his brother, but he hasn't seen me in seven years. Why should what I say matter?"
Garron stared at the man as if he were very slow.
"Because you are his brother. He hasn’t seen you in seven years. And yet, he still speaks of you daily. He'll listen to anything you say. It's critical, Mate Nikolai. He's not doing well. He's having trouble...assimilating. Just talk to him. Tell him that being part of the Wolvish empire is not something to be afraid of. Spend some time with him. Make him happy. He will listen to you."
Nikolai nodded and got to his feet, hands supporting the bottom of his distended belly. He was just reaching for a chair when he felt a kick and flinched, harshly. Garron and his own mate were at his side in seconds.
"Nik! Are you alright, darling?" his wolfe was supporting him, urging him towards the bed, and throwing angry glances Garron's way, all at once. Nikolai laughed a little.
"I'm OK, I'm OK; I just got startled. You worry too much. Let me sit down." Nikolai's wolfe obliged him, but didn't retreat far from his beta's side. Garron looked uneasy.
"I have troubled you too much — "
"No! First Alpha Wolfe, please, I want to see my brother." Nikolai's eyes were pleading, and for a moment, they looked so much like Alexei's that Garron couldn't resist.
"You'll help me?"
"On one condition." Nikolai raised a single finger, and Garron nodded eagerly. "You have to talk to him first. If my brother is as I remember him, then there's something deeper going on — something under the surface that he's grappling with. You need to talk to him. Find the problem and you'll fix your Alexei."
Garron mulled this over.
"When can you come?"
Nikolai looked to his mate for confirmation.
"We will travel back to ColdRiver with you when you go."
Garron smiled.
"Then you should begin packing immediately."

+++

"Alexei, darling?" Garron poked his head into the garden cautiously. Alex, who had been settled into one of the lightweight, wooden chairs with a cup of tea too hot for the summertime, looked up at him.
"I'm here." he said, tiredly.
Garron's nervous expression turned into a fleeting grin, and, feeling generous, Alex smiled back. Jerkily, the wolfe approached, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he stood in front of Alex.
"Em." Alex watched Garron expectantly. "I've, uh, I've found someone who wants to see you."
"See me?" Alex queried. Garron nodded. "Who?"
"He says he's an old friend." Alex furrowed his brow, trying to figure out who his mystery guest could be. "He talks like you." Alex's head shot up.
"He's Russian?" Garron nodded.
"He's downstairs, will you come? He can't go up the steps." Alex nodded and jumped to his feet, trailing after his wolfe as they reentered the building and headed downstairs. Alex had pushed in front of Garron by the time they reached the bottom of the staircase and now threw open the door to their wing. His breath caught in his throat.
"Nikolai!" The man sitting on the bed snapped his head around to look at Alex, and they both stared in disbelief for a moment before falling into each other's arms.
"Aleksander." Nik held him tight. "You're the last person I'd have expected to find." he whispered in Russian. "I thought you were dead." Alex laughed bitterly.
"I thought everyone was dead." Alex ran a trembling hand across his face and dropped down on the bed next to Nikolai as Garron and Nik's mate quietly left the room. "But you're not dead." Alex hugged him again, and as he did, his gaze drifted downward.
"Nikolai?" he looked up, his unspoken question teetering, unsettled, between them. Nik lifted his chin and answered.
"Eight and a half months." he followed Alex's gaze down to his own middle. "I've been bondmated to Ebroman almost three years now." There was a terrible, difficult pause…an acknowledgment of a shared tragedy that was now too far in the past to fully recall.
"Congratulations." Alex managed eventually, shutting that past back to where it belonged. "You must be delighted."
Relief broke across Nik's face, and he smiled broadly.
"I am. I'm so happy for it, Sasha. And Ebroman, too." Nikolai left the mention of his wolfe open, hoping that Alex would answer back about his own. His younger brother gave a smile, but said nothing.
"It's so good to see you, Nik. It's been lonely here. I haven't made many friends. It's good to see a familiar face."
Nik reached for his brother's shoulder and squeezed it in a show of solidarity.
"Well, I'm grateful to have found you again. I'm glad that you're alive! I had no idea anyone would make it out of the bombings…" Nikolai lifted his head, a sudden thought occurring to him. "Have you found anyone else?" he demanded.
Alex shook his head, the chasm of loss suddenly opening again.
"No one. Not here, anyway. Maybe with the Louts." he trailed off and they both fell silent. This was a different silence than those before it — it was a silence of superstitious fear, the silence that believes that things unspoken remain undone.

