A Blessing and a Curse

I know that Keiji isn’t interested in me as anything but a friend. I found this for sure one night on his nineteenth birthday, when we celebrated both him and Valen. I’m usually a near teetotaler, but this night I had accidently gotten drunk and Keiji had to take me home to my new apartment. I wish I could say I forgot what happened that night, but I remember it too clearly.
Keiji was his full height by than, just half-an-inch shorter than me, and I was leaning on him. I felt a bit sick but I was happy next to him. I was babbling in English.
“Keiji...Keiji...I got a secret,” I cried, “You know that time we told secrets? Now I got one.”
“Keep it down, Jonathan,” Keiji whispered, “Don’t wake up your neighbors.”
We were right at my doorway at this point. Keiji was looking for my keys in his pocket.
“I’ll tell you, Kei,” I confessed in English, “I’m gay...for you!”
Keiji looked at me. I took this moment to lean over and give him a sloppy kiss. The moment our lips touch I sobered up. I felt nothing back from him, not even resistance. There was nothing between us. I removed my lips.
“Kei...,” I murmured.
Keiji handed me the key.
“Good night, Jonathan.”
We didn’t speak to each other for a week after that. That wasn’t an easy task since I’m his assistant, but Keiji gave me orders indirectly via email and proxy. On my part I stayed away from him since I was embarrassed about my drunken behavior. The incident strengthened my Methodist resolve against alcohol as it weakened my hope of ever being with Keiji. I did make amends to him with a long stroppy letter and a box of salmon sashimi. Keiji accepted my apology. I know he would have forgiven me eventually even if I didn’t send him anything, but I genuinely wanted to make up to him. Soon we were back to our painfully platonic relationship.
Keiji always got depressed February and March. He wouldn’t let this effect his work, but I could tell he was more unhappy than usual. Last year I decided to do something about it. I brought him a trip to Hawaii. He baulked at this at first but he decided to take the trip. When he got back he revealed something to me.
“While I was Hawaii, I thought about this certain Okinawian,” he confessed, “His name was Tamashiro Yuudai and he used to work for my father. He was a big man, very loyal but stubborn. He ran away one day about nine years ago and I haven’t seen him since.”
I said, “That was the man who raped you.”
“Nothing gets pass you, does it?” he said with a sad smile.
“You want me to find him, don’t you?” I asked.
“Could you?” he said with frightening joy, “I mean, yes, I do want you to do this?”
I agreed to find Tamashiro Yuudai. On March 25, 1995, he cleared out his bank account and took a one-way flight to Los Angeles. From there the trail got hazy, as not even his mother knew what happened to him after that. I knew he was still alive since he sent money to her via his younger twin brothers, San and Tsuki. The Tamashiro Twins are vagabonds and they were impossible to track down. They used thousands of different names and never left a residence address. I finally found a post office box under their name in Tokyo. With a few maneuvers the Japanese Postal Service wouldn’t approve of, I found out that they were receiving money orders from a “Big Nose” from a post office box in Los Angeles. To my delight I found out that “Big Nose” was Tamashiro Yuudai. I went to Los Angeles to investigate further. I started with the assumption that he lived in the LA area and looked up all the Tamashiro Yuudai. I found ten people of similar age, but only three had been in the country for nine years. I almost overlooked the right Tamashiro since according to INS he had come into the country on August 9, but he looked to right for him to be anyone else. It turned out that a man named Mr. Miyagi had taken Tamashiro in and helped him cover his tracks. Miyagi’s motivation wasn’t simply kindness and Okinawan pride, as he was also attracted to the burly man though he didn’t take advantage of him besides peeking on him in the shower. Miyagi told me against my will of Tamashiro’s endowment, causing several mixed feelings in me. He hid Tamashiro in his house for four months, then he brought him out and introduced him as his cousin. He had falsified Tamashiro’s records, but in return for his information I didn’t report him. I finally found Tamashiro living a semi-legal life working as a bouncer at a Hollywood club called “One Tree Hill”. I wrote up a report and returned to Tokyo to share this information. Keiji read it and thanked me. I though it was over. It wasn’t.
On Christmas Day, while we were at a party, he brought up Tamashiro again.
“I want to meet Tamashiro,” he said to me.
“You do have the information on him in the report,” I said, “You can contact him, but I don’t think he wants to meet you.”
“I’ll make him,” he replied.
“How?” I asked, “Oh, no, you don’t mean kidnaping him?”
Unfortunately, he did. As you’ve probably noticed, there is no refusing Keiji. He wanted Tamashiro brought to him by mid-February. Whenever I asked him why he wanted to see Tamashiro, Keiji said he want to talk to him. I knew there was something else to it, but I wasn’t sure what. He didn’t seem to want revenge. Forcing an apology out of him wasn’t Keiji’s style. If he wanted to apologize himself he could do it in a better manner than kidnaping the guy. I had a feeling it was something sexual, but that just seemed bizarre.
