Starting Over

James seemed unsure how to greet Catherine on Monday morning. He would have liked to kiss her when he saw her at her locker, but that was something people who were establishing a romantic relationship did. As Catherine had told him on the car ride home after their date on Friday, she wanted him to consider what they had a friendship – a new, fun friendship.

So instead, James just smiled when he approached her. “Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” Catherine smiled back as she stuffed a book into her bag and closed her locker door. “How was your weekend?”

“Well, compared to Friday, it sucked,” James told her. “But otherwise, it was fine. How was yours?”

Blushing slightly, Catherine began walking down the hall next to James. “It was fun,” she said vaguely. “And I did catch up on all my homework.”

“So, I was thinking we could go out again? Maybe one day this week, after school?” James asked.

Biting her lip, Catherine thought about it. “Let’s not go out,” she said in a friendly voice. “Let’s just, you know, hang out.”

“This dating/not dating thing is going to get confusing,” James smiled at her. “But hey, if I get to spend time with you, I’m down.”

“Thanks,” Catherine replied appreciatively. She didn’t want to exasperate him. “So I’ll see you later, then.”

“Yeah,” James said as she entered a classroom. “See you later.”

-----

Rehearsal was fine, and Catherine and John walked home together. They were talking about every subject under the sun, from movies to books to, of course, music. When John invited her in, Catherine happily followed him into his living room. His parents weren’t home from work yet, but they would be soon.

As he flipped through the channels on the television, John managed to surprise Catherine as he began talking about politics. He was definitely smarter than he let on, and very up on current affairs. As they argued over issues here and there, he also managed to keep the mood light by infusing tasteless jokes into the conversation. She was amazed at the wealth of random knowledge he had about things. “Yep, 84 Congressmen have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year. Gives me real faith in our future.”

Leaning back into the couch, Catherine smiled at John. He had so many layers; she was having a great time trying to figure out who he really was inside. “I should probably head out,” she told him when she noticed that it was after six. “My parents are expecting me for dinner, and I have homework. But…” she paused as she pulled out a pen and a piece of paper from her book bag. “But here’s my number. Call me later, okay?”

Giving her an obviously excited grin, John nodded. He walked her to the door and opened it for her. “Hasta luego,” he called out. “¿Por qué come esa calabaza a través de su ventana de la nariz?”

“What does that mean?” Catherine said, turning around and giving John a strange look.

“It means, ‘Why do you eat that squash through your nostril?’” John told her. “It’s the only other phrase in Spanish that I know.”

Shaking her head as she laughed, Catherine headed towards her house. She really did enjoy spending time with John, she thought. Nothing ever felt forced or uncomfortable. She felt like she could be herself, and John would still like her.

-----

“I have to go to sleep,” Catherine yawned into the phone regretfully. “It’s after one.” She was lying on her floor with a pillow under her head, looking up at the ceiling. She and John had been talking for over three hours.

“Okay,” John told her. “But…”

“But what?” Catherine asked, concerned with the tone in his voice. They had been having an amazing time talking; she had been blown away when she realized how long they had been on the phone. After about an hour of joking around, they had started to talk about real things, and Catherine had even felt comfortable enough with John to tell him some stuff about her past – not much, but some.

“I just wanted to ask,” John’s voice was softer now. “I mean, I really liked hanging out with you today and talking to you tonight, but… well, after the stuff you told me about your ex-boyfriend, I’m starting to think that you said you’d go on a date with me out of pity. It sounds like I’m not exactly the type of guy you’re used to. I mean, do you think of me as just a friend or… possibly more?”

Picturing John in her mind, she imagined what his room looked like. She believed that he was lying on an unmade bed in the middle of a very messy room with clothes, books and magazines strewn about everywhere and tons of posters on the wall. As she thought of John himself, she saw his hair falling into his gray eyes and his startlingly nice smile. She also thought of how safe and comfortable he made her feel. “It would be much easier if I just thought of you as a friend,” Catherine finally told him. As she pictured what it might be like to feel his lips press against hers, her heart beat harder in her chest. “But I don’t. My last boyfriend was a bad guy, so the fact that you’re the polar opposite of him is an attractive quality.”

“Well, then,” John said, his voice talking on a lower tone than Catherine had heard before. “Then maybe we should set up a date and see for sure.”

