My Heart's Desire

/Author note: Sorry for the huge delay, I was really busy. I will consider some of the suggestions and their all really good. I am kind of reluctant to kill off Johnny. If you think it’s a good idea to kill him off or not please say so. I really need help on this one. Anyways I think things went a little to fast between Darry and Ponyboy, so I’m going to slow it down a bit and piss everyone off. ^^; , this is what happens when your too addicted to the internet. Ja ne . :Author’s Note/


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Title: My Hearts Desire


Author: TameLion


Pairings: Darry/Ponyboy , Johnny/Dally


Summary: Love has different meanings. Love is shred through family, friends and lovers. But what if the definition of love between brothers changed and what if nothing had changed at all. Love is lost....love is found.


WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS SLASH, INCEST....I THINK YOU GET THE IDEA. IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT SLASH IS, IT IS WHEN STORIES OUT OF REAL BOOKS OR MOVIES ARE WRITTEN AND SWITCHED AROUND TO THE WRITERS SATISFACTION AND IT CONTAINS HOMOSEXUAL CONTENT BETWEEN CHARACTERS IN THE BOOK. IN OTHER WORDS TWO BOYS HAVING HOT MONKEY SEX!!


DISCLAIMER: I don’t own jack. I’m poor, broke....penniless, so don’t expect anything. And if you do sue.....*the stare* Don’t even think about it. Plus, I did put a warning on this and you yet still read it. Nobody else fault but yours. >.>

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Chapter 3 : Tension

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A cloud of tension hung over the dinner table as they ate their meals. Mashed Potatoes, corn dogs and a small piece of cooked meat. Darry consciously reminded himself to go shopping the next day for groceries. Meanwhile on the other side of the table, Ponyboy’s head cast a dim shadow over his plate. His fork nudges the potatoes disdainfully. It was one of the many foods he hated and then there was the other thing.....

Earlier, he had done something unforgivable with his brother.....Its not as if I’ll die or something. He was just helping. He though to himself, but the truth was, he wished it to be more than that. Even though he tried his best to ignore it, his feelings for his older brother had taken a big U turn. Frowning slightly, he scooped up the lumpy potatoes and swallowed it. No one seemed to notice the curious looks Soda cast to each brother. Dinner had started 10 minutes ago and neither brother even attempted to start a conversation, better yet both refused to look at one another.

“ So anyways Darry, how’s Johnny?” his voice carried slightly in the small room, which caused both to look up suddenly from their meals.

“ Oh, Johnny....I ....well I’m not sure. He seems to be doing okay.” He briefly glanced across the table and caught his little brothers eyes. “ But I’m not sure he’s going to make it.”

SLAM!

Both brothers averted their eyes to the other forgotten brother. He stood up stiffly, his knuckles turns pale and he shook in silent anger. “ HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!” Pony shook uncontrollably. “ Don’t decide his death for him.”he hissed and walked off in the other direction. Heavy foots steps could be heard. SLAM.

The silence was heavy in the living room. Darry stood up aburtly and headed for the bedrooms. A hand suddenly reached and halted him in his steps. Behind him Soda looked at him ruefully, but yet he still held a smile.

“ Don’t worry about it Darry, you have enough things to think about. Let me handle this. “ Darry blinked. No way..... Soda only smiled in response and headed of towards the bedroom, with Darry’s eyes following his every move. Hmmm...something is up. Sighing, he cleared the table and placed the dishes into the sink. He stood there in the kitchen silently wondering what the other two were talking about. After quickly rinsing off the plates, he grabbed his coat of the coach and headed out for a walk.


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(Ponyboy’s POV)

Ponyboy brooded to himself while lying on his stomach. He waited for Darry to come in after him, but no one came. His gut suddenly tightened. Johnny was not dying, Johnny had promised. But there was something else....the way he looked at Soda and didn’t even lay an eye on him. Does he hate me? Many of questions whirled through his head, soon he forgot all about Johnny’s Dilemma and selfishly though of his own. I guess he regrets what happened today. A tear slid down his cheek and was quickly followed by another and another.

