Heaven Far Away

Interlude Five - Lost in Translation Part I [Konbayoshi Takahiro]

I’ve always known that I was unwanted. Ever since I can remember, my family consisted of my uncle. Yes, the period ends there. As the only blood kin left behind, my uncle did not treat me with a guarded caution that could be explained; but instead, it was with an abrasive violence that I cannot explain the cause of. I was told that I am the reason why my father –my uncle’s older brother- and my mother passed away.

A child of sin, blood and murder.

The family estate was large enough to have separated me from my uncle most of the time, but his invisible pressure could be felt everywhere within the estate. I grew up listening to his mocking words and feeling harsh stings of his punishments. Sometimes I would catch my uncle looking at me with a forlorn gaze mixed with some traces of guilt or perhaps regret. However, those moments were rare and he was quick to cover them up.

While my classmates in school envied me for having such a family fortune, only I knew what I was returning home to every single day. I came to dread going home and hate when we have to dine together. I wished school could be every single day, just so I would have some sort of excuse to be away from him.

As I grew older, I began to notice the more peculiar aspects of his work. Konbayoshi is not a family of yakuza roots, and yet, it is an open secret that my uncle worked closely with a local yakuza. Then, sometimes, he would bring home a weeping child in his teens; but by the next morning, he would be gone. Later, I learnt that these weeping teens were all taken to Opiate and forced to work as hosts.

This is a family of sin, blood and murder, I was sure.

When the chance for university came, I knew I worked hard enough to be accepted into a foreign school. No, not foreign in the sense of being in a different city; but foreign in the sense of being in a different country, continent and world altogether. When my uncle heard the news, he merely smiled but said nothing. He knew that I was just buying time and after the four years finish, I will have to return no matter what. Still, I relished in the fact that for four years, I will be away from this family.

To me, such a family isn’t really a family and for such decadent businesses, I had no interest. Always, I wanted to make a world of my own to live in. I wanted to discover a road with my own feet and hands, walk my own path.

In America, I attended one of the best universities in the world and met –although reluctantly at first- a life long friend. When I first met Haruno, he was the one who approached me.

“It’s rare to meet a fellow Japanese man on foreign soil; I feel that we are obliged to stay together.”

Like me, Haurno was an exchange student. He worked part time at a local piano bar, entertaining guests every Tuesday and Thursday evening by playing the piano. Haruno is nothing like the people I’m used to and for a spoiled prince like me, he helped me get my first part time job and land my first apartment. I am thankful to Haruno in so many ways, but I don’t think I’ve ever expressed such gratitude. It feels as if he could understand them without me saying anything.

We met Narumi the following year; she was a high spirited freshman who did not hesitate to speak what’s on her mind. The three of us formed, almost something akin to, a sight on campus; yet when I look back on the times spent on that grassy university campus, it truly felt as if I was free. I studied and I worked to keep a roof over my head. I no longer was a parasite leeching off of my uncle and my family fortune. More than academics, the four years of university taught me a lesson about life. When the four years drew to an end and we all tossed our caps in the air to put a period on our university life, the three of us agreed to return to Japan together.

During those days, that last month in America, I thought about running away. If I didn’t return, what would happen then? There wouldn’t be anyone to take after the family business or would my uncle have married another Asami girl and got an heir that way? There were restless nights when I’d lie awake and wonder if I have to return to Japan.

Needless to say, those were thoughts to tire my mind out a little so I could finally fall asleep. We boarded the plane back to Japan at the end of the month and the closer we drew to our home land, the more I felt like a prisoner going back to his cell. Nothing could have prepared me for the fate that I will jump into.

Literally.

I told no one when I’d be back, so I did not expect anyone to come pick me up. I brought nothing back with me save for a small suitcase of immediate necessities. Everything else was packed up in America and mailed back here. From the airport to the Konbayoshi family estate, it took almost an hour of taxi drive. Instead of the front door, I asked to be dropped around the back. Looking around, I tossed my suitcase over the wall first before climbing upwards and over myself. I landed on my feet in a crouch next to my suitcase and was just in the middle of dusting myself off when I saw him.

He was sitting on the wooden porch, legs tucked off to the side with a pale yellow kimono. For that moment, our eyes met and he looked at me with as much surprise as I had looking at him. The summer sun was bright and everything about him seemed to have glowed pale golden. Somewhere in the house, something dropped and both of us visibly started. I grabbed my suitcase and turned briskly to walk up the porch and into the house towards my room. I did not see his expression afterwards, but I knew what mine was like.

Some would call that fate, but I do not like to believe in such cliché matters.

My presence in the house was announced almost immediately, but thankfully, my uncle was away on business and thus would not be returning for a week. For me, at the age of almost twenty-two, it meant that my freedom had been extended for another week.

Around the estate, I could catch glimpses of the golden one here and there; around a corner and down a hallway. His hair was always perfectly pulled up, his kimono never with a single crease, and there would always be the faintest touch of a smile on his lips. I did not know what to feel about him; in fact, I did not even know his name! Part of me knew that this is someone who belonged to my uncle and with the family structure I can only know anything about him if my uncle introduces us formally.

