To Love's End

We left soon after but I felt much better. I’d been able to face him without completely embarrassing myself. I just had imagined it would be so awkward. Luckily, he was doing his best to make me feel comfortable. I was sad we were leaving, but happy to be leaving with such nice memories.

When we returned home I found about four messages on my machine, all from my best friend Mimi. I sighed and wondered what she’d wanted. Picking up the phone, I called her.

“Julie!! Finally! Ah! Guess what?” She nearly shouted.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and giggled.

“What?” I asked.

“John! He asked me out!” She exclaimed.

I smiled to myself. John was a boy whom she’d had a crush on since the beginning of the school year. He was pretty cute and somewhat of an athlete.

“Aww, that’s awesome!” I told her. “Do you wanna go to the park right now, so we can discuss all the details?”

She agreed and told me she’d see me in five minutes. Mimi and I had been friends since kindergarten. She lived only two streets over and we’d always hung out together. She was the more outgoing and outspoken of the two us. Since I was of a quieter demeanor, I felt comfortable being around her and her having the spotlight. She had always been there for me when I’d been down. I loved her like a sister.

I heard a commotion downstairs and figured she had arrived. I pulled on a jacket and met her on my porch. We started down the steps, going towards the small park that was near my house.

“So… Where have you been, missy?” She demanded.

I laughed and reminded her that I had gone to my cousin’s house for a visit.

“Oh that’s right… So how is Chris?” She asked, a grin on her face. She’d always s had a thing for him since she’d met him. After all, he was pretty good looking.

“Um… He’s good.” I said, rather quietly, trying not to blush again.

“Hey…” She said, taking my hand. “You’re blushing!” She started to laugh.

“Am not!” I defended. “So tell me about John…” I wanted to move away from this subject. I didn’t feel ready to tell anyone about what I’d done.

“Oh well!-” She said, and I was glad to have switched topics. I had a nice time in the park, discussing Mimi’s budding love life. I was thankful the conversation never swayed back to Chris. I didn’t know how she would even react if I told her something like that. I was so afraid that she would turn away and tell me how wrong and disgusting that was.

Can’t you even find anyone other than your cousin? You’re so pathetic.

I knew I was being insecure, and that Mimi would support me no matter what happened. I doubted she’d approve of what we’d done, but I knew she would support me. I just wasn’t ready to tell her yet.


After a long awaited six months, we finally returned. Normally we’d have gone back earlier but my parents had been very busy at work and were unable to allocate anytime for a visit.

His family was holding a New Years celebration and we would be staying over for a few days. I tingled with excitement and nervousness. I wondered what would happen. My mind constantly wandered back to our previous actions. I had acted strangely. I mean, I was only 14 and I’d begun to feel guilt over what had happened between us. I’d never felt this way before but I think it had something to do with the fact things had turned physical between us that I realized…

I’d committed incest… Something I’d been taught from a young age was wrong. Sure, no one knew about it… yet. But the point was that I’d allowed myself to cross that line.

The six months we’d been apart had allowed me to contemplate my actions. I’d decided that it was something I’d wanted and enjoyed and therefore it shouldn’t be wrong. It hadn’t really bothered me all that much to begin with; it was more that nervousness of being discovered. We both liked each other, that part was obvious. I just hoped that his feelings had changed over time. I promised myself I would not be quite as awkward this time…

As I nervously made my way to the living room, by instruction of his sister Amy, I saw him out of my peripheral vision. He was seated on the couch, relaxed as always, his eyes focused on the television. I sighed inwardly, why was I so nervous?

I slowly sat down on the opposite end of the couch. I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t gain the courage.

After all, my lasting memories of him were a series of passionate kiss. It was a pleasurable memory, no doubt, but a slightly awkward one for a girl as shy and timid as I. Plus, I was still embarrassed about the way I had acted about it all afterwards.

I sat, my eyes fixed on the television. I could hear him breathing. I could smell his familiar scent. I also started to think I was becoming a tad obsessive to be noticing all of these things.

The daylight faded quickly, and never once did either of us leave that room. It was not until sometime later, when Amy had left, and the adults were outside, did he even really acknowledge my presence.

