The one thing that keeps me sane...

Disclaimer : My characters...my plot...you steal it you die...


The next morning, well, late afternoon, Ben stirred and looked around but Laraine was gone. He sat up and grabbed his bag so he could get dressed. When he opened the door of the tent he looked out to see Ryan and Laraine sitting by the fire talking. No one else was out there and it actually made Ben happy that Ryan and Laraine were having an actual conversation. Ryan and Laraine were so different that they rarely had something to talk about without the others around. It made Ben wonder what they actually were talking about.

“Hey sugah.” Ben said as he walked up and the two looked at him. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” Laraine smiled at him. “Sleep well Benjamin?”

Ben nodded and sat down by Laraine. “Yeah, like a baby.”

Michael came out of the tent and plopped down next to Ryan, lacing their hands together automatically. “Morning all.”

“Come on.” Ben grabbed Laraine’s hand and pulled him along. “Lets go.”

Ryan cut in then. “Where you going?”

Ben smirked as they stood. “None of your damn business Ryan.”

Laraine followed Ben back to his car and they climbed in. Knowing what was going to happen kind of made Laraine very nervous but he trusted Ben more than anyone he knew and Ben had been more than patient with him for quite a while. He was willing to give Ben anything and everything. Not to mention he didn’t know one person who had overcome what Ben had over come. He was the best person in Laraine’s life, flaws and all.

“Hey.” Ben took Laraine’s hand in his and kissed it softly as they drove. It had been nearly an hour of small talk and, of course, singing with the radio. “Sugah close your eyes.”

“Close my eyes?” Laraine asked with a smile. “Alright then.” he closed his eyes and settled back against the seat. “Where are you taking me Benjamin?”

Ben laughed. “You’ll see sugah.”

The car came to a stop and Laraine sat there as he waited for Ben to come around. Ben helped him out of the car and Laraine held onto him as they walked towards a destination that Laraine was not sure of. Ben caught him as he almost tripped and Laraine felt the ground shift slightly under his feet.

“Benjamin where are we?” Laraine asked him, holding tightly to his waist as not to fall. “What am I walking on?”

“Sit down here.” Ben instructed and helped Laraine sit down. “Open your eyes.”

Laraine opened his eyes and gasped. They were sitting on the beach and it was more beautiful than anything that he had ever seen in his life. Laraine hadn’t been to a beach in so long. “Benjamin it’s amazing.”

Ben wrapped an arm around Laraine. “I’m happy you like it sugah.”

Laraine turned and smiled up at Ben before kissing him softly. “Thank you so much for bring me her Benjamin. If you don’t mind me asking, why is this place so special for you?”

“Because,” Ben leaned his head against Laraine’s. “It’s a place that I can be alone.”

“Then why would you bring me to a place that is so special? Why would you bring me somewhere that is for you to be alone?” Laraine asked him, curling into Ben.

Ben tilted Laraine’s head and kissed him. “Because sometimes I don’t like to be alone.” They kissed slowly, passionately. Ben was softly running a hand through Laraine’s hair soothingly. Ben pulled away and looked down at Laraine. “I don’t know what I did in my life to deserve someone like you sugah.”

Laraine snuggled against Ben and sighed, breathing in his scent. “Benjamin please. You highly underestimate what a wonderful person you are.”

That made Ben chuckle slightly, Laraine moving with his chest. Everything got really serious after that. “Laraine...I have something to tell you. Something you’re really not going to like.”

Laraine sat up and looked at Benjamin, a little freaked out that Ben had used his whole name. “Benjamin?”

Ben took a deep breath and then let it out. “When I was eighteen I was with a girl named Kathy. She was nineteen and our entire relationship was based on sex. She...she got pregnant, Lain.” He felt Laraine sort of shift away from him. “Laraine I didn’t want to keep that from you. I was just afraid that if I told you you’d look at me like everyone else does.”

The boy was looking at the ground trying to think. “Benjamin you’re a dad?”

“Yeah, I am.” Ben answered, wanting to hold Laraine to comfort him but afraid to even move. “He’s three. His names Jacoby. I haven’t seen him in a while now. Kathy doesn’t much care for me.”

“Benjamin how could you not tell me that sooner?” Laraine asked him. “I...you should have told me sooner.”

“What would you have done? You wouldn’t have looked at me twice Lain. I was being selfish not telling you because of how much I wanted to be with you. I realize that Lain.” he closed his eyes a moment to try and think. “Does this really change how you think about me?”

Laraine was at a loss for words. “Benjamin I don’t know what to think.” Laraine look at him. “Benjamin you lied to me. All this time you were lying to me about something that is pretty much the most important thing in your life.” he looked away. “Jesus Christ Benjamin you have a son!”

Ben dropped his head into his hands before looking at Laraine. “Lain it’s not like I wanted this! You know that I was messed up a few years ago! You know I’m trying to move on but there are things about my past that I just wont be able to change. I am willing to work on these things in my life Laraine. The only question is if you are willing to work through them with me.”