Eventually, Alex broke their stupor, placing one hand on his brother's belly and smiling.
"Month and a half longer, then?"
Nikolai beamed with pride.
"Five of them. They said that's really good. It's a big litter, especially for my first. And I know I don't get to — well, that's another thing. But I just want them to be healthy and bright. And maybe human! I'm wishing for all humans, but I know Ebroman doesn't think that's fair. If we can just manage to - Alexei!"
Alex jerked his head up, startled.
"Are you alright?" his brother demanded. "You've gone pale."
Alex gave another of his little half-smiles.
"Just thinking."
"About your litter." Nikolai offered this as a statement, not a question, which gave Alex a burst of fright.
"What litter?!"
Nikolai cocked his head, as if observing some particularly interesting phenomenon.
"The slicer says you'll be with soon." he answered. Alex laughed out loud.
"Slicer? That's a clever name."
"Yeah, but you can't say it to their faces; it really pisses them off." they shared a chuckle before Nik probed once more. "Will you, though?"
Alex shrugged and looked weakly around.
"I don't know. Maybe." he answered evasively.
"Maybe?"
Restlessly, Alex got up and walked around a bit in the room.
"Are you comfortable? We can sit somewhere else if you like."
Nik shook his head.
"The bed is fine." he swung his legs up and inched backwards until his back pressed against the headboard.
"Are you hungry, then?"
"No, Alexei."
"Too cold — it's always cold in here." Alex shook his head. "Wolfes don't feel it, but I'll get you a blanket — "
"Alexei!" Nik shook his head in amused frustration. "No. I'm fine. Come, sit with me."
Alex hesitated, but clambered up onto the bed to sit beside his brother.
"Why maybe?" Nik asked again and Alex shrugged, rubbing his shoulder.
"Maybe because maybe I don't want to stay here." Alex balked at sharing his secret plan with anyone else, but Nikolai was his brother, and things could not be kept secret between them. "I'm going to run."
Nik looked surprised and strangely fascinated by this idea, as if it had never occurred to him before.
"But where are you going to go?"
"A colony. Or a refuge — one of those islands that the wolfes and Louts have all passed over because they're too small."
Nik's eyebrows shot up and his voice lowered.
"Alexei, those islands are a myth. The whole of the seas are controlled. You know that."
Alex shook his head.
"Fine. A refuge, then. In Psire territory, maybe."
Nikolai looked evenly at him.
"How will you get to a refuge?"
Alex shrugged.
"If all else fails, I'll walk." he said, edgily.
Nik nodded.
"I see. And what about the colony? You know where to find a colony?"
Alex shrugged, becoming unsettled.
"I'll find one! There's got to be one, somewhere near here. I'm sure of it." With this profession, concern covered Nik's face.
"Alexander, listen to what you're saying. You can't just run off like that. Not without a plan. Not without anywhere to go. And if you took off, you'd need a way out that wouldn't involve travel by land. The Empire is too extensive to run through, and wolfes are too wise of hunters to hide from. And with the Louts after you as well…"
Alex's startled face asked the question. Nikolai inclined his head towards the door. "Your wolfe has told me how he came to find you."
Alex accepted this and moved on.
"Well, I'm going to find some way out." Alex jumped to his feet and began to pace beside the bed. Nikolai sighed and reached for a glass of water he'd been brought earlier in the afternoon.
"Why do you want to leave, Alexei? There's nothing wrong with the home we've got here."
"This isn't our home."
"And where is? There is no home anymore. It's been overrun. Everything has. You have no home anywhere anymore. Russia? Russia is dead. It’s gone. You saw the Louts burn our homes, destroy our monuments, our museums — our history! All of it, gone. We are all starting over, Alexei – going from the beginning. Won’t you join us, rather than struggling to remember something already becoming distant in your mind?”
Alex was quiet for a moment.
“We are humans. And that will never change. If we join with them…" he hesitated, then pressed on. "I just want as much of who we were to survive as possible.”
“We are our greatest security against your fear of disappearance, Alexei! We who can carry on and make families and begin to put human lives back together. Tell me — how would we survive, us humans apart, without the possibility of reproduction?"
Alex paused, uncertainly, then forged zealously on.
"We'll figure something out. Humans always do."
"And if we don't?"
"We will."
