Better Than Burroughs

Marina

What in the world am I doing here? Standing in the middle of Callum’s apartment, I realize that I’ve never been up here before. I’ve rarely even been in his store, let alone his apartment above. He walks around me after shutting the door and leans against a tall bookshelf, arms crossed. He’s making me completely uncomfortable, but I refuse to let it get to me. Instead of making eye contact, I look around the apartment, being everything I would have thought it to be. Completely the opposite of Felix. It’s mostly one huge open space, much like a loft, and I’m shocked at how large it is. The kitchen is to the left, it’s spacious with an island counter. A circular flight of stairs on the far wall leads up to what I assume is his bedroom, having no wall, it looks over the entire loft. There is another room on the right which is left open, having no door so that it looks like a large hole in the wall. The living area is in the middle of everything, housing a bright red couch that really sucks in all the focus. And it’s obvious that laundry isn’t Callum’s top priority, being that clothes are sort of randomly strewn about. It doesn’t look dirty, just like he didn’t want to go through the trouble of actually putting them away. His apartment exudes warm comfort though. Everything looks so soft and comfortable. I’m shocked when I actually spot a television set. Although it doesn’t look like it’s been watched in months, being that there is a stack of books sitting on top of it and it’s not even facing the couch. Looking for a stereo, I don’t see one, although I do find a record player sitting on a low table with a crate of records sitting nearby. His furniture is sparse, being only the couch and a few chairs, one at a desk which is covered with papers.

Having no place else to look, I give up and look up at Callum. I feel bad pushing myself on him and forcing him to endure my presence, but I have to believe that if he didn’t want me here he would never have allowed me in. Why did he let me in? I was completely thrown off when he nodded. It wasn’t like him. I fully expected him to tell me to go home, which is partly why I asked. It was just a front. Now that I’m up here, it’s the last place I want to be. I grip the book against my chest tightly, feeling incredibly self-conscious suddenly that I’m not wearing any suitable attire underneath my coat.

“What are you doing here?” Callum’s voice breaks the silence and I don’t know what to say. I can’t be honest and tell him the truth. Honesty isn’t my strong point. I give a shrug and hope he won’t ask again. I just need somewhere I can sit in silence for a bit. Emma would never have been the person to go too, she never would have shut up. Callum barely ever speaks to me and he chooses now to start. Although, I am in his apartment after ten without Felix and giving no reason. I really shouldn’t be here.

“I’m sorry, I should go. Felix is probably wondering where I am. Thank you…for the book,” I talk quickly and to the point. I turn and open the door, getting out of there as quickly as possible.

Callum

I let her leave, clenching my fists to resist the urge to stop her. She obviously didn’t want to tell me her reason for coming, giving me complete bullshit instead of the truth. Letting her up here was a mistake. This apartment was one of my only safe grounds away from that girl, and now it’s been shat all over. The image of her standing in my home was too much. Every time I’m up here now, I won’t be able to escape her. She’s devious, evil, she somehow knows and is using it to fuck with my head. Next time she’ll say she needs a rest and lay in my bed. The curves of her body framed by my sheets. This could also be paranoia.

Fuck. I need a drink. I hurry to the freezer and pull out a bottle of Vodka. I never used to drink this much. This damn woman is killing my bloody liver. What the hell was she doing wandering around this late? Where the hell is Felix? I grab a glass and fill it to the brim.

Marina

I shut and lock the door as quietly as I can, not wanting to wake Felix if he’s sleeping. I slip my shoes off and leave them by the door. The apartment is completely dark and I really hope that I don’t trip over something. Stepping lightly, I slowly make my way to the bedroom and creep inside. Moving over to my side of the bed, I set my new book down on the nightstand and unbutton my coat. I really don’t think that sleeping in this stuff will be comfortable, but I don’t want to wake Felix and I know that rummaging around the drawers for something to wear will no doubt wake him. Sighing, I figure I’ll just have to live with it. Or sleep nude, and I’m just not that type. I’ve tried before, but I always just feel so damn strange. Like what if the building was on fire and I needed to get out quickly? No time for dressing. It’s utterly ridiculous. Even after sex, I grab a shirt or something. It has always driven Felix mad, who doesn’t even sleep naked himself. He wears boxers, but likes feeling a naked body next to him.

