Pain and.. pain?

Thanks for all the revies i got, I fixed the peeing thing in the previous chapter, thanks for pointing that out for me! That's what you get when you write in the middle of the night with eyes half closed, there's not enough hours in a day I tell you!

As always, I hope you enjoy this and please review!




CHAPTER 25




My peanuts had run out and I was down to my last drop of water. I had spent the past days curled up on my mattress, trying not to use up any of the energy I still had left. My stomach had sunken in and I felt clammy all over. I knew that if dad wouldn’t be back soon, I wouldn’t have to worry about getting away anymore. He would come home to find me dead. Depression had taken over again and I had lost the will to be angry. There was no point being angry. In the end I was happy if I would die in the one place I felt safe in; bundled in my own blanket in my room, alone. No dad, no Jonathan.

I was half asleep when I was startled awake by the door to my room opening. I hadn’t heard any noise coming from outside. I didn’t lift my head, just twisted my neck enough so I could see dad at the door. He dropped a new paper bag on the floor along with a full bottle of water and said.

“You have half an hour to get cleaned up. Move it.”

He turned away from the doorway and I pushed my blanket away in a hurry. Half an hour. I needed a shower. I was feeling weak and my legs trembled threateningly when I grabbed the towel and made my way to the bathroom. Warm shower felt like heaven after feeling cold for days and when dad shouted me to hurry up through the door, I turned the water off reluctantly. I wrapped myself in the rough towel that had long time ago lost all fluffiness and gathered my dirty clothes from the floor before unlocking the bathroom door. Dad was waiting for me outside, not happy at all.

“I told you to fucking hurry. I don’t have all day.”

“I-I’m s-sorry, s-sir.” I stuttered through clattering teeth and headed towards my room. Dad followed close behind and when he was closing the door behind me, I turned to look at him and asked hesitantly. “D-Dad? W-When a-are y-you c-coming b-back?”

Dad looked at me for a moment before pushing me further into the room and saying. “I don’t know.”

I heard the lock click and sighed heavily.. My PJs were dirty now so I pulled on jeans before going to get my food bag and water. I sat on my mattress before opening the bag and turning it upside down so everything fell on my lap. Peanuts again, candy bars, sandwiches, basically the same stuff than last time. A bit more this time though and I put everything back into the bag. I would have to be even more careful about rationing everything.

I combed my still wet hair with my fingers, trying to get it to settle down at least half decently and gnawed on my lower lip nervously. My hair was getting a bit too long for my liking, almost reaching my shoulders and curling at the ends and I knew I needed to cut it again. I cut my hair myself. I didn’t have money to get someone to do it and I had made the mistake of asking dad to cut it for me only once. I had ended up with patchy hair and a lot of bruises and had to shave my head to fix it. I liked to have hair to hide my eyes in, just not as much as I had now.

When my hair was dry, I lay down and sighed. I was feeling a bit better now that I had showered but my stomach felt hollow. I rolled onto my belly and reached for the paper bag. The sandwiches were going to get stale anyway if I wouldn’t eat them in the first few days so I might as well eat them now. I ate slowly and tapped my stomach with my fingers slightly. It felt better now that there was something in there.



Dad came back two weeks later. When he opened the door, I was bundled in my blanket so that only the top of my head was showing. I had been sleeping for days, not having the energy to do anything else and I didn’t move when I heard the door open.

“Jason?” Dad asked and I heard him come closer. Dad yanked my blanket away from me and I rolled on my back, looking up at him tiredly. “Shit.” Dad cursed under his breath and dropped my blanket. He pulled me up from the floor and hauled me to the bathroom. He dropped me on the floor and undressed me with rough hands before turning on the shower.

“Get washed.”

I reached for the shampoo shakily and dad handed me the bottle before leaving me alone. I couldn’t stop myself from trembling and washing my hair took more effort than ever before in my life. I let water rain on me while washing my body and frowned when I felt my ribs poking out clearer than before. I mean I had always been skinny but know I was almost skeletal.

Dad was back ten minutes later with a towel and a pair of my boxers. He didn’t say anything, just dried me off roughly and pulled the boxers on me. I felt embarrassed about dad dressing me but honestly, wouldn’t have had the energy to do it myself. Dad carried me back to my room and I noticed that he had taken away the bucket from the corner. Also, a pizza had appeared next to my mattress along with another bottle of water.

“Eat. You look like shit.” Dad grunted under his breath and left me alone. I watched after him and bit my lip when I noticed that he had left the door open. That meant he was probably coming back. I wrapped myself in my blanket and leaned on the wall before lifting the pizza box in my lap slowly and opening it. I didn’t care what was on the pizza, I cared that it was warm. I hadn’t had anything warm to eat in weeks.