"But this is what we've figured out, Alexei. Don't you see it? It's symbiosis! We help them, they help us. We all live. What are you proposing as an alternative?" Alex sat back down on the edge of the bed, deflated and feeling less glorious and more defeated.
"I can't stand to be forced. You know that. And what if - I mean, if we did find a colony...and I were with..."
"Then you would give birth in a colony."
"Without a proper doctor? Without help? I doubt we'd survive! And even if we did, what would I do with the pups?"
"Alexei. Excuses."
"Nikolai, I just — "
"You want this. You know you do. A safe home; children." Alex set his jaw. Nikolai reached out, rested one hand on his brother's forearm. "I was there in Kolyngrad, too. I remember."
Tears, unbidden and unwelcome, burned at the corners of Alex's eyes.
"I, um, I held another since then. Since you were gone."
Nik's mouth quirked up in a grin.
"Oh yeah? When?"
"Five years ago. In a colony." Alex frowned and picked at the bedcovers, the tears threatening to overwhelm his defenses and burst forward. "But it died."
Nikolai squeezed the arm under his hand a little.
"I'm sorry, Alexei."
"I'm no traitor, Nik."
"Neither am I."
There was a tense pause, but Nikolai broke it with a resigned sigh and a half grin.
"You were always so headstrong, Sasha. Always got whatever you wanted. Or whoever." Nik grinned, turning he chastisement into a tease. A thought crossed his mind. "You've been with Garron?"
"Obviously." Alex muttered in self-conscious reply. "Often." he said, by way of complaint. Nik laughed.
"Not often enough for him, I think." Nik sobered and gave his brother a sympathetic look. "Why? What's wrong — don't you like it?"
Alex shrugged.
"It's OK."
"Do you like Garron?"
That question, which had been pitching around for months in Alex's stomach, slamming against the walls of his consciousness and shaking up his lucidity and just generally leaving him utterly confused and discombobulated, rose up again. He swallowed down some rising bile.
"I guess I like him alright."
Nikolai looked critically at his brother and instantly understood.
"You're falling in love with him."
"Nikolai!" Alex leapt off of the bed. "Don't! Don't do that. Don't ever say that again!"
"Alexei." Nik calmed his brother with just a word.
"I don't love him."
"It's OK if — "
"Leave it alone, Nik, please."
"It's better, anyway, for you. Wolfes are conquerors by nature; if you don't give them what they want, they'll take it. Better if you come to them, on your terms. " There was another of those pauses — this one because an unwelcome truth had entered the room. "They could have made this all much worse for us." Nik pointed out, quietly.
Alex flashed back briefly to his time with the Louts, and knew that this was true; the pain, fear, and humiliation — all of those were blissfully lacking here. As gilded cages went, a Wolvish one was top of the line. It was, however, still a cage.
"I'm just saying, Alexei, that Wolfes are our wisest ally — they will ensure our survival, they're the best shot we have at getting our home back, and they treat us like kings. There's no harm in furthering our alliances with a little genetic assimilation. It goes both ways, you know, and as we combine, so we become stronger. Times are changed, little brother. You should try to keep up."
"I can't."
"Can't what?" Alex looked uncomfortable, and bit his lip.
"I can't keep up. I tried. To do like you said — to assimilate."
"Yeah?" Alex opened his mouth to speak, but seemed to change his mind. He shook his head and mumbled.
"It's not working. Something's wrong with me."
"What?"
"I can't get with. I've tried, hard. Prayed, even. Prayed! Me! And I've been going to the doctors, but..." Alex trailed off and looked away. "I think it might be my fault."
Nikolai shook his head emphatically.
"No, Alexei, no. You cannot think that way. It is not your — "
"I did things...before, to keep from getting with." Alex met Nikolai's eyes, firmly. "To make sure it didn't happen." he looked away then, embarrassed at having shocked his brother. "I think it might have ruined me."
When Alex looked up at his brother again, Nikolai looked terrified.
"Alexander…" he began, tentatively, "…that was bad."
Alex nodded, tears threatening again.
"I know."
"Very bad."
"I know, OK?!"
"What if you are ruined?"
Alex shrugged.
"I don't know."
"He's going to find out, you know. He's going to find out and he'll be angry."
"I know," Alex mumbled, pathetically. "But I don't know how to fix it."
He looked pleadingly into his brother's eyes. Nikolai put one hand to his head, trying to clear his thoughts. Eventually, he resurfaced and looked again at Alex.
"Confess."

