All Over Again

(Enjoy)


With or with you.


Ellie didn't fall asleep till close to five in the morning, when she woke up, Mel wasn't home. She wandered the home aimlessly as she tried to control her emotions over the content she had just discovered.

By noon and still alone, Ellie locked herself in her room and rummage her journals. Ellie realized she was omitting things in her journals. They weren't detail and they mainly depicted mundane things of her life, no longer really important points.

She tried to find dates corresponding with the cryogenic folder she had and about the fertilization but there was nothing.

Ellie flipped the pages scanning the pages quickly, she was looking for something. There was a reason she kept all of this secret.

1/7/08

We both ate dinner in silence as for the last week I had been trying to find a way to bring up the topic about kids. I recalled Mel had once told me she didn't want kids, but she never delve deeper into the conversation.

“Ellie,” I looked to meet concerned caramel eyes. “Is something bothering you,” she took a bite from her chicken.

I nodded and then shook my head and then just shrugged my shoulders.

I took a deep breath as she smiled gently. “It's okay if you don't want to tell me.”

“I do,” I responded quickly.

She smiled, while I chugged my water down. Right now, I was just contemplating the idea, but if Mel were to agree then I could act on it.

“I-I-I,” I stuttered while I covered my face and calmed myself down.

“I umm,” I swallowed hard as she stopped eating and gave me her undivided attention. “Mel how would you-,” I closed my eyes and I shook my head, “I mean what If we-,” I groaned in frustration.

“Kids,” I uttered as Mel's face fell and she looked at me confused, she shook her head slightly. “Please tell me your talking about something else,” she bit her lower lip.

“What if we you know?” I pointed to the both us and cradle my arms pretending to be cradling a baby.

Mel shook her head more firmly, “Ellie I um I just don't think-,”

“that's it,” I cut her off, “You don't want to think about it, you keep brushing the subject to the side.”

“come on Ellie, I don't like the subject and in reality I don't want a kid.”

“Well why not?” I started getting argumentative which was not what I wanted.
“It's a big responsibility,” she started.

“Your making it sound like were getting a puppy,” I interrupted. She frowned in anger, “damn it Elizabeth it's not a simple matter. There's a shit load of circumstances, I mean our lives are going to drastically change.”

“Like what?”

“Financial, emotional-,” I stood up as I shook my head. “So?”

“Oh come on Ellie, I'm not parental material and I don't want to be.”

“Why not?” I prodded as I stood there, with my arms crossed.

“Shit Ellie I'm selfish there's that too, is that what you want to hear. I don't want to ruin what we have, I like this,” she pointed to the house all around us. “I like us,” she pointed to the both of us, “I love the extra money we have.”

I felt my eyes water, “I want to be a mother,” I whispered. I wanted a child, to conceive, to carry, to birth to raise.

“Ellie you think out of the blue I'm just going to agree with you. This is not a matter that can be easily be agreed on.”

“Well then think about it,” I pleaded as I rubbed my temples.

“I don't want to,” she muttered as I slammed my fist on the table. “Fuck Melissa, Think about it, contemplate it, in that fucking selfish head of your for once just contemplate about something bigger.”

I stormed out of the room finally letting the tears flow.

(present)

Made sense Ellie thought, she closed the journal, the dissolution of union made sense when she read the difference of ideas.

Ellie wanted children and Mel didn't, those were irreconcilable differences. Ellie took a deep breath as she closed her eyes. “That's why I wanted Thomas,” Ellie smiled, she had deducted that if she used someone that had Mel's nationality that Mel would be more incline in feeling more connected with the child.

Yet after that conversation, Ellie had made her mind to pursue her wish by herself.

There was a knock on Ellie's door, “Hey Ellie are you okay?”

Ellie smiled sadly, she could imagine Mel, worried look and leaning on the door, her forehead on the door and her eyes closed.

Ellie stood up and unlocked the door, she sat on the bed as Mel stood in the doorway, “Sorry about getting home drunk” she looked down on the ground feeling ashamed of her actions.

Ellie shook her head dismissing what Mel was apologizing about. “It's okay your a grown ass woman,” she joked as Mel smiled shyly.

Ellie patted the bed next to her as Mel joined her, They sat side by side in silence. Mel tapped her fingers on her thighs.

“What are ya playing?” Ellie asked as Mel chuckled a bit. “Ode to Joy; how do you know?” Mel asked as she stopped moving her fingers.