I had eaten half of the pizza when my stomach started to feel a bit funny and decided to stop. I should save the rest anyway if dad would lock me up again. I closed the box and set in on the corner before lying down carefully. I felt better after getting something to eat and wanted to get some sleep now that my stomach wasn’t aching anymore.

Dad walked into my room again and looked at me and then the pizza box in the corner.

“Did you eat all of it?”

“N-No, s-sir.” I stuttered quietly and dad nodded. He watched me quietly for a moment before saying.

“I’m going now. I’ll be back in the morning. Be good.”

I watched him leave the room and frowned when he left the door open. Where was he going again? And why did he tell me to be good?

I heard the front door close and closed my eyes tiredly. I heard footsteps closing in on my room and though that dad had forgotten something. When someone sat on my mattress and stuck a hand in my hair, I flinched violently and wrenched my eyes open. I looked up and saw Jonathan. He smiled at me and asked.

“How’re you feeling, kid? Your dad said you’ve been sick.”

I felt fear clench my stomach painfully and plastered myself against the cool wall behind me in a desperate attempt to get as far away from Jonathan as possible. What was he doing here? I didn’t want him here.

“W-What a-are y-you d-doing h-here?” I whispered shakily, afraid of the answer.

“I came to see you. I’m spending the night.” Jonathan said casually and brushed his fingers through my hair. I stared at him with mixed feelings of fear and confusion. Why was he acting weird? Like nothing had happened before. Like he hadn’t raped me and strangled me half dead.

Jonathan slid his hand across my cheek, then down my chin and along my neck until his hand disappeared inside my blanket. I closed my eyes to keep the tears in and tried curling up tighter so Jonathan wouldn’t be able to touch me.

“Ssh, don’t move.” Jonathan shushed me and pulled on my blanket down to my waist. I pressed my face against the mattress and tried to control the panic that was starting to take over me while Jonathan continued to touch me. His hand ran down my back, fingers slipping inside the hem of my boxers for a moment before pulling away.

“You’ve lost weight. You should take better care of yourself.” Jonathan said and I spilled silent tears into the mattress. Jonathan shifted suddenly and before I could stop him, I got maneuvered around so he was leaning against the wall and I was sitting in his lap. A shudder ran through my spine, partly because I was cold but mostly because being this close to Jonathan gave me the creeps. Jonathan lifted my blanket back up and draped it over my shoulders before wrapping one arm around my waist, pulling me tight against him. My body went rigid and Jonathan pushed his hand inside the blanket to rub against my bare side.

“Relax, kid. You know I won’t hurt you if you don’t fight me.” He said and kissed my cheek. I turned my face away and hung it low, tears still running down my cheeks. Jonathan brought his hand up to wipe them away and I flinched. He tightened his hold on me and brushed away my tears before continuing to touch me all over.

“Don’t cry, Jason. Tears don’t make you pretty.” Jonathan said and I gulped nervously, trying to swallow my tears. His hand found my left nipple and rough fingers ran over the little nub once before pinching it. I let out a sob and brought my hand up to save my poor nipple. Jonathan stopped teasing me and sighed.

“I never wanted to hurt you, kid. You know that. It just makes me angry when you fight me, baby. You push my buttons the wrong way.”

“I-I’m, s-sorry, s-sir.” I stuttered out and Jonathan brushed my cheek again, turning my face towards him.

“You know I don’t like you calling me ‘sir’, Jason.” He chided me with an unusual soft tone that I hadn’t heard in a long long time in his voice.

“I-I’m s-sorry, J-Jo-Jonathan.” I gulped and closed my eyes while wiping my running nose. Jonathan pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped my face with it.

“No more tears, okay? Promise me, Jason.” He said and I pressed my chin against my chest tiredly.

“I-I p-promise, J-Jonathan.”

“Good boy.” Jonathan smiled and caught my chin in his hold. He lifted my head up, then turned my face against him and kissed me on the lips. I froze still and Jonathan snaked a hand in my hair before pulling away.

“Don’t be like that again, baby. I don’t want to hurt you again. You owe me for last time. You ratted me out, now I can’t even go out anymore because they’re after me. You owe me this.” He warned and I twisted the hem of my boxers nervously. Jonathan gave me one more warning look and leaned in to kiss me again. This time I submitted to his kiss and closed my eyes. I had to treat him like a customer I told myself and tried to relax in Jonathan’s lap. I could already feel him hardening under me and started preparing myself mentally for the sex.