The idea was less bizarre when I saw Keiji that morning on Valentine’s Day. He actually primped after I told him that Tamashiro had come in last night. As he combed his hair obsessively I remembered what day it was and wondered if it was all a coincidence. I don’t think Keiji planned all this just to have sex with Tamashiro, but that’s what happened. I knew that the minute he dismissed me to meet with the man.
I walked to my office, right next to Keiji’s. My office didn’t have a peephole or thin walls, but that didn’t matter. I could see in my head what was going on. I imagined more than what was going on, I imagined everything that could have gone on. Keiji and Yuudai have had sex in my head more times than they have in real life. When I saw them come out of the office sweaty and disheveled, I knew I wasn’t simply being paranoid.
An hour later, Keiji came to my office with Yuudai, smiling like the cat that ate the canary. Yuudai was also smiling in an unsure manner. They were both drunk on each other and were sneaking touches.
“Jon-kun,” he said, “I’d like to formally introduce you to Tamashiro Yuudai.”
I stood up and shook his large hand. It was warm and sweaty and smelled like Keiji. I introduced myself.
“I’ve been friends with Jonathan for ten years now,” Keiji told Yuudai, “If it weren’t for him we wouldn’t be together now.”
“Really,” Tamashiro said as he gave me a dirty look.
“Lee-san,” Keiji said to me, “I’m going out to entertain my guest. Can you keep things going here?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Come on, Yuudai-kun,” he said as he left, “I know this great place in Shinjuku...”
So now Keiji was finally happy. I had wanted him to be happy from the first time I saw him smile and now it was happening. I was a bit afraid he would be angry at himself for breaking his vow, but he was fine with that. It wasn’t good for him to be celibate. He needed to get rid of that extra energy. He needed to get rid of that extra energy before he had a heart attack. He need to get rid of all the energy backed up inside him which I could see when I looked into his eyes. He need to just relax and let everything flow through him while he gripped the bed sheets and....
I needed to get rid of some energy myself. I knew there was a shower in the suite downstairs and I foolishly went down there to masturbate. When I opened the door I saw the dirty sheets and I just had to smell them. I could smell Keiji and I could smell Tamashiro and I felt light-headed. I took off my glasses, stripped off my clothes, and ran into the shower to pull on my semi-erect member in semi-darkness. I thought about Keiji naked on that bed, squirming while Yuudai clumsily pleasures him. I imagined Keiji kneeling, sucking on the Okinawan’s huge cock with that mad determination of his. They then motion to me to come over. Keiji kisses me, biting my lower lip til it bleeds. His hands move down to my butt as he rubs them slowly. I can feel the warmth of his firm body next to me. His dick is harden, as is mine. Then Yuudai comes from behind and penetrates him. Keiji gasps but then starts grunting and pushing against Yuudai. Keiji motions me down to his dick. I have glimpsed it at the bath but now I can see it in its full glory. It shoots up between his legs, a bit exaggerate in my fantasies. When I put my mouth on it Keiji grabs my head and fucks me. My eyes tear up and my jaw feels sore but I’m loving it. I look up at Keiji and he is in total ecstasy from being fucked at both ends. As he nears orgasm he grabs my shoulders so hard it leaves a mark. I bring him closer and closer and closer...
I then came all over the shower wall. Panting, I turned the knob and let the cold water hit my still sensitive skin. My penis went back to its original state but I still felt horny. I knew a girl I could call up but I didn’t really want to have sex with anyone but Keiji. I went back to work frustrated and tired.
Keiji felt great the next morning. Rather than sapping his energy the affair gave him a glow of confidence. He even seemed more attractive. Other people noticed this and complimented him. Yuudai was good for him, but would he stay? After all, Tamashiro didn’t seem very gay to me. Even if he was queer he thought himself straight and wasn’t prepared to get into a homosexual relationship. Would he write the sex off as horny desperation and leave Keiji? I didn’t want this to happen.
I met Tamashiro in the hall. When I’m with him without Keiji I feel uncomfortable. I realized this is because he’s always uneasy and gives off an aura of discomfort. He only relaxes when Keiji is around. I also can tell that Tamashiro doesn’t like me. I think he still holds the kidnaping against me, but I don’t understand why. After all, Keiji is more responsible for that than me and he isn’t bitter towards him. People’s emotions can be so unlogical. In any case, I needed to appeal to him for Keiji’s sake.
“Tamashiro-san,” I begged him, “Please keep having sex with Fukashigi-sensei.”
He gave me a shocked look as if no one could figure that out. If they wanted to keep it so secret, why did they walk around flirting and holding hands? Sure, I was rather blunt, but what else could I say? Keiji needed a lover and I wasn’t going to mince words about it.
