ME AND MY MUSE

(Author’s Note: questions actually written by LiquidRiot)

“Thank you Mike Rotch for that weather report. We now go to LiquidRiot, who has spent his last few days in the gruelling world of underground fanfiction. We bring you live now, to the very heart of one of the most controversial fictions that has found its home amongst the angsty short stories and the unfinished epics. Liquid?
This is LiquidRiot, quite possibly the last sane person in this region of fanfiction, reporting from what was once a harmless collection of lemons. I refer to, of course, I'LL HAVE THE TAIL, THANK YOU!?. It is from this base of operations, that one who makes himself known only through the Penname 'Ramsey' has single-handedly spurred a revolution in the field of making children's cartoons into stuff you wouldn't find in the shadiest, dirtiest, corner-porn store this side of Budapest. Actually, more like Ramsey created the field, as I don't think any quite this raunchy has ever been made on this site. How many are pleased? How many wish it would go away? How many still look at this story with awful trepidation, wondering if their mommy would like it if they read an NC-17 story? Do the site administrators know? Do they get off on it just like the rest of us? These are just a few of the questions that cross the mind of a casual reader. Some are shocked. Some are offended. Others keep spare lubricator by the computer in hopes that a new chapter will be posted when they boot up their computers. And now, the one who is known as Ramsey, has taken to including the most devout followers into the story that is pure erotica. Perhaps this is some sort of effective brainwashing tool. Meant to lull us into submission with raging hard-ons.
Well to answer these questions and more I have here with me the inspiration of these stories, Ramsey’s Muse, its nice to have you here.”
“Its great to be here riot! You know I would follow you anywhere!”

“Why thank you! For starters, do you have a name?”
“You know that’s the really bitchy thing about being a muse, we find YOU, help YOU, but we gotta wait until you give US a name. Ramsey hasn’t really given me one yet since he’s only known about me for a few months now. All he knew of me before was just this little whisper in his ear that gave him an idea every now and again. I really don’t mind having a name, he still loves me, I know even if he is a prick at times!*laughs*”


”How exactly did you come across our friend Ramsey here?”
“I came across him when he was really young, like about 8 or 9, he was such a cute chubby thing with very few friends. I chose him because, as everyone knows, it’s tejecejects of this world that have the best minds. Anyway I first whispered in his ear when he had this class assignment to write a story. All the other kids stories were bout a page or two, maybe five. Not my boys though. I can still remember the look on the teach's face when he handed in 12 pages at the end of the day. He looked like she could shit! From then on I knew I had the right mind for my playground.


”Do muses have muses to help them...'muse'?”
“Ah, no. Everything that we tell you come straight from us, no filler added.”


“Where exactly do muses come from? Better yet, what exactly are muses? Gods? Demi-gods? Impish little creatures that use humans as their playthings?”
“*laughter* I knew there was a reason I loved you. We muses are born of necessity and born of thought. The closest thing I can say is that we are impish little creatures who play with your mind. We have to. We’re the one who make you look at something in a different light and think of making something off it, we’re the ones who let you see the painting on the canvas, the statue in the granite. We exist solely because you need us. Now if you want to know where we came from in the first place I can’t really say. It would be easier of me to say where the universe came from. We come from nowhere and pass into nothing. Mercutio once said that dreams are the product of an idle brain, we muses are your dreams bothers and sisters I guess. Or maybe more of a nanny!

You muses have a habit of leaving us authors out in the cold at the most inconvenient times. What’s up with that?”
“Look, okay! I am so fucking sick and tired of you guys whining all the time about how we leave you and all that shit. We don’t really go anywhere! What you don’t understand is that we muses hardly ever sleep. Even when you do we’re still awake making your dreams, creating something new, we do this for months or years on end. The times you call writers block is just us sleeping for awhile. We always come back but we need out down time. Also it could just be that while you blame us its really you! If your obsessing about some guy or girl and wont think about anything us then of course we shut down. What’s the point every single thing we put out would then be tainted into this lovey-dovey crap about them? If your mind gets too full, we just don’t have room to play anymore.”

“On a related topic, are there any sort of 'muse-restraining' devices that would make you stick around when we're writing?”
“Well, *sultry look*, there are some ways to tie us down….”