“Do you think he’s your uncle’s lover?” Haruno questioned almost immediately when I told him about it one day.

I paused and actually thought about it before tossing my head. “Can’t be, he does not look like he’s even legal.”

“Is he pretty?”

“… yes.”

“As much as I don’t want to say it, but from what you’ve told me about your family, it seems your uncle is capable of many things. I wouldn’t put this past him.”

And as much as I wanted to say something in his defence, I found that I had no excuse or reason to give either. Like Haruno said, I somehow can’t put this past my uncle either. My mind whirled around the possibility that he is my uncle’s lover. That young of a boy? Really? When I returned home that evening, I was brought into the main dining room. There sat my uncle and that supposed lover of his. In the room stood my uncle’s four bodyguards, they were more bears than men, and from as early as I can recall, they’ve long been in my uncle’s service.

“I see the prince of the Konbayoshi family has finally decided to return and grace us with his presence.” My uncle’s mocking voice filled the room as he emptied a small cup of sake. Quickly, beside him, the little boy refilled his cup. I took this entire scene in and wondered if my uncle is interested in keeping slaves now. “Sit, sit.” He gestured towards the spot across the table from him and I took the seat solemnly. “Let me introduce you. This is Chitose,” his hand touched the young one’s golden hair and he directed his golden eyes on me with a deep bow “he’s… my guest.” What an insincere word coming from him. “Chitose, this is the prince of the Konbayoshi household, the only heir to this mountain of inheritance. You better serve him well if you want a place to stay after I die.”

“Yes, master.”

Yes, so it is possible that my uncle grows more vile with each year. I watched the scene coldly without a word. I cannot describe to anyone my hatred for my uncle, at the same time, I cannot describe my pity for Chitose who has to serve him either. Dinner was finished in a pseudo-friendly atmosphere; I answered when spoken to, but remained silent for the majority. Like I’ve always done.

It’s a stifling environment, when I’m sitting here.

So stifling that I had to throw open my door in the middle of the night and step out into the back garden. In the darkness, the lush plants and flowers seemed to extend forever, a garden cannot give it justice; it’s more like a mini forest. With the assistance of moonlight, I entered a small path that seemed to have been placed there unintentionally. Up ahead, towards the right, I saw movement akin to another person walking. When I drew closer, I realized that it indeed was someone else.

“What are you doing?”

Chitose jumped visibly and turned around to look at me.

“Ah, Konbayoshi-sama.” He bowed to me immediately and was slow to rise. I waited, but there was nothing else that followed afterwards.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m looking for something.”

“This late at night?”

“Yes. Master said that it is imperative that I find it before he leaves tomorrow morning.”

I clicked my tongue in impatience, my uncle and his perverse ideas of torture. I looked at Chitose and noted that he is still in the same kimono as when we had dinner. Everything is still proper with him, only the dirt on his hands gave his efforts away. “What are you looking for?”

“A key.”

“Key?”

“A key to his car.”

Who knows what came over me, but my body moved on its own and the next thing I know, I was already looking for the key with him. All the while, I muttered curses inside my head at my uncle. This is an impossible task for one person, especially in the dark and in this stupid garden. Chitose was beside me, silent but diligently looking. Neither of us spoke, but there seemed to have grown a mutual understanding between the two of us. It must have been a couple of hours later when I finally saw the damned thing. Snatching it up, I turned quickly and located Chitose. “Here.”

His eyes widened at first before taking it over carefully and then bowed to me again. “Thank you so much, Konbayoshi-sama.”

“It’s nothing.”

Chitose looked at me with a small smile before bowing to excuse himself. I did not know how long he’s been outside looking for the key, but next morning, he appeared fresh as if the interlude last night never happened. I found my eyes drawn to him and my mind wondering what is beneath that passive expression and that faint smile. Maybe the key was more than just the whim of my uncle’s cruelty, but dare I think it to be the first crack in the wall between us?

There was no adjustment time between being abroad and being back in this family again. If there was something not to my uncle’s liking it would automatically become my problem. Getting locked out of the estate in the middle of the night because I arrived later than him at the dining room; and thirty minutes later, the side door slips open and I saw Chitose’s kimono flash through the darkness of the evening before disappearing. Sent to my room without food because I accidentally stepped on a loose strip of wood that creaked outside my uncle’s door; in the middle of the night, the guards outside suddenly both disappeared just in time for Chitose to place a tray of food right outside of my door. The next morning of every single day, the little notes left behind for me to discover.

Your uncle is expecting you to behave this way or that way.

Succinct and ghostly, there would always be a warning before I step out of my room. Over breakfast table, I would catch his eyes briefly and nod my head while he would return a small smile. A code that perhaps only the two of us could understand.

Fifty days after my return home, my uncle brought me to one of those horrendously boring business dinners. Over food, they talked of the most vulgar business transactions. I realized that even though the table is covered with plates of delicacy, no one came here to fill their stomach. I took two bites and placed down my chopsticks. It is disgusting to think that they can move from talking about the stock market to a new host; an under aged new host.

Vile.
Disgusting.
I cannot believe I share DNA with this man who calls him my uncle.

“Excuse me.”

“Sit down, Takahiro.”