“It’s been a while…” He said quietly, his eyes glimpsing over my body. I didn’t speak, and waited for him to continue. I shifted slightly, my eyes meeting his.

He grinned and I wondered why. Then I got an instant flashback of our previous encounter and I shivered. It was an awkward yet pleasurable thought.

“I missed you.” He stated simply.

My eyes widened slightly the statement. I opened my mouth to reply but could find no words. What did he expect me to say after such an intimate statement?

He merely laughed at me and I frowned. I looked away, blushing.

“I guess you missed me too.” He teased.

I blushed redder, nervously playing with my hands, my gaze ever downwards. For some reason, I was unable to look at him as he spoke. Thinking of what we had done did not make me mad or guilty anymore… It embarrassed me. I cursed my shyness.

“You’re so cute!” He laughed and I smiled awkwardly. I didn’t know what to say to him. There were so many things I wished I could say but I was too shy. I got an idea and looked at him. I grinned, biting my lip, and held my hands towards him, my fingers forming the shape of a heart.

He smiled at me as he stood up. As he passed by me, his hand patted my hand in an older-brother sort of way. I rolled my eyes and lay down on the couch, burying my head within pillows. I beamed brightly, feeling for the first time an intense feeling of need for him.

Why did I have to be so shy! Why couldn’t I just tell him I’d missed him too and that he was all I ever though about? I sighed, promising myself I would make some changes. But in the back of my mind there was one girlish thought flittering about.

He called me cute!


There was somewhat of a commotion in the living room. I heard my mother call my name, telling me it was nearly midnight. I’d been sitting at the kitchen table, sipping a Coke and reading a newspaper. Well, I hadn’t really been reading the newspaper. I was using it for cover so I could watch Chris through the window. He’d been throwing a football with one of our other cousins in his backyard.

Walking towards my mother, I saw that Chris had now returned and was, too, making his way to the living room. People were talking loudly and I was passed a glass of champagne, a New Year’s tradition. I stood near the corner of the room, wondering when the countdown would begin.

Finally, someone shouted it was thirty seconds until the New Year. I drifted into thought, thinking how I’d so prefer to just bypass this entire party and be spending it alone with Chris. Was it strange to want that? I’d sort of dismissed those guilty feelings and convinced myself that this was ok. As long as I was genuine in my feelings, it shouldn’t matter to whom they were aimed…

“Ten!”

I closed my eyes for a moment, feeling a little uncomfortable with the amount of people in the room. I wasn’t the biggest fan of parties.

“Nine!”

Well, this really wasn’t such a bad way to ring in the New Year. I was with people who loved me. I thought about how I wished I could include Chris is that statement, but I wasn’t really sure.

“Eight!”

I smiled and sipped my glass of champagne. It was sweet, but I wasn’t really a fan of alcohol.

“Seven!”

I looked at my mother, as she put her arm around my father and watched other couples around the room do similar things. It made my heart yearn.

“Six!”

I watched the New Year’s ball descend into the, I was sure, frigid night in New York City on the TV in the living room.

“Five!”

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Chris as he quickly walked in my direction. I looked down, hoping he would come over to me.

“Four!”

My wishes were granted when he placed himself beside me.

“Three!”

His hand reached down and took my hand. I tried to conceal my smile and not overplay our situation.

“Two!”

My eyes scanned the room, hoping no one would notice our hands. I felt him squeeze mine and my heart beat quickly.

“One!”

Shouts of ‘Happy New Year’ rang out through the room. Chris held my hand for a moment more and then let go as my mother approached me. She hugged me and wished me a wonderful new year then turned to do so with various others in the room. I shivered when Chris whispered in my ear, “Meet me out front in a minute…”

I was slightly confused, but oh-so-very delighted. He wanted alone time with me… That had to mean something more, right? God, I wanted him so much right now. And I was about to get him.

I waited a moment after he had left, to ensure no suspicions would be aroused. I made my way to the front door, leaving behind the commotion in the living room. Quietly opening the door, I stepped out into the brisk darkness of the night. I did not see him at first and was surprised when I felt his arms slide around my waist. He was sure getting bold.

And I liked it.

