All Those Unfortunate to be Born Female
folder
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
3
Views:
1,578
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
3
Views:
1,578
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
3
ALUtbBF
Elm sighed in defeat. There was something thoroughly depressing watching two very attractive people feeding ice cream to each other. It didn’t even matter that they were both women. They were hot women. And they probably weigh less put together than Elm did.
Gosh they looked in love, and lust…but mostly love. That was the important part…love that is. Elm could settle for a good bout of lust though. Too bad the last and only person to have ever made her “honey pot” twitch had been a good-for-nothing hoodlum in French class.
Elm let out another sigh.
The low fat yogurt she was eating was actually really good, and she was happy that she had ordered it. But the Sunday the two love birds were sharing looked only about five times more attractive. The rich fudge was still running down the whipped cream. There were three cherries on top. Elm loved cherries, especially surrounded by nuts and three different flavored scoops of ice cream.
Another sigh ensued.
It wasn’t just the ice cream, it was the principle of the thing. If she had ordered something like that people would have “that look” on their face. The looks that just screams, ‘can you really afford that?’ People sucked. Especially those who robbed other people of the pursuit of pleasure with a wry twist of their judgmental lips. And she wanted that Sunday. She wanted that rich, full, ice cold fluid running down her throat.
This time she pouted.
The swirl of nonfat yogurt had melted together and had become one large brown piece of goo. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t quite as delicious as she wanted to convince herself. The vanilla tasted slightly bitter, and the chocolate was slightly salty. Maybe that was just yogurt in general, or was it the nonfat that robbed this so-called treat of its dignity?
Another sigh.
“If you sigh anymore, you might not have any more breath left in you.” A low voice said to her left.
Her head jerked in reaction. Probably a bad idea since she had woken up with neck pains. The crunch her neck gave was proof of her idiocy. She snapped her eyes shut willing the pain to go away.
She heard a chuckle. “That sounded like it hurt.”
“It did.” Asshole.
She heard another chuckle. She opened her eyes. Oh it was handsome man from the coffee shop. “Hello handsome man from the coffee shop.” This was another reason she was without a live penis between her virginal sheets, she simply had no filter. Anything she thought usually came out of her mouth.
“Hello beautiful woman from the coffee shop.” He answered with a smile.
He had such a pretty smile.
“You have such a pretty smile.” She smiled in return. “Would you like to have sex with me?”
The smile fell from his face abruptly. “I’m sorry?” He leaned closer. “What did you say?”
This was the man. He was handsome and had a nice smile. Now to have sex and find out if he was great in the sack. The whole ‘gentle, yet rough and experience hands’ crap.
“Well. I’d like to know if you’re good in bed. So? You wanna?” She asked admiring the warm brown of his eyes. Whoever had said that brown eyes were ordinary never seen this guys.
He fell into the seat next to hers. “You don’t even know my name.” He commented, face still shocked.
“What’s your name?” Elm never thought getting a guy to have sex would be so hard.
“Brian.” He answered.
“I’m Elm. And yes, I was named after the tree. My parents were hippies, I was conceived and born under one.” She let out in a quick rush.
“Oh… okay.” His mouth had fallen open a little bit, his eyes were still wide.
“You do want to have sex with me?”
“Yes.” He answered, the shock leaving his face. Finally.
“Okay. Well I’m off. Would you like to do it at my place?” Elm asked, standing up.
“Okay.” He answered, standing as well.
Before Elm could take out her wallet, Brian threw a few bills on the counter, took hold of her arm and started leading her out the door.
“Brian, you don’t know where I live. Maybe I should be leading?” She asked with a raised brow.
Brian looked down at her upturned face. Funny, he wouldn’t have taken her for a loose woman. He had been coming to the coffee shop for the past three weeks and Elm had always appeared a little shy and hesitant. She would enter the coffee shop with a book under her arm, and a slight smile playing across her lips. Brian had thought she looked like imp with that cute smile. She would always take the same seat next to the window, but would never look out the window too effectively engrossed in her book.
