Coming Between You

I was exhausted when my alarm went off. I’d slept horribly. Every noise had startled me awake, causing me to hope that James had returned. He hadn’t. His bed was empty; the twisted sheets a reminder of our reckless passion. I wondered if he blamed me. I wanted to seduce him, that’s true, but I didn’t think I was the only one at fault. It takes two to tango, or in our case three.

I made myself a cup of black coffee. I needed to snap out of my melancholy. I didn’t really care that James had chickened out on me. If he wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened, I’d be okay. I was just worried that he wouldn’t be able to move on. James and Adrian had become two of my closest friends. To lose one or both would be a terrible blow.

The coffee woke me up a bit, but did nothing for my mood. I watched soap operas and talk shows all morning long. They weren’t very interesting, but they helped me ignore the rejection I was feeling. A little after one o’clock, I forced myself to take a shower. I was just rinsing out my conditioner when the phone rang. My stomach clenched as I jumped out to grab it. I slipped on the wet tile and banged my knee. I grimaced from the pain but stood up and hobbled to the phone. I was just in time to hear Adrian’s voice saying goodbye to my machine.

“Damn it!” I was embarrassed to find my eyes filling with tears. The combination of my injured knee and the stress of my situation suddenly became too much. I was wet, cold, and miserable. I curled up naked on the floor and let tears stream down my face. I knew it was silly of me to cry, but I couldn’t help it. I let the tears fall until I had none left.

When I had regained my composure, I stood up and pressed play on my answering machine.

“Hey Allison, it’s me, Adrian. I just wanted to let you know that James came over to my place last night. He’s doing okay, but he’s not ready to see you. He has some stuff he needs to work through first. I’ll call you again and let you know what’s going on. I’m sorry. I just… well, Goodbye.”

“And what about you? How the hell do you feel?” I closed my eyes and forced myself to breathe evenly. I had already figured that James would need some time, but did that mean Adrian did too? God, I hoped not. I’d become more attached to him then I’d have thought possible. What really scared me was the finality of his goodbye.

I just needed to forget about them for now. I had other friends. They may not have been as handsome or funny as James and Adrian, but they also weren’t as fickle. I put on my favorite sundress and my brightest lipstick. I could have a good time without them. I called up a girlfriend and made plans to meet her at the mall. Charging up my credit card was certain to help my spirits.

I returned from shopping two hundred dollars poorer, but much happier. I had splurged and purchased the home stereo I’d been coveting. I’d also bought a few new CDs to go with it. I popped the first one in and fell back onto my couch with a sigh. Ella Fitzgerald’s smoky voice filled the room. I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine. Life was returning to normal again. After my third glass of merlot, I was once again confident that I could live on my own. I didn’t need James or Adrian in my life.

The next few days I slowly fell back into the swing of things. I caught up on the work that I had put off, and I stopped moping. It was shaping up to be a lovely Friday. James had just called. Apparently, he and Adrian had taken a trip to the coast. That was why I hadn’t heard from them. He was coming over for lunch and he wanted to talk.

I had just under an hour until he arrived. I looked at the sweats I had on and grimaced. I pulled them off and tossed them into the hamper. It may have been petty, but I wanted to look my best. I wanted him to know what he was giving up. And if he was coming to apologize, well, then he’d just be more confident in his choice.

I decided to wear my silk sheath. It was elegant and flattering, but not too flashy. I steamed the wrinkles out and slipped it on. I looked in my bedroom mirror and tried to view myself objectively. I was unable to suppress a grin. The deep blue silk accentuated my generous curves. My dark curls looked shinier and my skin looked like porcelain. All I needed was a little mascara and some lipstick and I would be set.

I had just finished my make-up when I heard a loud knock. It startled me. This was James’ place too, and he’d never felt the need to knock before. I smoothed my skirt and took a deep breath. There was no need to be nervous. This was my roommate, not a blind date. I walked over to the door and pulled it open.

“Wow, you look fantastic. Do you have a date?” James asked.

“I’m just going out with some friends in an hour.” I lied. I was not going to admit I’d dressed up for him. “Do you want a beer?”

“Sure. Ummm, so how has your week been?” James asked as he followed me to the kitchen.

“Just the usual.” It seemed I would be doing a lot of lying today. “I bought that stereo I’ve been wanting.”

“Oh wow, that’s nice. You won’t have to play your CDs on the computer anymore.”

“Nope.” This was ridiculous. We were both avoiding the issues that needed to be addressed. I’d had enough of the small talk. “Look, I’m really sorry if you feel like I pressured you into doing something you weren’t ready for.”

James looked relieved that I had brought up what was on both our minds. “No, it’s not that.” He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s more like, well, I just realized that I don’t really know myself. I was shocked by how much I enjoyed being with you. I have a lot to figure out.

