Through The Glass.

Author's Note: Lately, inspiration's been coming from everywhere. I am so excited to be writing again. I thought I would never have the time or the motivation to finish this. However, it does look like this story is going exactly where I want it to.

Huge thanks to Tiana13 for her review. I must say I'm tremendously pleased with everyone's response to Matt. He seems like the character everyone loves to hate, and yet, do we really hate Matt? Is he as terrible a person as we all can conclude he is from how he's treated Allison? Or is he just a victim of himself? Is he really as bad as we think he is? Think about it as you read.

Well, enough with my crazy ranting. On with the show!

Yours with much love,
Asphyxiate.Me.Baby.


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I don't know how long it was I spent in the shower exactly, but I can conclude it was a pretty long time. So long, that Matt popped in during the early morning, around five A.M., to get ready for work.

I must have looked like a lobster; my skin red from the steaming water and raw from scrubbing so hard. All of this, and none of it was really working. I still felt dirty. I still smelled him on me. I could feel the grime everywhere he had touched me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't come clean.

Matt's voice floated through the shower door.

"Allison? Are you okay in there?"

I wanted to tell him no, I was not okay and I wasn't sure if I'd ever be okay again. I wanted to tell him how much this hurt me, how much he hurt me, and how much I needed someone to comfort me right now. I wished I could have told him that I hated him.

Instead, I grabbed the porcelain soap dish his mother had loved and aimed for his head.

I missed, and it shattered into pieces behind him. He turned around, looked down, and for a moment, he looked human and real. For a moment, he looked sad. I don't know if it was because it was something that had belonged to his mother, or because it had been me, the one he was supposed to love, that had thrown it at him.

It was just a tiny, fleeting moment however, and then he just shrugged before leaving and slamming the door behind him.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Part of me wanted to hide in this apartment forever and never leave. I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't want anyone to be near me because it seemed that everyone was going to hurt me. But then another part of me was a scared little girl who was searching for comfort, for someone to pick up all the pieces that were left of something that was utterly and irrevocably broken.

It took a long time to debate with myself what I really needed. I knew there was no hiding forever and the longer I was here alone, the more I would remember. I grabbed my coat and headed out the door, taking a huge breath of the fresh air outside that was so different from the stuffy, suffocating air inside the apartment. I let my legs take me where I would while my mind took an absence from my body. It wasn't long before I found myself standing at Chris' door.

I rang the bell, and as soon as Chris' appeared at the door I could tell that something was different. He wore a worried expression instead of the smile he normally wore when I arrived. His eyes were shifty, and I could tell he was nervous.

He finally opened his mouth to speak, "Allison, what are you doing here?" It came out as a harsh and worried whisper.

"I need to talk to you," I answered, before pushing my way past him into the foyer.

"Allison, now's not a good-" he began.

"Honey, what's going on?" A young, pretty girl, with fiery red hair and stunning green eyes walked into the room, wearing nothing but a small silk robe and an unhappy expression. She spotted me and gave Chris a confused look.

"This is my good friend, Allison," he said, grabbing my shoulder. "Allison, this is my girlfriend Jennifer."

If it weren't for the fact that I was trying to make this seem as inconspicuous as possible, I probably would have turned a million shades of red. Instead I just smiled and said, "I didn't know that Chris had company. I should have called before I came over."

Her facial expression lightened and she smiled at me. "It's okay. You're Allison? I've heard so much about you! You and Chris have been good friends for a long time, right?"

I just nodded. "It's nice to meet you, I've heard a lot about you, too," I answered. I looked back at Chris calmly. "I'm sorry Chris, I'll come back another time."

I was about to make my escape when Jennifer spoke, "Nonsense. Why don't you join us for lunch? I'll go get dressed."


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Chris and I sat awkwardly on the couch as we waited for Jennifer to get dressed. She was much prettier and much nicer than I had imagined, I had to give Chris credit for that. I was trying to keep still and calm but my nerves were shot. I stood up from the couch and turned away.