She had an air of innocence and a certain amount of mischievousness surrounding her. It wasn’t just her smile. It was the way she would always have at least one colorful ornament adoring her thick, dark hair. And the fact that most of the books she chose to read were children’s books with covers vivid in color, mythical creatures and adventure.
He had wanted to talk to her since he had started coming to the coffee shop, but she always seemed so engrossed in her books, that it seemed wrong to disturb her. He had thought to do it two days ago when she had finally entered the coffee shop without her customary book, but she had left before he had a chance to reach her.
And now here he was, going to her apartment to have sex with her.
“Sorry. Please lead the way.” He smiled gesturing forward. She smiled in return taking the hand holding onto her arm and settling it into her other hand. He hadn’t held a girl’s hand since elementary school.
“What do you do?” He asked after three minutes had passed. He realized that he wasn’t uncomfortable. He wanted to get to know her.
“I’m an elementary school teacher.” She replied. “And yourself, good sir?” She asked in a gallant wave of her arm. The little dramatic performance amused him, he chuckled again.
“I’m a lawyer.”
Elm scrunched up her nose at him. “Oh that sounds…boring.” She said boldly.
Brian chuckled again. Pulling her to his side he whispered in her ear, “It kind of is.”
Elm returned his smile. He let go of her hand and wound his arm around her waist. She leaned even further in. Oh, this was perfect. Brian was perfect. Okay, let’s see if he had all the credentials. He was handsome. He was smart. He was rich, from the lawyer bit and the expensive looking suite. So the only thing that was left was the sex thing.
She turned back to him. “I’m really glad that I find you.” She said.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I think you’re perfect. Losing my virginity to someone else wouldn’t have been as great, I think. I mean you almost have all the qualifications.” She smiled wide.
Brian stopped walking.
AN
Don’t know where this came from. Wrote it in an hour. Just kind of sprang up. Had a lot of fun writing it. Maybe something will come out of this.
ALUtbBF
Elm sighed in defeat. There was something thoroughly depressing watching two very attractive people feeding ice cream to each other. It didn’t even matter that they were both women. They were hot women. And they probably weigh less put together than Elm did.
Gosh they looked in love, and lust…but mostly love. That was the important part…love that is. Elm could settle for a good bout of lust though. Too bad the last and only person to have ever made her “honey pot” twitch had been a good-for-nothing hoodlum in French class.
Elm let out another sigh.
The low fat yogurt she was eating was actually really good, and she was happy that she had ordered it. But the Sunday the two love birds were sharing looked only about five times more attractive. The rich fudge was still running down the whipped cream. There were three cherries on top. Elm loved cherries, especially surrounded by nuts and three different flavored scoops of ice cream.
Another sigh ensued.
It wasn’t just the ice cream, it was the principle of the thing. If she had ordered something like that people would have “that look” on their face. The looks that just screams, ‘can you really afford that?’ People sucked. Especially those who robbed other people of the pursuit of pleasure with a wry twist of their judgmental lips. And she wanted that Sunday. She wanted that rich, full, ice cold fluid running down her throat.
This time she pouted.
The swirl of nonfat yogurt had melted together and had become one large brown piece of goo. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t quite as delicious as she wanted to convince herself. The vanilla tasted slightly bitter, and the chocolate was slightly salty. Maybe that was just yogurt in general, or was it the nonfat that robbed this so-called treat of its dignity?
Another sigh.
“If you sigh anymore, you might not have any more breath left in you.” A low voice said to her left.
Her head jerked in reaction. Probably a bad idea since she had woken up with neck pains. The crunch her neck gave was proof of her idiocy. She snapped her eyes shut willing the pain to go away.
She heard a chuckle. “That sounded like it hurt.”
“It did.” Asshole.
