Heaven Far Away

Interlude Seven - Heaven Far Away (Ito Kazuya)

They say that a person will always be someone’s child. They say that no matter how old you are, you are still your parents’ little one. They say that family is supposed to be the one haven that will withstand all storms. So then, what do they say to someone who’s never known such people? Yes, it’s cliché, but it’s the reality, I’ve never known my parents and I figure that I probably never will either. No, don’t dab at your eyes, there is nothing sad about that. I may not have grown up with parents’ love, but I grew up with a house of siblings who have been more than capable of replacing my parents. The staff members at the orphanage used to tell us that one day, a couple will come and sweep us away to our world of glitter and gold. The staff members at the orphanage used to tell us that one day, the void left behind by our birth parents will be filled by parents who genuinely want us.

Over the years, the staff members at the orphanage told us many things.

Fairytales were nice to read but not suitable to believe in.

I passed twelve birthdays in that orphanage, so no matter what anyone says, it will always be my first home. At the orphanage, we ate together, learnt together, slept together, bathed together, slept together; we were brothers and sisters from different mothers and fathers, but the bond that we shared could not be replaced by any blood relation.

Always, I’ve wondered what it would feel like to be held by my own parents. But just as often, I’d tell myself what a lie that would be, even if they earnestly came to look for me. For no matter how wonderful the orphanage was, the fact still remained: I was abandoned, I was unwanted, and I had no say in that decision.

For a long time, I thought that I would spend my entire life in the orphanage, not even knowing what the outside world was like. It was by chance that a few other children and I slipped out of the orphanage. At the beginning, we only wanted to cause some trouble and see how long it’d take for the staff members to find us. Except, we were seduced by the freedom of the outside world and slowly, we forgot about our original intent. When they did come chasing, instead of turning around to greet them with mischievous smiles, we scattered and fled.

Even ‘till this day, I still do not know where the other children went. Were they ever found? Or were they perhaps leading better lives? I never wanted to entertain the possibility that they’ve met some unfortunate end.

I hid in a seemingly abandoned shack at the end of some alley way, dodging away from the pursuers who only wanted to bring us back to some place that we were well familiar with. Any other time, I would have been glad for the attention, but… it’s been too short. The time that we were allowed out into the real world, this world of colors and voices; I was bewitched and I wanted more and more and more, more of everything and anything. I wanted to venture every alley and walk each road; I wanted to know the darkness and the lightness.

So I hid, curled into myself ‘till the shack door was opened and in walked a group of children around my age. They looked just as surprised to see me there as I was to see them there.

“What do you think you are doing here?!”
“Are you here to steal from us?”
“Speak up, are you deaf?”

Their words surrounded me, their menace filled me and I only scooted further back. In the orphanage, no matter how much we teased one another, it was never filled with malice. But in the real world, their words promised pain.

“Stop it.” The leader spoke up and he walked closer to me. I glanced up at him meekly, tired and scared. “What is your name?”

“Kazuya.”

“Do you know where you are?”

I shook my head.

“Come with us.”

Without my consent, a couple of the boys took hold of my arms and dragged me up. They brought me to a bigger house with better lighting. We walked the back alleys of the city. Although they formed something like a maze for me, they walked with practiced ease.

“Tell me what you want.”

I was tossed in front of a man older than us, in his early twenties. He had a pair of kind eyes and a smiling mouth. He stood up from his seat and walked closer to me. “Food.” I rasped. “Water.” The essentials, really.

He laughed. He tossed back his head and laughed before he knelt down on one knee and gripped my chin so I could look up at him. “Food and water are musts. I meant anything else. Your dreams? Your wishes?”

I looked at him and thought about his questions. In the orphanage, things were simple. We wanted something, and it would be listed down. At Christmas, we would certainly have our wishes granted.

“Freedom.” Finally I said. “I want to be a part of this world. I want to know what this world is like. All of this world. The good and the bad.”

He looked at me for a long moment before he smiled and patted my cheek. “Follow me, obey me, serve me, and I will grant all of your dreams and wishes.”

My fate was sealed with those words. I had gathered them to be a promise, but to him, they were nothing but pretty words to lure in yet another subordinate.

“Call me Father and we will discuss the details of your arrangement tomorrow.”

True to his words, Father gave me a room, gave me food, gave me clothes, and even placed me with that group of boys who had circled me with vicious intent previously. When Father accepted me, they accepted me. Taro –their leader- and I became quick friends and I found another batch of siblings.

Days spent with Father were memorable in an almost pitiful manner. I looked after Father with my eyes and my heart. I firmly believed that he would be able to grant me all my wishes; I believed in all the words that he told me. To me, he was the sky and nothing was beyond him. My first task was as a watch boy for the group as they raided some extravagant mansion. It was nerve wrecking, and I knew we were breaking the law. However, when I was given a share of the loots later, it was also the greatest feeling that I have ever experienced.

Months spent with Father were slowly chilling. With time, I realized that Father was not the sky, he was just a roof. There were so many who were so much more powerful than he; so much so that even he had to bow to them. Eventually, it wasn’t just about the adrenaline when we would raid a house or steal from unsuspecting strangers. It became our livelihood. We were given a quota to fill each day. At night, if we were unable to fill that quota, we would be locked out from the house ‘till we could bring our quota.