Chris turned back and looked at me. “Allison, what are you doing now?”

I quickly prepared four lines of meth on my compact mirror and snorted them quickly, rubbing at my nose. “Nothing. I’m done.”

He looked at me pityingly, before saying sadly, “Don’t do that here.”

I turned around, stunned. “You know that I can’t help it. I have to, otherwise I’ll go fucking nuts here. I still have to talk to you.”

“Fine. We’ll have lunch and I’ll drive her home. Pretend to leave and then come in through the back and wait for me here.”

I nodded quickly, and not too long after that Jennifer walked back into the room, carrying a tray of sandwiches.

She sat herself on the couch next to Chris, so I decided to sit on the couch across from them. I picked up a sandwich and ate in silence, taking small nibbles. I didn’t have much of an appetite. I was incredibly thirsty, as I always was. Just one of those weird side effects from the meth, but if I drank a lot of water before and after taking a hit, I got through it pretty okay.

Finally, Jennifer spoke. “I’ve heard so much about you, Allison. Chris talks about you all the time. You’ve been friends since you were how old?”

“Five,” we answered simultaneously, causing Jennifer to let out a chuckle.

“Chris has a lot of friends, but not too many good friends. It’s a shame it took me this long to meet one. Tell me about yourself.”

This was the awkward part of every conversation I had ever been engaged in within the last year, which was in reality very few. What do you tell people? Hi, my name is Allison. I’m only eighteen years old but I’ve lived a life of pain. I’m a meth addict and I take four lines each time I take a hit. I usually take about 6 hits a day. I got pregnant a while ago, but my boyfriend beats the living shit out of me and rapes me, so I lost it.

Oh, yeah, and I’m fucking your boyfriend.

Instead, I tried to keep it simple. “There isn’t much to tell. I don’t do anything. I’m a homebody. Always have been.”

The afternoon continued on with lots of pointless chitter-chatter, and in the end, I thought Jennifer was pretty cool. She insisted I called her Jenny, but it was hard to. She offered to take me shopping some time. Maybe I’d take her up on her deal if I ever needed to. I made my exit, walking around the block before heading through the gate into Chris’ backyard and waiting for him to come back home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chris finally got back about a half an hour later. He walked in with a look of relief on his face. “Now, what is it you want to talk about?”

I tried to tell him a calm way but I couldn’t. How could anyone? I just kept telling him over and over again, he sold me, he sold me, and it was all incoherent and made very little sense, even to myself, but he understood, like he always did, and held me close. I sobbed; loud hiccupping sobs that hurt my chest but he just held onto me tighter.

I shook again, the stress making me ache for another hit, and with a sad smile I pulled of my compact and prepared three lines, snorting quickly and wiping my nose on my sleeve.

He turned away from me then, before speaking. “Why are you doing this Allison?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, completely clueless as to what he was talking about.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” He turned around to face me before continuing. “You were always so beautiful Allison, always. And you’re ruined now. You’re letting him ruin you.”

I shook my head, knowing that what he was saying was true, but I couldn’t believe it. This was the way I had been living; this was what I needed to do to live. Despite how much it hurt, no matter how wrong it was, no matter how cruel Matt was, these things we my life. The drugs were taking control over me now, I knew that, but I needed them. I knew that I was too young to be dealing with this, too young to throw in the towel and call it quits, but I was out of steam. I was tired and I didn’t care about anything anymore.

And no matter what Matt did to me, he was my first love, my only love, and the only person who had ever loved me. Who had ever, even for such a short amount of time, gave me that feeling of butterflies and love and tenderness. He had somehow stolen my heart right out of my chest and then snorted it down with a cocktail of drugs.

“I can help you, Allison,” Chris pleaded. “Don’t you know I love you?”

I didn’t want to hear it. I made my way for the door and left.