Behind him, the door slid open and shut quietly, who ever it was sat on the end of his bed and said nothing. Usually Darry would rub his back for comfort, but this person did no such thing. Turning his head over his shoulder, his eyes met with Soda’s. He blinked a couple of tears, Soda just sat there and stared straight ahead and waited. This was so confusing. Soda’s never like this, Pony thought to himself slightly. Minutes passed by and no words were exchanged.


Soda’s voice projected loudly in the bedroom. “This isn’t only about Johnny is it?” It sounded more like a statement than a question to Ponyboy.

“ What are you talking about?” He sat up and rubbed clear his eyes. “ How can he say something like that! He knows that it was all my fault. “ He choked slightly on his words but continued speaking anyways. “ I mean what kind of brother would say something like that about your best friend. “ He had his beds sheets in a tight grip, which turned his knuckles white.

Soda sat there silently and listened to his brother ranting. So it does have something to do to Darry. He wasn’t as stupid when it came to family as everyone thought he was. Sure, he was a good student but that didn’t mean what he flourished in, the others he lacked. Frowning slightly, he nodded and ruffles his little brothers hair. Something was nagging him about the whole situation. Like how Ponyboy looked at Darry with expecting looks...he practically depended on him now. It use to be him, but work has just gotten in the way.


Something had to have happened earlier. Because from what he knew, this morning both were fine, but it was only when he reached home slightly late from work did he notice the changes. Oh well. He shrugged it off and turned his attention to his brother who was staring at him.

“Soda, is something wrong?” He sounded slightly concerned, but knowing Soda he could take care of himself.

“ Huh? Oh yea fine. Why don’t you hit the hay alright? ‘Night Pony.” Soda once again ruffles his brothers blonde hair, winces slightly, and exits the room with a glare aimed at his back. He heard the bathroom door open and close, followed by rustling. Meanwhile, Darry was no where to be found and the table had already been cleared. Sighing the blonde sunk into the leather couch they one and clicked on the tv.

In the background he could here the shower going.


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(Johnny’s POV)

Johnny didn’t say much after the nurses kicked Dally out of his room. Sighing, he looked moved his head slightly to the right and stared out of the open window. The dulling pain of his wounds kept him up at night and the nagging fact that he would die. Not that the alternative was much better. What good would he be if he could walk? Where was he suppose to go, back to his parents. He wince slightly at the idea. They still tried to see him, every day he could hear the yelling and bickering with the nurses outside his room.

He wondered how the nurses had put up with them, one day he actually asked one. She just said that the patients wishes had to be followed. Several thoughts came and gone, but then he stopped on one. Ponyboy. His friend had not come to see him in a while. It hurt his feeling slightly that his friend was avoiding him. Only Darry, Soda and other boys from the gang came to see him...not Ponyboy.

He closed his eyes and tried to wave of the sadness that grew in him when Dally was not there. Many times he was told he had to be strong, but how long would this strength last? Sometimes he just felt he could handle it anymore and prayed for someone to end his mizerable life. Being confined in the bed for more than a month or two was getting to him. A slight longing for freedom. Free to walk where ever he wanted to go, to be able to laugh and smile again. Now there was nothing to laugh or smile about....except for his...his boyfriend.

A blush spread across his cheek. This was the first time he actually been out with someone. All the girls though he was a lost puppy, and he knew it for a fact. But he always had Dally, it just took a while to realize how much deeper his feeling went for the thug.

A couple of nurses walked into the room to check on him. “ Dear how are you feeling?” Nurse Lu was like a mother he never had to him. She nagged and kept a watchful eye on him at all times. It was her he went to, to ask her to keep her parents from seeing him. “ I know that boy was your friend hun, but he had to go home. But...next time he visits, tell him he can stay only 2 hours after visiting hours.” She winked and walked into the room next door .

He smiled slight, but it faltered almost instantly followed by a rush of tears. It was just too much for him. Every day a person would come, he had to place this harden mask on. He yearned to express how he truly feel. He considered talking to Nurse Lu, but he didn’t want to worry her. Fearing that going to his friends would be worse.

