Clove : Book 4 of Lord Emperor Vampire Series

Who do I read? J.K Rowling; William Shakespeare; Barb & JC Hendee; Janet Evanovitch; L.A. Banks; Anne Rice and Glen Cook. I’m all over the board.
On AFF – Black Opal, ffpanda, iron dog, hakucho and twistedhilarity

As you can see the last chappie had a lot – and I mean – a lot of comments. It is very gratifying to know that my work is being appreciated, even if it’s running away on it’s own tangent for a bit. Scarily so. Thanks to the Loyal and the anonymous who left opinions, rants and suggestions: Laur; BlackOpal; romanticfae; Rosemary; AsyenMari;k; Marin Liliz; meadows_peak; FidesSeveri; Humanshadow; dramastarelf; ayachan; Ivette; Rosei; HallowsEve; Spirit; Ciar; Duelriel; fleur; Rainy; Aurora0821; sesshomarunaruaku and the mysterious Anon.

It’s still dark….ENJOY!


Chapter 163: Life is a beach

I tried to commit suicide. The brothers were right to kick the crap out of me. I was wrapped up in my own pain, I never considered them. Arrogant of me. Just par for the course. As it was, Azrael had his forearm across my throat and his knees in the small of my back arching me backwards. That hurt like the dickens. Skell sat on my legs and held my wrists in his hands as I tried to claw my way free from them. Xavier had forced me out of our body and took over before I could splat us on the concrete below Claudius’ penthouse.

“Stop it…just stop it…. Sex…”

I struggled uselessly against their hold. Finally Azrael had enough and I felt his fingers searching on my jaw for something…..holy crap…then there was nothing.


“Get a hold of Marcus and tell him to find Father, now. Get Lanseng on it. Get everybody on it. Azrael…don’t fuck up. What did you do to him?”

“Lanseng’s little pressure point thing. He should be coming around soon.”

“He’s awake now. His breathing changed when you were talking, brothers.”

“Go.” Xavier knelt in the sand beside me and laid a hand on my back. “I am so sorry that this happened Sex, but…you tried to kill us all.”

I was laying chest down on the sand but my head was resting on a makeshift pillow of a jacket. “Sex…Edward.” I shut my eyes as tears began to burn. “Ed…Eddie….” I began sobbing and curled in on myself.

“God.” Xavier gathered me to into his arms, “Eddie…you got us…don’t think you’re alone. Don’t ever think you’re alone. You took a chance on him. I thought you were good for each other. It looked like it.”

I just stared off across the pillow out over the sand, over the dune across the water. If I got up and just flew for the horizon, would I make it? Would there be something different over there? Would I be even more inadequate, if I just left?

Skell kicked sand in my face. I coughed and sat up pulling out of X’s hold. “Skell!” X cried out.

“I refuse to believe that I’m a part of you if this is the best you can do.” He kicked sand at me again. I turned my head and he plugged up my ear. “Get up.”

“Skell…what do you think you’re doing?”

“Get up!”

I shook my head and pulled at my ear trying to send the sand back out. Ass.

“Both you and Azrael told me that he is our power source. He’s our “I” beam. He crumbled like wet toilet paper. Maybe I’m the one whose supposed to the be support post? Maybe I shed the useless part that was holding me back.”

“Skell!”

That kind of made sense.

I’ve always been weak. I didn’t believe it when Liam said I was the number one brother. I was just the weakest of us. Get to me, and you could take us down…one by one. But…X fell first. He’s a hell of a lot more stable than me…or Az. I got more sand kicked in my direction. I just raised my hand to block more going in my ear.

“GET UP!”

I heard X jump up and stand between us. “You’re way out of line, baby brother.”

“You’re not helping Xavier. You’re the reason he gets away with crap like this. Azrael was telling me how he endangered everyone by attacking Hades. He got your asses locked in a coma. He got us to Orel Wessel. It’s all his fault. If you didn’t cover up his mistakes, maybe he would have learned something and he wouldn’t be sitting there all – woe-is-me. Newsflash, Sex, life is pain, get used to it! Now, you tried to kill us all by jumping out of a window and not opening your wings! YOU ASS!”