For a moment it was silent, worrying Ben beyond all reason. “Ben I don’t think this is something I can deal with. Not this...”

It felt as if someone had just stabbed Ben strait through the heart. “Laraine don’t you dare...”

“Please just take me home Ben.” Laraine muttered.

“Sure...” Ben said and stood. “Lets go.”

They got in the car and it was silent. Neither of them knew what to say or what to do. Ben couldn’t believe what was going on. He knew that one day he would have to pay for all the things that he had done in his past but this was just way to much. Losing Laraine...he didn’t know what he was going to do. In fact, for the first time in a long time heroin sounded really good. Why did god hate him so much.

When they pulled up to Laraine’s house neither of them moved. “I’m sorry Ben.”

“Don’t be.” Ben told him. “I’ll have someone bring your stuff over later.” he took off the ring and held it out for Laraine. “Here.”

Laraine looked at the ring and tears spilled from his eyes. “Please just keep it.”

Before Ben could even answer Laraine was out of the car. Ben sat there a moment just staring at the steering wheel. He was going to need some kind of drug to get over this. He pulled the car out of the driveway and headed back towards the camp site. God what was he going to tell the others?

Laraine slammed his door and fell onto his bed, sobs escaping his throat. He heard his door opened and he quickly turned and looked over his shoulder thinking Ben had followed him. He fell back down and turned away seeing his mother standing there. She walked in the room and sat down by him, running a hand up and down his back.

“Sweetheart what’s wrong?” she asked him.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Laraine muttered into the pillow.

She sighed and continued to rub his back. “Laraine I know that you aren’t telling me something. We need to be open with each other if we are going to make this family work.”

Laraine about lost it and he sat up. “Mom I’m gay!” he saw the look of shock pass her face. “I was dating Ben! We’ve been going out for four months! We just broke up today and I do not feel like talking about it right now!”

Slowly his mother left the room and Laraine covered his face with his hands. He wanted to scream until his lungs burst. Until everything was better again. How could Ben have not told him that? Something so important. He didn’t understand. He’d always been open with Ben, always told Ben everything. In fact Ben was the first person out of all of Laraine’s friends that he had told about his father, at least fully. Why? Why would Ben have kept that from him?

“Damn it!” Laraine screamed. “God damn it!”


~*~*~*~*~*~

Laraine looked out the classroom window and sighed. It had been two weeks since he had heard from Ben, or of Ben for that matter. None of the others spoke of him while they were around Laraine. It was almost as if he had vanished off the face of the Earth. It made Laraine even more angry. The fact that Ben wasn’t even willing to try and make things better.

The bell rang, signaling the start of a four day weekend, and everyone filed out of the classroom. Laraine opened his locker and sighed. When he had been dating Ben the guy would randomly show up at his school and literally attack him as he was getting into his locker. However, that would no longer be happening so Laraine just grabbed his things and headed on his way.

Cathy showed up beside him in the hall all of a sudden and they began to talk and walk towards the front of the school. Laraine didn’t live that far away, and Cathy lived right down the street from him, so they usually walked home together if Ben and him...ugh. He didn’t even want to think about Ben anymore.

They walked out of the school and Laraine froze. Ben was leaning against the passenger door of his car in the parking lot talking to some woman that Laraine didn’t know. Cathy grabbed Laraine’s sleeve and tried to pull him along. Just as Laraine was about to turn and walk with Cathy a hand shot up to cover his mouth seeing that woman grab Ben by the collar of his shirt and pull him into a kiss. A kiss that Ben did not seem to mind at all.

“Laraine come on.” Cathy told him, trying really hard to pull him along with her. “Lain please, just ignore it and lets go.”

The woman pulled away from Ben and Ben stared at her a moment before his eyes just happened to fall on Lain. Ben looked like he went into completely shock and at that point Laraine began to walk with Cathy, tears threatening to leave his eyes at any moment in time. He didn’t understand how Ben could have done such a thing! How he could have even thought about doing that especially in front of the place he knew that Laraine could possibly see him at.

“Lain!” he heard Ben yell but kept walking. He didn’t want to deal with it. He didn’t want to! “Lain stop walking already!” A hand grabbed Laraine’s upper arm and he was spun around to see Ben standing there. “Lain don’t even walk away from me.”

“Let me go.” Laraine hissed at him and jerked his arm away, continuing to walk with Cathy.

Ben groaned and stepped in front of Laraine, setting his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “Laraine will you listen to me?”

“Fuck off!” Laraine screamed at him and stormed strait past him.

Cathy stayed behind to talk to Ben. “Ben I’ll talk to him. I’ll tell him what is going on if you want me to.”

“I need to tell him Cathy. He deserves to hear it from me.” Ben told her.

She just nodded and began to walk away. “This is what you get Ben, for keeping all of that locked up inside.” she stopped and looked back at him. “Makes me scared about what I am going to get from karma, if this is what you have to go through.”

When Cathy caught up to Laraine he was turning the corner that was two blocks from their street. It was silent a moment, neither of them talking. Laraine because he didn’t know what to say and Cathy to afraid of hurting Laraine in some way by saying anything. “What a jerk!” Laraine finally snapped. “Why would he do that? I don’t get it!”

