Unforgivables

(((alexis\'s pov)))

It was true that I had not brought Gabriel into the barn for innocent reasons. Being around him every day and not being able to touch him had had very bad effects on my body. I had thought there for a moment that I would be able to contain myself, to let him get over the shock, but I needed him very badly. I needed to have him again. Gabriel was the sweetest drug that I could ever have, the one thing in this world that almost made my heart beet again.

\"Alexis...\" came his whispered voice as I sat in front of him. \"Don\'t say that.\"

It made me smirk. He always told me never to say what I was. I knew why also. Because Gabriel was the breath of life and he could never accept that something, someone, like me was really dead. He\'d never been able to accept that. Even now, after he had seen me shot, seen me hung, and seen me die. He would never accept it.

So, like I did every time he would deny it I took his hand and set it over where my heart was. \"Can you feel that Gab? Feel my still heart?\" I asked him. \"It beets only for you Gabi.\" I leaned over and ran my lips across his. \"Make my heart beet again.\"

His arms wrapped around me as I claimed his lips. Quickly I pulled away and looked at him. That wasn\'t what I was expecting. \"Alexis?\"

I couldn\'t place it. Something was wrong with him. Before...before he had been leaking life from every pore on his body. Now he wasn\'t. \"What do you feel?\"

\"I don\'t feel anything anymore.\" he answered simply.

That made things simpler. I lifted him and sat him on the desk. For a nineteen-year-old he was creepishly light. I began to unbutton his shirt but it did nothing. \"Feel for me Gabriel.\" I said as I kissed his neck. \"God help me I will make you feel again.\"

I pushed him back on the desk with my own body weight and elicted a soft gasp from him. That was it, that was what I wanted. That breath of life, those small noises, his screams. That was what I wanted. \"Alexis...\"

I claimed his lips again and he moaned softly. I swallowed his moan, basking in the sweet flavor. There had to be a more comfortable place to do this. Somewhere better that wouldn\'t have him on a hard, wooden desk. I pulled my lips from his and stared down at him. His cheeks had a pink tint to them now and he was panting softly.

\"The loft.\" he muttered. \"We can go to the loft.\"

As quickly as I could I pulled him up. I pulled him out of the small office and over the the stairs that led to the loft. I wasn\'t a gentelman, on most occations, but I stepped aside so he could go first. He looked at me and I know he saw the deeper meaning in me stepping aside. I wasn\'t nice for no reason. Me stepping aside was his chance to back out. His chance to tell me that he didn\'t want this and for us to stop.

\"Gabriel.\" I caught his arm before he could go up. He stopped and looked at me. He was looking down at me because he had made it up a few steps. \"If you want, you can back out now. I want to get that clear. I wont hate you, we\'ll still be friend, but I want to make sure you want this as much as me.\" he didn\'t move. \"You\'ve put up walls around yourself Gab. Walls that could hurt you coming down. You didn\'t just block out feelings Gab, you blocked out who you are.\"

It seemed the the reality of the situation sort of sunk into him then. The fact that if he let himself out again he would be feeling a lot more then just emotions. He\'d be feeling all the things that had made his childhood hell...and he\'d be back to life. \"Alexis...\" he said softly. \"Let go of my arm.\"

I let go of his arm. For a while, and what seemed like an eternity to me, we stood there. Neither of us moving and neither of us wanting to move. I watched, halfway shocked and halfway freakishly happy, as Gabriel turned and continued up the stairs. I followed close behind him until we were in the loft.

For such a nice day the loft would have said otherwise. It was dark and very gloomy. Just the type of place I liked, however I knew Gabriel was having trouble being in such a place. In all actuality he and I should have never even thought twice about being friends. In fact Gabriel had tried not to be my friend for a while. He could have not tried harder to stay away from me and yet somehow, along the way, I\'d ended up beind his first.

I helped him down onto a mat that was on the floor and sat down at his side. He looked up at me and I gave him a small smile. \"Do I really make your heart beet?\"

\"Metephorically speaking.\" I answered. \"Not even you can give me life Gab, but if I could imagine it, if I could imagine what it would feel like, it would feel like being with you.\"

Gabriel laughed softly. \"When did you get so sentimental Alexis?\"

I slid a hand down his chest to his pants and his breath sharpened. \"I\'ve always been sentimental Gab. Just because my heart doesn\'t beet doesn\'t mean I don\'t have one.\"

I kissed him to show that the talking was done. Talking was for later. I wasn\'t the type of person who liked to get all sentimental and shit, especially not after sex, but I was willing to sit through it if I could have him again.