I wrapped my arms around my chest as I listened to my list of sins rattled off. They were better off without me. Everyone was better off without me. Tears streamed down my face. Everything I did….was never good enough for anyone. Maybe it was a good thing, Claudius walked away. I would just fuck up his life. Even more than it already was. You’ve heard of the Midas touch, well I had the Murphy touch. Anything I touched just got fucked all to hell.

I hung my head. “I’m sorry.” My voice was barely a whisper on the breeze. X continued to argue with Skell but baby brother was right. I was the one fucking everything up. Me. Sex….Eddie Xavier. The original. But I only spoke the truth. I only told him what was in my heart and I told him I would take anything he wanted to give me….which was absolute zero. I curled over until my forehead was on the sand. “Sasha….”

I heard a scuffle. More sand got kicked in my face. I closed my eyes and ducked a little tighter. I got a boot to the ribs. I wasn’t ready for it. It took my breath away. I sprawled on the sand. I heard an oof and saw X go flying over a hip. Skell kicked me again. I just turtled covering my head as he set the boots to me. “Get up! Fight back. Do something! Take responsibility! Show me what you’re made of Sex, ‘cause you ain’t too fucking impressive right now!”

“Skell, leave him alone!”

I heard a roar then felt the hot stirring winds as a dark shadow past overhead and then I heard Skell’s cry as he fell backwards away from me. I hurt to much to look then the heat of the afternoon sun was blocked. I warily raised my head and saw black feathers extended above me in an arch of protection. I was going insane. I had to be. I can’t keep being abandoned then rescued. I can’t stand it. I can’t do this anymore.

I shook my head and spat out sand that had ended up in my mouth. Impressive. You want impressive? I called on the phoenix. I called for my armor. I rose to my feet, just by angling my wings. The tight constriction of the armor felt familiar and right. It wasn’t just blue…it was blue hand of light/phoenix energy. The helm was the last piece of armor to form. I could see X’s face frozen in a mix of awe and concern. Skell was just looking at me. I flared my wings wide. The phoenix was so much larger than my feathers. Physically I ached from the kicks. The Healing Light flared up and I actually went woosh like gasoline on a bonfire.

I reached into nothingness before me. “Endellion.” The katana appeared as my hand reached up. My fingers wrapped around…nothing. My hand passed through the apparition.

Skell lifted his arm up into the arm and Endellion streaked across to him. His hand closed around the blue leather hilt and pulled her into existence. As soon as the blue blade was free, Skell erupted into a ball of blue flame. His wings unfurled, blue feathers the color of the Hand of Light. His long white hair turned blue. There was another flash of fire and he was dressed in blue fatigues like Desert Storm. I could hear a nudging inside my head, much like it was before I got my own hellcat. She was talking to him.

I extinguished.

Nothing. I had nothing of my own. My legs were shaky. I was tired. I shouldn’t be this tired but then, why wouldn’t I be tired. I got dumped and couldn’t even commit suicide. Sigmund had nothing on me. I turned and started walking toward the water.

“Sex!” I stopped and turned back toward baby brother, Destroyer of Nations. I looked up at Skell in his Hashmalliam finery. Nations would tremble before him. He looked like a blue Nordic godling.

“Look where Claudius is.”

I glanced at Father’s back. He was standing in front of me again, his wings still stretched wide. It was amazing that he was on the beach. Well he was royalty. He would have gotten here sooner or later.

I turned back toward the water.

“He’s between you and your enemy. Where he has always stood.” Skell’s voice was strong and cut over the wind and sea.

What was he expecting? What were they expecting? I’ve done the crawl-back-on-my-hands-and-knees-and-lick-the-bottom-of-your-shoes-and-I’ll-wiggle-my-ass-for-you-if-you-only-put-me-in-your-bed-and-fuck-me-senseless dance. I’ve encored it. I’ve done the curtain call. The result was the same. Tide goes in. Tide goes out. Sex is a feral child that grabs at anything shiny and bright and doesn’t know any better. I know enough to stop trying. Don’t have to cut another metaphysical metatarsal off.

