Pretty street boy

.
A/N - I am having a love/hate affair with this story. I can\'t help but be drawn into Nathan\'s fictional life. (This IS a fictional story just to be clear on that point. ^__^) Was there such a boy? My imagination whispers to me and I am disturbed by the visions that creep into my mind\'s eye as my fingers type the words as if of their own accord. If I type it, does it bring him to life? Yet he is the one who is telling me his story, not the other way around... or so it seems. I can\'t help but feel for him and so give myself over to it as it unfolds. Thanks for reading! ~Best Left Exposed

-------------------------------------

The darkness was lapping at my dehydrated soul again and I slumped into it like a well-worn coat. If such a thing as emptiness was comfortable, I suppose I was. It was familiar at any rate. I sat on the floor of my room and stared into the void of space that was just as empty as the spirit that made my body live. The sun was long gone if I would\'ve noticed it. A full moon, streaming through my window, was bathing everything in a silvery paleness and I could almost feel it\'s silent kiss washing over me. It was chill and emotionless as death. I bowed my head to it in submission. I welcomed it. It felt as if I was floating in the ether that made all things exist. Perhaps a small smile pulled at my lips then, I can\'t seem to remember. And there was a melodious humming from no where and everywhere at the same time. Then the complete darkness swept over and swallowed me. I had passed out. The next day had me feeling cold inside.

The weather was turning again. It wasn\'t something I consciencely noticed, but rather a base knowing. Like when a squirrel knows it\'s time to gather nuts, or when the bees go out to collect nectar. It was like that. I couldn\'t possibly know how to delight in the change of seasons, such as they were. To me, it was always cold. The world seemed to be a bit greener and the tiny, pale blossoms were poking up through the grass. The cacophony of birds from above was almost deafening at times. Their lovely songs a discord, clashing against each other before the wind whipped the noise away too slowly for it to ever become silent. I probably scowled at it all as I sat on the same stone stairway I had climbed that first blustering night I entered this home. There was a bottle of cola and a sandwich at my feet. I paid them no mind. The stone was chill and seeping up into my thin frame...

There was a stone fountain in one of the parks I liked to hang around during certain times of the year. The sun was blazing down, scorching everything it touched and even the trees seemed to sag under it\'s oppressive heat. The fountain, amazingly, was untouched by vandals and still jetted cool, crisp water from it\'s many spouts. Spouts in the shape of animals and cherubs dancing around a center column that was in the shape of a goddess or a maiden. Sweet face tilted downward as she poured a vase of water into an upper tier. I liked to look at her and pretend she was gazing adoringly at me. I\'d lay for hours under that stoney scrutiny on the ledge of the wide pool that caught all of the spurting water. One arm and leg dangling into the water as the sun-warmed stone leeched into my bones. Much like a lizard laying on a rock warms it\'s blood. It was my most favorite place to be in the world. The numbness would seem to distance itself from me under her hypnotic gaze and I would wear a small smile.

It was just such a day that found me sprawled on the hard fountain ledge that they wandered by. Two bully boys, full of cock-sureness, ready to prove to the world just how tough they were. So tough, they could beat the shit out of the scrawniest of weaklings and go on to brag about their ruthlessness to their bully friends. Survival of the fittest in my world. I was 13 and was quite familiar with the rules by now. Spotting me laid out as I was, still small and thin. Quite weak looking, though my muscles were as tough and sinewy as jerky. I was the perfect victim for one of their games.

Their bulky frames cast a shadow across my face and I closed my eyes. I figured they\'d have a go at me one way or the other and be done with their fun that much sooner if I didn\'t fight them. I knew the type too well. They didn\'t hesitate but for a heartbeat and I was pulled roughly up to my feet. My arms nearly jerking out of the sockets as they were wrenched around behind my back. The brute in front drove his fisted hand into my stomach and I gasped for air, sobbing with pain. I didn\'t cry enough, I guess, because after several shots to the gut and one to the jaw the boy\'s blurry face distorted with an unsatisfied anger. I was shoved hard into the cool water of the fountain. I sputtered as I instinctive rose to catch a breath. Luckily, I did get a lung-full before I was held in their cruel grip under the water. I relaxed, going limp. Fighting was futile. The held breath was burning in my lungs and I slowly let it trickle out. Doling it out to hold as long as I could. My vision was filled with rippling sunlight and small dark shapes that I knew were wish-pennies at the bottom. It was quite beautiful if I\'d noted it.