“Chris…” I moaned, as he began to kiss and nip at my neck. His hands rested on my hips, his fingers playing with the hem of my shirt. I leant back into him, biting my lip as he turned me around to face him. I opened my mouth to say something to him, but he took the advantage to pull me into a kiss. Our first kisses had been nothing compared to this one. He was so gentle and caring. Our hands were intertwined as he moved even closer to me.

I was quite surprised when I heard the front door begin to open. Chris and I darted away from each other, but I knew my face was still tinted with the color of a rose. My heart was racing, but it was not from what I had just been doing.

“Julie, are you out here?” My sister asked as she stepped onto the porch. My hands were balled into fists of nervous tension as I replied. She looked toward Chris and said ‘hi’ to him.

“So, Amy and I are gonna go to her room and talk and she wanted you to come!”

I forced a smile and told her I’d be there in a minute. She nodded happily and made her way back into the house. I sighed with relief.

“Chris…” I said.

He walked back towards me pulled me against him, quite obviously not deterred by the near discovery just moments ago. He grinned at me devilishly. I resisted for a moment, but gave in as his lips touched mine. I couldn’t resist something that I’d wished for endlessly since the last time I’d been here.

I let myself melt against him, letting any thoughts flow from me. I was living for this moment.

Finally, he pulled away and whispered, “Happy New Year…” I smiled at him, feeling a heat spread over my cheeks. He pulled open the door and told me he’d see me later. I stood for a moment, in the cold air which I hadn’t paid much mind to until now. I held a hand against my face, feeling the heat that emanated from it. I hadn’t expected anything like that. Not only had we nearly been caught but he’d still continued even after.

It had always been really hard for me to think that someone could like me. I’d never been the type of girl to be overly narcissistic. In fact, I was quite modest. I’d never thought very highly of myself and assumed others did not as well. When Chris had told me that he liked me too, I hadn’t fully believed him. I hadn’t been able to let myself believe that, for once, I was genuinely liked by someone. I mean, I suppose there was the bit in me that was reminded of all that had occurred during our childhood but… I’d thought he was either trying to get something from me or just wanted to play with my emotions. But now, this past event showed me that he truly did care and that was so amazing to me. I felt incredibly happy and wished I could ignore everything and just be with him.

I ascended the stairs and made my way to Amy’s room. Upon entering, I heard a random pop song playing from the radio and watched as my sister and Amy danced foolishly. I laughed out loud and they grabbed my hands, making me dance with them. After we all settled down a bit, we sat down and were talking. We did this often when we were together, the topics being boys, life, makeup, and other various girl things. I’d never been very interested in most of the topics, but did enjoy spending time with the two girls.

“Julie, are you feeling ok?” My sister asked.

I nodded, with a confused face.

“Your face is a little bit red…” Amy said. I blushed more and told her it was because I’d been outside. I told them I’d been talking to Chris. “Ooooh! What were you talking about?” The two girls giggled and I rolled my eyes, beginning to feel quite nervous.

“Nothing!” I defended. “Am I not allowed to talk with him?” I crossed my arms in mock anger and the girls laughed again.

“So defensive!” My sister laughed. “I think he likes you!”

“Yeah, he always acts so strangely around you.” Ally added.

“Oh, come on you guys. Don’t be stupid.” I shook my head and forced a laugh. Inside, I was a nervous wreck. Were we really that obvious?

“I think you like him too!” Amy said with a wink. I let out a sigh and told them to stop making things up.

The subject changed and I told them I was going to go downstairs because I wanted to get something to eat. I think they were both waiting for me to leave because they were probably eager to talk about what was going on.

I shut the door and took my time in going down the stairs.

I’d really thought that we were being subtle. I mean, the whole basis of this thing was subtlety. After that first night, I’d figured no one knew. I’d assumed some idea that we were invincible to anything going wrong, a fallacy held by most teenagers.