Cathy sighed. “Laraine...you need to talk to him about that. I could easily tell you what is going on with Ben, what’s been going on with him all his life, but that is something that he feels that he should tell you. Of course if you don’t want to go near him than I will understand that but if you really want to know about Ben’s past, about the things he went through, than you will have to talk to him.”

“He’s not the only one with a fucked up life.” Laraine muttered. “Doesn’t he realize that? Doesn’t he get that he’s not the only one on this world who can get hurt?”

“Of course he does Laraine.” Cathy told him. “Trust me when I say that Ben has done everything and anything possible to keep his past from hurting you in anyway but there are some things that you just can’t avoid in life.” they came to Cathy’s house. “Laraine just talk to him. It’s what you both need to do.”
Laraine nodded. “I’ll see you later Cathy.”

That night at around nine Laraine sat in his room staring at his phone. He could easily call Ben and tell him that they needed to talk but he was to afraid to. He just didn’t understand why Ben felt that he needed to hide things from him. He’d always been completely honest with Ben, about everything. Even about the things his father did that he was not keen on even thinking about.

His phone vibrated, making him jump slightly, and he looked to see Ben’s name on his phone. For a moment he hesitated before he picked up his phone and opened it, immediately answering the call and having to choice but to talk once the metal touched his ear.

“Hey.” Laraine barely muttered, trying to hold back the fact that he really just wanted to cry.

“Hey there.” came Ben’s voice and a million wonderful memories filled Laraine’s mind hearing it. “I was wondering...if we could talk.”

Laraine sort of coughed to try and clear his throat of the choked up sound he got when he was near tears. “Sure. Where...” he took a deep breath. “Where do you want to talk at?”

Ben was silent a moment. “Lets meet at the school, say fifteen minutes?”

“Sure.” Laraine’s head kind of nodded, not that Ben could see. “That sounds good.”

“Alright, see you then.” Ben muttered and they hung up.

Laraine stood and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair. He would have to sneak out because there was no way his mother was going to let him walk to the school alone at nine o’clock with the intentions of meeting someone she believed had turned her sweet little child against her. Not that his mother wasn’t insane already but she had completely shut herself off from him and was completely suspicious every time he wanted to do something or go somewhere.

He slid down the stairs and to the front door. He could hear the TV on in the living room meaning that was where his mother was. Cautiously he slid on his shoes, grabbed his house key from his bag, and slid out the door. He sighed into the cool night air, his breath coming out in a puff of steam and floating away into the oblivion. Kind of like he felt like doing...at least wished he could do.

The sidewalk was cool, even through his shoes, as he walked down towards the school. Why couldn’t he have asked Ben to meet him the next day? Not to mention somewhere that would be warm. God he had not thought this one through. The light in Cathy’s room was on and for a moment Laraine thought about delaying himself by telling her what was going on but he figured against it. Even then, she’d told him that Jess was coming over and he knew Cathy would hate him if he interrupted the limited amount of time they got to hang out with each other when Cathy’s parents weren’t home.

So he continued on his way towards the school. A little afraid of what he would find there waiting for him. As he rounded the corner he saw Ben’s car there but no Ben. He scanned the area a moment but didn’t see a thing. It looked like a desert wasteland at the school but for the fact that Ben’s care was there...which of course was actually a really cool truck but Laraine had never cared for automobiles so he really didn’t care what kind of truck or whatever it was...they were all cars to him.

“Lain.” he jumped and turned to see Ben at the door of the greenhouse, the door open even though Laraine knew it should have been locked. That so meant that Ben had broken in. “Come on in here.”

“Don’t tell me you broke in here.” Laraine muttered as he walked into the greenhouse. “Ben that would so be breaking the law.”

Ben just laughed and closed the door. “Than I wont tell you that I did.” they sat down in the back corner and it was silent a moment. “That was Kathy this afternoon. I didn’t know she was going to be there but she showed up.” he sighed. “If you don’t believe me that’s okay but I really had no idea why she was there or what she wanted.”

Laraine sort of nodded. “You didn’t seem that shocked or upset when she kissed you.”

“You didn’t see me go at her after you left.” Ben muttered. “Kathy does this kind of thing. She randomly shows up and gets all friendly with me whenever she is in a tight spot and needs money. She keeps telling me that she is going to get her shit together and leave me alone but sooner or later she comes back. Pisses me off cause I know what kind of environment she has Jacoby in and that bitch would rather cut off her own leg than let me near him. She gets child support and that is all she cares about.”

“Ben what is it that you want to tell me?” Laraine asked him. “There has to be something more than what happened with Kathy today.”

Laraine could tell just by the way that Ben shifted that this was something he had not talked about in a very long time...if at all for that matter. “I’ve never told you much about my family have I? Like my mom, dad, and my brothers?” Laraine shook his head. “Than we might be here for a while.”

“I have no where else to go.” Laraine told him.

~*~*~*~*~*~

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