Grown-Up Christmas List

The Christmas List


Once again, I was holding the door open, giving small waves to Brother, Wife, Little Brother, Boyfriends, Little Sister and Boy/Girlfriend as they came inside from the cold.

“Say, where are the kids?” Little Brother asked Wife.

“Oh, they're staying with my parents this Christmas.” she replied offhandedly. Little Sister rolled her eyes at Little Brother. I closed the door softly, taking their coats and hanging them up quietly. Little Brother and Little Sister linked arms and wandered upstairs to one of their rooms to catch-up. Their significant others linked arms too and wander into the living room to talk, giving Little Brother and Little Sister their privacy.

Mother was in the kitchen, making the only thing she knew how to make, pudding. Father was still upstairs sleeping. Sister and Husband were out walking again. Brother looked at me politely.

“So, how have you been?” I opened my mouth.

“Don't bother asking her, she's fine. Come on, we have to unpack.” I closed my mouth as Brother followed Wife upstairs, lugging their bags up with him. I sighed softly and leaned against the door, closing my eyes and listened. I could hear Mother in the kitchen, Boyfriends and Boy/Girlfriend in the living room talking and laughing. I could even hear muffled voices from upstairs. I opened my eyes and slowly walked into the living room, my presence unnoticed by those present.

I reached the stereo and picked up my iPod, unplugging it from the charger. I quickly put the small headphones into my ears and turned it on, shuffling through a few songs as I walked out of the room and into the kitchen. Mother didn't notice me as I breezed by her silently, opening the back door, slipping a pair of snow boots on before I closed the door behind me and started walking in the fresh snow.

My jeans and long sleeved wool turtle neck sweatshirt didn't do much to keep the cold from pricking at my skin. I was glad that my hair, reaching the middle of my back, is as long as it is so it could cover my ears and keep them parshally warm. I slipped my iPod into my back pocket, the current song on repeat, and shoved my hands in the front pockets. My footsteps were slow and measured.

I walked a few feet, then turned around, looked at my house. Most of the windows were lit, a shadow or two dancing in the light. The roof was covered in snow, a light frosting covering the house. I turned slowly and looked up at the canopy of branches and snow. I looked ahead of me at the well worn path and sighed. I turned again and began walking along the border of trees, looking for the other opening.

I smiled softly as I found it and started to make my way through the small archway of trees. The leaves were frosted over with a slight sparkling sheen. The evergreens looked like plastic trees that glittered in the light.

“I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind. There was something so pleasant about that place. Even your emotions had an echo, in so much space.” I twirled as I walked, looked up at the canopy of trees.

“And when you're out there without a care, yeah, I was out of touch. But it wasn't because I didn't know enough. I just knew too much. Does that make me crazy? Does that make me crazy? Does that make me crazy? Probably.” the sound echoed softly through the trees like a whisper.

“And I hope that you are having the time of your life. But think twice, that's my only advice. Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are? Ha, ha, ha, bless your soul. You really think you're in control.” my feet starting hitting the ground in time with the bass, my pace slowing.

“Well, I think you're crazy. I think you're crazy. I think you're crazy. Just like me. My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb. And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them. Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun. And it's no coincidence I've come. And I can die when I'm done. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe you're crazy. Maybe we're crazy. Probably.” I wiped some snow off of a tree stump and sat down, taking my iPod out of my back pocket and changed the song.

I crossed my legs, folding my arms over my knees and resting my head on my arms. I nudged my iPod next to my stomach and closed my eyes, listening to my music contently, letting the world around me simple melt into a fuzzy puddle. I breathed in deeply, letting my body relax in its bent position on the stump. I smiled softly as I listened to my music. My foot tapped against the ground softly in time with the equally soft beat.

“I never knew. I never knew that everything was falling through. That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue, to turn and run when all I needed was the truth. But that's how it's got to be. It's coming down to nothing more than apathy. I'd rather run the other way than stay and see the smoke and who's still standing when it clears.” I sat up straight and looked up, my eyes squinting to see past the branches of trees.

I stood, slipping my iPod into my back pocket once more and my hands into my front pockets and kept walking down the hidden path. The trees started parting, moving further away from each other and making the path wider. Soon, I reached the fork in the road and cocked my head to the side, looking at the two paths that were presented to me. One looked to be well worn and had been traveled before by countless others. The other path looked to have been tried by few and not fully worn in like the other.

I smiled softly to myself and decided to take the road less traveled. I started walking slowly down the path, looking around me at the trees and the plants growing from the frost covered ground. I gingerly stepped over a large tree root in the middle of the path and continued on my way, finding the path to come to an abrupt end on the top of a not very high up, but very steep, cliff, over looking the iced over lake in all its wonder.

The lake looked to be a pristine blue, perfect for ice-skating, if I knew how. I looked around me and found a flat rock raised above the ground with no snow covering it. I smiled to myself and took the seat, my legs stretched out in front of me as I looked out over the lake and the evergreen forest that surrounded the small abyss of ice. I sighed softly and layed down, my back pressing against the frozen rock and closed my eyes, breathing in deep, the cold air prickling at my lungs and nose.

I exhaled slowly, my eyes opening just as slow and I layed there, staring at the white clouded winter sky, the blue lake underneath me like a mirror reflecting the sky twice over.

AN: Please review? I have no clue if this is something that people like or not... I don't know if I should even continue with it, if no one likes it.

Let me know?