Unforgivables

OH MY GOD! I just typed this god damned chapter twice because my computer is playing sick jokes on me! I had it all typed up and ready to go and then *woosh* it was gone. So...this is my second attempt at this chapter and....I SAVED IT THIS TIME!!! YEY!!!


Fear unlike anything I had ever known leaped into me at that moment. No one in their right mind would want to get to know me! I knew what I was, to some level, and I knew that no one would want to know someone as deranged and out there as I was. I barely knew this guy. I didn’t know this guy! For all I knew he had some sick twisted motive behind wanting to get to know me. That was what people usually had in mind. I would tell them my name and I could just see int their eyes that they were waiting for the perfect time to launch some form of attack against me. That was just the way it always went.

“You need to chill out.” came Nicholas’s voice and I found myself back in the barn. Not that I had literally left or anything...I don’t think. “I just said that I wanted to get to know you. It’s normal human nature for people to want to get to know other people. It’s called being social. I can understand where you would have trouble with that but I have a feeling you could loosen up a bit if you just gave someone a chance.”

Gave someone a chance? Who in the hell was he to tell me to give someone a chance? I had given people chances and none of them had lived up to what I had expected. Nothing in my life ever worked out for me, I understood that now. When I thought back on it I realized that nothing ever had worked out for me. Maybe, for that short amount of time, being my mother’s favorite had worked out but clearly that had been taken away from me. I lived in a world where people pitied me and looked down on me for who I was. I would say my name and people would jump at the first chance to either consol or make fun of me.

I would be alone all my life. I understood and that and had come to terms with that. After six years I had finally come to terms with that and there was nothing that would convince me other wise. Though I never would be truly alone, no one ever was. Those voices were always there no matter where I went and sometimes they were so loud that it was all I could do to not yell at them to stop. Yelling at something no one else could see or hear was not the smartest idea. I knew that.

For the three years that I had lived with the McKinney family their barn had become my safe place. When I was in their barn, for some reason, no one would talk to me. Now, when I say no one I mean no one. The voices would vanish, accept for twice when someone had been talking to me but it wasn’t unbearable, and I could actually think. It was so nice to be able to think without being called stupid or interrupted. With Nicholas there with me my place wasn’t safe anymore.

“What is this?” Nicholas asked and I was kicked down back to Earth. Cautiously I looked over and saw him staring at my Dream-Catcher. A family had given me that one Christmas. I had put it in the horse stall to stop the horses because there was no Dream-Cather made that could save me from my nightmares. “Hey! Earth to Christopher. Are you even listening to me? I asked you what this was.”

“Dream-Cather.” sometimes I would trick myself into believing that if I told them what they wanted to know then they would go away. Half the reason I didn’t like to talk was because I couldn’t tell if it was an actual person talking to me or something in the back of my mind. If I spoke allowed to one of the voices thinking it was an actual person then there was no doubt I would be shipped off to some metal home. A place where they gave you drugs that only made things worse.

“Nick! Kit!” Annabell yelled from the house. I mentally cursed the woman for having such a loud, high pitched voice. Every time I heard her yell it was like hearing the highest note a xylophone could make. “Aunt Kim has some pictures that she wants us all to look at so you two better hurry up and get over here!”

A laugh came from in the barn and I turned to see that Nicholas was the one who was laughing softly. I simply stood there for a moment not really understanding what was so amusing about pictures. It didn’t make sense to me that he would find it so funny. “My mom loves to show off her pictures. If we don’t go see them then she will throw the biggest fit you have ever seen.” he gave me that smile again. A smile that just told me he knew exactly what I was thinking and feeling. I hated his smile. “You going to come down memory lane with us Christopher?”

Why did he insist on calling me that? No one called me Christopher. I hated the name to no ends. My mother had once told me that my name did not suit me. She said that it suited my father because of his personality and the way he was build. I was neither built like him nor did I have his same personality, not even close. It was then that my mother told me no one in our house would ever call me Christopher again because I deserved my own identity. Well, I got my own identity alright.

I shook my head no and Nicholas left without a word. I waited to hear the doors shut but the familiar noise did not come. I turned to see that he had left the doors open and I walked over to close them again. As soon as the doors were shut the voices stopped and I was able to sit down and actually think.

The Unforgivables. That is what I called them. Every single one of them had done something in their life that they could not be forgiven for. Something that was so horrible it would haunt them for all eternity. The voices...that was them. It was the name I had given them when there was no name to be found.

However the Unforgivables were not just the voices. No, they went far beyond that. For if someone could do something so horrible they would have to pay for it in their death then clearly they had done something in their life. Bad things happen to those who do bad things. I had done bad things. I had done horrible things that I would pay for until the end of time. That was just how it went.

I myself was an Unforgivable...


A/N : You know you are going to have to bear with me, like I said before. I swear to you that eventually this will pick up. I have a twist that I want to through into it but I have to get it moving first. For now I am just kind of setting my hands on the keyboard and seeing what comes from my sick little mind. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. If you don’t then why have you even read this far? Oh, and I am sorry my chapters are so short. I’m just not into the long chapter thing because I like to have things happen in little spirts. Hello! Notice the slight cliffhanger above! -Much love.