I pull back the covers on the bed and try my best to get in without disturbing Felix. Settling down into the mattress, I pull the comforter up to my chin. I’m so disgusted with myself. What did I think I was doing going to Callum’s store? We aren’t even really friends. I mean, we are, kind of, well we’re cordial. But without Felix between us, we’d never see each other again.

“Where you been?” Felix’s voice shakes me out of my thoughts and I turn my head to look at him. In the barely there light of the alarm clock and half moon outside, I can somewhat see his curious expression. He shifts his body, scooting closer to me and he brings an arm up to wrap around my waist, pulling me in closer to him.

“Just took a walk,” I mutter, hating the fact that I’m lying. He sighs and kisses my forehead. I smile and curl up next to him. I needed this. This is all I needed. I should have just went to Felix in the first place. His hand slides down my side and he fingers the garters.

“I’m sorry about earlier.” His voice is soft and regretful and I instantly forgive him.

“You were tired.”

“No excuse. I should have given you the attention you deserved.”

I reach up and run my fingers through his hair, down to his cheek. Smiling, “Thank you.”

“Better late than never,” he says loudly, rolling over on top of me to straddle my waist, holding my hands down. Leaning forward, he kisses across my shoulder and my entire body shivers.

One Week Later:
Callum

“It’s really pouring out there,” the woman says, a smile on her face. She touches my arm and I know that she’s coming on to me. I make the quick decision that I am not in the mood for female attention and step away from her hand. Her hand drops to her side and I know she got the hint. Maybe if she comes back some other time. She’s not necessarily my type, but what the fuck is now?

“Well do you have a copy of Pride and Prejudice? I don’t know the author, but I just saw the movie and loved it.”

I can’t stop myself and ask, “Which one?”

“What?”

“Movie. Which movie did you see?”

“There’s more than one? The one in the theater.”

She’s annoyed me already. If you’re going to watch crap, at least watch the better version. “Jane Austen and no, I don’t carry Jane Austen.”

“How do you expect to sell anything if you don’t carry what people want to read?”

Where the fuck did he come from? I flip Felix the two finger salute behind my shoulder as a greeting. “I sell only the best. Is it my fault that American’s are complete berks?”

The woman almost looks offended so I throw in a smile and lay on the accent real thick, “Not you love.”

It has the desired affect and she leaves happy. Turning to Felix, I toss him a mini candy cane from behind the counter and sit down on the stool.

“Christmas is over with man,” he points out. I watch him set his cell phone down on the counter to unwrap the candy cane, shoving the whole thing in his mouth. I choose not to mention that they’re left over from a few years back.

“Haven’t seen you in a bit, good New Years?” I don’t ask about Marina, dead set on not speaking of her at all. I had thought about mentioning her visit to Felix, try to suss out what she was even doing here, but I’m not going to. In all honesty, I want to keep that to myself. He has enough of the girl already. After she left that night, I’ve been on a mission. She completely fucked me up. I’ve slept with two different women since than and it did nothing. I’m not a quitter though.

“Yeah there was a huge party over at Zach’s. I left a message for you.”

“I don’t check the machine.” I did check it. I didn’t want to trap myself with those guys. Zach is a complete tosser and it would have taken every ounce of energy not to break his nose. Besides, I had a nice time bringing in the new year with naked women gyrating on poles in front of my face. I had a nice time after that with one of those girls up against a wall. The smoothest thighs I’ve ever felt, and on a stripper.

I notice that Felix is still talking and I try my best to tune in to what he’s saying. I wish I hadn’t. Fucking bastard.

“She was so fucking sexy.”

This is just what I need. Until I realize that he isn’t talking about the one girl he should be talking about. He goes on about this vine tattoo crawling up the girl’s back and I’ve never wanted to hit someone more.

“Who the hell are you goin’ on about?”