He sobbed silently and hoped to god that someone would save him from the place...or himself.


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Darry lit up a cigarette and inhaled it slowly. He walked by houses he recognized, some where abandoned, some were the homes of his gang. But he didn’t care. All that was on his mind was surprisingly not Ponyboy, but Soda. He just could figure out why Soda was acting that way today. Everything just seems like an Alternate Universe.

Then there was his relationship with Ponyboy, what he did today wasn’t wrong. He was just helping his brother. Nothing more....at least that’s what he convinced himself. Tossing the cigarette bud on the ground, he headed for the small park that was rarely played in. He remembered when they where young and their parents where still alive, how he use to take both Soda and Pony to the Park ever week and push them on the swings. He was still their bigger brother even now and that brought a smile on his lips.

He to a sharp corner and crossed the empty streets. It was 10 p.m., he highly doubted than anyone would be out at this time. Ever since Bob was killed, there have been more greasers being jumped. He swung the gate open and headed for the swings. Suddenly he noticed a dark figure sitting in one of the swings. The moment his foot touched the sand, the person jumped up startled and whirled around.

“ Darry?!”

His eyes narrows as he attempted to recognize the man by the swings. “ Dally? What are you doing here at this hour?” He went over to a vacant swing and sat down. Dally also followed suit.

“You still haven’t answered my question...” He glanced at the other boy beside him. Some thing was not right. Dally always was full of life, but now he just stared off into space with vacant eyes.

“ Johnny.” It came out raspy...more like forced. He pushed of and swung slowly. Darry could plainly see the pain written on Dally’s facial features. “ He’s dying and he knows it.” He set his feet down and glared at his shoes.

“ I know...there is nothing we can do about it, except be there for him. That includes you too” Soon as those words left my mouth, I knew I had said something wrong.

He rose to his feet stiffly and strutted away. I would have followed him, but knowing Dally, all he needs is alone time....and Johnny. Darry knew for a fact there was something a little more to Dally and Johnny’s relationship, but it was not his place to interfere with it. He also decided to leave and head back home. As quickly as possible because in 45 minutes the Soc’s would come out.

Running a couple blocks down, his house came into view. Quickly enough, he reached the front porch and opened the door. Inside all the lights were off, except the T.V. light which he could see lighting up the wall. While he hung up his jacket, Soda reached up behind him and wrapped an arm around his waist.

Darry jolted violently and attempted to escape his ‘captors’ grip. Soda grin to himself silently as he watched Darry try to gain his composure. “ Shouldn’t you be in bed young man?” Darry attempted to give him a stern frown, but he could keep a straight face. Both burst out into laughter.

“ No, I was waiting up for you. Johnny’s gone to bed.” Soda said while holding the sides of his stomach.

Darry just grin and ruffled his hair playfully. “ Well git going.” He shoved the other boy toward the room door that both Pony and Soda shared.

“ Actually....I was...wondering if I could sleep in your bed...Don’t ask me why, but I really feel lonely.” Darry just stared with him mouth open. “ Stop looking at me like that. You know I broke up with J, today.” The was a tense silence, but Darry shook it off.

“ Alright, just don’t drool on me. Now git going.” Soda quickly scurried of into the masters bedroom with glee.

Meanwhile in the other bedroom, Pony lay in his bed silently sobbing. He couldn’t believe what he had just heard. So is Soda better than me. I knew he never liked me. He turned his light off and attempted to sleep, but failed.


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/Author’s note: Well there you go. Chapter 3. It is not the longest. Well it might be, but who cares. Anyways, I am taking into consideration about having a deeper relationship between darry and soda or soda and pony. Either one will do. So if you agree please write that on you review. Whew, the last time I updated was last year. >.< Man that sucks. Sorry that I did that to you guys. It must have pissed you off. Well no more worries. I will try to get an update on my ‘A Wandering Soul’ fic and the one 2 within the week. Thank you for all your great reviews and suggestions. I really appreciate it. R&R

- Tame Lion. : Author’s Note/