“How do you know about that?” he asked me.
I explained to him, adding a cute note about the moaning. He just accused me of spying. If only I had bugged the place, I thought. It would be so wrong but so right. Of course I wouldn’t, because I know Keiji would find out. Tamashiro remained stubborn, so I plead with him again.
“Tamashiro-san,” I said, “I am saying this as his friend, not his subordinate. You are good for him. You make him happy. Just this morning I noticed a difference in him. He is free of his demons thanks to you. To be fair, I am jealous but I won’t hold that against you. Please stay with him at least a week.”
I can’t believe I told him I was jealous. Now he would see me as rival. Fortunately, the speech did effect him. A serious look grew on his face. If he thought of Keiji as a one-night stand or even worse a mistake it changed then. I had succeed! Tamashiro stayed and Keiji blossomed. Five days later, however, something went wrong. Keiji came into work in a horrible mood. It wasn’t his usual somber melancholic mood, but an angry bite-your-head-off mood. What did Tamashiro do?
“Fukashigi-sensei,” I cautiously asked, “How are things with Tamashiro?”
Keiji yelled, “Don’t you have anything better to do? I need you to help me out, not interrogate me!”
“So what do you need help with?” I offered.
“I’ll tell you what I need when I need it,” he said as stomped off.
Vice President Kuroyama slid over to me after the President of Valen left. Sweat was pouring down the man’s balding head. He looked at me with a pleading look he had never used on me before.
“Lee-dono!” he said, “Do you know what’s happened with the President?”
“When did I become Lee-dono?” I quipped.
The Vice President bit his lip but otherwise ignored that line. “Tomorrow Valen has a meeting with Xinhua! He can’t be snapping at people like this! You’re the only one who can understand our President’s moods. Do you know what is wrong with him?”
“I don’t know,” I told him sadly.
“Could you please find out? For the company’s sake?”
I agreed to find out, but not just for Valen. I found Tamashiro, who luckily had just woken up. He looked cross as well, or at least more crossed than I usually found him. Though I was worried that he had done something wrong to Keiji, I still greeted him politely.
“Good morning, Tamashiro-san,” I said, “How are you this morning?”
“What do you want to know?” he snapped.
I decided I might as well be blunt again if he was going to act that way. I asked him directly what had happened between them.
“It’s personal,” he said, almost blushing.
I knew what that meant.
“Ah, sex,” I said.
“Listen, Detective Lee,” he said as he poked me with his finger, “since you’re going to find out someway, I’ll just tell you now. The problem is that your boss wants me to fuck him in the ass and since I refused, he decided to be a whiny baby.”
That was it? Tamashiro refusing to top Keiji? My parents had had worst fights than that and I had solved them. Sure, they were divorced, but I did stop a little of the bloodshed. I was relieved that Tamashiro hadn’t hurt Keiji. In fact it seemed he was too reluctant to do anything that might hurt the smaller man.
“He likes to get his way,” I explained to Keiji’s lover, “That’s how he’s gone so far.”
I also explained to him the prostate gland and the pleasure it gives. Even a straight man should know this. As I explained it to him, a thought came to my head. You didn’t need a penis to stimulate that area, as some of my ex-girlfriends can attest. I suggested this to Tamashiro, but he suddenly went prude on me. No matter, I could buy them myself and certainly better ones than he could have bought.
I had shopped before at the misspelt “Le Rosey Fashion Botique” for my girlfriends. The place is mostly for heteros but I didn’t have the courage to go looking at Ni-Chome. I have to admit I went a bit overboard buying sex toys for Keiji. I spent about two thousand yen of my own money at that place, even though I could have made a case that it was for company use. I just meant to buy a dildo and maybe a vibrator but than I had to buy those anal beads over there and maybe a butt plug and look, some fuzzy handcuffs, and do you think he would be interested in sounding and that’s a nice whip and before I knew I had a bags full. I just couldn’t stop imagine Keiji using each item and that drove me on. Hopefully the items would get some use.
I had doubts about my efforts when I gave the supplies to Tamashiro. He acted like I gave him a dog-walking bag, but he did take it. I was afraid he wouldn’t use my idea. I left feeling like it was all doomed. However, things started to look up a little later when Keiji got a call from Tamashiro.
“Lee-san,” he said, “I have to go deal with my guest. Don’t go disappearing like you did this afternoon.”
“You told me to leave you alone til you called me,” I pointed out.