The edges of my field of vision were starting to darken as the last of my breath was gone and the burning in my lungs was becoming unbearable and they continued to hold me under. Survival of the fittest. The instinct that had kept me alive for three and a half years cleared my mind of panic and I reached back into my pocket for the little knife I kept there. They never figured me for a threat so never paid a mind to what I was doing or saw what was coming. The last of my ebbing strength went into pushing myself further into the water and twisting around to see their rippling faces up through the surface as they lost their hold on me. I rose from the water gulping air and crouching with a demon\'s hate in my eyes. Knife in hand I lunged for the one nearest my hand and slashed viciously across his throat. The bite of the blade and the force of my attack nearly wrenching it away as the forward motion had me on my knees beside him. My eyes found his through a spray of blood that mimicked the fountain. Face contorted into shock, eyes wide, not comprehending what had happened. Mouth moving silently. I had cut deep. Deeper than I figured I could\'ve. A glance to his buddy showed me similar shock and horror as he watched his friend die, casting fearful glances at me, poised to launch again if I deemed it necessary.

The boy was dead. He had toppled over into the fountain turning that clear water a murky red as the last of his blood drained out. His friend had run screaming. Like the coward he was, not willing to die beside his friend. I stared at the corpse and the once beautiful water. My maiden still smiling serenely down at the macabre scene I had created. I walked stiffly to the ledge and washed my knife and re-pocketed it without emotion. Walking away, I cast one last longing look at my stone goddess. Another bit of me died with that boy that day. Not because I had committed murder, but because I had lost my most cherished of places, for I never returned...

A shadow oozed down the steps beside me and congealed into a solid that was lowering itself to sit beside me. Warmth, that had nothing to do with the morning sun, melted into me, crawling under my skin until I was flushed from it. Michael was there smiling down at me. I knew He was smiling, even though my eyes were closed, because the vibration could be felt ringing in my ears. I cracked my eyes and glanced at Him without lifting my head. His smile was so soft I wanted to taste the lips that could produce such a thing. I looked away, back across the expanse of lawn that should\'ve been called a park by definition and the simple fountain in the center. The sun, filtering it\'s harsh light through the tree branches, made me want to squint.

\"What do you think about when you stare out at it all?\"

His question startled me even though I suppose it shouldn\'t have. It felt like an Important question that should be answered. I furrowed my brow and turned my head to face Him, then lifted them up helplessly. My throat tightened painfully. I swallowed.

\"Nothing.\" I croaked out, a rare attempt at speech. It hurt. The ugliness of my voice. If I hated anything in the world, it was that. He felt my pain, I knew. An arm snaked it\'s way around my shoulders and pulled me close.

\"You feel nothing when you see this, then?\" He nodded toward Nature.

How could I tell him? I did not. I saw nothing. I felt nothing. I was nothing. I shook my head slightly. I sensed He was troubled, but was hiding it.

\"What of me, then?\" His voice that I loved so much caressed my ears and I suppressed a shiver.

\"Yes.\" The sound grated out. I did feel something with Him. I wanted to acknowledge it for Him, even if He already knew it.

\"Tell me.\"

I pulled away from Him and peered up into those clear eyes with helpless frustration. A trickle of tears traced their way down my cheek, begging Him not to make me speak. Pleading with my eyes as my body thrummed with that unwanted feeling that bit at me relentlessly. I felt more than heard Him sigh. This was something Important, I was sure of it now more than ever. Another new, powerful emotion bared it\'s teeth fiercely and buried it\'s fangs deep into my flesh. Fear. A sob escaped the confines of my chest. How could I express what I felt for this man who had deemed me worthy of saving? Express emotions so foreign to me that I could never hope to fathom them, let alone put into words I did not know with a voice that was so horrid it physically hurt to hear it. His eyes were so full of sadness as He touched my cheek to brush away the tears.