I got knocked flying and ended up flipping over in the damp sand. A black wing slammed into the ground beside my ear. I opened my eyes and stared up at the arctic blue of Father’s cool orbs. I had to spit out more sand before I could say anything. “You want to try that again? You missed.”

“What are you doing? What have you done? Sex….”

Father had me pinned to the sand. I ached too much, everywhere, internally and externally, to try and wriggle free. He was on the beach, where could I go? If he could get here, he could get to the dark and I really wanted to hear him yell at me in the darkness. I just schooled my face expressionless and stared up at him. “What do you want, Father?”

“My Fallen Angel. I want my Fallen Angel in my arms.”

Harden my heart. Don’t you dare reach out to him. “That one fell from the sky.”

“Did I say thank you? Thank you for saving my life, Fallen.”

“That’s not my name.”

“Sex.”

I turned my head away, “That’s not my name either.”

“Sex…”

“Eddie. I used to be Eddie. I thought it was a crappy childhood and it’s just been par for the course. Get off me.”

“No.”

I snapped my head back around and glared up at him. “GET OFF ME!”

“NO!”

I blinked. Father actually shouted in my face. “You tried to kill yourself.”

I could feel my face color and shifted my eyes away. “Don’t worry, I’m on 24/7 suicide watch. It won’t happen again.”

“Do not be like this.”

“What? You don’t like walking back into a room you demolished? Sorry, Father. If you cut me, do I not bleed?”

“Demolished? What are you talking about? You destroyed the penthouse. Witnesses saw you phoenix less than two stories from the street.”

“That wasn’t me.”

I got two handfuls of hair pulled on either side of my head. “I know that. If Xavier did not step in…you would have killed them all.”

Since Father made sure I couldn’t look away from him, I glared at him. “A mistake on my part. I won’t do it again.”

He shook me head, “You mean to say that you will not be stopped again.”

“I won’t endanger the brothers again.”

“You are the center post…”

“You’ve been chatting with Liam.”

“What else was there to do since you ran away from me?!” That was snarled out with the depths of emotion that weren’t for me. But there it was. He did blame me for all this. “Liam tried to be nice about it, but the satisfaction that just emanated off of him and Hades was too much. Why did you run? Why did you leave? All you had to do was kneel. I was trying to protect you.”

I pushed against him. When that didn’t work, I bucked my hips up. He anchored the other wing in the sand beside my head so I couldn’t twist around if I wanted to. This was not the way to a comfortable feather pillow. “Why did you not kneel?”

“CAUSE YOU RIPPED MY HEART OUT!” I screamed up at him and shoved at his right shoulder, “Let me up….now…get off….get off…GETOFF GETOFF.” Father rolled off and I scrambled to my feet. My knees were weak. I was surprised to be standing.

“Fallen…”

I brought my hands up to my temples and closed my eyes. “It’s all or nothing with me, Father. I tried to change for you. I tried to accept less and be happy with it and look what I’ve become…nothing. I tried to make you proud. I tried to make you see that I was more than just a fuck…but, I’m not.”

“Sex…”

“I’m a sex toy. I don’t deserve kindness. I don’t deserve promises. I was a fool to expect love in return. I won’t bother you any more, Father. I never deserved you.” I stood a few tottering steps toward the water then my knees just collapsed. I landed hard. I lowered my hands into the cool soil and grabbed at the sand. The wet of the water kept some of the sand in clumps on my hand but then the glue that bound it together dried up and the sand shifted through my fingers. Just like happiness. I could see it. I could hold it for a moment, but in the end it would escape me.

I got jumped again. This time Father dragged me back to his chest and tried to kill me by crushing my lungs in a bear hug. “I am the one not worthy of you, Sex. Everything you said in the tub was nothing but the truth. A hard thing to face even for a psychopath like myself. I do feel, Sex. But I cannot latch onto one feeling and let it grow. It is like flashes of fireworks. Happiness glitters then fades. Pleasure sparks like a roman candle then splutters out. I can identify a feeling but then it is gone. Sadness. Sadness I know. Sadness will stay and lay with me in my empty bed.”

