Snowfall

He slept with me in the small space under the first wagon, we had to lay sideways to fit properly but it was no bother. I was not alone anymore. I had forgotten what it was like to share this existance with another who understood. I taught him what I knew quietly while the others were performing. I think it was an understood agreement between us and we both feared the same thing, Edmund, I worried about the leader of our troupe and how he would take the change in his best friend. Would he think that it was yet another special gift for Fin instead of a necessity? I hoped he would not be bitter but it was something that could seperate them if he saw it differently.

That fear was vanquished not long after Fin\'s change. Edmund sought me out at a rare moment without Fin.

\"May I talk to you?\" He seemed somewhat shy, but determined. The set of his jaw so much like Amar that I could not help but smile.

\"Of course, what is on your mind, Edmund?\"

\"I..I wanted to thank you for saving him.\" He looked up at me, his brown eyes held knowledge and strength. \" I know you did what you had to. Thank you for giving him a choice. He told me you did.\"

\"Are you upset with him about it?\" I watched him for his reaction and waited for his answer.

He looked confused.\"No, why would I be? Do you think I would want him to die? You and he have both been acting strange. I just wanted you to know that I am not angry, Fin seemed to think I might be. So, no, I\'m not and I am glad I still have my friend.\"

\"I think he was worried that this would seperate you. He\'s different now and I think he worried you might not accept it so well.\" I shrugged, it was hard to explain.

\"We accept you, don\'t we?\" Edmund grinned up at me. \"Don\'t be silly. You two have always been closer than the rest of us. You both are hunted by that group.\"

I looked up at him in mild surprise. The troupe knew that the Order had been after Fin but Edmund seemed certain they were interested in us both. \"Why do you say that?\"

\"They said as much. Something about getting the white one and be careful there might be another one with him, a vampire.\" Edmund shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets. \"It makes sense I suppose, to them anyway. You\'re both different and they don\'t like that. Its unnatural. I think you\'re right though, everyone is different. Fin tells me I am strange all the time.\" He smiled. Only to Edmund would that seem like a compliment. \"He says I have wierd ideas.. but Hey, some of them work.\"

\"Aye, that they do. I like your ideas and so does Fin. Though that one new horse harness, I am not so sure about that one, but the new wagon wheels was a good one.\" Edmund had hammered copper plating around the edge of the wooden wheels so that they didn\'t splinter on the ruts in the road. He said he got the idea while shoeing one of the horses. If it worked to keep the horse\'s hooves from splintering why wouldn\'t it work on the wheels of the wagons. We\'ve been noticed for our strange green wheels since then, the copper having oxidized over time. We\'ve had little problem with replacing wheels since then and the only problem was occasionally needing to replace the plating. Edmund had a crafty mind, very practical and thrifty, he was good with his hands and made all kinds of things for the group. Many of the props for the stage came from him, Fin would say.. it would be neat if we could make this or that happen and then Edmund would find a way to make it work. They were a great team, Fin\'s bookish imagination and Edmund\'s practical thinking. I loved listening to them both banter ideas around over dinner. Fin talking Edmund\'s ears off while the other nodded occasionally muching on his meal.

Edmund shrugged. \" I know he does. He\'s my friend, and though sometimes I wonder if he would starve himself to read a book. He\'s smart, but he\'s not perfect. We need each other and you need him. He\'s good for you, Albin. We all see it. You\'re much better now. Rebecka and I are happy to see it and so are some of the others. We\'re your family, we\'ve always been a family to each other, but you\'ve been distant. I hope you\'ll change. Fin is one of us, and we\'ll take care of him like we always have. You\'re a part of the Night Army also, you know. Our fearless leader.\" He grinned at me.

\"You lead them more than I do, I\'ve never been the one in charge of them.\" I looked at him. It was how I saw it. I traveled with the group but I never really saw myself as part of it. Edmund had guessed correctly there. I always thought of him as their leader. I protected them and worked with them like I had for troupes in the past, but this group was different and I could only fool myself so much.