“This girl I work with. She was at the party. Top so tiny I think I saw nipple.” He uses his hands to demonstrate just how large this girl’s breasts were.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I don’t bother to disguise my disgust. I can’t listen to him anymore and walk into the next room. I need to shelve some books anyway. I don’t say anything else and seconds later hear him announce his departure and leave. Putting the books in my hands down, I slide down to sit on the floor, my head in my hands.

A phone ringing drags me up from the floor. Walking to the counter, I locate the source. Felix left his phone. What a scattered prick. Picking it up, I figure it’s Felix trying to find his phone, and flip it open.

“Real smooth mate.”

“Hello? Is Marina around?”

“Should she be?”

“This is her phone.”

Pulling it away from my ear, I stare at it before bringing it back up, “Yeah, she’s…in the shower.”

“Is this Felix?”

“Callum actually.” She’ll hate me for this, but I just can’t resist. I lean back against the counter, “And who is this?”

“Emma. What are you doing with Marina while she’s in the shower?”

“Well, I’m currently not doin’ anything with her, your call disrupted my plans of joining her, help get those hard to reach bits.”

I hear complete silence and I love every second of it. I’ve heard of Emma, although never having met her, I’ve heard she’s a right flirter. I think about some one-on-one phone intimacy, but decide against it.

“Well…tell her I called.”

I tell her that I will and we hang up. Holding the phone, I look through the contacts and see that it really is Marina’s phone. Why the bleedin’ hell they have the same phone I don’t know. I briefly entertain the thought of calling his phone to see if she has it, but it would mean I would have to talk to her. Moving around the counter I sit down, turning on the picture setting and pointing it at myself. Satisfied with the photo, I save it and flip the phone shut, pocketing it.

Marina

I finally quit. I felt so great after I quit. It’s only been a couple days and already I wish I hadn’t. I’m getting so bored. I’m not the kind of person who would spend all day with friends. I love what few friends I have, but not enough to spend every day with. Emma is the only one who understands that. She’s pretty good with giving me my space. But she still drags me places. I’m more tolerant of her doing it.

Picking up my copy of Naked Lunch, I open it up to where I left off and start reading, stretching out on the couch. Two pages later the phone rings and I’m thankful for the break. Apparently I’m just not in the mood for this. Dragging myself up off the couch, I jog over to the kitchen and answer the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey hunny, how’s it going?”

“Pretty good. What about you and dad?” I ask, hoping to divert my mother’s attention away from myself. I’ve never been much of a fan of talking about myself.

“Oh you know your dad. He’s been sucked in to that computer game for months now. Food hardly brings him out of it.”

We make lunch arrangements and an hour later I’m sitting in a restaurant with my mom, waiting for our food. I pull my long hair back, twist it up, and clip it in a pathetic French twist.

“How’s Felix doing?” my mother asks, raising her glass to her red lips and taking a small sip of ice tea.

“Good. He’s doing really well at work. He may get promoted.”

“That’s nice. You should bring him by, your father would love to have a sit down with him.”

“I’ll tell him.” I doubt I will, I’m probably going to forget five minutes after we say goodbye.

Our food arrives and for a little while it’s silent except for the sound of silverware clinking against plates. Silent until my mom starts talking about things I do not want to talk about. I give her credit though. She waited longer than usual.

“How have you been feeling? Any bad migraines?”

“Nope. No more than usual.”

My mom nods and quickly flags down a waitress and asks, “Do you know when the game is on?”

I inwardly groan. I have no idea when my mom latched on to football, my dad doesn’t even watch it, but if there happens to be a game on, that is all she can think about.

“Sorry, I don’t,” the waitress says with a smile.

“So you don’t know if it’s on today or not? I heard it may be Wednesday.”

“No, sorry. I don’t keep track of sports much.”

I stay silent and wait for the inquisition to end.

“I take it you don’t know who’s playing then,” my mom adds with a frown.