“You tap your finger in a patter, and you move your hand from side to side, Like your playing a piano.” Ellie explained as she placed her hand on top of Mel's.

“I haven't played in a long time,” Mel sighed as she missed the feeling of playing an instrument.

“You should of bought that baby grand when you had the chance,” Ellie mumbled as Mel looked up. “You remember that?”

“Somethings I do and some of them I don't,” Ellie patted Mel's hand as she leaned forwards and grabbed a folder.

“I love you,” Ellie turned to look at Mel who was bitting her lip. Ellie kissed Mel's cheek as Mel swallowed hard and her breathing became heavy.

“Here,” Ellie handed Mel the folder, with shaky hands Mel took it and opened it.

Mel held her breath as she looked at the first page, it was the dissolution of union.

Mel nodded as she swallowed hard, “Okay,” Mel whispered. Mel kept flipping the pages as her brow furrowed. The next thing that Mel read was the cryogenic file, “Del Potro?” Mel mumbled as she flipped the pages.

“a child, that's how badly you wanted one,” Mel gritted through her teeth as she looked at Ellie.

“I though-,”

“Thought what?” Ellie started as she cupped Mel's face with her hand. “Thought what Melissa, that your word was the final say.”

Mel shrugged her shoulders looking down as she tapped her feet on the ground.

“Melissa, I want a child, I want us to be parents. I want a family, I want to make a family with you.” Ellie inhaled sharply, “With or with out you.” Ellie admitted her suppressed and hidden feelings.

“Anything else?” Mel asked as she closed the folder and place it on the desk. She fidgeted as her fingers nervously as they entwined and untwined.

“I-,” Ellie closed her eyes as she recalled what Alexis had told her. “Remember that seminar I went to in Boston. I went with John and the senior staff.”

Mel nodded as she closed her eyes tightly. “On the last day of the seminar,” Ellie closed her eyes took a deep breath as she took a hold of Mel's hand and grip it tightly.

“I got drunk that night, very drunk.” Mel started to sniffle as she swallowed hard. “I was really drunk and Alexis took me to my room.”

Mel felt a knot in her stomach as she grimaced, her heart pounded as she felt the heat rise to her cheeks. She felt her pulse quickened as she prayed like she hadn't prayed in a long time.

“I slept with her,” Ellie breathed out as she started to cry.

Mel on the other hand stopped breathing as she let go of Ellie hands. “oh,” she uttered as she opened her eyes, Ellie had tears falling freely as Mel looked at her with such a disappointing look.

“It was a mistake, but I wasn't having an affair,” Ellie quickly uttered as Mel stood.

“No please,” Ellie pleased as she tried to grab her hand but Mel moved away. Mel looked like she had something to say as her lips curve and her mouth open but no word came out.

“I couldn't take the guilt so I-,”

“-became distant and cold,” Mel finished for her as Mel pace the room, her finger in her hair. As Mel looked at Ellie and then back to the ceiling as she would rubbed the back of her neck. Mel started to hyperventilate as she rubbed her face, she touched her chest. She held back the sob, but she couldn't.

Mel slumped down on the floor and cried. She cried her heart out as the heart wrenching sob filled the room and Ellie covered her mouth and looked away. She couldn't stand seeing Mel so defeated and lost.

“Melissa, I'm sorry.” Ellie uttered as Mel shook her head, she tried to speak but she convulsed with anger and sadness as she wiped away at her nose, she took off her glasses and wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

Mel laid on the floor looking up at the ceiling as Ellie looked down at her. How where they supposed to move on from something like this. Ellie's mouth trembled as she tried suppressing the tears.

After a while Mel stopped making noises as she just blankly stared at the ceiling. She would gasp every so often as she calmed herself down.

“Do you love her?” Mel asked as Ellie shook her head, “Alexis, no. I like her as a friend, Well I used to.”

“Do you love me?” Mel asked as Ellie nodded her head vigorously.

“You really want a kid?” Ellie whispered a shy yes.

“Maybe you were correct, about having a kid with out me.” Mel stood up and kneel in front of Ellie.

Ellie looked down as Mel smiled at her, she smile just as the day when they first move into this house. Full of hope and dreams.

“Good Luck Ellie,” Mel leaned in to kiss her and then quietly stood up and walked away.

(A/N: I know they're short, but all conflict must have a resolution. Two more chappies maybe three if I milk it good.)