His face pressed against the side of my head. “You give so much, Sex. You are like the sun. Everyone turns to you for stimulation. So do I. I am the shadow. I have brought shadows to you, Sex. No matter how much I want to stand in your light, to warm myself there, to allow myself the luxury of tears…” Father began to rock with me in his arms, “I cannot keep up with you. I cannot run with you because you are so far ahead of me. I cannot call out to you to slow down. I am just holding you back, Fallen Angel. I should set you free…”

“You left.”

“You are forbidden to me.”

I began to struggle in his arms. He just tightened his hold, even bringing his black wings into play wrapping around me like a warm downy blanket. I don’t even know when I started crying. The tears just kept dropping off my cheeks onto his arms. His voice was a low whisper. “You scare me, Sex.”

I stilled. “I thought you said you had no emotions.”

“No, I said I have fleeting emotions. The darker emotions. The negative ones, I am quiet familiar with. I cannot share with you Sex. Not because of you. ‘I’ cannot share. If I am honest; I am afraid to share. I do not know what you would see in me. I have done so many questionable things in the name of the Nation. My soul is probably black with my deeds.”

“Your soul is chrome plated.”

“What?”

“I can see souls. Your soul is bright and shiny because it is wrapped up.” I could feel myself weakening. I leaned back against his warmth. I had been so cold for so long. He called me the sun, but he was the one who warmed me. I took a slow breath and filled my nostrils with our mixed scents. Cinnamon and cloves. It was a dark tone. It was to be expected as we are the best killers in the Nation. We get paid handsomely to do it. Father and Son, and Father and Son. Blue Line assassins.

“I…I am unworthy to be your lover, Sex. You need someone who can match you in all things. If it is just the physical act of love, I can do that. My lack of emotion makes me an attentive lover. I can play your body to your utter satisfaction but you need more and I am severely lacking. You should not settle for an emotional cripple. Do not lower your standards for me.”

“I thought you left because I called you Alexander.”

“Alexander knows his limitations. That’s what made him such a terror back in the day. It worked to his advantage not to feel anything for his victims or prey. Alexander is a name my mother gave to me. Claudius is another name my unnatural mother gave to me. Sasha…Sasha is the name I want to claim as my own.”

I should be strong. He walked away. I should leave him out there. I should do a lot of things. Love hurts. Love hurts so damn much. Why can’t I lock him out? He’s ripped me to shreds and here I am again. I want this to end. One way or the other. With or without him, I can’t yo-yo like this any more. I began sobbing.

“Forgive me, Eddie. I am doing the best I can do and I am floundering. I do not know what to do, and my inaction is causing you pain. Should I stay or should I go? What would make you the happiest?”

Let him go. He left. Leave him out in the cold and darkness. “Eddie?”

“Share with me, Sasha.” My words were barely a whisper but they dropped with the same effect of the atom bomb.

He stiffened. “I do not know what you will get.”

“Share with me just once and then let me decide….and I’m Sex. I claimed that name long ago.”

Sasha didn’t let me go. If he wasn’t breathing, I would have thought…I don’t know what I would have thought. Here I am again…waiting for my black haired, black winged angel of my destruction. I closed my eyes and bowed my head forward. I am such a masochist. Hurt me more Father. I’ll just keep coming back for more.

Sasha’s lips fluttered by my ear, “Cherish me, Sex. I will give all that I am to you…I just do not want to disappoint you more than you have been.”

I got swamped with fear as he released his shield. Fear? That was the one emotion I didn’t expect Father to hit me with. I leaned back hard into his embrace. He whispered again. “I will try not to be a disappointment.”

Sasha.

There was a strong wave of fear that washed over everything but there were other emotions mixed with it. They were like flashes of silver fish darting under the surface. I was hurt and tender but even after all of this…there it was. My glowing heart. Oh good lord, I had a heart light. I allowed its intensity begin to grow.

Nnngghh, I’m going to be even more bruised as he tightened his arms.

“I cannot match this.”

“I’m not asking you to.”

The fear dissipated as if a plug had been pulled out of the drain. The other spots of silver I spied flopped like fish out of water. I let my light flood the void. Sasha moaned. It wasn’t just a moan -- it was that special one. The one I strived for…that moment of complete peace before the world shattered in orgasmic frenzy. His wings flapped open and spread wide. Every feather extending like the stretching of a hand. That sound that I loved, the rustle of leaves surrounded us as he shuttered. Except he hung there in that moment. I turned in his arms and pushed his body down into the sand.