“Mom, she doesn’t know. Leave her be,” I can’t take it anymore and snap. The waitress leaves quickly and my mom isn’t fazed one bit. That’s a quality I have always been envious of. Nothing fazes her. While everything fazes me, no matter how hard I pretend that they don’t.

Leaning back in my chair, I’m suddenly not very hungry. Actually, I wasn’t very hungry to begin with but mom insisted. She always insists but I don’t know why, nothing is said. Nothing important.

“Have you been up on your medications?” my mom asks, looking pointedly at me. I nod my head and I know that she doesn’t believe me, but she accepts. If she didn’t, it would mean that she would have to act upon it. I’ve never been up on my medications, never been too good with taking pills. Unless someone gives them to me, along with a beverage, I don’t remember to take them.

The rest of the lunch goes by pretty uneventfully. I decide not to tell her about my quitting my job. I don’t think she would be too pleased with that turn of events. We leave on pretty good terms. Waving goodbye, I get in my car and shut the door, immediately turning the engine on as well as the heat. Just in the short walk from the restaurant to my car I got soaked. It hasn’t rained this hard in years.

I pull out of the parking lot and shut the radio off, not being able to stand the music played. Stopping at a red light, my cell phone rings from inside my purse. Reaching into the back seat, I grab my purse and drag it up to the passenger seat, pulling my phone out of the side pocket.

“Hello?”

“Who is this?”

I’m slightly taken aback by the woman on the other line and how angry she sounds. Assuming that it is a wrong number, I relax, “Who is this?”

“Don’t be cute. Answer the fucking question. Who the hell are you?”

“I think you have the wrong number,” I say patiently.

“I don’t think so. I’ve had this number programmed in my phone for months and it hasn’t been wrong once, so put Felix on the phone now!”

“This isn’t his phone,” I say slowly, completely thrown off.

“You tell him that he is in big trouble.”

And with that she hangs up. I have no idea what just happened. The car behind me honks and I realize that the light is green. Pressing down on the gas, I quickly get out of the way. Looking at the screen, I notice Felix’s name at the top for the first time. The phones must have gotten mixed up this morning while he was eating. Putting the phone down on the dash, I think over what just happened. Some woman was very angry with either me or Felix. I did not recognize her voice at all and have no idea who it could have been. The called ID said that it was a private call so that tells me nothing. Picking the phone up, I dial my number and wait for Felix to answer. It takes a few rings, but finally the phone is picked up.

“Hey Marina.”

“Callum? Why do you have my phone?” I ask, thoroughly confused. I haven’t spoken with Callum since that night, he is the last person I wanted to answer.

“Lover boy left it here. Will you be by to fetch it then?”

“Umm…actually I’m busy. I just wanted to make sure Felix had it. I’m sure you’ll see him before I do, so you can give it to him,” I say quickly. I don’t want to see Callum and judging by how hesitant he was in asking me if I was going to get my phone, he’s not wanting to see me either.

“Sure thing.”

I think about asking Callum about the girl, but hang up instead. Making a quick left, I head towards Emma’s apartment, knowing that she’ll have an idea about it. Once I park, I run through the rain as quickly as possible, the cell phone nestled in my pocket. In a minute, I’m knocking on her apartment door. The door swings open and Emma stares at me with her mouth open, “You whore!”

“What?” I push past her and relish in the warmth of her living room.

“I talked to Callum,” she says with an obvious tone. She shuts the door and turns on me, “I know.”

I quickly make an assumption as to what she could have possibly been told. But why the hell would Callum tell her about my showing up at his store for no reason? He had no reason to do that. How did they even talk? I don’t think they’ve ever been introduced.

I sigh and sit down on her couch, leaning my head back, “It was nothing.”

“Nothing huh? I’m sure Felix would disagree,” she says, sitting next to me, her legs crossed beneath her.

“Well Felix doesn’t have to know. Unless Callum blabbed to him too,” I mutter, knowing that Felix would be angry. Emma nods a few times and stays silent for a few seconds before impatiently throwing out, “So how was it?!”

“How was what?”

“The conversation,” she says sarcastically. “What do you think? The sex!”

I bring my head to stare at her, “What?!”

