PART III | Chapter XXIV
3: 24 | After Lightning Comes the Thunder
“So…”
Kedean didn’t jump, precisely, so much as he turned—rather quickly—but his instinctive reaction settled to one of only mild disgruntlement at being startled once he indentified his surprise companion.
“…what does he have that I don’t, hm?”
With anyone else, the statement might have been bitter or challenging or confused—and Kedean wouldn’t have blamed her in the least, had it been—except that it wasn’t, only honestly, blatantly curious, and he sighed, sinking back against the wall he’d settled himself against.
Baisyl’s condition, so to speak, had been made apparent to both Jerith, Natara, and a handful of others when he’d returned inside, still soaked after their ‘liaison’ in the rain and mud, and after speaking with Jerith, he’d seen Baisyl off to speak with Moreah to investigate the workings of his curse. Soon after, Kedean had left, preferring to find a place to retreat and think on his own, a messy tangle of conflicting thoughts destroying his usual calm. Apparently, his retreat wasn’t a secret to all.
“Nothing,” he answered finally, knowing full well who Natara was referring to.
She waited.
“And…everything…” When more silence came, he shook his head. “He’s absolutely nothing like you.”
“I see…” Natara tilted her head, eyeing him for a brief moment longer before adding, “…tell me?”
Kedean glanced to her. “Why?” he asked. “I barely know him.”
“Clearly,” Natara countered, “…you know him well enough…”
‘Well enough to sleep with him,’ went unspoken, but Kedean’s face warmed anyway, enough that he turned it away, but thankfully, she paid his reaction no mind and didn’t push.
“And it looks like you could use someone to talk to,” she continued matter-of-factly instead. “You don’t, enough, you know. Talk, that is. Sometimes it helps.”
Kedean pursed his lips. “I don’t see how.”
“Sometimes a person can think and feel things that they don’t understand or even realize they are thinking until they try to explain it to someone else,” Natara said, undeterred, and the purse in Kedean’s lips stayed, but the resistance in his stance weakened.
After another notable span of silence, he sighed. “He’s…loud,” he started, scowling only half-heartedly.
Again, she waited.
He felt tempted to roll his eyes, but eventually consented to play her game and continued. “He never runs out of things to say. He’s
arrogant, as if he owns the earth he walks on and everyone and everything within a thousand foot radius. He’s opinionated and forceful…and takes pleasure out of controlling everything around him if he can.”
More silence.
“And he’s demanding and irritable and moody and…” Kedean fished, desperate for the right word, “…
ridiculous…”
Still nothing, and Kedean shut his eyes.
“He’s also…the only thing I can think about.”
For the first time since approaching, Natara cracked a small smile. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”
“He confuses the hell out of me,” Kedean admitted, “…and yet I can’t…not…” After seeking and failing to fill in the end of that sentence adequately, he shook his head, giving up.
“And yet you wouldn’t change any of these things…and you enjoy his company.”
“I love his company,” Kedean answered without thinking. “It’s effortless to talk with him. He’s intelligent and…amusing…in a dry, verging on bitter and sarcastic way. He’s courageous…often rashly and fool heartedly so, but still courageous, and yet…despite the brazen front he puts on…he can close up like a book in a fraction of a second.”
Natara watched him as he spoke, her face unreadable.
It took a moment before Kedean continued, only a fraction softer. “He doesn’t smile or laugh that often…but when he does, it’s worth being there for. It’s like…for that one, tiny moment he hasn’t a secret or a care in the world…”
“How long have you known this man?”
Kedean glanced over to her. “Days…a week? Maybe?” He frowned. “Why?”
“I have never seen you so…animate,” she replied, “…about anything.”
Kedean winced. “Am I that stoic?”
Natara’s smile was soft. “Like a boulder,” she answered, and he sighed.
“And now?”
“Like a very…puzzled man,” she said honestly, but something lingered, unsaid, and he tilted his head, questioning.
“What is it?”
She looked thoughtful, truly considering her words before she asked, “Are you in love with him?”
It took him completely by surprise. “In—what?” He shook his head. “I’ve only known him for-”
“That’s not what I asked,” Natara cut in calmly. “In fact, I think I already asked that question and you answered.”
Kedean frowned. “I haven’t…I don’t…” And yet, as easy as it ought to have been to simply say no, the question itched at him, wheedled its way in and then nested in the back of his mind instead, refusing to be ignored. “I’m not…sure,” he answered finally. “I don’t know. I hope not…but I suppose it would serve me right.”
Natara’s eyebrows lifted. “Serve you right?”