It’s a hard fall, the disillusioning of a dream.

Taro and I often pooled our shares together to make sure that we both met our quota so we wouldn’t have to end up on the streets. Contrary to what I wanted, life under Father’s reign proved to be more monotonous than life in the orphanage. I often wondered what would happen if I just up and left one day.

The answer: punishment beyond imagination.

I was perhaps half way to the orphanage when Father’s men caught up with me. They grabbed me harshly, dragged me forcefully and threw me down with little care. They did not even bring me back to the main house, but instead, it was just an empty field where they first beat me.

From head to toe.
While they hissed at me the words of Father’s rule.

Then they shredded my clothes.

From head to toe.
While they hissed at me the pleasures that a young and tight body could offer.

If I didn’t know it before, I knew it then that there was no hope for a life under Father. The words that Father spoke to me on that first day rang like slaps against my face, again and again. I knew then, how naïve I was to have even believed words from the trickster himself.

It was exactly six years and nine months later when I picked the wrong pocket. Retrospectively speaking, I probably picked the right pocket.

He walked at a brisk pace while talking on his cell phone. I glanced at him from beneath my bangs before walking towards him. I kept my head down, pretending to be looking for something in my bag. Our arms touched and bumped. It was a few seconds’ contact, but I had his wallet in my bag already. I think I glanced up and saw his frowning face.

Split second; and my breath held.
It was a different sort of feeling from when I looked at Father.

He was the first one to turn away and I quickly dodged into an alley way to disappear. In the darkness, my heart resonated in my ears and I had to place a hand on my chest as if afraid that it would burst out from my chest. How unfortunate that I should never see that man again, but I should thank him properly for giving me a great catch.

The wallet was thick and heavy; I weighed it in my hands and smiled. There must be some worth in it!

Worth; yes, but not the kind that I was looking for. On the streets, we always looked for the easy convenience of cash, but his wallet was filled with cards but no green. All of a sudden, I realized that my night did not just end there. My mind blanked when Father’s men closed around me.

From the floor, I kept my eyes on Father.

I remember when I called him my friend. I remember when I trusted him. I remember when I depended on him and believed that he really could help me. Right now, his cold eyes showed nothing but impatience, the lips that were drawn into a straight line mocked me for my childish beliefs. I did not want to turn my gaze away, and in between the legs of these men who surrounded me, I thought I saw the laughter in his eyes as he watched on. My own legs were spread open, and I felt someone’s cock fill me. It was shoved in me without mercy, and my body reacted with spasms of its own. This pain ripped through me, and I wondered if it was precisely this pain I felt when he betrayed me.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

But I love you. I love you. I love you.

Because of you, I slept with the worst of the worst, but because of you, I will know the taste of loving someone so completely.

He stepped into my life then, tall and proud; and with an arm, he pulled the man off of me. At that moment, I could only see him. His hair, his eyes, his face, his body, the strong and confident strides that he took while disposing this room of those wretched beings. I did not know anything else, anyone else except for him. He overshadowed all that there was in this world.

“Yo, kid.”

My eyes saw his lips move, but my mind did not decipher the syntax of the sounds that left his lips. I did not care. I could only stare. His jet black hair and dark blue eyes filled my universe, and he became my God. I decided, in that second, that I would serve him until the end of my days, ‘till my last breath, and if fortunate, I will continue to serve him even after my death.

I saw him pull something away from my torn clothes. Ah, I recognized it. It was the wallet that I had “borrowed without permission” mere moments ago, in fact, just before this little episode took place. Ah, my mind made the connections. He must be here to retrieve his stolen wallet.

“You’re going to regret stealing from me, you punk.”

No, no, no, you are wrong. I wanted to shake my head and tell him so, but nothing in my body was under my command any more. Give me another life, give me another ten lives, twenty lives, and I will still take your wallet away from you. If it means that I could see you, there are no regrets.

He took off his long, winter jacket and draped it over me. The wool material scraped against my tendered skin and it hurt. But it’s okay, because I had his attention. He lifted me from the dirtied floor and held me close to him. At that moment, I knew, I just knew that I was caught. This life would no longer be mine, it belonged to him.

For why would I need another life when I had him in this life?

That was almost a year ago, but I could still remember it so clearly. That evening replayed itself in my mind every time I would close my eyes. Just like how I could hear so clearly as the owner talked softly in his office. I peeked open my eyes to look at the digital clock on the night stand. I kept my eyes on the red blinking lines and kept count, but I kept my back to the door.

When he returned to bed again, I had already closed my eyes and pretended that I was still fast asleep. I felt his arm around my waist, his breath on the back of my neck and the warmth that only he could bring to me.

I knew he was talking to Chitose as the number one probably just landed in Miami not long ago. That exclusive was supposed to have been mine, but thanks to the older, I was safely wrapped up in the owner’s arms.

I knew I should be thankful to him, but

Fifteen minutes, the owner spent talking to him

always, I will feel him to be such a threat to me.

So I snuggled closer to the owner and silently vowed in my head.

Tonight, it was fifteen minutes.
The next time, I will make sure that it will be ten minutes.
The time after that, I will make sure that it will be five minutes.

And then, I thought, maybe one day, the owner wouldn’t even need to speak to Chitose at all.

Fin.