She heard another chuckle. She opened her eyes. Oh it was handsome man from the coffee shop. “Hello handsome man from the coffee shop.” This was another reason she was without a live penis between her virginal sheets, she simply had no filter. Anything she thought usually came out of her mouth.
“Hello beautiful woman from the coffee shop.” He answered with a smile.
He had such a pretty smile.
“You have such a pretty smile.” She smiled in return. “Would you like to have sex with me?”
The smile fell from his face abruptly. “I’m sorry?” He leaned closer. “What did you say?”
This was the man. He was handsome and had a nice smile. Now to have sex and find out if he was great in the sack. The whole ‘gentle, yet rough and experience hands’ crap.
“Well. I’d like to know if you’re good in bed. So? You wanna?” She asked admiring the warm brown of his eyes. Whoever had said that brown eyes were ordinary never seen this guys.
He fell into the seat next to hers. “You don’t even know my name.” He commented, face still shocked.
“What’s your name?” Elm never thought getting a guy to have sex would be so hard.
“Brian.” He answered.
“I’m Elm. And yes, I was named after the tree. My parents were hippies, I was conceived and born under one.” She let out in a quick rush.
“Oh… okay.” His mouth had fallen open a little bit, his eyes were still wide.
“You do want to have sex with me?”
“Yes.” He answered, the shock leaving his face. Finally.
“Okay. Well I’m off. Would you like to do it at my place?” Elm asked, standing up.
“Okay.” He answered, standing as well.
Before Elm could take out her wallet, Brian threw a few bills on the counter, took hold of her arm and started leading her out the door.
“Brian, you don’t know where I live. Maybe I should be leading?” She asked with a raised brow.
Brian looked down at her upturned face. Funny, he wouldn’t have taken her for a loose woman. He had been coming to the coffee shop for the past three weeks and Elm had always appeared a little shy and hesitant. She would enter the coffee shop with a book under her arm, and a slight smile playing across her lips. Brian had thought she looked like imp with that cute smile. She would always take the same seat next to the window, but would never look out the window too effectively engrossed in her book.
She had an air of innocence and a certain amount of mischievousness surrounding her. It wasn’t just her smile. It was the way she would always have at least one colorful ornament adoring her thick, dark hair. And the fact that most of the books she chose to read were children’s books with covers vivid in color, mythical creatures and adventure.
He had wanted to talk to her since he had started coming to the coffee shop, but she always seemed so engrossed in her books, that it seemed wrong to disturb her. He had thought to do it two days ago when she had finally entered the coffee shop without her customary book, but she had left before he had a chance to reach her.
And now here he was, going to her apartment to have sex with her.
“Sorry. Please lead the way.” He smiled gesturing forward. She smiled in return taking the hand holding onto her arm and settling it into her other hand. He hadn’t held a girl’s hand since elementary school.
“What do you do?” He asked after three minutes had passed. He realized that he wasn’t uncomfortable. He wanted to get to know her.
“I’m an elementary school teacher.” She replied. “And yourself, good sir?” She asked in a gallant wave of her arm. The little dramatic performance amused him, he chuckled again.
“I’m a lawyer.”
Elm scrunched up her nose at him. “Oh that sounds…boring.” She said boldly.
Brian chuckled again. Pulling her to his side he whispered in her ear, “It kind of is.”
Elm returned his smile. He let go of her hand and wound his arm around her waist. She leaned even further in. Oh, this was perfect. Brian was perfect. Okay, let’s see if he had all the credentials. He was handsome. He was smart. He was rich, from the lawyer bit and the expensive looking suite. So the only thing that was left was the sex thing.
She turned back to him. “I’m really glad that I find you.” She said.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I think you’re perfect. Losing my virginity to someone else wouldn’t have been as great, I think. I mean you almost have all the qualifications.” She smiled wide.
Brian stopped walking.
AN
Don’t know where this came from. Wrote it in an hour. Just kind of sprang up. Had a lot of fun writing it. Maybe something will come out of this.
ALUtbBF