“I did tell you that I don’t want anything serious right now, right?” Catherine asked nervously. She didn’t want to accept the date and have John think she might become his girlfriend.

“You did,” John said. “And I just want to go out with you, just once. To treat you nice, and hang out with you… just to see what it’s like… to go on a date with you.”

“Okay,” Catherine replied contentedly. “We’ll make plans when I see you tomorrow.”

-----

On Tuesday during lunch, Catherine sat down at the table where Batey and James usually sat, but neither was anywhere to be found. As she pulled out a container of leftovers and a book, Batey approached the table with a pile of food in his hands, once again.

“How do you eat so much?” Catherine laughed.

Shrugging, Batey just gave her a warm smile. “It’ll catch up with me,” he said, winking in a way that would look forced if done by anyone else their age, but looked completely natural coming from him. “I’ll be an old fat man one day.” He reached behind his head and slipped an elastic from his wrist off to pull his hair into a loose, low ponytail. “So, James won’t be joining us today,” he told her. “He got caught skipping a class yesterday, and the teacher has him making it up during lunch.”

“That’s okay,” Catherine said, surprised at the relief that washed over her. As much as she liked James – and John, for that matter – she felt like this could be some respite from the nagging thoughts in her head. She was happy to spend half an hour with Batey - sociable, secure Batey who was nothing more than a friend. “I don’t think you and I have gotten a chance to talk before alone, anyway,” she told him.

Batey had a way about him – Emma was right, girls fawned over him. Catherine could see them as they passed the table, giving him smiles and her jealous glares. All the while, Batey ate happily, as if completely unaware. Aside from his good looks, he had almost an old fashioned way about him, like a young Henry Fonda – unaffectedly cool. While he looked and sounded older than he was, he also seemed like he knew more about the world, and almost like he was watching the people around him with mild amusement as they went about the stresses they created out of their lives.

“I agree,” Batey replied. “I haven’t learned much about you, besides the fact that you have a beautiful voice and you’ve already managed to steal the hearts of two of the leads of our musical.”

Blushing, Catherine picked at her food. “Yes, I’m sure I’m making a name for myself already,” she told him.

“Nonsense,” Batey answered quickly, speaking to her like an older man might. “You are just a lovely, kind, mystifying new arrival. You can’t take the blame for others’ reactions to you.” Despite his ornate language, Batey had a peaceful manner about him that immediately set Catherine at ease. “Although, I must admit, I was surprised at how quickly James took to you. Usually, he’ll put forward no special efforts for any girl. But he seems enthralled by you.” Before Catherine could stutter an embarrassed response, he continued. “And I also have to say that I find it intriguing that the two fellows you are spending time with are so dissimilar – although I like them both much myself.”

Catherine looked at Batey with bewilderment. It was as if he had been reading her mind. All morning, she had been thinking about how different John and James were, yet how attracted she was to both. “I don’t know what it is,” she admitted to him, almost taken aback at how easy it was to talk to this near-stranger about such personal issues. “Truth be told, I wasn’t planning on dating at all this year when I started here. But then I met James, and his confidence and grace are so alluring… And with John, his innocence and excitement make me comfortable and calm.”

If the new girl’s sudden outpouring of honesty at all surprised Batey, he didn’t show it. “Then perhaps they are both what you need,” he said simply to Catherine. “Maybe you just need to let yourself be happy. I beg your pardon for making any judgments when we really don’t know one another, but you seem like you have past experiences holding you back from figuring out who you really are, and you are looking hopefully to James and John to help you understand who that is.” Giving her a wide smile, he concluded. “As their friends, I ask that you simply tread lightly on their hearts. But at the same time… if I may be so bold as to give you one more piece of friendly advice, perhaps you should look at this as an opportunity to find yourself.”

Not knowing what to say, Catherine just nodded silently. In less than ten minutes, and without knowing anything about her, Batey had managed to figure out the heart of Catherine’s issues and offer reassuring and steadfast advice. “I’m very glad to have met you,” she told him finally. “You’re very good at reading people.”

“And I’m glad to have met you, Catherine,” Batey smiled at her. “I hope we can be great friends. You seem like a wonderful person.”