+++++

Late Autumn, Year One (10th Moon)

Alex had intended to confess. Really, he had. But as things go, he was preempted. Garron found out. An old bottle and tube that Alex had forgotten was discovered, and his world promptly caved in. Alex had protested; he'd begged and pleaded and sworn that he hadn't done a rinse in months; he swore that he'd stopped, that he was trying to bear for his wolfe, that he was sorry, but Garron wouldn't hear it. Angry and hurt by what his beta had done, he had forced himself on his mate and beaten him badly enough to warrant an infirmary visit. The doctor didn't even speak to Garron when he brought his mate in — just shook his head and looked so sad.

What followed was an investigation and lockup of all iodine in the complex. Over concerns that its use as a contraceptive might become popular among betas, the substance had been declared contraband and was unavailable to all humans outside of medical workers.

Then Garron had left him alone for almost two weeks. Alex had been terrified the entire time, because the reality of the situation had suddenly struck him: if his alliance with Garron dissolved, then with it went his protection, his security, and, ultimately, his life. He had been so foolish. He should have just acquiesced to the blasted barker's desires. And now...if he had permanently damaged himself, or his fertility, which the doctor had sharply assured him was a definite possibility, then might Garron had grounds to call him a traitor? The possibility loomed over his head. On edge, he waited day after day for his wolfe to return. He saw Garron occasionally, at meals, but his wolfe studiously avoided him, and always disappeared before Alex could get him alone.

+++

It was evening, and Alex was alone when he heard the knock.
"Come in." the door slid open and the silhouette of a wolfe appeared on the wall. Alex didn't move.
"We need to talk."
"Talk, then."
Kriston approached the bed, where Alex sat facing the window.
"My First has been behaving...strangely lately."
"Oh? I hadn't noticed."
"Which leads me to believe that he has been having trouble with his beta." Kriston took two more steps into the room and stopped. He lifted his head and sniffed the air. He turned his head to either side, sniffing gently. Sharply, he turned to Alex.
“Where is my First’s scent?”
Alex shrugged.
“He doesn’t sleep here?” Kriston pressed. Alex said nothing. "You don't sleep with your mate?" his tone was nothing but accusation, and Alex bristled.
"He doesn't sleep with me." Kriston took a heavy breath in and crossed the room in three steps, and had Alex's throat in his hand immediately.
"Don't speak insolently to me, you little tral. It's been ages since I've snapped a human's neck, but I am almost eager to do it again."
Alex stared evenly back at the wolfe, and Kriston’s grip slackened, but only a little.
"I haven't trusted you, Alexei, since first I met you. Garron may be blinded by his feelings for you, but here is one way in which I am wise. I know you plan to leave him, Alexei, and I welcome you to it. Confess it to me now," Kriston snarled, "And you will have your wish."
Alex still didn't answer, just stared. Kriston went on.
"I will give you money, papers, transport - whatever you need, under the condition that you never return and never contact my First again. I will not allow this…travesty of a bondship to continue." Kriston released his neck and Alex sucked in a sharp breath.
"Make your choice now."
Alex felt a fear he had never acknowledged before, and truth fell from his lips.
"I don't want to leave him."
In the dark, Kriston smiled.
"Then go to him." Alex was still rubbing at his throat.
"I can't — he won't listen to me."
"He will, if you would just go to him. Go to him and be honest - confess everything, without holding back, and show him how you've changed." Kriston raised an eyebrow. "If you really have, that is." he waved a dismissive hand. "Confess to him when he comes home tonight." Alex felt a stinging behind his eyelids, and tears slipped out before he could stop them.
"I don't think he is coming home tonight."
Kriston cocked his head, confused.
"Where is your mate, Alexei?" he asked, bewildered.
There was a long, long silence.
"I don't know." Alex sounded as terrified as he did desperate. "Garron hasn't been home in six days."
Kriston didn't know what to say, just stood in silence. Alex went on.
"And so you have to believe me when I say that I've tried to talk to him, but...he doesn't answer my calls, and he doesn't come to find me, and he doesn't come home. At meals, he avoids me, and I don't know what to do. I’ve tried to set things right since before, but I think he hates me now."
"Alexei," Kriston chided. "Garron does not hate you. He's just been hurt by you, badly."
"I know, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done the iodine, but I stopped, and I tried to get with, I really did. But I can't." Alex started to tear up again. "Something's wrong with me, and I think Garron is going to leave me for a better mate."
Kriston snorted; his mind was made up.
"I'll find him. You have no idea where he may be right now?" Alex hesitated. "Alexei?"
"I think he's gone to Julian, his whore." Kriston was shocked by the venom in the human's voice. It changed immediately to pain as he continued to speak. "I think he's going to mate him."
Kriston didn't speak another word, just spun on his heels and left the room.