Kedean looked down, turning his puzzled, concentrated stare to the ground at their feet as he shook his head. “He doesn’t strike me as the sort of man who takes such things particularly…seriously. Sleeping with someone is a game to him,” he said, “…as far as I can tell.”
“A game you’re willingly playing?”
Kedean turned a look on her. “I won’t ask more of him if I can’t offer the same in return.”
“And what if you can offer more in return?” Natara asked. “If you do…?”
“Then…” Kedean drew a breath, “…it is my folly and none of his concern.”
“None of—?”
“Whatever there is between he and I,” Kedean emphasized, “…was never meant to be personal. It would be foolish at best to make it so, and…we both know it can’t possibly last.”
“And if he cares for you?”
“He doesn’t.” He answered so quickly and flatly that it visibly took her by surprise.
She took another second before answering, quieter again. “So that is why you are upset.”
“No, he-” Kedean cut off. “What?” When Natara said nothing, he turned on her. “Who said I was upset?” Nothing. “I’m not upset.” More silence. “Natara…”
“Why do you assume he has no feelings for you?”
“Because he…doesn’t,” Kedean emphasized, frustrated, though it was a neutral, all-encompassing frustration, not directed at Natara specifically so much as the world in general. “He’s…blind to feelings, or he ignores them expertly or considers them trivial, I’m not even sure, and he’s so…” Kedean searched for a word, “…forward, about
everything, that…” He shook his head, “…if he felt something for me, I can’t imagine it would be easy not to notice.”
“He’s a romantic?” Natara asked, and Kedean blinked, thrown.
“What? No. Far from it.”
“And you said he’s prideful…to the point of arrogance,” Natara repeated, and Kedean frowned, nodding.
“Yes, most of the time…why?”
“Then…I’m not sure I understand why you assume he’d be forefront with his feelings on a romantic matter?”
Kedean pursed his lips. “I don’t expect him
to be,” he said. “I meant that
if he felt any, then I doubt he’d hide them, but he doesn’t, so-”
“But it upsets you,” Natara pointed out, “…that he doesn’t.”
“It…” Kedean drew a breath, seeking a valid response, and then exhaled, no closer to conclusion than he’d started. “It shouldn’t,” he said after a time. “It isn’t my place to expect it of him.”
“Keda…”
Kedean spared her a glance, and found her expression distant, but concentrated and thoughtful.
“…I do not know this man,” Natara said after some long moments, clearly choosing her words carefully, “…so I cannot speak for him when I say this, but…” She looked to him, meeting his eyes. “I do not believe partners should ever keep their true intentions from one another…and yet when I was with you? I tried…so hard…to guard my heart…” She shook her head, “…because I knew that…it would be impossibly foolish to do otherwise.”
“Natara-”
“You are so difficult to get close to, Keda…and so much of the time I do not believe you even mean to close yourself off as you do.” She gave a small, tired smile. “But that does not change the fact that you do…and if he is half as intelligent as you make him out to be, I would not blame him in the least for doing exactly as I did.”
“I don’t blame-”
“And Keda?”
He met her look.
“Prideful men do not expose their weaknesses willingly…especially to those whom they have any reason to believe would only harm them in return.”
Kedean opened his mouth, hesitated, and then shut it again.
Because it was true. Why would Baisyl have any inclination to be forward with any feelings of his own after he’d
just been informed that Kedean would in all likelihood never return them? It would be asking for heartbreak.
“Whatever feelings you harbor for him,” Natara said, drawing him from his thoughts, “…I would recommend you make them clear to him…if you have any desire for him to remain in your life.”
Breathing a heavy sigh, Kedean frowned. “If only keeping him were that simple…” he murmured, barely audible.
If she heard him, whatever she might have said in response was interrupted by the creak of the far door and the subsequent arrival of a third party. For half a second, Kedean expected Baisyl himself. Instead, Jerith stepped into view.
“Here you are,” he said by way of greeting. “We-” Eyes landing on Natara, his attention faltered for a half second, his surprise obvious even from a distance, but he masked it quickly and returned his focus to Kedean. “A word with you, at your convenience?”
“You’re not interrupting anything,” Kedean said to clarify, and Jerith nodded, taking that as permission enough and stepping into the room to join them.
“We received word from the pirate captain,” he started. “She still has Zyric in her keeping, healthy if her word is to be believed, and she wishes to meet with you, and your charge, together in person to discuss arranging a compromise.”
Kedean frowned, but nodded. “Thank you. I appreciate your help…and it is good just to know that he is alright. I’ll need to speak with Baisyl…was there a mention of when or where?”