Without adding anything, Catherine and Batey finished their lunches. Catherine thought about what Batey had said, and he was right. She had no idea who she was; then again, wasn’t that the main reason her parents had moved? To give her an opportunity to start again? Feeling stronger than she had in a long time, she looked up at Batey gratefully. She hoped that this wasn’t a onetime talk. She hoped she had found a good friend and confidant in this insightful and benevolent person.

-----

“I can’t on Friday night,” Catherine told John on the phone later than night. “How about Saturday night?”

“Oh,” John answered, sounding disappointed. “Do you have a date on Friday?”

“No,” Catherine giggled. “Nothing like that. I just invited Emma and a few girls over to hang out.” After thinking all afternoon about what she had talked about with Batey, Catherine had decided that one thing that had been sorely lacking in her last few years was close female friends. When she saw Emma after the last bell with Sandra, she had invited them both to a sleepover, and asked them to invite Ivana and Allie. It seemed like such a normal thing to do, and Catherine hadn’t had normal in her life in a long time.

“That’s great,” John replied, sounding much more relaxed. “Then Saturday.”

“Okay,” Catherine said. “But I’m going to hang up now. I was exhausted in school today, thanks to you, and we have rehearsal tomorrow.”

“Okay, get some sleep,” John told her sweetly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As soon as she had hung up the phone, it rang again, and Catherine laughed. John must have thought of one last joke to tell her before he let her go to bed. “What?” she giggled into the phone.

“Catherine?” a confused voiced inquired.

”Um, yes, this is she,” Catherine replied, her cheeks blazing.

“Hey, it’s James,” the voice told her, sounding more relaxed. “I just wanted to call, since I didn’t get to see you today.”

“It’s okay,” Catherine said to him. “Batey told me why you missed lunch.”

“That’s cool,” James replied, his voice low and throaty, sending chills up Catherine’s spine. “I just realized… I missed you, not seeing you.”

Biting her lip, Catherine leaned back onto the bed. “That’s really sweet,” she told him softly. “So you just needed a fix?” she joked.

“Basically,” James said, no hint of sarcasm in his voice. “Listen, are you busy this weekend?”

“Actually,” Catherine rolled onto her stomach. “I am busy most of the weekend.”

“Well,” James replied, trying not to sound bothered. “How about tomorrow, after rehearsal?”

Smiling, Catherine bit her lip. “I think I could put aside a few hours…” she told him teasingly. “Anything special you had in mind?”

“Not really,” James said. “I was just thinking about renting a movie and ordering in some Chinese food.”

“Sounds good,” Catherine replied. “So I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

-----

There was a big comfortable couch in the finished basement in James’s house where he and Catherine sat and ate the takeout they had picked up after rehearsal. Catherine found James to be easier to talk to than she had imagined. He was funny, not goofy like John, but sarcastically funny. They poked fun at each other playfully at first, but after a while they began talking about other things. It was clear that James had a bad relationship with his father.

“I never really told anyone this,” James admitted, putting down his food container on the coffee table next to Catherine’s nearly finished meal. “But he used to knock me around a lot when I was young. Then, about three years ago, I guess, I hit him back. I didn’t plan it or anything, I just swung and got him straight in the jaw. He never really tried it again since then.”

Feeling badly for James, Catherine looked at him sympathetically. “You never told anyone?” she asked. “Not even Batey?”

Shaking his head, James gave her a wry smile. “Nah,” he said. “I guess I thought it was embarrassing or something.”

Biting her lip as she struggled with whether to say something, Catherine finally looked James in the eye. “I know what you mean,” she said softly.

“Your dad?” James replied, looking startled.

“God, no,” Catherine insisted. “No, my father’s great. He’d never do anything like that. No, Marcus, my ex-boyfriend, he used to get sort of… violent when he drank too much. He never actually hit me, but he pushed me around and… he could get rough… you know… sometimes. And I never told anyone, either. Except a therapist.”

Feeling a connection with Catherine over their shared history, James reached over and took her hand. “I’m sorry,” he told her sincerely.

“Me, too,” Catherine said, feeling some relief from finally saying something out loud to someone besides a doctor who didn’t know her at all. “But enough of this,” she continued. “Let’s watch the movie.”

They had rented a dumb comedy, and they sat back on the couch to watch it. The cheesy dialogue and bad acting was making Catherine relax a little and forget about the images she had just brought back up. She looked over at James, who was staring at her instead of the television screen. “What?” she smiled.