I stood with a firm shove of my chair backwards and left the table without another glance back. Behind me, I could vaguely hear my uncle offering some lame excuse that no one would believe anyways. The night streets of Tokyo bustled with energy, I looked at the couple across the street, the old lady walking slowly, the group of friends window shopping, and the businessmen hurrying home… I wondered where my place in this world is.

When I got home, I crash landed head first onto my futon and wanted to never wake from this sleep. Of course, I knew that tomorrow will still come, I just did not think it’d come so soon. It was still dark and the moon still high in the sky when I was grabbed up from my futon, sleepy eyed and weary. I looked into the face of one of my uncle’s guards. Even at my height and build, it was not a hindrance to these guards. They dragged me out of my room and into my uncle’s private chamber easily. In there, I was tossed onto the ground in front of my uncle, who had just returned from that disgusting business dinner.

“You think just because you’ve been to America, you can walk out on me?” He started. “Who do you think you are? Just because you are the only heir to this family, that does not mean I will disregard this insult. Aren’t you afraid that I’d dissolve every single business we have right now to leave you with nothing? And then, what are you going to do? Beg on the streets?”

“Do it then. Dissolve the businesses; see if I give a damn.”

My uncle looked at me for a moment before smiling. No, it was no smile. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Rising from his seat, he picked up the whip next to him to approach me. I knew logically what was going to happen, but no matter how much my mind had already accepted it, when the first lash landed on my back, it was still a violent shock. “Never again are you to do dishonour me in front my business associates, do you understand?!”

It was a volley of attacks that left no skin on my body spared. I cannot remember what I did then. I think I covered my head, I think I tasted the blood that dripped from every single pore in my body. Slowly, each whip lash melted into oblivion and all that was left was a concerted burning sensation pulsating throughout my body. I must have drifted in and out of consciousness; for the next time I heard voices again, someone had stepped between my uncle and I.

Ah, I see a kimono. I remember thinking that and knew that it was Chitose who had stepped in. What are you? Stupid? Run away! He will whip you too! I wanted to scream, but I could barely move my lips. I never found out what happened that evening, when I woke again a couple of hours later, it was the sight of my ceiling that greeted me. For a dazed moment, I wondered whether my uncle is somewhere in the room waiting for this moment so he can whip me back into unconsciousness again. When the truth came to mind, the first thought was to run away. I pushed myself up and winced at the tremors of pain that crawled up my entire body, when I looked down, I realized that not only was I in my room, I was cleaned and bandaged up as well. There were so many questions but no time to entertain them any further. Grabbing my cell phone, I turned for my door just when it slid open.

For a shocked moment, both Chitose and I paused mid-action and looked each other.

“Ah, you are awake.”

“Yes.” I answered out of reflex, my mind slowly snapped into place.

He looked at me from head to toe before stepping aside to put down the tray of food that he had in his hands. “Please be careful then.”

I glanced at him, words a volley on the tip of my tongue but none rolled off. I stepped past him in haste but paused at the edge of the wooden porch. It was almost embarrassing, “you can call me Takahiro”, that despite the many great personal achievements, socialization is still my weak point. I flipped over the back wall to the freedom outside without another glance back.

Haruno took me in without a single question. Despite the obvious difference in personality and the fact that I will never admit it, having Haruno as a friend is probably one of the greatest accomplishments in my life. I do not remember how long I hid out at his place, but when I returned a decent amount of time later, the household was the same again.

Wake up in the morning, do whatever I wanted, be the perfect heir to the Konbayoshi’s family fortune and dinner with my uncle and Chitose. My uncle remained the same sarcastic and mocking bastard that he’s always been, but besides him stood my other half. Just a smile, or glance, we were able to communicate with one another.

Thunder storm coming today.
Sunshine.
Drizzling rain.

No, those weren’t weather observations; they were codes that we came up to warn one another of my uncle’s mood.

From the mere polite nodding of a bow to meetings between my friends and me with him, days grew into weeks and suddenly it’s no longer Konbayoshi-sama; no, it’s not even Takahiro-san, it became Hiro-chan somewhere along the way. It’s always been in secret, these meetings; for we all knew that my uncle would not tolerate such behaviour from us. As much as I enjoyed the thrill, a small part of me has always been aware of the fact that this cannot go on forever.

But we will take all we can get.

It was late August when we found a perfect night to sneak out with extravagance. My uncle was supposed to be on a business trip for a week; so the moment he left, Chitose and I left right afterwards. We were joined by Haruno and Narumi, and for the first time, I saw Chitose’s unrestricted smiles and laughter. He told me that it was the first time in years since he was last out on the streets and enjoying a summer festival. It sounded ridiculous to Narumi, but I understood perfectly the control that my uncle liked to exercise. It was four in the afternoon, and the next time we looked, it was already close to midnight, just after the fireworks.

“We probably should head back.”

Haruno was the first one to address the concern of time.

“You’re right. Chitose, we should…” I turned in search for the younger and found that he was still standing at the same spot; head tilted backwards and face upwards to the sky. The fireworks have died out long ago, but something about his silhouette stopped me. “You two go ahead, we’ll go back on our own.”