“Undress me.” Jonathan whispered with a raspy voice against my lips and I tensed again. I started opening the buttons on his shirt with trembling fingers and bit my lower lip nervously when the buttons didn’t want to be opened. Jonathan had a dangerous looking smirk on his face and I looked down quickly.

“I’m s-sorry, J-Jonathan.”

Jonathan pressed a kiss on my cheek and started opening his shirt with nimble fingers. “Do my pants.” He said and I nodded stiffly. I climbed off of his lap awkwardly before reaching for his belt and pulling on it. I opened Jonathan’s pants and he straightened his legs and lifted himself so I could pull them off. I could already feel cold sweat running down my back and shivered from cold.

“Are you cold?” Jonathan asked and I hung my head lower.

“I-I’m s-sorry.” I whispered and Jonathan pushed himself to his feet. He grabbed my wrist, pulled me up from the floor and towards the door before I could say anything. I tried not to trip over my feet while keeping up with Jonathan and paled when I realized where he was taking me. Dad’s bedroom.

“J-Jonathan?” I stuttered and he stopped for a moment to pull me closer and pick me up easily.

“Your dad knows. Don’t start, Jason.” Jonathan said and I hung onto his arms when he carried me to the master bedroom. I was lowered on the bed slowly and Jonathan kicked down his own boxers before grabbing the hem of mine. I flinched but lifted myself up so he could pull them off. My heart was racing hard in my chest but I tried to keep the fear out of my eyes, afraid that Jonathan would get rough on me again. He climbed on top of me and forced me to lie down on my back. Jonathan’s lips attacked mine and I clutched the sheets tightly so I wouldn’t push him away.

“Relax. You know this will feel good if you relax.” Jonathan murmured and pushed me higher on the bed before lowering himself on me. I could feel his rock hard cock pressing against me and shuddered again. Jonathan misread my reactions as being cold and pulled the comforter over both of us. Dad’s comforter. I was going to get the blame for this later and it made me scared out of my mind.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to imagine someone else on top of me instead of Jonathan, anyone else was better than knowing it was him. Hands touched everything and when they reached my thighs, I lifted my legs up shakily. Jonathan pulled away suddenly and reached for something from dad’s bedside table. I turned my head to follow his hand and paled when I saw the lube. Jonathan felt me tense under him again and brought his other hand up, sliding it over my belly and chest until it reached my neck and wrapped around it. I gasped sharply and closed my eyes tightly, holding my breath. Jonathan’s fingers searched for my pulse and his smirk widened when he felt my heart racing.

“Your neck it pretty.” He said and settled back on top of me, hiking my legs higher again. I draped one arm across my face to hide myself from Jonathan when I felt his fingers press against my bottom. This was going to hurt no matter what.

By the time Jonathan pressed in, I had built a wall between us in my mind. I just felt numb. Jonathan was surprisingly gentle while pushing himself in and pressed our bellies together once fully inside and stilled, giving me time to adjust. He pulled my arm down and kisses covered my face. I felt like he was smothering me.

“See, I wont hurt you if you don’t fight me?” Jonathan whispered hoarsely and leaned an elbow on each side of my head before pulling out. I kept my eyes closed and tried turning my head to the side so I wouldn’t feel his breathing against my face. Jonathan set a steady rhythm and pressed his lips against mine. The kiss was soft but it didn’t make me feel any better. He wasn’t hurting me physically but to me this was just as bad.

“Look at me.”

I opened my eyes slowly and met his eyes that were dark with passion. Jonathan smiled and I just stared at him with blank eyes, wondering why he looked so happy. I had never really looked at Jonathan. I knew he was around dad’s age, not older than 50 anyway. His hair was dirty brown, small eyes not really of any color, they almost looked like mud water in a puddle. He had sharp features with deep wrinkles all over his face. I shifted my eyes lower and saw an old scar on his shoulder and wondered how he had gotten it.

Jonathan grunted and pressed his forehead against my cheek before forcing my legs wider apart and picking up the pace. I stared across the room numbly with my eyes half closed and waited for him to finish so I could go take a shower and sleep. I had been low on energy to begin with and wasn’t in the shape to work right now. I couldn’t even hold my own legs up.

Jonathan let out a low moan and slammed himself all the way in for the last time before slumping down on me. He was panting heavily against my neck and I closed my eyes, waiting for him to pull out and let me up. Finally Jonathan took in a big breath and rolled off me. I curled away from him and felt a hand run down my spine.

“I can see you bones. You really need to eat more, kid.” Jonathan said and pressed a kiss against the nape of my neck. He pulled me closer until my back was pressed against his sweaty chest and wrapped his hands around me.