Keiji just sighed and went off to the suite. I followed him down a few minutes later to cautiously check on him. I could actually hear Keiji moan. I had joked earlier about hearing their moans but I had never heard Keiji moan until this point. It was as fierce and throaty as I had imagined in my fantasies. I could see him right than in my mind’s eye. I knew I had to leave the door soon but I just couldn’t. I just stood there taking in the stimuli. After I heard his orgasmic cheer I thought it was over and went to hide, but then I heard Tamashiro grunt. They were going at it again? Keiji was certainly full of energy.
While I listened to Tamashiro, I started to fill with anger. I was angry at him. I knew that wasn’t right. He didn’t take Keiji from me since I never had him in the first place. He was making Keiji happy, very happy judging by the noise. I didn’t have any chemistry with Keiji. I was too easy-going for the stubborn Keiji. He wanted someone like Yuudai, rough and tough and hung with a bull. He wanted to get fucked in the ass by that huge man. Oh god, Tamashiro was actually fucking him in the ass. I heard another orgasm for Keiji and one for Yuudai. As I heard them get up, I went and hide. When Keiji came out of the suite, he was walking funny. But he was happy. That’s what mattered. That’s all that mattered to me.
Keiji spent the rest of the evening in a sunny mood, but I was in a daze. Despite two orgasms he worked until late that night. Sometime past midnight I got home after what seemed like the longest train ride ever. I entered the dark apartment and stumbled into my private office to think. I turned the light on in the small room the size of most people’s apartments. On my desk, along with my monitor, are a dozen pictures of Keiji. The pictures show him as he grew during the years I’ve known him, from teenager to man. Most of them are formal portraits of him wearing a suit and starting some ventures, but a few photos are just casual glimpse of him from his sparse off-time. My desk is a shrine to Fukashigi Keiji.
I’m glad I’ve never had a live-in girlfriend as my shrine to my boss would be hard to explain. My girlfriends have suspected that my heart is someone else, especially during sex. My last girlfriend, ***, thought I was having an affair at work. How I wish that were true!
I picked up one of the pictures. Despite my horniness, I didn’t pick up the portrait of him at that beach last year. I chose the picture of him from November 3, 1997, on the main trading floor of the Tokyo Stock Exchange. In that picture he has a true smile, not just a camera smile. He just turned 18 yesterday and though he not the age of majority he has gently received emancipation from his grandmother, his legal guardian after his father’s death. This is the birth of Valen, the company he has dreamed of for years. He wears his favorite suit, made of dark royal blue wool, with a pale red tie. As I look at the picture I unconsciously unbutton my pants. I imagine us at the Tokyo Stock Exchange. I am alone with him in an empty office overlooking the Market Center. We are looking out the internal windows, talking trade. Keiji turns to me and smiles like a cat. Suddenly, he grabs my tie and kisses me hard. I protest; someone might see us up here. He says he doesn’t mind as he strokes my ear and soon I don’t care either. I kiss him back but Keiji takes the initiative, kissing me harder back. Our suits just seem to fall off our bodies somehow until we are naked in front of this huge window. As I imagined Keiji touching my circumcised penis, I realized that I was jerking off. I was horrified that I would get my suit dirty, but by that time there was too much momentum to stop. I imagine my body pressed against the thick glass window as Keiji fucks me from behind. He gets off on the surprise and perhaps jealously of the onlookers below and I also feel an exhibitionist rush. Some of the people down there actually start to masturbate, men and women alike. I imagine Tamashiro in the crowd for a second but decide against it. This is my fantasy and Keiji is taking me, not being taken by someone else. I grab the portrait tight, so tight I’m afraid the glass might break. The glass window in my fantasy doesn’t break. We both come against it, splattering our cum, but that doesn’t stop us. Keiji still fucks me without stopping. In real life I feel like I’m about to burst. Just as I orgasm I imagined Keiji whisper in my ear “We’re going to do the New York Stock Exchange next.” I came right on Keiji’s face in the portrait. I look at the accidental bukkake for a second before I respectfully wiped it off.
This was the first time I had masturbated at my desk. I hadn’t been able to control myself. This week my passion for Keiji had raged and it was because Tamashiro reminded me that Keiji could be fucked. He showed me what I was missing. He showed me that Keiji was not asexual but instead was just covering his immense passion. How could I be around Keiji knowing that I could have him but never will? On the other hand, how could I be without Keiji? Despite my personal ambitions, I would still follow Keiji even if he were a beggar. I needed some time off. Perhaps even a sabbatical, though I knew the coming months would be too busy.
The next day I told Keiji that I would be taking March off to go home to Los Angeles. While I did briefly met with my family while I was there for the kidnaping, I wanted to spend some more time with them, especially my sister Rose. As for my substitute for that month, Tamashiro was considered but Keiji decided to instead hire him as his bodyguard. Strangely enough, the Tamashiro twins came by and Keiji chose San to be his assistant. I don’t trust the twins, but Keiji does for some reason. So I went on my vacation with high hopes. Of course, things went wrong.