“So why did you take off?” I was really lost now. He wanted to try being bisexual, so instead of pursuing our relationship, he left?

“I need to explore this new side of me. I want to try dating both men and women.” He grabbed my hands and pressed a kiss onto each palm. “You opened up a whole new world for me. I don’t want to hurt you or Adrian, but I’m moving to Europe for the next few months.”

“What?” I pulled my hands away in shock. This was worse than I’d feared. “Why are you going to Europe?”

“My cousin Clarice has been begging me to visit her for years. I just feel this is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for. I have too much history here.” He waved his hands around vaguely. “I want to be somewhere new while I’m trying new things out. I just think it would be best.” His eyes were begging me to understand. I finally thought I could.

“Please email me.” I leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. “I’ll want every juicy detail.”

“Thank you.” His eyes grew glassy with unshed tears. “You’ve been such a wonderful friend to me. I’ll write you regularly and when I get back we’ll have to celebrate.” He pulled me into a crushing hug that I was glad to return.

“I’m looking forward to it already.” I smiled, and it felt good. I really was happy for him. He deserved a chance to find happiness. I was sad that I wouldn’t be a part of that search, but that was okay. “I wish you the best of luck.”

“Thanks, I need your support in this, Allison. I’m still going over stuff with my cousin, but I’ll let you know more soon.” I walked him to the door and he kissed me on the cheek. “Thanks for understanding.”

I was getting a little choked up so I simply nodded and quietly shut the door.

James offered to pay the full month’s rent since he was leaving so suddenly. I told him not to worry about it. I just wanted to get on with my life. His belongings slowly left my apartment, leaving it in an odd state of undress. Most of my walls were bare now. All the art had belonged to him. James always seemed to come by when I was gone. I would just come home from the store and something else would be gone. It was as if my home, and perhaps even my life, was shedding layers. It was cleansing but very painful.

One day I came back from my manicurist and everything of his was gone. It was like a slap in the face. I’d known he was leaving, but I guess I hadn’t really accepted it. It was hard to believe how quickly he had exited my life. I found a note on the kitchen table. My eyes filled and a small laugh escaped my lips. I could almost hear his voice as I read it.

Dear Ali,
I will never be able to explain to you how much you mean to me. You have given me such a wonderful gift, and I know I did a horrible job of thanking you. Please forgive me. I hope we can renew our friendship and perhaps more when I return. You will always hold a special place in my heart because of what we shared. My cousin has already planned a hedonistic welcome for me, which I must say, I am anticipating eagerly. I promise to email you with all the wicked details.
Yours,
James
P.S. Give Adrian a chance.

I frowned as I read that last line. Adrian had dropped me like a stone after James had moved out. I hadn’t heard from him in over a week. I had lost them both, but I was coping. My ad for a roommate had appeared in that day’s paper. I hadn’t had any calls yet, but this was a great apartment and I doubted it would take long for me to find someone.

I walked into my bedroom and placed the letter in my nightstand drawer. I already had a few pictures of us in there. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see James again, but I’d never forget him.

The doorbell rang and I straightened up. As I walked to the door, I tried to remember if I was expecting anyone. I didn’t think so. I opened the door and my heart stopped. Adrian was standing there. A dozen roses were in his hands.

“Hi.” He thrust the bouquet at me. “These are for you.”

“Thanks,” I managed when I found my voice. “What are you doing here?”

“I saw this.” He pulled a newspaper from behind his back. “It says you need a roommate.”

“What?” I went to my kitchen to put the flowers in a vase of water. I heard his footsteps as he followed me in. “You haven’t even talked to me since James moved out. You can’t need a place that badly.”

“I was an ass. At first, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to share you. When our threesome dissolved, I realized I had a chance to have you all to myself. The depth of my emotions scared me though. I didn’t expect to like you so much.” No wonder James and Adrian had dated. They had much in common, such as dumping me because they liked me.

“I’m still not sure why you’re here.” There was no hesitancy in my voice. The same could not be said for my heart.

“I’m here because I want you to give me another chance. I really like you, Alison. I thought such a strong attraction was bad and that I should just forget about what I felt between us. But I couldn’t. You’re always on my mind and in my heart. I think I’ve been falling for you since the day I met you.” He licked his lips and leaned forward. I backed up, but he swept an arm behind my back and trapped me. I had time to take a shallow breath and then his mouth was covering mine. His tongue swept over my parted lips and teased my tongue. I tried to resist but it was useless. I melted into his arms and it felt perfect. I met his questing mouth with mine. I was eating at his mouth like a lovesick teenager, but I couldn’t help it. With everything in me, I wanted this man. I pulled his shirt out of his pants, but he stepped away.

“Wait, does this mean I can be your new roommate?” he asked. I tried to keep from grinning back, but I couldn’t.

“I’ll cancel the ad tomorrow.”