Take Me From This Pain, Brian's story

Brian stood nervously in the corner of the hallway facing Jason. His brother had mentioned his friend a couple of times in the past, but Brian thought Kevin found the boy annoyingly clingy. Now he knew why. Jason suspected the truth from the beginning and was trying to get Kevin to trust him. Despite this, though, Brian was still uncomfortable with the younger boy. He knew that Jason was probably going to try to make him leave Matt and come with him and Kevin. But, despite all that Matt had done to him in the past, Brian felt ten times safer with him than someone he didn\'t know.

And then there was Gary. While Kevin thought that the older man wouldn\'t pursue them, Brian knew the truth. While he was only a few days from turning eighteen and becoming legally safe from having Gary as a guardian, Kevin still had a year to go. And Gary would then only be custodian of Kevin\'s share of the insurance money they\'d received for their mother\'s death. The older man wouldn\'t discover this until he tried to make his next monthly withdrawal, as Brian had already made arrangements with the bank to move the now-small amount to a separate account. Gary had gone through much of the money already and Brian had wanted to save the rest for Kevin, hopefully for a start at a decent college. It wouldn\'t be much, but it might get the kid set up for the first year. He\'d have to supplement it with financial aid and a job, but Brian had faith in Kevin\'s ability.

When Gary found out that his access to half of the money was gone, he would be livid. Now that he was still alive, Brian intended to make sure Gary targeted him and not his younger brother. He guessed this conversation with Jason was needed to facilitate this. Nervously, he rubbed his palms on his pant legs for reassurance.

\"I won\'t hurt you,\" Jason said quietly from the wall he was leaning against. \"Despite outward appearances, I\'ve never bullied anyone in my life.\"

Brian looked up at his face in surprise. Jason had large, dark brown eyes. They were kind and compassionate. He had long, straight, dark brown hair, too. Longer than Brian\'s hair. He was tall and built like a jock, like Matt. No wonder Kevin felt safe with him. Jason, kind as he looked, would undoubtedly take anyone apart if they threatened Kevin. That was good, Brian decided. Kevin needed a stronger protector than Brian.

\"I-I know,\" Brian stammered, looking down.

\"Bri?\" Jason asked. Brian looked up and Jason smiled reassuringly. \"Can I call you Bri?\" Brian nodded mutely. \"Okay. Bri, why do you want to stay with Matt? Kevin didn\'t go into specifics here, but from what I heard today and the little I saw with Kevin over the last few months, he\'s made you his personal amusement.\"

\"I know,\" Brian nodded again. \"But that was before.\"

\"How do you know?\"

\"I don\'t for sure,\" Brian admitted, scratching his arm nervously. He knew that Matt\'s new attitude might not last. But he wasn\'t important. Kevin was. Staying with Matt meant Gary wouldn\'t follow him to Kevin. It was worth the risk. \"But as long as you have Kevin, he\'s safe.\"

\"Huh?\" Jason wasn\'t sure he understood the logic. Brian was right, as Jason would never hurt Kevin. But his deep feelings for his friend were kept hidden. He knew that even if Kevin weren\'t straight, and Jason was almost sure that he was straight, he was in no emotional condition for a relationship. And he hadn\'t come out to Kevin yet anyway. He didn\'t want that to be an issue when he got Kevin away from his stepfather.

\"Gary will try to find Kevin through me, and if he\'s with you, he won\'t be found.\"

\"But we live in the same city and go to the same school,\" Jason pointed out.

\"How attached are you to the school?\" Brian asked quietly.

\"Okay, what\'s really going on here, Bri?\" Jason asked crossing arms over his chest. If there was some unseen danger pursuing his friend, he needed to know.

Brian was glad to see how easily the protective instinct kicked in for Jason. He could also see something more beneath the surface. But Brian trusted this boy not to push Kevin into anything he wasn\'t ready for. Jason could be trusted. So Brian told Jason about the bank accounts and Gary\'s spending habits. He also informed him that Gary couldn\'t sell the house without Brian\'s approval now that he was turning eighteen.

\"So, you\'ve saved what\'s left of your half for Kevin?\" Jason asked incredulously. He now knew what Kevin\'s heated argument in the bathroom had been about. Brian had apparently tried to kill himself now that Kevin was out of the house. And it was very likely that Matt stopped him. That explained why Matt wouldn\'t let Brian out of his sight. And it explained Brian\'s sudden bond with the now-former bully.