It seemed as though they were just teasing me but… There was obviously truth in what they were saying because the fact was we did like each other. And even that this was subject was a matter that could be teased over really showed me how wrong our feelings were. We really weren’t supposed to like each other this way. I mean, it had been ok as kids because we just didn’t know any better. Everyone had figured we’d grow out of it,

But…

I had always known that this wasn’t right, but I guess this just made me realize things more fully. It wasn’t like I’d planned to fall for Chris. This was something that had happened during our childhood and it was just destined to be. But I was far happier than I had been, being able to physically express my feelings. If it all made me feel so good why should we have to pretend that our feelings were nothing more than that shared by family members?

I walked down the stairs and into the living room, which was pretty empty. Everyone had migrated to the backyard, wanting fresh air. I didn’t see Chris here so I ventured into the computer room. I could see him seated on the couch, watching a TV in the room. I looked around before placing myself beside him. I needed to tell him… I sighed.

“Chris…” I whispered.

He looked toward me and smiled. I felt guilty because I knew that my heart shouldn’t be desiring him so much right now.

“I…” I looked down knowing that, once again, I was blushing. I didn’t really know what to say. “We aren’t supposed to… be like this.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, a slightly confused expression on his face.

“I… I mean, we can’t do this. We aren’t supposed to… like each other.” I said very quietly. I heard him sigh. “Things can never be… normal.” I was having such trouble expressing myself. I was just too damn shy and still unsure that he was truly in this for the right reasons.

“Julie, look at me.” He told me. I reluctantly pulled my gaze upwards, biting my lip hesitantly. “I know that this isn’t exactly ‘normal’ but… You can’t deny it; it’s always been this way. You’ve never said anything before. Do you feel guilty for what happened? Do you think that I’m going to hurt you? Because I told you, I like you and I always have and I would never do anything to hurt you.”

I felt a little shocked by the bluntness of his statement. He’d hit it all dead center. I took a deep breath and let my feelings flow away for the first time in my life. I was ready to allow myself to show the person I truly was. I was a confident, quirky and happy girl. For too long I had let my past determine my future. I’d been bullied in the past and it had led to a withdrawal, which further delayed the development of my social skills. By no means was I hermit, but I had become completely awkward when it came to intimacy. This relationship with my cousin had opened me up to possibilities I hadn’t dreamed becoming a reality to me, ever. But now… I just had to let all that go.

“Chris, I can’t help this feeling… It seemed so different before. No one said anything; everyone thought it was cute how close we were. But now, Amy and Ally were just telling me that they see something… between us. Our situation has changed, we’re not kids anymore. If anyone finds out it’s all over, like this is some terrible crime. There’s no way I could go through that happening. If there are all these forces against us then doesn’t that mean this isn’t supposed to happen?”

“If that was said about anything anyone tried to do, nothing would ever happen would it? Why shouldn’t we try? Is this not worth it, the way that I feel my heart soar every time I kiss you?” He demanded.

I looked down and mumbled, “Chris, you’re making me embarrassed,” as I blushed wildly.

“Well, is it?” He asked again, tilting my chin to look up at him.

“Of course it is! It just gets so hard sometimes.” I told him earnestly, looking away quickly.

He smiled at me and said, “You’re too damn shy for your own good.” Turning away from me for a moment, he looked towards the backdoor then asked, “Where are the girls?”

I was confused at the sudden topic change but answered him. He stood up and took my hand, pulling me up too. He led me up the stairs quickly and pulled me into his room. He shut and locked the door behind him and I was very confused.

“What are you-” I began but he cut me off as he pushed me against the door and pressed his lips against mine. I managed a small ‘oh’ of surprise but quickly gave in, returning the kiss. I slid my hands around his neck, as our tongues danced. I knew this was far too risky, but it felt so wonderful.

He pulled away for a moment and whispered, “Actions speak louder than words. I’m showing you why it’s worth trying.”

His hands slid behind me and gently cupped my behind. I leant into the door as his lips traveled to my neck. He placed kisses all along it, moving lower. He brought one hand up and lightly tickled my shoulder. I moaned softly, my hands running through his hair. His hand played with the strap on my shoulder and he slowly brought it down. He did the same with the other strap and slowly pulled the shirt down. I felt rather self-conscious, leaning against the door with only my bra to cover my torso.