“In the southeast quarter, a gambler’s pub located not far from the underground arenas,” Jerith answered. “She said there would be a handful of her men there on the lookout for you all of tomorrow. There was no talk of whether or not arms or additional men would be stood for, but she did make a point to stress that she intended for it to be a non-violent exchange…I would still be happy to provide you with a half dozen of my men, though, if you were at all interested.”
“Mm…I appreciate the offer,” Kedean noted, “…but I hope that that won’t be necessary. I might take one or two willing to tag along, for Baisyl’s sake…that man could make trouble in a daisy field…but I wouldn’t want-”
“What’s this about trouble and daisy fields?”
Kedean straightened, and both Natara and Jerith’s attention switched, as his did, to the newest arrival. “Baisyl,” Kedean blurted after a second or two of silent puzzlement, “…you’re…” ‘Male’ was the first thing that came to mind, followed by ‘dry,’ but his charge only gave a wry hint of a smile.
“Want to see a trick?” he asked, twirling something that looked from a distance like a necklace of some sort around his fingers, looping it one direction then pausing, unwinding, and looping in the other. Before anyone answered, he gave Kedean a brief nod of warning accompanied with a curt order of, “Catch,” and Kedean’s hands jerked up instinctively, fingers closing over the object: cool and metallic, a trinket attached to a thin chain.
More important than that, though, was the effect that its disappearance had on Baisyl. As soon as the item left his palm, the familiar magic of his curse rippled into effect, and by the time Kedean caught it, staring bewildered at his charge, Baisyl was entirely a woman again.
“Fascinating, is it not?” Baisyl remarked, and Kedean frowned, thoughtful, thumb brushing idly over the trinket in his palm.
“Moreah…she found a spell to fix you?”
“Quite honestly,” Baisyl said drily, “…I spent the vast majority of the time without a fraction of clue as to what that woman was attempting to communicate to me,
however…” He shrugged, “…in a way, yes. After a great deal of hocus pocus and excessive amounts of pricking and prodding she provided that…” Baisyl waved his hand vaguely in the direction of the necklace he’d tossed to Kedean, stepping forward as he did, “…a temporary solution to an otherwise permanent problem.”
When Baisyl reached out, Kedean handed back the item of consequence, which Baisyl immediately set to slipping over his head. It took effect as instantly, leaving Kedean standing face to face with a man once more, and he silently wondered if that particular show would ever be less dizzying.
“The spell requires a constant source to draw power from,” Baisyl said, drawing him back to the point. “Your shaman woman-”
“Moreah.”
“-filled it with a set pool of energy, but that source wouldn’t last but for a few hours unseen to. I can…provide it with energy myself but the process is extremely draining.”
Kedean frowned, taking a moment to digest the information before asking, “But if it will drain you, then why are you-”
“That,” Baisyl interrupted flatly, meeting his eyes, “is a rather stupid question, don’t you think?”
Kedean’s lips pursed, his look of disapproval solidifying, and both Jerith and Natara – without a word – took the rising tension as their cue to back out of the scene, silently retreating until a door clicked with their departure, leaving Kedean and his one-time lover alone.
“If you’re focusing your energy on keeping a magic trinket powered to fight your curse you’ll be weakened and vulnerable-”
“But it’s not as though that will matter,” Baisyl countered, “is it?”
“What do you mean it won’t matter?” Kedean found himself concentrating to keep his voice level. “Of course it-”
“You’ll be trading me over to get your brother back soon enough,” Baisyl countered, and Kedean blinked, startled out of any anger he’d harbored. “I’m not so foolish as to presume I mean half as much to you as he does…and it’s the only solution that makes sense. Why should I bother keeping my physical defenses up if I’m only to be bartered into a cage regardless? It can’t possibly-”
“That’s what you think?” Kedean asked, calm again, almost thoughtful, and it clearly caught Baisyl off guard.
“What?” He shook his head. “What do you mean ‘That’s what you think?’ Obviously that’s the only-”
“And yet you didn’t plan to try to escape?”
Baisyl frowned. “I'm afraid I'm not following you.”
“You intended to go through with it,” Kedean clarified. “You planned on
willingly giving up your freedom so that I could get my brother back?”
“Ah…I’m not sure I understand where this is goi-”
“That’s very selfless of you, Baisyl.”
Baisyl scowled. “It’s not selfless. It makes
sense. I’m not trying to put on some heroic front, I’m only thinking logically. If one of my brothers were in the same situation, I…” There, his words slowed, losing strength as the impact of the thought sank in. His frustration dissipating, much as Kedean’s had, he dropped his gaze.
“I don’t know what I would do,” he admitted eventually, quieter. “I…can’t think of anything I wouldn’t do, honestly. Whatever it took…” He shook his head, “…it wouldn’t matter.” Looking up again, he caught Kedean’s stare. “So I understand that…alright?”