There was no way he was going to be able to convince Brian to leave Matt for Kevin\'s benefit. Jason remembered his own suicidal state after Gina took him home for the first time. Eleven might seem young for that kind of depression, but what Jason had gone through had aged him considerably. Gina had patiently worked with him for a year before the urge to shut down left him. During that time, an army of soldiers couldn\'t have torn him away from her, unless they killed him. (The bond was still strong between the two and Gina was more a mother to him in the few years he\'d been with her than their own had ever been.) That bond, he suspected, was already happening to Brian and Matt. He would have to somehow find a way to convey the gravity of this bond to Matt for Brian\'s sake.

\"Yeah,\" Brian continued. \"I want him to have a shot at a good life and college seems like a good idea.\"

\"What about you?\"

\"Me?\" Brian looked up in confusion. What did that have to do with anything? This was Kevin\'s future they were talking about.

\"Yeah, you,\" Jason said softly. He then recounted his own horror story to show Brian he understood him.

\"I\'m so sorry,\" Brian whispered.

\"I\'m better now than I was then,\" Jason shrugged. \"But I know a little more about how you feel than Kevin and Matt.\"

Brian nodded thoughtfully.

\"Bri, if you ever want to talk about it,\" Jason began but noted Brian\'s sudden jerk and tremble. \"Well, I\'ll be here for you.\"

\"But you can\'t be,\" Brian said urgently. \"You don\'t understand. Gary\'s going to be looking for Kevin because once he realizes I\'m beyond his control, he\'ll want to keep his only remaining meal ticket around for as long as possible.\"

\"My sister\'s job is here,\" Jason murmured.

\"She works for a big law firm, right?\"

\"Yeah.\"

\"Do you think she can get transferred?\"

\"She just got transferred in July.\"

\"We have to get Kevin off the West Coast!\"

\"Why?\" Matt suddenly asked from the bathroom doorway, Kevin standing right behind him.

\"Don\'t worry, Bri,\" Jason said, patting the smaller boy\'s shoulder. \"You and Kevin talk in the bathroom for a few minutes while I confer with Matt.\"

Kevin looked uncertainly at Jason who smiled reassuringly. Matt looked at Brian and noticed he was being watched as well. Brian looked like a deer caught in the proverbial headlights.

\"It\'s okay, Bri,\" Matt said and touched Brian\'s arm. \"Jason and I aren\'t going to fight.\" He hoped. \"And you and Kevin need to talk.\"

Jason nodded in agreement. He knew that Matt was probably going to be thick at first, but that he would listen once Jason explained to him why he had to.

With one last look at Matt, Brian joined Kevin in the bathroom and shut the door.

\"Alone again,\" Jason smiled sarcastically.

\"Getting on my nerves already?\" Matt growled.

\"If something so small did that, how do you plan to help Brian?\" Jason asked. He knew that he irked Matt, but he had a feeling it had more to do with his close connection to Kevin, Brian\'s only other confidant, than it did with his actual personality.

\"Look, can you just tell me what Brian was talking about?\" Matt said in exasperation. This kid was unbelievable.

Jason sighed and relayed the story he\'d just heard from Brian. He watched Matt as he did and noted the urgency in his eyes. This was good.

\"So, he was almost out of danger himself and he knew that his stepfather would eventually come after Kevin?\" Matt asked. Jason nodded. \"I wonder why he wanted to check out then.\"

Jason sighed again. It was hard for anyone who hadn\'t been through it to understand what living with abuse was like. \"Matt, we really need to talk seriously now.\"

\"I\'ve BEEN serious the whole time,\" Matt wanted to explode. Why can\'t anyone understand that he knew the magnitude of the situation?

\"Listen, I KNOW what Brian\'s feeling,\" Jason growled, his patience finally wearing thin. He then told his own story for the second time that day, this time in clipped, no-nonsense statements. Matt\'s eyes went wide and he turned pale as he listened.

