Snowfall

\"Albin.\" Fin was poking at the fire of our camp just outside of the latest town. \" Were you born like this?\"

I looked over at him curiously wondering what prompted this question out of the blue. He was now fifteen and so keen minded that I enjoyed our conversations. \"Why do you ask, Fin?\"

\"Are you not going to tell me then?\"

\"I didn\'t say I wouldn\'t answer you. I am merely curious about why you are asking.\" I leaned away from the fire, watching it with a wary appreciative eye. It was a thing that could harm me and as such it had my respect. I found it beautiful and fascinating, no doubt most of our kind do, such destructive power and yet its cultivated and useful. The fire reminded me that I was not truly immortal, I could be harmed. Such thoughts always brought back the image of Amar lying in the snow. Yes, I tried to be careful, even a lucky human could kill me if I became too confident. \" I was not born this way. I was a sick child of a couple of farmers. My father feared I would never be able to run the farm when I grew up. I was beaten by the other kids for being the smaller one and the one that didn\'t fit in.\" I shrugged, it was so long ago. A small smile touched my lips, oh, to only have the problems of a small child again; even ones such as mine. Such innocent days, fishing in the sunshine. I closed my eyes remembering.

\"I\'m sorry. I shouldn\'t have pried.\" Fin looked away pretending to peer intently at something on the other side of the room.

\"No, no I was just remembering some of the better times. It wasn\'t all bad. Though my father sent me to the church. I guess he thought it was a better life for me. I believe he was right. I learned to read and write and I will be the first to admit that it is something I am far more suited to.\"

\"But you weren\'t like this?\" He gestured to my arm that was pale in the moonlight.

\"I was always pale but no not like this. There was more life to my skin, like yours, there is the blood that flows and it gives you a glow of life. I now have the pale of death. Its not quite the same, my maker was sad the night he made me and I didn\'t understand why at the time. Over the years I understand the difference.\"

Fin looked up at me a moment and then looked away. \"Its beautiful though. I think. Not like mine.\"

I sighed and reached out a hand to his shoulder. \" You\'re far more beautiful to me than I am. I suppose we all get used to seeing ourself and something else is always more desired. But is that what you really wanted to know?\"

\"I was reading a book, Edmund got it for me in the last town. He thought it would interest me and maybe provide some good ideas for my plays. It talked about creatures of the night and other demons. Vampires.\"

\"Ah, so what do you think of that?\" I now watched my young companion with a strange calm. He\'d either accept it or not. \"I won\'t deny what I am.\"

\"No, I didn\'t think you would.\" Reddish eyes rested on me and did not turn away, the flames flickering in his eyes. \"Why would you choose to be a monster?\"

I opened my mouth to answer and then shut it again, very good question. \"Love\"

Fin still watched me, obviously expecting more explanation than that.

\"I was in love with my creator. He was a caring man. Intelligent and charming. I had no delusions that he was not a hunter. I knew that he was. What your book probably doesn\'t tell you is that vampires don\'t have to kill. Amar did not make a habit of killing.\"

\"Do you?\" So quiet, his voice.

It was my turn to look away at nothing. \"I have many times. Not in the beginning. Amar used to marvel at my compassion.\" I snorted, when had I last felt that? \"Time changes us all. Perhaps that is the true way vampires become monsters. After so many years of hurt we cease to care. Its easier that way.\"

Fin frowned. \"So you don\'t care about us?\"

I smiled and reached out to touch a strand of his white blonde hair. \" I do care about you. Its been a long time for me. Sometimes its hard. I worry about the Night Army.\"

\"Why? We are able to take care of ourselves.\" He had frowned again with this answer and I grinned all the more. Sometimes it was easy to forget Fin was still so young but then he would say things to remind me. And it was a child who pouted at me now claiming that they could all take care of themselves.

\"I know you can but there are things out there. People who would hunt me and you.\"

Fin looked away again. \" I didn\'t have a choice.\"

\"I know you didn\'t. Is life so bad?\"

\"No, Albin, but you had a choice. I might have liked to have one too. I can accept who I am but still think it might have been nice to be able to be different.\" He watched me to see if I understood what he was saying.

I nodded. \"I always thought it was unfair that I was not able to be the son my father wanted. I had a brother once, Alin.\" I smiled faintly, my brother\'s image conjured up in my mind\'s eye. \" He was the son my father hoped for. I did not know until he was gone that my father loved us both. Sometimes you don\'t get to choose but hopefully you can find a way to love what you\'ve been given.\" I was starting to sound like Father John and that brought a quiet laugh out of me.

Fin smiled. \"Yes I suppose, though my mother never cared for me. She was embarassed by me. I think a priest told her I was punishment for some sin she had commited.\"

\"What of your father?\"

Fin laughed. \"I think that would be the sin she commited. I never met my father and he never married my mother. From some of the things my mother said of him, because some days she blamed him for me and said she should have never trusted a man such as he. I got the impression that he was wealthy, maybe even a noble of some kind. My mother was very pretty. Her hair was black as night and her eyes were so blue. She was tan from working out in the sun and her eyes sparkled when she laughed.\" He poked his stick in the fire again. \" Not that I saw her laugh often. Anyway, I think she had thought to have a child and then take it to her lover and show him. Some nobles have been known to help take care of their bastard children. Perhaps that was what she had hoped for but then she had me. He would never have accepted me as his son. That is what she said. So no hopes for some wealthy man keeping us up. I was nothing but trouble. Bringing attention to her, everyone in the village said that I was the result of her consorting with demons or at the very least punishment for her lack of judgement.\" He looked up at me again. \"Why though, was I punished for her sin? It wasn\'t my fault. I didn\'t ask to be born. \"

\"Maybe its not punishment, Fin, maybe its just life.\" I shrugged. Such questions were ones I asked long ago. \"You mother could have chosen to love you and she would have been given a great gift. You\'re a wonderful person, Fin, I\'m rather glad to know you.\"

He smiled. \"I\'m glad to know you too. If I didn\'t I wouldn\'t be here.\" He reached a hand up to his nec in remembrance of how we met.

\"Yes, well you snore. I\'ve thought of ringing it myself a few times during the day.\" I winked at him and he grinned.

\"You can\'t do that, who would take care of the wagons and the animals for you and who would tell stories so the others didn\'t always pester you for them?\"

I nodded agreement. \"Why do you think I keep you around? You\'re soup? What ever that was you made the other night.. it smelled horrid. Made me glad I don\'t have to breath.\"

He ran a hand through his hair and gave me an embarrased smile. I burned it. I was busy reading my new book and forget about it. Burned fish head soup doesn\'t smell nice. Rebecka would say fish head soup by itself doesn\'t smell nice.\"

\"Yes, she is a picky eater. Strange for a girl off the streets.\" I laughed at the thought of the redhead. She turned her nose up at dinner many times, perferring to go into an inn and get a meal instead.

\"What is she not picky with? Edmund told me she made him wait around the fabric store the other day while she pondered over three shades of red fabric for a surcoat.\" Fin laughed. \"Edmund finally grew tired of waiting and bought all three.\"

\"Edmund?\" The boy was frugal with everything. \"She must have really tried his patience\"

Fin\'s face lit in a sly smile. \" She does do that but he enjoys it.\"

I nodded. Yes, Edmund was uncommonly shy around the bold seamstress, it did not take a genius to figure out he had feelings for her.

\"And what of you? Is there anyone you\'re patient for, Fin?\"

He shrugged. \"Girls, bleh, Books are better.\"

I knew that there were several that had looked his way, I wondered if he had noticed. Knowing Fin, probably not.