Emma stares at me with an expectant expression and says, “I’ve never met him, but I did talk to him on the phone and holy fuck he sounds sexy. That voice just drips sex. I don’t know how you lasted this long Marina, really I don’t. Yeah Felix is cute, but come on.”

“Oh god, no. No sex. I had no sex,” I stammer.

“Don’t lie to me. He said you were in the shower and yeah, he didn’t flat out say that you had sex, but I’m not stupid. He pretty heavily implied it and than that voice, my god,” Emma rambles. I raise my hand to stop her, wanting to cut off her rant. I have no idea what she is talking about and I really need to her calm down.

“Em, when did you talk to Callum?”

“I don’t know, hour ago maybe. You were in the shower apparently,” she says with a grin.

“No, I was not in the shower. I did not have sex with Callum,” I insist. What a pain in the ass. I really want to be angry with him for lying like that, but I just can’t force myself.

“You didn’t? Wait, so why did he have your phone?”

“My phone got mixed with Felix’s and he left it at Callum’s store.”

“Oh,” she says dejectedly. She was so excited and now I feel sort of bad for raining on her parade.

“Why not?” she asks. I wait for her to elaborate, having no clue what she’s asking me.

“Why haven’t you slept with him yet? I want to meet him. I’ll sleep with him. That man needs to be slept with.”

I laugh, “I’ll have to introduce you two.”

We settle down and I bring up the woman, telling her all about it, ending with, “She sounded like she wanted to strangle me through the phone.”

Emma nods her head a few times and keeps her gaze locked on her lap.

“So what do you think?”

“The truth?”

I nod, knowing that I won’t like what she has to say. While telling her everything, I started to think the worst. And I know that Emma will think the same exact thing.

“He may be cheating on you,” she says it quietly and I know that she feels bad for saying it. I slump back in the couch, knowing that it’s quite possible. I just can’t picture it. He’s not that type. He’s always said that he never understood why people cheat, that if they are thinking about it they should just end their current relationship before they do it. I can’t imagine him doing that.

I shake my head, muttering, “No, he wouldn’t do that.”

“Okay, well what’s your theory?”

I can’t think of one and stay silent. She sighs and wraps an arm around my shoulders, hugging me to her. I drop my head to her shoulder and stare straight ahead, not really looking at anything, “You think I should ask him?”

“Not unless you’re sure. In my experience, guys do not like to be accused of cheating. Especially if they are,” Emma says.

“So what should I do than? Pretend it never happened?”

“I’d wait a little while, pay more attention to what’s going on. Like if he’s late or if he comes home with lipstick on his collar, stuff like that.”

We sit in silence as I digest what’s happened. I think about all the times he’s turned me down in the bedroom, all the times where he was too tired or needing to wake early in the morning. I can’t help but wonder about them. Granted, he was never too high on the sexual frenzy meter, but he was never this low. I’ve always been a completely sexual person. Even before I lost my virginity, I knew exactly what I wanted and didn’t want. I always chalked it up to all the reading. I’ve always known myself in that manner. What would be too much and what wouldn’t be enough. Felix took some getting used too, but I adjusted because I had too. He’s not the adventurous type, strictly bedroom activities, which I would be more than willing to stray from. I started to think that he just didn’t desire me anymore, which could now possibly be more true than I ever wanted it to be. Than I wonder about how different I am than I was when we first met. I always censor myself around him, never saying all I want to. I have to think about whether or not I’m even myself any longer, just so I could be what I thought he wanted. It turns out, I may not even know what he wanted to begin with. An unknown feeling wells up in my stomach, one that’s demanding release and I don’t think I want to quell it any longer.

“I’m sorry hun,” Emma says softly.


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AN: Thank you for the reviews so far, they make me happy. I don't know when the next chapter will be up, but I hope it won't be too long from now. I've been having a mass writer's block because I haven't been reading as much as I should be. I'm planning on reading for the rest of the night after this,so I hope to get back to normal in a few days. I hope the lengths make up for the delays. As usual, review and share your thoughts, however simple they may be.