Renegades

CHAPTER 29

     "This is going to take some work," Noor muttered as they and Zara stepped off the stairs onto the cargo deck.

     "Good thing it didn't hit somewhere else," Zara added.

     Noor looked at Zara. "We should have enough replacements for the exterior and interior plates, but I'd need to see the internals before I can make my assessment."

     "Do it," Zara said. She shook her head as she looked at the massive tree that had punched through the hull. "Let's just hope the RSN don't figure out where we went."

     Xandra walked off the stairs behind the two, slapping the panel for the hatch. As it opened, Zara stepped over, following her down onto the moss covered titanium. Above them, they could hear the hurricane rage, shrieking wind echoing in the confines of the platform as rain water dripped from the split in the overhead doors.

     "Careful," Xandra cautioned, "not everything here is beautiful for beauty's sake."

     "It's green," Olga said from behind them.

     Xandra pivoted sharply. "Stay on the ship." Olga started to say something, but Xandra cut her off with a swift motion of her hand. "No. Stay on the ship!" 

     Saddened, Olga retreated up the ramp and into the safety provided by the Call. Xandra turned, stepping around the Call's starboard hull, looking upwards. Zara followed Xandra, who stopped at the ladder ascending the exterior, Xandra looking around the slanted hull.

     "Damn it! Where the Hell is the fucking panel?" Xandra cursed. "These Olympus-class gunboats have an access ladder for a fucking reason, don't they?"

     Zara knocked on a hidden panel on the hull, the metal sliding away to reveal a code panel beneath. Xandra frowned, stepping over. She tapped a code, and waited as the ladder dropped from the side to give the two women access to it.

     "Watch out for the blue flowers," Xandra said, starting to climb, "they shoot poison barbs." She paused. "Lost a man to them. Fucking Greys were smart. They set them up outside the entrance to the command center." Zara started up the ladder behind her. "And the violet bastards, little spurs on them. Incapacitate you, eventually stop your body from doing anything. Shuts it down."

     "I see why you wanted Olga to stay on the Call," Zara said. After a minute, Xandra disappeared over the edge of the Freedom's Call's ventral hull. Zara wasn't too far behind. "Haven't climbed like that since basic."

     "Sinners rarely do," Xandra replied, using the nickname for Stellar Navy personnel. She looked over her shoulder with a smirk. "Except the enlisted. They do all the work"

     "If I wanted to climb and run endlessly, I'd have joined the groundpounders," Zara countered. A drop of water hit her hair, streaking down the side of her face.

     "Don't drink the water," Xandra stated. Zara stopped as she went to wipe it off. "It's possible to get ammonia poisoning."

     "Is everything on this planet out to kill us?" Zara asked.

     "There's a reason the Hierarchy dismissed it for colonization," Xandra replied. She kneeled at a distorted hull plate. "Noor, damage on the ventral hull. Going to need replacement plates." Noor acknowledged as Xandra rose. "We're going to have to keep the water out of the internals. I don't want to have systems fried if we need to make a quick escape."

     Xandra sat down, arms draped over her folded knees. Zara stepped over and sat next to her, staring across the platform at the thick moss covering the walls. Xandra sighed.

     "Never thought I'd be back here," Xandra muttered. "Never wanted to be back here ever again."

     "What happened?" Zara asked gently.

     Xandra looked at Zara, then absently back at the moss. She shook her head and, for a brief moment, Zara was certain Xandra wouldn't answer. Instead, Xandra swallowed, feeling a lump in her throat as she went to find the words, before nodding.

     "I made a mistake." Xandra stopped, fists clenching. "A stupid fucking mistake." She let her fists relax, only to clench them again. "I got my company slaughtered. I led them into the attack. I killed them. As sure as if I pulled the damn trigger on each of them." She brought her fist down, onto the Call's hull. "I… I see them… every Goddamn night!" She closed her eyes. 

     "I see Fredericks, Gomez, Archer, al-Answar, that fucking joker kid with all the humour…" She brought her hand up to the bridge of her nose, pinching it in thought. "What was his name? Moon? Monroe? No, Moore. Castillo Moore. Always had a joke on hand." Xandra chuckled. "Comedian. Gave me the nickname Ice Water. Never to my face, though." She paused, eyes dropping to her knees. "Regular prankster. Could make anyone laugh, regardless of what was happening in their life. Always some quip about people around him." She stopped. A tear slid down her face as she bit her bottom lip. "Two hundred fifteen dead out of two hundred fifty. And all because I fucked up."

     "It's not your fault," Zara said gently.

     "Like Hell it's not!" Xandra growled angrily. "I was in command! I was supposed to lead them! Not get them killed!"

     Zara reached out to reassure Xandra, but Xandra irritatedly swatted it away.

     Xandra seemed to calm down. "You know what the best part about it is?" She shook her head. "If I had just hit the fucking Greys instead of a stealthy fucking approach, we would've taken less casualties. A lot more of those Marines would have seen their homes again. They would've seen their loved ones again." Xandra scoffed. "I don't know why I'm saying anything to you. You probably don't understand."

     "I do," Zara replied, "but this isn't about me."

     "Fuck off with that shit," Xandra shot back. She rose from where she was sitting, frustratedly pacing the Call's spine around Zara.

     "If you must know, during the Second Commonwealth War, while serving aboard the Formidable, with most of the cruiser's C-I-C staff being killed at the Battle of the Thirteen Cruisers," Zara said, feeling guilty at bringing her experiences into it. "I lost good friends that day. But, again, this isn't about me." She stood, holding her hand out again. "I'm here if you want it, if you need to talk, when you need to talk. I'm not going to pressure you into it, this can only be done by you and on your time."

     Xandra took Zara's hand. "Coming back here," she started, stopping as she glanced around. "Coming back, it only made it worse." She stopped again. "I don't know why I sent us here." 

     Zara accepted Xandra in a hug. "We're all here for you."

     "I want to go back," Xandra said after a few moments.

     "Are you sure?" Zara asked.

     Despite a waver in her voice, Xandra nodded and said, "I'm sure."

     Zara returned the nod. "Okay. I'll get Noor."

     Xandra stopped Zara with a curt, "No!" She shook her head. "Just us."

     Zara understood. It was intensely personal for Xandra and, though she and the other crew had been together for a time, it wasn't something they needed to be privy to. "I'll let Noor know we're going to check for supplies."

     "Okay," Xandra agreed. She watched Zara step towards the ladder. "I'll be down in a minute."

     "Okay. Take your time," Zara reassured, starting down the ladder.