\"I answer to you and so would they. I direct the troupe and make decisions because they have to be made and I understand that you can\'t always be around to make them, but this group belongs to you. We\'re your Army and I wouldn\'t have it any other way. \" He smiled crookedly and then turned to leave.

I watched him go and then found my voice. \"Edmund?\" He turned to look back at me. \"Thank you\" I smiled shyly. Amazed at myself for being shy around this man that I remembered as a child.

\"That\'s what family is for.\" He laughed.\"So I\'m told.\" With that he turned back around and went to the other wagon to speak with the other drivers. They were all orphans or cast offs and had found a family in each other. I had tried to stay distant but He was right, they were more my family than my own relatives had ever been. I walked among them, not listened outside their homes. A sense of peace and belonging seeped slowly into me and I could not help but smile. So this was what it meant to have a family? To be accepted. It was wonderful feeling. I found myself singing as I helped load the wagons.

Fin found me there not long afterwards and gave me a bemused look. \"I don\'t think I have ever heard you sing. You\'ve got a nice voice.\" He smelled faintly of the horses and I knew he had been off seeing to them. The strange gift that Fin seemed to have been given with the change was an affinity with animals, more than he had before. The horses did not fear him as they did myself or Amar.
Silhouette had been an exception and Amar had explained why, he said that she was near dead, her leg had been broke and someone had tried to kill her out of kindness, but she had not died so quickly. She appeared to have been a noble\'s horse, well taken care of and no doubt the owner had not known how to properly dispatch an animal painlessly. Amar had felt pity for her, and wondered if he could save her with his blood. He said that if it did not work he would have killed her himself but it did. Silhouette was something other than us, not dead not wholly horse either. He said he thought the difference was the point of death, she had not been truly on the verge of dieing as he or I had. That had made her something other, a half being. In the end he said it turned out for the good. She could walk in the daylight but had more strength than a normal horse, she still ate food but he found she grew restless and weak after a while and he had to feed her more of his blood every so often to keep her going. Silhouette had wandered away at Amar\'s death, his retainers were bringing her northward at their pace but on the night Amar died they said she screamed a strange sound and took off too fast for them to catch her. I had thanked them for telling me what happened but I was never comfortable around them after Amar\'s death. They blamed me, Amar was their friend and protector and they knew, just as I did, that he would be alive if it weren\'t for me.
I never had the heart to make such a creature and so I walked most everywhere I went. I know that Amar did it to save her but I had not wanted another creature depending on me for life, not in those days. Fin did not need it, the horses did not fear him and they seemed almost able to speak to him. He, in return, seemed to understand their needs. Fin had taken to riding, where before he had not learned to ride for fear of not being able to see well enough to guide the horse in the dark, now he rode often. Edmund bought him a white stallion for a reasonable price. The owner had thought the horse would make a great prize and hoped to sell him to a wealthy merchant or noble who would admire him for his unusual color but the horse turned out to be difficult to train and more menace than he was worth. When Edmund offered to buy him for slightly more than the usual price for a horse the trainer took the money gladly and wished him well with \"the devil beast\"
Fin loved him, naming him Nimbus. Nimbus still stomped and caused trouble for most but was as gentle as a kitten around Fin. We worried about him traveling with the group during the day but Fin said to leave him loose and let him come and go as he pleased. Edmund seemed worried but merely nodded. I could see him thinking the horse was going to run away and he\'d have bought his friend a gift for nothing but he trusted Fin\'s judgement. It was a wise choice, Nimbus wandered off from time to time grazing in the distance, letting the troupe get ahead of him a ways and then he\'d gallope after them. Sometimes he scampered ahead of them and on occasion he\'d walk beside the first wagon. I could almost feel Fin\'s smile as we heard the familiar whiney just outside. Fin would say some soothing words in something that was not a language but more a jumble of sounds, it seemed to calm the wild horse and he\'d nicker and snort in response. Sometimes I would swear Fin was telling him jokes and that horse was laughing.