The Gay Man's Matchmaker

Chapter 25

I was still fucking pissed about what happened to my friend, but Lauren made me swear not to do anything until she had a chance to talk to Warren. You know, I think I’m getting soft or something. I actually agreed without putting up much of a fight! Let me just say, though, that if I ever see Warren again it would be in his very best interests to be wearing a cup. I’ll show him how to really make someone your bitch if he isn’t!

Anyway, it was Monday and I had nothing to do until I met Joey and Chris for lunch. So I did my favorite thing in the whole world! I called Tommy at work to fuck with him! He is so much fun to wind up when he can’t say anything back. I so love doing that to him.

“Tom McNeil,” he answered sounding way too chipper.

“Ah, I see the hangover wore off!”

“Kee?” Ah, that’s better! Now he sounds grouchy.

“Last time I checked,” I replied lazily. “What are you up to today, asshole?”

“Stop cursing at me when I’m at work!”

“Tough tits!”

He grunted loudly and I could hear typing in the background. I picked up an apple I’d washed earlier and took a loud bite of it.

“Kee!”

“Yes, Tommy dear?” I drawled innocently.

“Stop … eating … in my EAR!”

“Oh, so sorry!” I chewed my apple unabashedly and spoke with my mouth full. “How’s work.”

“It was fine before you called!”

I laughed as I settled myself down on the expensive couch we’d gotten from Chris and Vic when we moved in. It was nice to feel the cool leather against my bare legs. (Did I mention I’m wearing nothing but my boxers? I am! Go me! I love being as naked as possible when I’m home. Joey approves, too, but then I’m usually naked when we’re home together anyway. Not that I’m complaining, mind you!) The living room in our condo was a lot bigger than the one I left behind in Lauren’s old apartment. She sublet it to a couple of college students until her lease runs out. She won’t need it anymore anyway. She and Tommy will stay in his (my) old apartment.

“Well, I’m sure I’ll only make it brighter for you!”

“Sure you will!” he replied dryly. “To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?”

“Boredom?”

“Typical,” he sighed. “I knew I was just a court jester, put on this earth for your amusement.”

“You got that right!” I laughed. “I did call to see how you liked your party, though.”

“You did?”

“I wanted to make sure I got it right,” I added. “You know, from a straight man’s perspective.”

“It was fine except for the she-male,” he snorted. “Why may I ask did you book him?”

“Her,” I corrected as I idly flipped through one of my Gourmet magazines. “And she added a nice touch, I think! Joey’s ex-best friend seemed to think so.”

“Before he-she dropped his-her draws maybe.” He sounded only mildly peeved though. “I’m sure that if your nemesis wasn’t there I would have been the recipient of that lap dance from a nightmare.”

“Then I guess you won’t go pissing me off again any time soon,” I said calmly.

“I told you I learned my lesson!”

“Mm hmm,” I murmured, swallowing my bite of apple finally. “And you’ll accept that Joey is the love of my life?”

He sighed loudly into the phone like I was torturing him, and I guess I was. After all, while Evil-Chris was my nemesis, Tommy always thought of Joey as his nemesis. Ah, fate works in mysterious ways!

“I guess he is,” he said though what sounded like gritted teeth.

“Marvelous!”

“Hmph!”

He started typing furiously again and I gave him a minute or so to get out whatever he was working on. I’m not a complete bastard! I don’t want him unemployed. When his fingers finally stopped I knew I could start a conversation.

“Where are you taking Lauren on your honeymoon?” I asked

“Uh,” he replied distractedly. “I’m going to book something island-like.”

What? What the hell is he thinking? How unoriginal can you get? They only go to some sort of island once or twice a year!

“Can you at least try to put some thought into it?” I huffed.

“What?!”

“You’ve already been to all the good islands!”

He had the audacity to yawn in my ear! Fucker! You’re not getting away with that!

“We like the islands!” he whined.

“You like the islands!” I replied “She’s been talking about Europe for two years now.”

And she had! I remember having long talks about what it would be like to visit some of the old European sites. She was into history and loved going to visit museums and stuff. I don’t know how the hell she ended up falling for my cloddish best friend. His idea of romance began and ended with drinks being served with little paper umbrellas.

“Europe is huge!” he complained. “I just want to kick back and relax.”

“And what about what she wants?” I demanded. “You know you’re lucky as shit to have found her in the first place! No one else could put up with you. You are not gypping her out of a dream honeymoon!”

“But it’s too big!”

“So pick one country and go there!” I yelled at him. “How hard is that? God damn you’re thicker than I gave you credit for!”

Honestly! Everyone has their cross to bear and this idiot is mine! Yeah, he saved me from humiliation in high school, but I’ve more than repaid him for his troubles by making sure his true love doesn’t dump his ass in a ditch before the wedding. One of these days, though, I may just have to smack him around myself!

“I don’t know,” he whined again. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my best friend is a whiner!

“Okay, how about I help you,” I sighed deeply, knowing that meant I’d be planning the whole thing. But for Lauren, I didn’t mind.

“You would?” he sounded like a wounded spaniel.

“Yes. I would.”

“Thanks, buddy!”

Yeah, yeah! Don’t thank me yet! I’m going to look at Scotland first! The thought of Tommy in a kilt threatened to send me into a bout of hysterics.

--------------------------------------------

After lunch, I had a photo shoot with Jenna, my favorite person. The last one we did was more a celebration that work, being that it was just after Adriana got canned. Man, we had a blast! We even went out for drinks!

“Kee!” she laughed as I walked into the room. “How’s it going?”

“Great!”

She gave me a long appraising look and nodded in satisfaction. “This relationship of yours agrees with you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy before.”

I felt myself blush as I set up my equipment but I didn’t reply. What could I say? Jenna knew me almost as well as Tommy did, and she wouldn’t be fooled by any half-assed quips either. Besides, she was right. I never had been happier. And my doctor was praising me at my last appointment, saying my pressure’s come down a lot recently. Who can argue with those findings?

“How is he, by the way?” Jenna asked curiously.

“Joey?” I asked.

“Yes, Joey,” she teased with a grin. “You get the cutest look on your face when you say his name.”

I shrugged as I attached my camera to my tripod. “He’s fine,” I sighed. “I just met him for lunch before I came here.” I set up the different lenses and filters I’d be using as we talked.

“I was right way back when, wasn’t I?” she poked me.

“Huh?”

“When I told you to follow your gut and talk to Joey,” she explained. “I’m glad you listened to me.”

“So am I,” I shuddered not even wanting to think of what would have happened if I’d listened to Tommy.

“Well, I’m thrilled to see you happy for a change,” she added.

“Was I really that miserable?”

“Not miserable per se,” she grinned as she waved in the production assistants to set up the first shot. “But just … I don’t know … in stasis.”

“Stasis?”

“Yeah,” she tilted her head as she looked up at me. “Like you were watching everyone else live their lives but you were afraid to move away from the sidelines.” She put a hand on my shoulder and looked me directly in the eye. “This man of yours is good for you, Kee. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“I know he is, Jen,” I smiled. “And I’m not about to let anyone mess with us again.”

“Good,” she grinned, stepping back to give me room to move my equipment. “Now, what are you doing to get Tommy back for his previous transgression?”

“I already did it,” I smirked.

“Do tell!”

And I did. The production assistants gave us both strange looks as we cackled in the corner together while they worked.