\"Holy, shit!\" he whispered. \"Man, am I sorry.\"

\"Forget it,\" Jason said. \"I told you because you need to comprehend what\'s happening to Brian right now if you\'re going to help him.\"

\"So, you finally trust me with him now?\"

\"Not entirely,\" Jason admitted. \"But he won\'t leave you now, so I have no choice.\"

\"Why?\"

\"When you saved him, then got him through last night, his first real night of freedom in two and a half years, you didn\'t realize what you were doing.\"

\"I did so,\" Matt insisted. \"I was saving him.\"

\"You were bonding with him,\" Jason said with a quirked eyebrow.

\"What?\"

\"Bonding with him,\" Jason replied. \"He won\'t feel safe with anyone else for a long, long time, man. I hope that doesn\'t bother you too much.\"

\"I want him to feel safe with me,\" Matt\'s eyes narrowed.

\"It\'s a big responsibility,\" the other boy drawled. \"You sure you\'re up for it?\"

\"Yes!\"

Jason studied Matt again. He was infuriated by Jason\'s lack of confidence in the situation. For his part, Jason didn\'t give a shit. Let Matt be mad. He needed this attitude adjustment for Brian\'s sake. Brian HAD to survive this, especially for Kevin\'s sake. That boy was becoming everything to Jason and he had to make sure his brother was in good hands.

\"And what are you going to do if Brian decides to \'check out\' again?\"

\"I won\'t leave him alone for a minute so he won\'t have an opportunity.\"

\"The nights are long sometimes,\" Jason pointed out. \"I remember Gina locking me in my room that first month to keep me from the kitchen. The knives very shiny and sharp.\"

\"What IS it with the cutting?\" Matt exploded. \"Why would you want to do that?\"

\"Well, in Gina\'s place, I wanted to kill myself,\" Jason shrugged. \"Before that, the pain from slicing was a release from the emotional trauma I was suffering. It was like I could see vapors of it coming from the bloody cuts. It also gave me a physical pain that I could control.\"

Matt stared at him in horror. Was that what Brian felt?

\"Yes, that\'s what he feels,\" Jason replied.

How does he do that? Matt was annoyed all over again.

\"What we have to figure out,\" Jason went on, \"is how to get Kevin away from Gary.\"

\"That part\'s easy.\"

\"It is?\" Jason looked skeptical.

\"You said your sister works at Wolfe & Barnum, right?\"

\"Yeah,\" Jason was confused as to where this was going.

\"My dad is a senior partner in their Greenwich, Connecticut office,\" Matt smiled humorlessly. \"How do you feel about the East Coast?\"

\"Indifferent,\" Jason shrugged.

\"And your sister?\"

\"She\'d do anything she had to if it would save Kevin,\" Jason said. \"Before you ask, yes, I\'m positive.\"

\"My dad will do the same,\" Matt nodded and looked at his watch. \"I\'ll call him in an hour and ask him about it, then I\'ll let you know by the end of the school day.\"

\"I\'ll call Gina and let her know, too.\"

\"Okay.\"

\"One more thing, Matt,\" Jason said before the other boy went to fetch his charge in the bathroom.

\"What?\"

\"It\'s not over for Gary,\" Jason frowned. \"And Brian\'s been protecting Kevin for so long, he won\'t be able to help himself.\"

\"Meaning?\"

\"Meaning when Gary comes looking for Kevin, Brian\'s probably going to sacrifice himself in order to throw him off,\" Jason said sadly. \"He thinks of himself as disposable.\"

\"I\'ve been getting a feeling about that,\" Matt replied, remembering some of what Brian had said after Matt kept him from slitting his wrists.

\"You have to be very careful not to leave him alone.\"

\"I realize that.\"

\"No, you don\'t,\" Jason said kindly. \"You think you do, but you don\'t. Once Kevin, his only anchor for two years, is gone, he\'ll begin to deteriorate. And when Gary comes around, he\'ll just give up, thinking it\'ll save Kevin.\"

\"But it won\'t have anything to do with Kevin\'s safety,\" Matt protested.

\"He won\'t see it that way. Keep him with you at all times, man,\" Jason warned. \"I remember what I felt like back then and if I were in his shoes then, I would have gladly handed myself over and have been done with it. Kevin can\'t afford to lose Brian that way.\"

\"Kevin won\'t lose Brian at all,\" Matt said definitively. \"Count on that.\"

Matt missed Jason\'s small smile as they went into the bathroom.