“But that doesn’t have to mean-”
“Right now,” Baisyl cut in. “I am useless.” Kedean opened his mouth, but his charge persisted. “As useless to myself as I am to anyone else, and…if I am to be a pawn, I might as well accomplish one decent thing in my life before it’s out of my hands completely. Does that make at least some sliver of sense to you?”
Kedean eyed his charge, studying the depth of his expression, and it was a long, drawn moment before he offered a small smile. “I am not going to trade you for my brother.”
To his surprise, Baisyl looked more aghast than anything else. “Look. I’m not precisely sure what opinion exactly you’ve formed of me thus far, but-”
“Baisyl…”
“-I do not need you to pass out empty pity promises in order to feel sheltered, and I-”
“Baisyl.”
“-most certainly do not require you to-”
“
Baisyl.”
“Yes,
what?”
“Making any such trade would be blindly foolhardy and accomplish little to nothing.”
Baisyl frowned. “Now I definitely don't follow you.”
“It breaks one of the most basic rules in bargaining,” Kedean said plainly. “It wouldn’t be a fair trade.”
At that, Baisyl’s eyebrows arched impressively, arms folding neatly over his chest. “Not a fair trade?” he repeated, blatantly incredulous, but Kedean only nodded. “She has something you want, you have something she wants,” Baisyl insisted. “I don’t see how that’s uneven.”
Kedean fought the urge to smile. “It’s uneven, Baisyl, because my brother is worthless to her.”
“But not worthless to
you-”
“No, of course not,” Kedean said, “…but think…as we are now, I have something of value to her, and she has something of value to me. If we made a trade as simple as you’re suggesting, I would no longer have anything she wants…but she would still have something of…”
When Kedean cut off, frowning, Baisyl tilted his head, expression curious but not accusatory. “Something of what?” he asked finally, and met Kedean’s eyes. “Something of yours?”
Kedean’s heart lurched, and he only barely suppressed the need to swallow, hard. “Something…that I am not ready to give up so easily just yet,” he settled on eventually, and the corner of Baisyl’s lip may or may not have twitched upwards in the half second before he dipped his head, diverting his gaze.
“So,” Baisyl said after a long moment, his eyes still away, “…how is it you intend to retrieve your brother then?”
“I…intend to negotiate with her,” Kedean answered, and Baisyl shot him a look. “What?”
“Negotiate?” Baisyl parroted dubiously, and Kedean met his look, unruffled.
“Yes. We’ll meet, talk, find out what she wants…”
“She’s a pirate!” Baisyl exclaimed. “You cannot possibly be telling me you expect her to be civil and reasonable, sit down and have a biscuit with you-”
“That’s not-”
“-and besides, we know what she wants.”
“Do we?”
“Yes,” Baisyl answered. “Obviously, she wants me.”
“But why?” Kedean asked. “For what? Do you even know?” he persisted. “You never elaborated…”
“For…” Without any sort of cue, Kedean would have assumed that Baisyl honestly knew nothing beyond that. In his moment of hesitation, though, something in his charge’s expression changed – a flicker of uncertainty that surpassed blank confusion – and by the time he answered, “No, I don’t know…” Kedean frowned, wondering if it were true.
“I see…” Kedean said, though he didn’t.
When Baisyl looked up, he winced at the expression of disbelief Kedean didn’t bother to hide, and diverted his eyes again. “It’s not…that I do not feel I can trust you,” he murmured. “I don’t wish for you to think that, because it is not true…”
“Then I don’t understand,” Kedean answered plainly, not angry so much as openly puzzled. “Wouldn’t it be better if we each knew as much as possible about what we’re getting into?”
Baisyl gave a weak smile. “Ideally,” he admitted, “…but…I believe I’ve been lied to. In either case, I highly doubt anything I know would prove useful, and I’d rather start on a clean slate…she may well be working with a very different set of ‘facts’ than I.”
“Mm.” Kedean nodded, but added no comment, and Baisyl seemed to linger, as if vacillating on whether or not to add something more.
After a short, uncertain pause, he spoke again. “There was something…on a subject entirely separate from this one…that I meant to breech to you.”
“Oh?”
“That is, I wish…to apologize, I think.”
Kedean’s eyebrows arched, surprise evident. “Apologize?” he repeated. “Whatever for?”
“If I…gave the impression, earlier,” Baisyl said, speaking slowly, “…that I consider whatever there is between us to be wholly a means to an end as far as physical gratification is concerned, then I behaved unfairly and deceivingly impersonal. Because…I value you for more than that…to a notable degree, and…I would like for that to be clear.”