Although reluctant, we were left alone and I took my time stepping up beside Chitose. Neither of us spoke for a long moment, so long that it felt as if the entire world had disappeared and only the two of us remained.

“Is it time to go?”

“Yeah.”

“Ah, how I wish it could last a little longer.”

“We can always come out tomorrow. My uncle will be gone for a week anyways.”

“Yes, you are right.”

Or so we both thought. We were proven wrong when we stepped back inside the Konbayoshi family estate and found my uncle sitting in the main room. I felt Chitose jolt besides me and he pulled his hand away from mine just as fast. The four bodyguards who follow my uncle like his shadow looked menacing and imposing, I only prayed that they wouldn’t do anything to Chitose.

“You are back.”

“Yes, master.”

Another rule in the family: when addressed in a group without specifications, the one with the highest status speaks for the entire group. In this case, although I am the only heir to Konbayoshi’s family fortune, Chitose is my uncle’s –what exactly?- … belonging, so Chitose’s status is automatically higher than mine.

I was under his protection. I knew that. And I hated it.

“Go to your rooms.”

Dismissed with such a simple order, neither of us could believe our luck. Unfortunately, for one of us, luck ran out. I tossed and turned the entire evening, unable to sleep; and when I finally did, the first ray of sun woke me. For the entire day, I did not see Chitose. Each passing second felt like waiting for the death penalty. At dinner, I sat across from my uncle –per the usual- and Chitose sat beside him. I glanced up and at the first second, I wondered why his kimono is styled for such a wide neck; but at the second beat of heart, I understood. There were telltale marks of what had taken place the previous evening.

And my uncle was showcasing it to me. Beneath the table, I clenched my fist and kept my eyes down.

“Funny thing happened last night.” Of course, there is no reason why my uncle would let this drop so easily. “As I was undressing Chitose-chan” his fingers caressed the side of Chitose’s face slowly “last night, I realized that I never formally introduced the two of you.” Placing an arm around the younger, he purposely pulled Chitose closer. “Takahiro, I think it should be clear by now that Chitose is mine. It’s unfortunate that he is younger than you, but even you must understand that as far as status goes, you need to pay respect to him.”

Our eyes connected across the table and I found that I could not look at Chitose. “Yes, uncle.”

“Good, I was sure that you could understand.” My uncle twisted his lips into something one could call a smile, but in reality, it was something sinister. “Off you go then, Chitose-chan. Remember to service Mukai-san well.” He patted Chitose’s behind as the younger rose from the table.

Needless to say, I could not contain the shocked expression on my face. I tried to catch Chitose’s eyes, but he’s always been good at keeping them turned away as he walked past me. Mukai? Service? What has happened in this family!?

“Wipe that pathetic look from your face, Takahiro.”

“Service Mukai?”

“What does it matter whom or what he services?” My uncle spoke slowly, eating his food as if discussing the weather. “Chitose is mine after all, and if I am fine with it, then what there is anyone else can say.” Of course, Chitose’s opinions have never been part of the equation. He put down his chopsticks and looked at me with death in his eyes. “Who do you think you are, Takahiro? Fighting for what’s mine? You’re a hundred years too early.” Although I had not eaten anything, it felt like a piece of meat was permanently stuck in my throat. “Eat your meal; you are coming with me tonight.”

Where to?

The most ludicrous club in Japanese history, I was sure of it. I have heard all about the family fortune and assets, but the sheer volume of Opiate stunned me. This is a host club? It can rival the seven-star hotel in Dubai. Around us, people stopped and bowed; it was a testament to his power. I took in my surrounding and saw the hosts on the arms of clients, each step chilled my bones and finally I stopped in front of the elevators when we could speak alone.

“What is it?” He was already in the elevator.

“I will not go any further.”

“This is part of Konbayoshi’s asset, and without me spelling out the details for you, you should understand that this club may be the shadiest business that we own, it is also the most powerful.”

My uncle was correct, of course. The businessman in him would never allow moral or dignity to hinder the chance of climbing up that social ladder. This club offers itself as an opportunity for the elite to gather and while we hold their dirtiest secrets, they are forced to cooperate with us. The name Opiate has been aptly chosen precisely for that reason: it’s a drug that one is hooked onto, no matter how steep the price.

“I will not take part in this business.”

He looked at me for a long moment, when the elevator door moved to slide close, he smirked and lifted an eyebrow. “We’ll see about that.”

We’ll see about that indeed.

I left the club as soon as that door closed but I’ve always known that there is no way around this. Perhaps when I’ve established myself and the rest of Konbayoshi’s businesses beyond a point of doubt I can close this club, but… how long will that take? It’s been three generations since the beginning of this club, and if the great men before me could not do so, how will I be any different?

“Maybe because you are the first person who’s ever had such thoughts?” Chitose commented after my long, verbal essay on this topic.

“How can we be sure that my forefathers did not have such thoughts?”

We were walking –at a pace slower than snails- through the gigantic garden that is called our backyard. There was that longing to be free of these walls, but neither of us wanted to risk it again. “Well, the one who thought of this idea certainly did not have hesitations; but you are right that the successors’ thoughts cannot be gauged. Other than your uncle, he seems to be enjoying this business tremendously.”