His pants slid off his hips easily and I tossed them to the side. Next came his boxers, which went to the other side. My mouth found his neck and his hands gripped my shoulders as he arched into me. Quickly I manuevered so I was over him, my limbs on either side of his body, supporting myself over his slim form.

\"Alex...\" he got out before it turned into a groan as I took one of his hardening nipples into my mouth. His breath was coming in ragged gasps, like there wasn\'t enough oxygen in the room. I shoved one of my knees between his legs and parted them. \"Alexis!\" he cried out as my clothed knee came in contact with his sensitive flesh.

\"What is it Gabi?\" I whispered across his skin as I moved my mouth to his other nipple. I let my tongue slide across it a few times. \"What do you want?\" with that I took the nipple into my mouth and gently bit down on it making him cry out.

\"I...I want...\" he gasped out and arched into me more. His hips lifting and causing my leg to rub against him. \"Alexis...\"

I smirked and came up to look at him. Gabriel slowly opened his eyes and looked up at me. \"What is it? You gotta tell me Gab.\"

A warm blush spread over Gabriel\'s face. \"I want you in me Alexis...now.\"

A smirk graced my features. Gabriel wasn\'t always so forward so it was nice when I got him to be. I had really planned on streatching the moment out, torturing him a little more with pleasure, but we clearly both needed this. Needed to reafirm the bond that we had created when Gabriel had first become mine.

Sitting up I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. I glanced down to see Gabriel watching my every move. As much fun as strip teasing was my little love was far to close for me to torment him further. That and I knew from experience that the last thing you wanted to do was piss off a sexually frusterated Gabriel.

My pants came off and I was kissing Gabriel again. Gently I spread his legs and he gasped. I felt his body shy away from me and I pulled my lips from his to look down at him. He gave me a small smile and a nod. I set two of my fingers at his lips. \"Suck them Gab.\" he moaned, his eyes closing, and did as he was told.

My fingers being in his mouth was nearly my undoing. I had to close my eyes to keep myself under control. (baseball, baseball, baseball...hehe, just kidding) There was only so much one man could take and I finally pulled my fingers from his mouth, replacing them with my tongue. His legs bent up and he lifted his hips slightly. I had to resist the urge to smile, he knew this reutine all to well.

\"Do me a favor Gab?\" I whispered into his ear as I probed my first finger around his entrance, waiting for him to loosen for me.

\"Huh?\" Gabriel muttered, his hands clenching the mat above his head.

\"If I hurt you, or you get scared, you tell me.\" I whispered and pushed my first finger slowly into him. His breath hitched and a gasp escaped his lips. His head turned into mine and I kissed behind his ear. \"You\'ll do that?\"

He nodded and I slowly withdrew my finger. He whimpered as it left his body but nearly screamed as I thrust it back in. Slowly I began to prepare him. My second finger soon joined my first, earning me a soft yell of my name, and I made scissor movements to widen his enterance. From what I rememeber, and what I could feel, Gabriel was always...tight...which made me hate the men who had raped him even more.

\"Alexis...please...\" that was what I had been waiting for.

I pulled my fingers from him and used some of my own spit as lube. I hissed in a breath as I touched my weeping cock. God I was about ready to explode. I kissed him softly as I pushed gently at his enterance. \"If I hurt you...\" I panted out. \"Tell me okay?\"

\"Okay...\" he nodded.

I pushed past that tight ring of muscle and nearly lost my mind. \"Oh fuck.\" I gasped and slid one of my hands into Gabriel\'s hair. I kept my eyes on Gabriel, watching for any sign of pain. There was none. I finally...FINALLY...was all the way inside of him and we both let out a moan of approval. \"Got Gabi...you\'re wonderful.\"

He pushed his hips un against me slightly and I burried my head in the crook of his neck. \"Move Alexis...please move.\"

I started slowly. Giving him time to get used to the feeling. I knew it had been a long time since someone had treated Gabriel the way that I treated him and I knew it took a lot for him to trust someone after all those people. Soon Gabriel was pushing against me. Urging me to move faster.

\"Alexis...\" Gabriel moaned and clamped his thighs over my hips. He was close. I could feel it, and I wasn\'t far behind him. \"Touch me Alexis...please.\"

\"As you wish.\" I whispered before sliding my hand between out bodies.

With only a few more thrusts Gabriel was gone. My name left his lips as he came between out slick bodies. I followed soon after. For the first time, his name left my lips and I kissed him to block it out. I stay over him, my head in his neck, panting for a moment. Gabriel was stroking my hair softly and panting below me.

\"I love you.\" Gabriel whispered to me.

I kissed him softly. \"I know.\"

A/N : Five pages long! Five pages! Not three, not four...five! Snap! This wasn\'t as good as my first one...I can tell that. But, so it goes.

- Read and review, thank you.