+++

Kriston could smell the wolfe's scent as soon as he turned the hallway to the beta Julian's home. The door got one knock before Kriston kicked it open and stormed into Julian’s home, pushing the half-dressed human aside as he entered.
“First Alpha Wolfe Kriston!”
"Where is he?!" Kriston raged.
"Garron is - "
Reflexively, Kriston spun and threw his weight against the human, forcing him to the wall.
"You use his title when you speak about your alpha, tral." he snapped, before releasing him roughly and brushing past to search out Garron. He followed his First's scent to the bedroom, and almost reeled back in shock and disgust at the sight before him. Garron was stretched lazily across Julian’s bed, halfway nude and entirely drunk. His First did not look fazed to see him there.
“Get up. You’re going home.”
“Home? I don’t have a home.” Garron stretched and curled around a pillow. Kriston growled once and crossed the room in a rage. He attempted to pull his First to his feet, but Garron refused to support his own weight and instead landed in a puddle of limbs and fur on the floor. He moaned and Julian moved to go to his side. He was stopped with a vicious snarl from Kriston.
"If you value your life, I am sure you won't move."
Julian froze where he was, breath coming in short heaves. Kriston kicked his First, forcing a response through the inebriation. Garron moaned.
"Get up! Get up, you drunken lout!"
Garron growled, able to perceive insult even through the haze. Kriston leaned down closer, his voice deadly.
"Don't you growl at me when I've just come from comforting your bonded to find you sick on hunna in another beta's bed." he kicked Garron again, forcing a louder growl this time, then turned his attention back to Julian.
"How much has he had?"
Julian stammered for a second.
"I don't - I, um - "
"How much, beta?" Kriston growled.
"Four glasses."
Kriston's eyes narrowed.
"Were you trying to kill him?"
"I didn't realize, Alpha!" Julian protested, glancing in terror at the collapsed wolfe on the floor. "I just thought maybe one glass would relax him, would help him - "
"Help him what?" Kriston barked at the beta. "Help him forget he was bonded?"
"I wasn't - " Julian glanced at the bed and abandoned that lie. "I didn't mean to - "
"Enough!" Kriston snapped at the human, then kicked Garron once more.
"So this is it, First? This is what you are? This is the respect you have for us, for our pack? For our culture, our ways? He gives you a few glasses of hunna and you abandon your bonded?"
Garron snapped something back from the floor.
"What?" Kriston demanded, then kicked him again.
Garron, teeth bared now, got to all fours.
"I didn't lie with him!" he snarled. "I just got drunk."
Kriston, by this point, had tired of this game.
"Enough. Get up, my First, and preserve what little dignity you have left." As he spoke, he managed to drag the wolfe to his feet. "You're lucky I don't take you straight to the Council like this."
Garron stumbled haltingly alongside Kriston, only managing to remain upright by keeping one arm draped across his Second at all times. Paired, they made their way to the door. Pausing at the exit, Kriston turned back to look at Julian, who had obediently remained in place.
"He won't be back. And neither will you. Pack your things, you slutty jackal; you've earned yourself a transfer out of this pack. If you're quick, I won't let the guards write 'traitor' over everything you own."
Julian's eyes dropped submissively, and he neither spoke nor moved until Kriston was completely gone from his quarters and had closed the door behind him. Then he began to pack.

+++++