“I was just going to ask you if I could kiss you again,” James told her. “You know, trying to adhere to the invitation rule and all…”

Pretending to think about it for a minute, Catherine’s face then spread into a small grin. “Yeah, I’d like that,” she replied.

Reaching over with his hand, James touched her face lightly. He was staring into her eyes as he ran his thumb over her cheek. “I’m really enjoying getting to know you,” he said before leaning over to finally kiss her.

Catherine liked the way James kissed. He started by simply pressing his mouth to hers, giving her small, delicate kisses. Then he ran his tongue along her lips, exploring their shape and softness. As Catherine’s mouth began to open, James gently pulled her bottom lip between his teeth and nibbled. She did the same to him before sliding her tongue into his mouth, feeling his meet hers eagerly. His hand slipped down to her neck, massaging her gently, and Catherine felt herself unconsciously shift her body closer to James until their legs were touching.

As James put this other hand on Catherine’s arm, she pressed into the back of the couch. He let his hand slide down her arm and back up again as his mouth moved from her lips, over her jaw and to her neck. He nipped at a spot just below her ear that sent waves of desire through her body. Slowly, Catherine felt herself instinctively begin to lie down on the couch, and James covered her body with his own, his lower half between her thighs. As his teeth grazed over her collarbone, Catherine felt her defenses lowering, but she willed herself to say something.

“James,” Catherine struggled out a whisper and was relieved to see him lift his head immediately. He looked at her with concerned eyes. “Just… not too much. Not yet,” she asked, her cheeks blushing.

Pulling himself up onto his forearms, James pushed some hair out of Catherine’s eyes and looked at her. “Of course,” he told her, kissing her lips softly, although his body was already struggling with his desire. There was something about this girl that made James want to protect her. “Do you want to stop now?” he asked sincerely.

Although Catherine’s head was telling her to say yes, her body was thinking something else. “Not yet,” she whispered, blushing even more.

Pressing his mouth to hers again, James was filled with relief that he didn’t have to stop just yet. Catherine’s body felt so good below his, and her skin tasted delicious. He traced a wet trail with this tongue down her neck and back to her collarbone. Pushing her shirt down her arm just a little, he gently bit down on her shoulder.

Catherine was running her hands over James’s back as his mouth moved back up to her neck, and his hand nervously moved from her shoulder down to her chest. Gently, he ran his palm over the thin fabric of her t-shirt before using his fingers to massage her breast. He could feel her nipple growing hard and pressing through the fabric of both her bra and top. His already responsive erection became almost fully hard as he heard her involuntarily release a soft moan from his touches.

James glanced up at her as his hand slid down over her stomach, hoping to get encouragement for his actions, but Catherine’s eyes were shut, and she was breathing heavily. Slowly, he slid his hand under the hem of her shirt, reveling in the cool feeling of her skin. As his hand moved up under her top to her chest, James could feel himself aching. Nervously, he pushed aside the fabric of her bra and massaged her breast.

Opening her eyes at last, Catherine saw James gazing at her face as he gently teased her nipple. She gave him a small smile and a nod of consent. She knew she should stop now, but this just felt too good. She watched as James slowly pushed her shirt up to reveal her bra, one breast covered and the other exposed. He gradually moved his face down, kissing her skin lightly before running his tongue over her nipple.

Feeling Catherine’ body tremble and her hand move to the back of his head, running her fingers through his hair, James began lightly teasing her. He ran his tongue in circles around her hardened nipple and then gently blew on the wet skin, making her whole body tense up below him. Finally, he took it into his mouth, sucking and gently nipping at it until he felt Catherine’s hips move up to meet his.

Sliding back up to kiss her, James began pressing his lower body to Catherine’s, grinding himself against her. She was kissing him eagerly now, and her hands had slipped under his t-shirt, allowing her to run her nails in light circles on his back. His length strained against in his boxers as the friction of his denim jeans tried vainly to ease his desire. He felt Catherine slide her leg between his, and he began rubbing himself hard against her. Catherine was letting out little gasps in between their moist kisses, and James forced himself to look into her eyes, even though he feared that if he did, he would have to stop what he was doing immediately.

Very little of the logical part of Catherine’s brain was working as she gazed up into James’s deep blue eyes, which were burning with desire and questioning. “I can’t,” Catherine forced out. “I mean… pants stay on.”