He continued to kiss and nip at my skin, his hands pulling the straps of bra down as well. I whimpered a small cry of protest as he began to undo it. Finally, it fell free and I stood there, half-naked. He wasted no time and took my nipple in his mouth, sucking and biting at it. I gasped in pleasure, never having felt such sensations before. He rolled my other nipple between his fingers, gently pulling on it. I could feel an intense warmth spread throughout my lower regions.

He seemed to understand and his other hand began undoing the zipper on my pants. He slipped his finger in and gently rubbed me through my panties. I was glad I had the door for support because my legs were threatening to give out.

“Ah!” I cried. I’d never felt anything so wonderful. “Please… Harder…” He took my instructions and began slowly slipped one finger inside of me while his thumb moved in circles of my sensitive nub, all the while pinching and sucking on my nipples. I could feel my orgasm nearing, a fire building within me. I pushed my hips against his hand, trying desperately to increase the pleasure I was receiving.

He added a finger and I felt rather strange, unaccustomed to it. His movements became more slow and prolonged, as if trying to draw the pleasure from me. The feelings were building and I pulled his head up towards me, our mouths meeting in a fiery kiss. My inhibitions were once again gone and my shyness had faded. With each strove of his finger over my sensitive nub I cam closer to the edge.

Without warning, I climaxed, crying out, “Chris!” as I came. My mind went blank and I felt rather dizzy. I’d never had an orgasm even close to the intensity of that one. I held him close and relaxed, relishing the feeling of hands caressing my body. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears and I was short of breath.

I clung to him, trying to calm myself, as he grinned at me.

“Have I proven my point yet?” He asked. I giggled and leaned my forehead against his shoulder. I knew I was blushing, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t get over all my inhibitions in just this moment, but I was definitely feeling a lot better after he’d spoken to me. He’d assured me that he wasn’t going to hurt me, which had been the cause of all of my awkward behavior. And there was no way I would give this up, I thought devilishly. “And know that I’m not talking only about these actions. I don’t want you because of this; I want you because I like you. This is just the only way I can show you.” I nodded feeling so contented with all of his reassurances.

“For now… we’d better not push our luck.” He said I leaned away and looked at him. “People might start-“

“Shut up and kiss me,” I interrupted, unable to withhold the desire I was feeling for him. I held his shirt loosely with one hand and pulled him towards me. Our lips met and this felt so natural to me… So right.
We kissed for but a few minutes before I knew we really were pushing our luck.

I began to put my clothing back on and ensure I was presentable. I finished and looked at him, moving closer for one last kiss. He caressed my face with the back of his hand and I sighed.

“Don’t worry about what anyone says. We can do this…” He told me.

“I know…” I said, my worries completely diminished by thoughts of what had just happened. I smiled at him and told him I’d see him tonight as I left the room. I wasn’t thinking about my sister and Amy, or my parents, or even his parents. I was thinking about how much I was falling in love with this boy. He was beginning to captivate my every thought and desire and I just wanted to stay by his side.

Another part of me, the shy side, was frightened about how inhibited I’d become. How I’d let him do such naughty things to me. I was trying my best to suppress this side, because I knew I did like Chris. That had to mean this was all ok. I was quite surprised that I had been able to look him in the eye and talk to him after what had happened. Maybe this was all for the better, even if we would be viewed as wrong?

In any case, I had a while longer to debate this issue with myself, and possibly Chris. Today was for me to have fun and make this first day of the New Year something to remember.

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That took a bit longer than expected! Sorry~

Thank you very much to all reviewers! Your input is so greatly appreciated and I'm quite happy that somebody likes it! You guys are very sweet~ =) Any more input would be wonderful, like where you would like to see this go, etc. I love suggestions and constructive criticism (and especially compliments~!)

I have a lot more done for the next chapter. So, school down time providing, it should be up before the weekend.

Also, before I go, I have to make a reading suggestion! I am a big fan of an AFFnet author, Terri. She writes absolutely eloquently and her stories are such a wonderful mix of smut and PLOT. If you are looking for a beautiful love story (it's an incest one btw.) check out her story called, 'Razor's Edge of Love' Its great. All of her other stories are as well, but I LOOOVE that one. =D

Thanks for reading!