“You don’t say.”

He glanced over at me and smiled slowly, amused at my almost childish remark. I met his eyes and could not help but chuckle either. To me, Chitose was more than just the only white spot remaining on this ink tainted paper. It was his ability to calm me and smile at me no matter what that I admired the most. And as reluctant as I am to admit, perhaps I’ve become a little too dependent on them as well. Sometimes, I always forget that he’s still a few years younger than me.

“What do you want for your birthday?”

“What?”

“What? Don’t tell me you forgot that your birthday is coming up!”

“Ah.” I mentally counted the days and could not help but come to a startled realization. He’s right; I will officially be turning twenty-two in a week. “Mmmmmmm.” I hummed as if deep in thought, but it was more to buy myself some more time. “Something from you.”

“… yes, well, I got that part…”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” I laughed and shook my head, somewhat embarrassed by myself as well. “I meant… everything that we own right now are courtesy of my uncle; it’s as if nothing belongs to us at all. So even if you bought me something, it would still be my uncle’s money and…”

“Say no more.” He interrupted and I glanced over at him. “I understand completely.”

He did and I did, we understood each other. But it seems like fate could not comprehend. The night before my birthday, I was forced to sit silently while my uncle told Chitose what to bring to meet with Mukai. It was an extended business trip that should take a day, but who knows if the weather or other incentives will keep them around for longer. I watched him leave out of the corner of my eyes, determined not to show a single flicker of emotion for my uncle. The old bastard’s eyes spoke all that was needed; he looked over at me with quiet victory in his eyes.

I cannot remember how the next twenty-four hours went. I was vaguely aware of the mountain of presents that came for me from people whom I’ve only spoken to once or from people whom I’ve not even heard of. I spent the day texting with Haruno and Narumi, wishing against all odds that I could somehow leave this prison. A part of me was hopeful that perhaps the business trip would end early; but morning came and gone, the rest of the day became a blur. It was a birthday without any joy, and I was in bed by ten. Ah, how pathetic. At least, there will be actual friends to look forward to tomorrow. Even if there are only two.

Somewhere between sleep and dreams, I thought I heard my door slide open. I ruled it as my imagination, until something touched my forehead and my eyes opened to see Chitose’s face.

“You’re back.”

“Look.” He reached for my cell phone and showed me the time. “Happy birthday.” It’s a quarter to midnight.

“Thank you.”

For a greeting that I actually cared about? For coming back? For being here? For having been imprisoned by my uncle so I could meet you? For so many things and everything.

Somewhere in the house, a clock chimed midnight with an eerie stillness.

“He did not touch me.” Chitose whispered, his gaze was unwavering when it met mine. It was step one.

I lifted my duvet and reached out slowly to touch the obi he had around his waist. Step two.

In reality, that was all we needed, two simple steps. He smelt of tea leaves, cucumbers, and citrus in my arms. The cliché thing to say would be as long as we could still see each other, then it’s enough, and life can be endured. Only, the Konbayoshi household did not allow time for clichés.

Many weeks later, at an unholy hour, the entire household was roused with a frantic phone call, and I remember half stumbling out of bed.

“He said that the situation is grave and that attention is needed immediately.”

I was still fixing up my tie when I entered the main room and saw the parade of people.

“What’s going on?”

“We’ll know in a moment.”

I rode in the car behind my uncle’s, by myself, with a driver and yawned every other second. We stopped in front of Opiate and I remembered feeling ridiculous, what could a host club possibly need this early in the morning? We were led downstairs to the basement, if the chill and dampness below earth level did not wake me; the dead host shook all sleep from my head. I could not tear my eyes away from the lifeless body, my uncle’s conversation with Mukai was a blur and I had the horrified thought that someday, I will be the owner of such a club.

“Go to Bakusui’s room.” My uncle instructed Chitose as soon as we were outside.

“Master?”

“The dead host and Bakusui were apparently involved; and as much as I hate to say this, Bakusui is a valuable member of the club, I cannot afford to lose him just yet.” Just yet, there is always a date of expiration with my uncle. “You are his for the evening. It is only fair to appease his anger towards me; I give him permission to do unto you all that he thinks is fair.”

Sex? Punishment? Death?
I craned my neck backwards in the car trying to keep my eyes on Chitose as we drove away from Opiate. Without another choice, I could only be driven home ‘till the night settled in. Then, it was all about the same old tricks of flipping over a wall to head for Opiate once again. I walked around the building and wondered where Bakusui’s room is. I cannot risk entering, for my uncle will be alerted promptly. I stood on the other side of the street and looked up at the ominous building. In one of those rooms, is Chitose being punished for a crime that he’s innocent of?

At the crack of dawn, the front doors of Opiate slid open and I saw the colors of his kimono before I saw him. He walked slowly, gaze on the ground until he saw me. In a moment, he could only offer me a weak smile and I realized that while he was facing destiny, I could do nothing.

Pathetic.

Even though I hated to admit it, I knew I had to become someone like my uncle to protect Chitose. It meant discarding all layers of emotions until only calculations and scheming were left behind. It meant eradicating my humanity to become a monster like him.