Kedean blinked. “So…in layman’s terms…”
“I didn’t sleep with you because I hadn’t had bedded anyone in six months and couldn’t find anything else to spread its legs for me,” Baisyl stated bluntly. “I slept with you because…I…” He cleared his throat, “…like…you…your company.”
“You…” Kedean hesitated, “…like…m-”
“I enjoy,” Baisyl hastened to clarify himself, “…being around you…for reasons other than what we can provide for each other in the bedroom-”
“Or in the grass,” Kedean added helpfully, and Baisyl immediately shot him a look that could chill fire.
“I’ll have you know that you are not making this any easier,” Baisyl clipped, and Kedean failed miserably at fighting a smile.
“But you’ve been doing so well so far…” Before Baisyl could work a word in, Kedean continued. “You know, for such a self-assured man, you can be endearingly awkward about the simplest of things…”
“Endear—? I am not awkward,” Baisyl countered, ardent in his own defense, but his cheeks betrayed him even as he said it, heating visibly. “And furthermore, this is anything but ‘simple,’ in fact as far as I’m concerned it’s drastically…more complicated than it needs to be.”
“Only because you make it so,” Kedean said, and Baisyl pursed his lips.
“I never once-” Baisyl’s words skittered to a halt, stalling in the face of one finger a fraction of an inch from his lips. A second later, he breathed an unsteady exhale, his glower in Kedean’s direction only half-hearted. “Yes?” he murmured.
“It wasn’t meant as an insult…”
Baisyl opened his mouth.
“Nor a challenge to your pride or composure or anything else…” Kedean watched Baisyl’s changing expression with attention, and finally he said, “It was a compliment.” Baisyl huffed, but Kedean caught the twitch of a smile before his charge stifled it for a look of mildly bemused disbelief. “And you should know…that things would not have gone as they did if I did not feel similarly for you.”
Perfect silence followed for several long, bated seconds in the wake of that. Then: “Somehow I find it hard to convince myself that that’s possible…”
Kedean’s eyebrows twitched up. “You don’t believe I’m capable of enjoying your company?”
Baisyl looked sharply up. “Oh! No, that’s not…at all what I meant.” He shook his head. “I just find myself hard pressed to believe that you will ever feel half so much for me as I do for-” He cut off, sharply as a thief’s blade, and bit his lip. The next moment he cleared his throat. “Why is it that you care at all, in any case?”
“Baisyl-”
“I’d like to know.”
Kedean frowned, but Baisyl held his gaze steadily, unrelenting, and after a drawn pause, he answered, “Because I cannot bring myself not to. I can’t help it…and I don’t know how else to explain it.” After brief, unbroken pause, Kedean sighed and dipped his head, stooping to press a fleeting kiss to Baisyl’s forehead. “Come,” he said, “we should-”
“You missed,” Baisyl murmured, cutting him off with the quiet statement, and Kedean blinked, glancing down to him.
“What?”
“You missed,” Baisyl repeated and met his startled expression. “My mouth is a short distance farther down than that.”
It took only a fraction of a moment for his meaning to sink in, after which the corner of Kedean’s lip twitched up, and he lifted his eyebrows. “Oh?”
“Mm.” Baisyl nodded in confirmation, and Kedean needed no further cue.
Leaning down again, this time he brushed their lips, meeting Baisyl’s waiting mouth in a neat, unhurried kiss. The moment before he drew back, though, Baisyl caught behind his neck, stilling his retreat, and as the lips under his parted a fraction of an inch, Kedean spared a second to wonder how even such a little thing as that could make his sphere of focus shrink to the span of Baisyl’s breath and body and include nothing else. His hand found Baisyl’s waist as if on instinct.
“Baisyl…”
“Do something for me.” It was a quiet statement, made with barely a quarter inch put between them so the heat of the words and Baisyl’s lips brushed over his like a ghost when he said them.
Kedean meant to ask, ‘What?’ Instead, the words left his mouth, “Alright. Name it.”
A/N: All this time and a damn short chapter, I know, I'm sorry! But I really wanted to make sure you guys knew that I'm still working on this; I do still care about it, and I appreciate every one of your comments wholly and truthfully, they're what's keeping me going. (Gslinger, I'll have you know I specifically got off my ass directly after recieving your review and started banging away at the keys; my muse DEFINITELY needs to be fed chocolate and rum more often. ;D )
Seriously, though, thank you to all of you guys. You're truly inspiring, and while I'm extremely busy with school and still not entirely satisfied with this chapter, I hope you can still enjoy it for what it is, and I will try my best to get out the next few chapters in a more reasonable time frame. 'Til next time. =)