“I paid a lot of money for this night, kid. That’s how much I love you. It hurts me when you push me away. I like you like this, when you don’t fight me.” Jonathan whispered into my neck and I pulled a pillow into my arms and buried my face against it when tears started to run down my cheeks. I didn’t let out a sound, knowing that if Jonathan knew I was crying he would get angry. While I didn’t like him plastered against my back, it was better than being strangled.

I dozed off after a while and woke up with a startle when Jonathan pushed into me. I tensed and Jonathan wrapped a hand around my neck, pulling my head back until it rested on his shoulder. I was still lying on my side; my other leg was hiked up over Jonathan’s while the other was bent forward, out of the way. Jonathan wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to get deeper. I hugged the pillow in my arms tighter and clamped my teeth down on my lower lip, desperate to keep quiet. I couldn’t stop the tears though and there was nothing I could do to stop Jonathan from noticing them.

Jonathan was panting heavily and I could feel his thrusts getting weaker, the position draining his energy. Soon I found myself pressed against the mattress on my belly, Jonathan laying his full weight on me while bucking his hips upwards. I was having trouble breathing because Jonathan was pinning me down and tears soaked the sheets under me.




We spent the night in dad’s bed. Jonathan slept after fucking me for the third time but I couldn’t sleep. I could feel his seed leaking out of me and wanted to shower but Jonathan had his arms around me, my back against his chest again. I spent the early hours of the morning staring across the room at the window, watching how the light got brighter little by little.

When Jonathan finally stirred behind me, the sun was high up on the sky and I was feeling sticky. Lips pressed against my neck and I closed my eyes tiredly.

“Morning.” Jonathan whispered and brushed his hand up and down my chest.

“Morning, Jonathan.” I answered in a quiet voice and he rolled me around.

“Did you sleep well?” He asked and I pressed my chin against my chest, avoiding his eyes. Jonathan sighed and glanced at his wristwatch.

“Time to get up.”

I felt relieved when he let go of me and got off the bed, leaving the room. I heard the shower turn on and crawled to get off the bed myself. Pain shot up my spine and I gnawed on my trembling lower lip. The night could have easily been a lot worse so I shouldn’t complain. By the time I got my trembling legs working and off the bed, Jonathan was already back to get dressed. He pulled me in a naked hug before I could get out of the room and forced a kiss from my lips.

“Go take a shower, I have to get going soon.” He said after breaking the kiss and slapped my bare ass when I turned towards the door.

I took my time in the shower, in no hurry to face Jonathan again and let myself enjoy the warm water. When I finally left the bathroom, wrapped in my towel, Jonathan was waiting for me outside the door, his jacket already on. I tensed and glued my eyes on the floor, gnawing on my lower lip again.

“I have to get going. I wanted to give you something first though.” Jonathan said and showed me a flat dark blue box. I frowned and held on to my towel tighter. Jonathan opened the box and my frown deepened when I saw what was inside. A necklace. A gold necklace with two golden letters, ‘JB’, hanging from a gold chain.

“I want you to wear it.” Jonathan said and pulled the piece of jewelry out of its box. He handed me the box with a smile and I clutched it tightly in my hand when he attached the necklace around my neck. I felt like the small necklace weighted a ton.

“You look pretty now.” Jonathan smiled and kissed me again before letting go of me and heading towards the front door. I stood still staring at the floor until I heard the door close behind him.

I looked down, trying to see the necklace and curled my hand around it when I realized what the two letters stood for, ‘Jonathan Brown’, they were Jonathan’s initials. I felt tears burn in my eyes and hurried to get it off of me. I fumbled with the lock with one hand while holding up the towel and the small box with another and let out a frustrated whine. I needed to get it off! I went to my room and sat down so I could let go of the towel and work on the lock with both hands. It wasn’t easy to get the little lock open without seeing it and when I finally got it open, hurled the necklace across the room as hard as I could, panting hard. Tears streamed down my face and I wiped them away angrily. I was done crying because of Jonathan.



By the time dad came home, I had my clothes on and I was eating the left over pizza from yesterday. He came to my room and stilled at the door when he saw me eating. I kept my eyes down and tried to ignore him. I was tired and I wanted to get some sleep before things would get fucked up again.

“Are you okay? Jonathan was happy.”

“Yes, sir.” I muttered quietly and dad nodded. He set something down on the floor and left, closing the door. I turned to look and saw a brown paper bag when the lock clicked. I turned my eyes to the slice of pizza in my hand and set it back in the box reluctantly. I closed the box and curled up to sleep.