Is it worth it?

A question that I’ve toiled over again and again.

“Will you be okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“He is your father after all.”

“Yes, but I have no memory of him at all.” In the dead of the winter, the death anniversary of my father approached silently. My uncle’s older brother. “He might as well never have existed in the first place, but I am glad though. I am glad that he is no longer here, so I can imagine him to be an honourable person. It’s already bad enough that I have a monster as an uncle, it would be devastating if my father had turned out that way as well.”

“Hiro…” Chitose started with such emotion that I was impelled to turn and look at him. His lips were parted, and I instinctually knew that he wanted to tell me something. I waited; he paused, and then shook his head and smiled. “I’m sure, wherever he is right now, he is watching over you.”

Wherever he is; I hope it’s a better place than here.

For the first time in a year, I opened my text books again and fingered over the familiar pages and read over the definition of key words. I knew that if I wanted to secure both of us, I needed to take that giant leap and surpass my uncle. If necessary, will I be able to overthrow him while his cherished business associates watched?

Like Mukai, for example. It was a disgusting surprise when I saw him on the porch in front of the main hall one evening. Every fibre in my body ached upon sight, this murderer. I slowed to a pause near them but did not want to approach, but Mukai’s eyes missed nothing.

“Ah, isn’t this the heir to this great family?”

My uncle turned to look at me and besides him, Chitose barely glanced over. It was a transaction in place and I was well aware of it too.

“Mukai-san.” I nodded curtly and took but a few more steps closer.

“I shouldn’t bother you any more;” he placed a hand on Chitose’s back “shall we?”

“Mukai-san is not seeking the services of Opiate’s hosts anymore?” I spoke up quickly, unwilling for them to just take Chitose away like this.

“Nonsense, Takahiro; has the lack of food infiltrated your brain?” My uncle laughed that fake tone and looked towards Mukai instead. “Please, Mukai-san, take care of Chitose-chan.”

If the words take care did not sound good to my ears, they certainly did not sound any better to Chitose’s ears. I witnessed first hand what taking care of meant when Chitose was carried –literally- back a few days later. He was rushed in through the back door and then quickly to his own room. I saw a glimpse of his golden hair before my uncle caught reign of my time yet again.

There needed to be an opportunity, like when my uncle would leave for a charity event that I was too sick to attend. The house made no sound as I walked briskly from my room to Chitose’s room. I was told that the room that Chitose currently resides in was actually my late mother’s room. How fitful, the master and his… property, of course Chitose would be given the illusionary title of “mistress” of the house. I glanced around before sliding the door open to enter.

At the far side of the room, Chitose turned his head to look at me.

“Hiro…”

He sounded broken.
He was broken.

I could not count the number of cuts and bruises on his body, so I could only hold his hand and feel that he is indeed still alive.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I am the heir to this family, and yet I can do nothing to protect you.”

He smiled and shook his head. “Silly.”

Silly, silly me; to think that I could overthrow my uncle.

“Let’s leave.”

“Mmm?”

“When you get better, let’s leave. Let’s run away from here.” His eyes widened in shock, but I did not miss the hope that could be found in small traces. I smiled and pressed his wrist against my lips, feeling his pulse. “Rest, I will take care of everything else.”

During the day, when all eyes were watching, I was the same old Konbayoshi Takahiro. At night, when no one was aware, I secretly prepared all that we would need to survive. We cannot travel via any public route; my uncle will be able to locate us within hours. The only way left is to go along the shoreline. There is a stretch of beach and then it turns into restricted area that is not for people to traverse. If we can make it out of this city via that dangerous path, then we’ll have a better chance of getting away from him. I packed our bags and scouted out the area. Those were many, consecutive sleepless nights, but the idea of freedom spurred me on.

Chitose grew better each day, and he did not hesitate to ask for the best from the kitchen. I smiled at his progress; I knew that he was looking forward to this as much as I was. Soon, he was able to participate in every day activities as previously. We both knew the plan was any day from now on.

When it did come, we chose a day when my uncle would leave early in the morning and return late at night. For once, Chitose even discarded his kimono and turned to casual clothes that allowed for maximum movement. We heaved our bags over our shoulders and left without a glance backwards.

The life of a refuge did not kick in ‘till that evening, when we knew that my uncle would be returning. From the main routes, we dodged off the traffic and adhered to our path along the shoreline instead. When faced with the sign that clearly marked off wilderness from civilization, we left it untouched but preceded onwards still.

We were determined.

For once in my life, I felt useful when his fingers would squeeze a little harder at a particularly steep boulder that we will have to step past. Just a little bit more. We could almost see the freedom in front of our eyes. But fate liked to blind us.

A couple more days of intense travelling and lack of proper rest, my pace slowed and Chitose looked at me with worry in his eyes.

“I’m fine, let’s go!”

He smiled and nodded, but the fatigue on his face was showing slowly.

Isn’t it just our luck that we would suffer the worst hail storm I’ve ever imagined possible the next day? Together, we huddled underneath a tree and moved along briskly when there were clear moments in the day. That evening, we found a cave that at least shielded us from the hail. Our resources were diminishing, and so was our energy. I slumped against the rock wall and curled into myself.