\"Tell me, Nathan.\"

He was forcing me. Pushing me too far. I actually wished to be back out on the street just then. Getting a hard cock rammed up my ass so hard I screamed and felt like dying. My nails were digging into my palm, splitting the flesh open, not feeling myself do so.

\"Nathan...\" Softly into my ear in a whisper. Warm breath reaching right down into the core of me. The part that was so deeply buried I never realized it\'s existence. My name spoken like a prayer, coaxing. \'Please...,\' I thought, begging silently. Thought moving to voice.

\"...don\'t know.... understand anything.\" It was more words together than I had formed in ages.

I was back into His embrace, tightly. Lips pressed into the crown of my head. \"What do you want?\"

\"You.\" The word, unbidden, rushed out of my mouth without a thought to even form it.

\"Why?\"

I gave up and wilted, lifeless, into His lap, crying softly. His hand was stroking my hair. He sighed again, wistfully. He let me be for a little while before lifting me back up to sit upright.

\"Nathan.\" My name like a sacred talisman, again, on His perfect lips. He lifted my face gently up so He could peer deeply into my wide eyes. The backs of His soft fingers stroking my cheek as if awed by something unspeakably fragile and cherished. A cloud passed over the sun briefly and we were cast into shadow. An aura of soft light seemed to emanate from Him and I closed my eyes against it. He faded away behind my closed eyes and the fear nipped at me again.

\"Gone... I\'m lost.\" I murmured coarsely.

\"I know,\" was the sad response.

I opened my eyes again and the sun reappeared to blind me momentarily with it\'s brightness. I was leaning toward Him, seeking something I couldn\'t understand. I closed my eyes again. His breath warm on my lips, He was so close. \"You,\" I whispered again. And I felt His soft lips on mine. Fire erupted to scour my flesh down to bones and then the warm softness was gone. I think I whimpered. I wanted Him like I never wanted life.

\"My beautiful, broken one.\" His voice was so full of heartbreak it tore at me. \"I want you to feel again. Feel again like you did before you died inside.\" He rose and looked down at me. Sitting on those hard steps, that now felt like they were bruising my backside. \"Your voice is like a choral dissonance that makes me want to weep from the layers of sadness behind it.\"

\"Why?\" I asked. It was far from a simple question. Not only why did my torn voice affect Him so, but also why was I here? Why did He want me to feel again? Just WHY? He seemed to understand the depth behind the question and only smiled that sad smile again before turning His back and leaving me to contemplate what had happened. Forcing me to think about His words and the things I felt toward Him.

I had stayed on those steps unmoving for the rest of the day, like some petrified version of man. Unmoving and staring out into Nature, the fountain drawing my eyes occasionally. The clouds floated across the sun when it finally sank into the horizon. Thinking back on it, I know He was forcing the humanity back into the shell of my body, feeding the wisp that tenaciously held on to living. Feeling those things was a pain that threatened to eat me away from the inside out, like some flesh devouring parasite. It was so intensely painful that running back into the streets came often to my mind. If I had any way of reaching back toward the numbness that the streets had carved into my soul, I would\'ve ran for all I was worth. But I stayed. Stayed because of Him. And struggled under the agony of what I would term \'birthing pains\' as I became, once more, a part of the living world. One torturously slow step at a time.

-------------------------------------

Thank you again for reading! The best compliment a reader can give is one that is unknown to the writer... referring it to friends. This story is a bit obscure and very well may not appeal to a vast amount of readers on AFF. If it does, though, by all means share your love of obscurity with your friends. ^___^ Oh, and a review would be icing on the cake. ~__^

Also, if anyone would like to suggest a title for this, please, please post it!! I love writing, but destest titling things. A subjective opinion would be very helpful! I\'d definitely credit the suggester if it is used. (I\'m pathetically begging here. lol) Thx! ~BLE
.