Through The Glass.

Author's Note: Firstly, I must apologize for the lengthy author's note you are about to read. I feel I owe you all, any loyal readers that I may have lost by now, an explanation. But if you do not care to read all of this, be my guest and skip right on ahead.

As I have explained before my computer is infected with some terrible virus thing that causes constant pop-ups and a super slow and weak connection. On top of that, my computer is rather old. I am doing my very best to get the most use of it I can but it's really been testing my patience. So I don't really use it very much. As you may be able to guess, this has made it extremely hard for me to continue writing this. Had it not been for Fanny, the latest person to review this story that I had more or less buried, you would not be reading this right now.

This story has been my brainchild for a very long time now and I have always been able to see exactly where it was going. But with a lot of things going on, my son being sick, my husband's stepdad in the hospital, school, and the holiday season, I've lost my focus and it's simply proven to be too much work and a task rather than the story that I've loved and nurtured for so long. Thanks to some much needed muse, I've decoded that I'll be penning this story by hand and then as promptly as possible, posting it up here for all of you.

I was able to belt out this chapter last night. It came to me like none other, and I think it's pretty good. Let me know what you think! As lame as it sounds it really helps me to keep on going. I promise to always respond to your reviews and answer your questions. Reviews are love and they show me you I appreciate my work which gives me the will to continue on with this amazing story that while fictitious, still needs to be told.

So, without further hesitation, I sincerely hope you enjoy the next installation of Through The Glass.

Yours with much love (and quite a bit of remorse),
Asphyxiate.Me.Baby.

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It wasn't too long after drugs became an unspoken norm again that the unexpected thing happened.

It didn't happen immediately after. But our habits picked up right where they left off. Matt noticed I was taking from his stash, so without even a single word, he made me my own. It was normal for him to get high at home, and if he was in the mood and feeling like a man, I let him have his way, as long as I was high too. Our communication suffered for it, but it was really just an understanding that we had. We knew what we wanted from each other and didn't need much else.

A short while after all this understanding was established, that's when the unexpected thing happened.

Matt brought home a guest.

My entire time living with Matt, and not once had we ever had company. In the beginning, when our relationship was fresh and new, I liked the solitude. It was always just us, on our own, with privacy for hugging and kissing and touching and fucking. I was so absorbed in all of him that I'd never found the need for company. I'd been alone for most of my life anyway, and I'd found peace in solitude. Very few times in my life had I longed for company.

And when things were at their worst, when the solitude was too much to bear, I went to Chris.

So not only was this company unexpected, it was also unwanted.

As soon as Matt's friend walked into the door, I knew something was wrong.

The man standing next to him, with the scruffy beard, skull cap, street clothes and nervous tendencies was not the kind of friend you bring home from the office. And he certainly was the artistic type that I had always pictured Matt hanging out with. He wasn't confident and alluring. His appearance didn't make a statement. He was nothing more than a shifty suspicious character.

I always get these sinking feelings in the pit of my stomach when I know something isn't right. I got it then. But for some reason I never take heed of that warning. I always stand and wait, like a dumbass deer in the headlights, and suffer through the bad thing I knew was going to happen in the first place.

There was an awkward moment; just the three of us standing around in the living room of the apartment, just looking at each other with wide, expectant eyes.

Finally, Matt spoke, breaking the silence.

"Allison, this is my good friend Jesse."

I couldn't think of what to say exactly. Nice to meet you? Nice wasn't the word for it. A pleasure? I wouldn't consider it that either. So, I just smiled lamely.

Jesse grunted an indecipherable greeting, looking bored.

Matt, who was obviously agitated and fidgeting like mad let loose an exasperated sigh before finally getting down to business.

He looked at Jesse seriously. "You know what we agreed on. Twenty minutes. You have twenty minutes. And when you're done, I expect my stuff."

It hit me like a ton of bricks or perhaps like a speeding car, but once I realized Matt's bargain, the air went flying from my lungs and I desperately wished for an escape.

He turned to me next, grabbing my wrist in a painful vice. "You do whatever the fuck he wants, or God help you, I will give you the beating of your life." The bruises that would soon be forming on my wrist would be a testament of that. I nodded obediently, but inside I was disgusted and afraid.

He smiled cruelly, patting Jesse on the back as he left.

"Have fun, you two."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As soon as he had left the apartment, Jesse walked straight into the bedroom while I followed. Once we were behind closed doors, I began to beg.

If he gave me just a little, the smallest bit of meth I could do this. I'd do anything he wanted. Just a little would be enough to get me through it. It would be enough to make me not care about being used anymore.

Sex had lost its meaning a long time ago. Maybe when I was stupid and naive, when this had all just begun, I thought there was love involved. But after the first time Matt had violated me, that idealistic view had begun to fade. And finally, when I began to do the same thing to Chris, it slipped away from me completely.

Sex too is like a drug. It's exciting and thrilling and it feels good, and when its over you walk away feeling contented but never satisfied.

So it wasn't the idea of this grabby, rough stranger touching me that hurt. It wasn't the inevitability of where this would lead that scared me.

It was the fact that I had been bartered, made into collateral for drugs, by the man who promised he loved me.

It made me want to vomit.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It seemed like a good enough bargain to Jesse, who prepared the lines for me and brought the straw to my nostril.

It was all downhill from there. As disturbing as it was, it was pretty easy. I did as he told me to and tried my best to enjoy it. But there was a mental hurdle that the meth couldn't help me get over. When he touched me, my body responded. Everything proceeded as it normally should.

But inside my mind, I was completely destroyed.

I wanted to grab a knife and kill Jesse for being okay with this, kill Matt for breaking me completely and entirely, and then finally kill myself because there was absolutely nothing left.

Jesse finishing five minutes before his time would have run out, leaving a rather large bag of meth on the bedside table. All I could do was state at him blankly.

He chuckled gruffly as he adjusted the zipper of his jeans and I did my best to choke back a sob.

"Think of it as a tip, for you being so nice to me," he said with a smile.

I couldn't seem to find the humor in this.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I couldn't move from the spot where I sat on the foot of the bed. I was naked and it was cold, but I was glued there. It was as if my spirit was gone.

I hoped that maybe if I just sat there I'd eventually fade away into non-existence.

But things like that don't just happen, no matter how hard you want them too, and in what seemed like forever but really wasn't very long at all, Matt walked into the room and looked at me.

"How could you do this to me?" The voice that spoke didn't sound like my own. It was void and emotionless. It hardly sounded like a question at all, but rather, an accusation. There were no tears. There was nothing.


Maybe it was the disheveled look of the broken girl who wasn't Allison any longer. Maybe it was the question that wasn't really a question. It could have even been a tiny shred of conscious Matt had left that made him hug me close and cry.

It was then that I stood and walked away, disgusted with the feeling of that strangers cum running down my thigh.


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Sorry if you don't like it. I was trying to add the drama that it needs without going on for too many chapters. I tried to make it graphic and racy without being tasteless because that's not what this story is about. It's a life lesson. It's a look into a lifestyle choice. It's about Allison, and the drama that she faces as a result of the decisions she had made and the important each one can make.

Let me know what you think of the new writing style, please?