His wings glittered out of existence and he looked up at me, his arctic gaze was dazed. “Sex…”

“Let me cherish you. It’s okay if you can’t feel that much…I feel too much for just myself anyway. Give me your heart and I’ll feel for the both of us.”

This six foot, black haired handsome god of desire and lust did something I never asked for. I would never dare ask for. I threaded my fingers between his and brought his arm up so I could kiss the back of his hand. He surrendered to me: physically; emotionally; and sexually.

I looked at him absolutely stunned. How could he do this to me? How could he drag me from the depths of the black lagoon and shove me on top of the mountain in less than three heartbeats? “Sasha…”

“I only existed before you entered my life, Sex.”

Shut up. I pressed my lips to his. My love over shadowed his but he could give…he gave all he capable of. He has always given. He believed he wasn’t good enough for me. I was loved. He was my negative image. I was his positive image. Striking in it’s singularity but together….together we were whole. We were fucking invincible. I flared royal blue.

“My Sasha…”

Sasha let me drive. I left tracks all over him. My heart light warmed us. I would shiver when his desire would spike through my love like a flying fish then splash back into the river. Sharing was awesome. When my lips and tongue just brushed this spot right here, I got another pleasure spike. Staring into Sasha’s face, I wouldn’t have known just how much it affected him. I peeled his shirt off him taking time to explore every inch of tannish flesh. “Beautiful…just like a perfectly baked peanut butter cookie. You know I like to dunk my cookie into milk.”

Royal blue flames matched mine. “Dunk away, Sex. You are unbelievable. I’m drowning in your light…”

“Is that a bad thing?”

He opened his eyes and spiked his fingers into my hair at the back of my head. “If this causes you to jump off of buildings…it’s a bad thing.”

“This is why sometimes I can’t think things through…but it only seems to be this way because of you. You affect me so strongly Sasha. You always have. Let me cherish you…here on my beach…would you allow that.”

“You have shown me how cherished I actually am, Sex.” He pulled me towards him. I could feel his want for me. I was first in his life…before everyone else…even Marcus. He gave me all that he had. I slipped him some tongue. I nicked it on his fang spilling my blood into his mouth. I waited for the shark in the water attack but he laid compliant beneath me. Wow.

“HEY!” I twisted and looked toward the slight crest. Both X and Skell were standing there looking down at us. “Father has to go. His body is getting too hot.”

Sasha frowned. “What was that?”

“We interchange, our body is never left unoccupied. Yours needs to be monitored when you’re spirit walking?”

‘This isn’t real?”

“This is real. You take what you experienced here back with you.” I slipped off his rock hard thighs and knelt in the cool sand. “I need you to make a choice with me anyways. Father Claudius. Lover Sasha. You can’t be both to me.” He opened his mouth but I laid my hand over it. “If you are my Father, you are my protector and advisor. You will stand before me as my sword and my shield. If you are my Sasha, you are my lover and my consort and you will stand beside me and guard my back. You can be Father to X, Az and Skell, but your role is confusing us. You don’t have to make it now.”

He pulled my hand down from his mouth. “I am your Sasha.”

I shoved my tongue down his throat.

“Don’t make me come down there and kick more sand in your ear!”

Asshole. I leaned back and gave Sasha a watery smile. “You better go.”

“I do not know how. Azrael yanked me here. How do you return?”

I stroked the side of his face, the pain in my chest was breaking up like a chest cold. “Our body is usually with you. I just wish to go home.”

Sasha faded from the beach. I actually shivered as our sharing connection slipped away. I closed my eyes. This was good. Right? I felt a warmth burst to life in my chest. Yes.

The sky darkened and I looked up to see X standing over me. His expression wasn’t loving older brother. “I’m glad you’re happy Sex, but we have a hell of problem. Number one is the fact that you tried to off all of us and number two is….”

Skell lifted Endellion up toward the sky. Thunder clapped and the whole beach rattled like we were in a terrarium. “What the hell is this thing and why is she calling me Hash whatever?”

* * *