Although he wanted badly to be inside Catherine, James nodded appreciatively and moved his mouth to her throat again. Slowly, his hand slid from where it was playing with her breast lower to between her thighs. He felt her jerk quickly, but she relaxed. As he rubbed himself against her, he began to press at Catherine. The fabric of her pants was thin, and he quickly figured where to touch her for her optimal pleasure.

Catherine was letting out little moans as James expertly touched her. She could feel him hard against her thigh, sliding up and down against her while his breath was hot on her neck. Gradually, Catherine began to feel heat rising between her legs and as James’s fingers pressed and massaged her, she felt her muscles tighten and willed herself to not yell out as her orgasm overcame her body, making her shiver with pleasure.

Pleased to feel Catherine cum below him, James pulled his hand away and pushed his upper body up onto his forearms. His mouth found Catherine’s again as he started grinding against her hard again, his body so close. Catherine’s hips were still moving up to meet his thrusts against her, and soon James felt himself ache hard and then have a merciful release. He kissed Catherine again and smiled before sitting up.

“Um, I’m going to… I’ll just be a minute,” James blushed, rising. “I have to, um, change real quick.”

Pulling her shirt down and sitting up, Catherine nodded. When James returned to the basement, he was surprised to see her standing, wearing her jacket and holding her book bag. “You’re leaving?” he asked.

Nodding, Catherine wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Yeah, I should…”

“What’s the matter?” James asked with concern as he approached Catherine’s. He took her bag from her and put it on the floor before sliding his finger under her chin to make her look him in the eyes. He felt his stomach drop when he saw that her eyes were glassy. “I’m sorry,” he said, quickly pulling her into a hug. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t,” Catherine mumbled to him. “I did. I’m not supposed to. I told myself I wasn’t going to do… anything like this right now, and here I am, whoring it up on our second date.”

Laughing gently, James shook his head. “I don’t think that what we did would be considered ‘whoring it up’,” he told her. Then he put his hands on her face and cradled it as he continued. “But if this upset you, I’m sorry. We won’t do it again; I promise. Just, don’t leave like this. Don’t leave upset. I really like you, Catherine.”

“I like you, too,” Catherine whispered. “That’s part of it. I’m not supposed to be doing that either right now.”

“What is all this ‘not supposed to’ about?” James asked curiously. “I like you, and you like me. If we went too far for you today, I’m sorry, and we won’t do that again. But why would you say you’re ‘not supposed to’?”

Shaking her head, Catherine didn’t know how to reply. She couldn’t tell James the truth, about her past. She didn’t want to, and she knew that if she did, it was likely that he wouldn’t like her for much longer. But she didn’t know what else to say. “I can’t explain it right now,” she told him, giving him a sad smile. “It… it’s just best that I not date any one person seriously right now. In fact, I have a date with John on Saturday,” she said, waiting for his reaction.

“That’s okay,” James replied. “You told me upfront that you didn’t want anything serious right now, and I respect that. But just please don’t stop seeing me all together.” He paused, trying to figure out what the problem was. “I swear, I’m not going to tell anyone about this,” he told her. “And if you want to cut out the… the physical part of our rela-… friendship right now, that’s okay. Just don’t stop being my friend.” His voice was pleading and his eyes were searching her face. “I told you stuff today I haven’t told anyone before, even people that have known me my whole life. I’m just getting to know you; I don’t want to lose you already.”

Overcome by the honest and sincere outpouring from James, Catherine put her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. His body relaxed at her touch, and he put his arms around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head. They stood there like that for several minutes before Catherine pulled back. “Thanks for… wanting to be my friend,” she told James. Giving him a small smile, she continued. “I’m going to go now, because I have to think about some stuff, but know that I want to be your friend, too.”

Nodding, James gave her a grin. “Good,” he said. “I don’t usually get close… emotionally, at least… with people. I just want to see what’s going to happen next.”

AUTHOR\'S NOTE: I REALLY APPRECIATE ANYONE WHO REVIEWS MY STORIES, WHETHER YOU JUST WANT TO SAY YOU LIKE THEM OR IF YOU WANT TO GIVE (HOPEFULLY CONSTRUCTIVE) CRITISISM. SO PLEASE REVIEW! THANKS.