No, I remember thinking; no, I cannot sleep at a time like this!

However, biological needs were indeed more powerful than psychological needs. Somewhere, I felt Chitose wrap his arms around me to give me warmth, but everything else was lost. In my dreams, I saw a small house and a small yard; I saw a simple and honest life, just the two of us.

In reality, I opened my eyes and saw the familiar sight of my ceiling.

“You are awake.”

Reminiscent of a previous event; I turned, wanting to see Chitose, but saw my uncle instead. I wondered if the entire escape truly happened or was it part of my dream.

“You did well, I suppose.” He looked down at me with a most satisfied look, knowing that I failed. “However, you forgot one major factor in your equation.” He lifted up a finger to emphasize his point. “You forgot that Chitose has always been pampered and spoiled and treated like a queen around here. What made you think that he would be willing to throw away all the luxury that seemed like birth right for something with you?”

I starred at him and shook my head, my voice was still hoarse.

“You don’t believe me?” He laughed and stood up slowly. “Why don’t you ask him yourself then? How do you think we found you out in the wilderness? If it weren’t for his timely call, perhaps you two could have gotten away after all.”

“He wouldn’t!”

“Oh he would, and he did.” He grinned at me with such disgusting satisfaction. “Rest well, my dear nephew.”

And so, life returned to how it was supposed to be before our daring adventure. Both Chitose and I carried on as usual; neither of us spoke of what happened. Perhaps there will always be many unanswered questions between the two of us concerning that failed attempt.

Why did you give up so easily? I wanted to ask.

So with the turn of the season, summer was upon us once again, and I found that losing myself in the garden at night served to be a better distraction than I remembered it to be. I still remember that particular evening, it was after an afternoon shower that all colors in the world appeared that much more vivid. I was returning from my evening stroll when I heard a loud thud as I stepped onto the porch. In that moment, I stopped and listened. The cicadas were whispering all around the garden and there was nothing else. I was just about to take another step when a door slammed against its frame and hurried footsteps could be heard.

In this house, someone is running.

The sound grew louder and I was transfixed by that sound. Around the corner, Chitose emerged and he halted immediately when he saw me. The dark and distance prevented me from getting a better look at him, but I knew I was moving and I knew he was moving. He almost collided into me when he clung onto me, face buried into my chest.

“Chitose, what is it? What’s wrong?”

His body shook lightly and I couldn’t help but pull him closer.

“What’s wrong?”

“Hiro-chan…” He said quietly. “… he… he’s…”

Two minutes later, I discovered the rest of his sentence. He’s dead. My uncle was pronounced dead that evening, the cause: a heart attack. I was not aware of his medical history, but according to the physician, it seems to have been something that he’s been battling with for the past few years. Tonight, it seemed that he could not find his pills in time to save himself.

It was almost too easy, almost surreal; to think that tomorrow when we would wake up, Konbayoshi Atsushi would no longer be a factor in our lives. Suddenly, the hope that we both thought were destroyed appeared once again. Of course, I am the rightful heir to the business and with no other family to claim the title, I will become the master of this house. As for Chitose? He can still remain in the rooms that belong to the mistress of the house.

Was this the opportunity that we’ve been waiting for?

The wake was a long and tedious process, the funeral even more so. Within the forty-nine days of mourning, the stream of people who entered and left were innumerable, I’ve long lost count. On the fiftieth day, we sat in the main hall with me at the head of the family position. Our family lawyer sat to my left while Chitose sat to my right. In the room sat all the stock holders and business associates of my family’s legacy.

“And finally, regarding the ownership of Konbayoshi’s family fortune.” The lawyer has been talking for the past thirty minutes, I wondered if this is even necessary. This passage of rites is as obvious as the sky above us. “According to Konbayoshi Atsushi-sama, he has decided to leave the entire Konbayoshi family fortune to Todou Chitose-san.”

I think everyone in the room flinched back at the declaration and all eyes were immediately upon the lawyer. He did not stutter; he did not prepare to apologize for a mistake made; he looked at all of us calmly while we looked at him as if he suddenly grew a pair of wings.

“… that’s impossible!” Some balding man rejected immediately. “The Konbayoshi family fortune is not to be passed to an outsider.” He paused and looked at Chitose with a dismissive glance. “Regardless of what their relationship was like.”

My mind could not move fast enough, I was trying to find a way for this to be a joke, this cannot be!

“Yes, I understand that. According to Konbayoshi Atsushi-sama’s next wish,” he tapped the paper “Todou Chitose-san is to be entered into the family registry and will become the guardian of his nephew, Konbayoshi Takahiro.”

“What? Let me see that!” The suited men rose one after another, including Mukai, to look at the will that was signed and sealed by my uncle himself. While they squabbled over the legitimacy of the entire ordeal, I could only look at Chitose. He sat with his back straight, head straight, eyes starring straight forward at nothingness. When he felt my gaze, he turned and looked at me.

Let’s fight it! I wanted to say.
This cannot be! I wanted to yell.
But we both knew that in this game of cards, Konbayoshi Atsushi had joker.