“What’s the most effective way of getting muses to come back after they've split?”
“Clear your head, pronto! Do whatever needs to be done. A walk, music, meditation, whatever. Once you get your head clear we’ll start whispering again.”

“If you were a tangible entity, would you go out with me?”
“Why go out when we can stay in?”

“Actually, would you go out with my muse IX? I have a feeling he would give me better ideas if he had a love life. I must warn you though, he's known to change into a girl sometimes.”

“That’s okay by me! I’m so bi its not even funny! And some muses are just not as good as others, tell your muse to quit wanking off and get to wok or I’ll kick his ass!”

“What do muses have against the reviews section?”
“Because they mean nothing! It’s like that song by Linkin Park In The End. They don’t mean anything in the end. All that really matters is if you had a good time doing it. Some writers base which stories get written purely on which ones get the reviews, even if they have a favourite one they will scrape it for another if its not doing good. It’s like letting someone tell you its crap and to stop wasting your time. Writing what you love is never a waste of time as long as it doest crowd poor muses.

“Who's more perverted? You or Ramsey?”
“*laughter* um…. I would have to say me. He’s actually not that bad when I keep quiet. I’m just really loud and he can’t ignore me, making him seem like a depraved lunatic. I think he resents me for that sometimes but I know deep down that he loves it.”

“Will Ramsey ever star in a fic in his critically acclaimed "I'LL HAVE THE TAIL, THANK YOU??' ?”
“You know, Ramsey has a thing about putting himself in his artistic work, he also does a lot of photography and has like 400 photos but only like 5 of those have him in it. Deep down he’s really shy about things like that. I’ve tried purging him of that but to no avail! We have this author friend named wild cat who says she going to write a fic about him. She’s this horny wench who knows him VERY well if you catch me drift! She should do it most smashingly!”

“What exactly were you thinking when you gave Ramsey the idea to that fic?”
“Honestly? It was a complete lark. The first chapter was supposed to stand on its own. I gave him the idea one day when we were staring at the computer screen and I just said outta the blue why not make a funny little scene between two of the evo characters who don’t usually go together. All the evo-sex stories are so routine with its damn kurty and lancitty and all those tired ones. So we wrote the first chapter as a lark but then people started screaming for me so we wrote another, and then another until you have what you see, this sort of monster that fed off itself and then had children.”

“Did you know it would spawn to having a near-occult following?”
“No idea what so ever. We thought we would get a few hey this is funny things but nothing like this.”

“Will there be any further spin-offs of 'IHTTTY??”
“One thing you gotta know about me is that I never know what I’m going to do next. I don’t think there will be too many more less people start getting sick of it. Ramsey has been screaming to work seriously on our other stories and I think we may do that for awhile until the poor soul is satisfied. Its hard to be so high up and not even know how you got there.”

“What music do you enjoy?”
“Anything with good lyrics, right now I’m into rock.”

“Who are your favourite writers?”
“Stephen King was always a mad favourite since Ramsey was small.

“Who are your favourite muses?”
“The ones who work with Fury_Grrl and this chick Red Witch. She has like a million stories. Her muse is a little trooper. Others include the ones working in InterNutter and Nightbloom, my worthy competitors for the top NC-17 spot in the evo section.

“Any advice for aspiring authors who are, sadly, without a muse?”
“Remember, all we muses really do I let you see something in a different light. All of you have a muse I’m sure. Some are just very small and need encouragement. The next time you have a weird thought don’t squash it. Turn it around in your mind. Play with it. Lets that little voice inside you play with it. See beyond the colours of this world and notice the textures the vibrate in the colours. Hold them. And then tell about them.”

“What's your personal quote?”
“A conclusion is wherever you got tired of thinking.” Also “without deviation, there is no learning.”

“As a final question, what's the one thing you want to say to all of the authors on the website?”
“Never let anyone shut you up! Never let anyone tell you shouldn’t write something. If it’s a thought worth having, its worth writing down and posting. You must learn that boundaries and limits are prisons we make for ourselves. Nothing should be too wild too write. Take your deepest, darkest, most twisted, most perverted thoughts and give them voice. I hate to see a strangle hold on your own mind. Especially when you put it there.”