“Your uncle,” Chitose started in a whisper “truly cannot be rivalled.” When the rest of the room was busy congratulating Chitose on the newfound title and fortune, I was the only one who saw the tears that circled his eyes before he shut them completely. The hand that I had wanted to reach for him with paused midway and fell back onto my lap.

Guardian and nephew; just imagine the scandal that would become of us if we should take one step out of line.

“As the new head of Konbayoshi,” Chitose spoke with a stillness that was almost lifeless “my first endeavour is to pass all active decision making and business to Konbayoshi Takahiro.”

So I bowed to him, the actual head of family; while I, even though I bear the name of Konbayoshi, I am but yet another pawn.

At the age of twenty three, I owned more businesses than I can count and controlled the lives of millions within my palms. I looked at Opiate and wanted to slash the entire organization out, but Chitose’s hand on mine stopped me.

“Why?”

“You need it.”

“It’s prostitution; I have no interest in it.”

“Do you know what they say about you, Hiro-chan? They say you are a wimp to have to serve someone younger than you. No one takes you seriously. This club is your only advantage to build some relations of your own.”

I looked up at Chitose and searched his face. I was horrified to have not found a single trace of hesitance in his eyes. This hardness and calculating manner, it was almost a splitting image of my uncle. Shocked, I pulled my hand away quickly and the previous determination turned into surprise in his eyes. Somewhere along the way, there slowly erected more and more walls between the two of us.

“Even if we keep the club, many hosts are leaving, I cannot guarantee anything.”

He straightened and looked out the windows, the large wall of windows behind me. “I will become a host.”

“Chitose…”

“No, my decision has been made.” He returned his gaze onto me and smiled, it was beautiful, but it was one that spoke of defeat. “Wouldn’t these perverted old men like to have what was once Konbayoshi Atsushi’s? To see what made him turn over the entire family business to me instead of you? They will be more than enticed enough.” Defeat, Chitose has admitted defeat to my uncle.

“I cannot allow that. Chitose, I”

“have no say in this.” He cut me off and finished the sentence for me. “Remember who is actually in charge here.” It was a reminder that neither of us needed to hear, but had to be living with. “Also, ask Bakusui-san to stay. Give him whatever terms he wants. If we secure him, we can still have a club.”

Only an idiot would be blind to this. It was then that I suddenly understood why my uncle chose him over me. Oh sure, there was personal grudges and vendetta; but truly, Chitose was more fitful for this role than I will ever be.

“As with my uncle, I’d like to ask you for your continued position here as a trainer.”

“If I refuse?”

I gritted my teeth but I knew I could not hold him back if he truly wanted to leave. He’s already lost his love in his club, what else is there to stay for?

“If there is anything that Bakusui-san would like, I will work my hardest to obtain it.”

“There is one thing.”

“Yes?” Gotcha.

“Your uncle’s little boy, Chitose. Since your uncle is no longer present, I’d like to take over Chitose.”

No, he got me instead. My muscles tensed and I had to fight with all my control not to turn around and leave.

“May I ask your intentions with Chitose.”

“What do you think? Your uncle killed my lover; shouldn’t I get the same privilege with his lover?”

To hear that being spoken out loud is a thousand times more mind numbing than saying that inside my own head. If I were my uncle, I’d rule this as a fair trade, but I am not him.

“Anything else, Bakusui-san? I am hesitant about such a trade, if there is anything else…”

“There is nothing else. Don’t you think that it’s only fair for me to avenge my lover?”

I kept my head bowed, looking at the patterns on the carpet that ran into one another. Chitose said give him whatever he wants, would he still say the same if he knew what Bakusui was demanding? I closed my eyes and could only see the times that we were fortunate enough to have. I turned off all of my senses and could feel his warmth. Slowly, I lowered myself onto my hands and knees, the lowest position for a man.

“I understand your anger, Bakusui-san. However, Chitose bears no fault in this matter. If you please, I would gladly offer myself as a replacement.” Let a blood kin repay another blood kin’s mistakes.

“You… do you love him?

The million dollar question, no? Being asked by someone else made it seem like I was forced to give an answer. It spoke the reality of the situation when someone else can see as well. It meant that what was there wasn’t just for the two of us to witness, it was not an illusion or a dream that was concocted by the two people involved.

“Please reconsider your offer, Bakusui-san.”

Do you love him?

A simple question, and yet it still haunts me ‘till this day. I rolled over carefully to glance at the clock, it pointed to quarter after three and I moved to get out of bed. Carefully. Quietly. I did not wish to disturb Kazuya sleeping next to me. This room inside Opiate has long been mine, but tonight was the first time that a lover’s body could warm this bed.

Do you love him?

I grabbed my cell phone from the night stand and exited to the adjoining office. At the doorway, I paused and glanced back at the blonde in my bed. In a sea of velvet black, his blonde hair stood out as sharp contrast. I smiled at the sight before walking into the office instead. It’s been almost twenty hours after Chitose departed from this club for his exclusive.

The phone vibrated in my hand and I looked down to find a string of numbers that I did not recognize; the area code is certainly not from Japan or Asia. Flipping it open, I placed it next to my ear.

“Konbayoshi here. Have you arrived, Chitose?”

Do you love him?

To be continued...