Love For Sale

Mr. Knit, my attorney, and I emerged from the conference room fifteen minutes after we entered the small room. I was nervous as hell, but after the DA told me that I had given him valuable information on one of the biggest brothels in the state, he said that he would reduce my sentence. I was thrilled that I was going to get a lesser sentence and not spend time in a juvenile facility, but I still had to be arraigned for my sentence. Daniel was sitting on of the benches outside the small room in the hall, and he got up once we exited the room. I went over to him after our meeting was over, and he asked me if everything was alright.

“Everything is fine.” I told him with confidence. “They accepted the information I gave them, and said that they are sending the police over to arrest Kris for owning an illegal brothel. But I still needed to be arraigned.”

“That is okay. I will be here, outside, waiting for you,” he smiled, and I waved goodbye to him as I followed Mr. Knit into the courtroom.

My heart raced as I stepped up to the small table just a few inches from the judge’s stand, and held my breath as the bailiff read out my case file. My ears were almost deaf as the judge asked me how I pleaded.

“Guilty.” I firmly said, almost ashamed of what I said.

“Mr. Knit, what does the attorney’s office see fit for Mr. Wolf’s punishment?” the judge asked.

“The people ask for Mr. Wolf to be given community service.”

“I know that it is not my business to ask, but why does the attorney’s office see fit for Mr. Wolf to have community service? I have read over Mr. Wolf’s file, and he should be place in a juvenile detention center for young boys for the crime that he has committed.”

“Yes, that was what the people wanted. But seeing how this is Mr. Wolf’s first count of underage prostitution, the attorney’s office is willing to see past any other reports that is on Kyle’s record, and give him community service.”

“And why would the defense attorney’s office want to overlook such a crime?”

“Mr. Wolf has given us some valuable information about a brothel just twenty minutes from the courthouse. We had already sent a police car over to the address given to us, and there should be an arrest being made right now. So, with that being said, we request that the charges for Mr. Kyle Wolf be dropped, and that he is given two hundred hours of service to his community.” Mr. Knit replied.

The judge looked from Mr. Knit to me, and it felt like I was standing in front of God himself. I gulped, and he looked over my file one more time with a sigh. “Does the defendant accept the verdict that has been passed down by the defense attorney’s office?”

“Yes, sir. We have.” My attorney replied.

“Alright. Mr. Kyle Wolf, I accept your plea of guilty, and sentence you to two hundred hours of community service. I also sentence you to one month of probation. If you are found soliciting yourself or have broken any other state law, you will be sent to a juvenile detention facility until your eighteenth birthday. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.” I replied.

“Good. Now I hope you have some place to live after you are done here.”

“Yes, Your Honor, he does.” my attorney said. “He has been placed with Mr. Daniel Tomas and his wife. They will look after Mr. Wolf until we find a reasonable foster family for him.” I cringed at the thought at having a foster family, but I did not let it show on my face. I needed to put everything that I experienced with foster care behind me. This was going to be a new life for me, and I needed to make the best of it.

“Good. Next case.” And with a slam of the judge’s gavel, the sentence was passed and I was ushered away from the table.

“Thank you, Mr. Knit.” I said, shaking Travis’s hand before I left with Daniel. He was happy that I was let go with only a slap on the wrist, and told me that I was going to be on a tight watch from now on.

“Thank you, Kyle.” Mr. Knit replied. “And I hope that you have a good life. I don’t want to see you in court again.”

“Don’t worry. This will be the only time you will see him.” Daniel replied for me.

“See to it that he doesn’t. I will see you in the office tomorrow.” Travis smiled, shaking Daniel’s hand, and with that we all went our separate ways. Mr. Knit went off to another court arraignment, while I left the courthouse with Daniel.

It was only eleven o’ clock, but it my arraignment left me drained and hungry. There was a chain of restaurants near the courthouse, so Daniel treated me to lunch at one of the diners. I was still in a daze after my arraignment so I didn’t know where Daniel was actually taking me. When I realized it was one of the diners, it seemed like I was having a strong case of déjà vu. My heart stopped when I saw Daniel pull into the same Denny’s driveway Cole took me to when we first met, and I began shutting down. I lowered my head and kept my eyes glued on the floor as I walked into the restaurant, and I felt I was being led down a similar path. I looked up to see if my theory was right, and it was. The hostess had seated Daniel and I in the same booth that Cole and I sat in on that night.

“Get whatever you want. I’m paying.” Daniel said as he looked over the menu. I didn’t feel like eating, and I just stared down at my closed menu and sulked. “What’s wrong, Kyle? Not hungry?”

“No,” I replied. “It’s just…this is the same restaurant and booth Cole and I were in when we first met. It brings back painful memories.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Do you want to go someplace else?”

“No. It’s okay. I will be fine once I get something to eat.” I then opened my menu so I could hide my face from Daniel and allow my tears to flow.

“You know,” Daniel said removing my menu so he could see my wet face. “I know what truly happened at my reception.”

“You do?” I sniffled, drying my eyes on my napkin.

Daniel nodded, “Yes. I talked to Brittney to get the real story after you and Cole left. It had seemed that she saw you leave with the waiter. She then told Cole that you left with him, but she did not tell him the whole story.”

“What did Brittney tell Cole?”

“She told him that you left with the waiter and then Cole stormed out of the room. Apparently, he did not want to hear the rest of the story. He just assumed that you were cheating on him…again.”

“I would never cheat on Cole again. Not after the pain I went through when I was with that sleaze ball York.”

“I know. Jason told me you seemed like a stronger couple then before. I tried to tell Cole that it was all a big misunderstanding, but he didn’t want to listen to me. He shut me out after that.”

“He cut me off completely too.” I said. We were silent for a while, and our waitress came by to take our order. I wasn’t too hungry, so I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich with a Mountain Dew. Daniel didn’t seem to be hungry either, and only ordered a salad. When the waitress left to place our order, I picked up our conversation.

“How is Cole doing now?” I asked, playing with a sugar packet.

“Not too good.” Daniel said, sounding depressed. “Last time I saw him was three weeks ago. He had really changed; I hardly recognized him.

“What did he look like?”

“Very thin and had almost lost all the color in his skin. He looked like he hasn’t been eating for months.” Daniel shook his head. “I don’t think he has been sleeping either, because I saw dark circles under his eyes. It was depressing to see him in such a horrid state. He is out of shape and under weight, and his doctor has placed him back on a higher dosage of anti-depressants.”

“He is back on anti-depressants?” I lowered my head. Cole was so happy when we were together, and after a few months of confessing our love to each other, his doctor took him off his medication. Now since he dumped me, I couldn’t help to think that it was my entire fault that he was back on a stronger medication.

“Yes he is. And for a man who is thirty-nine years old, he looks like he is sixty-nine. It is depressing me for to see Cole in the state he is, and it scares me.”

There was another pause as our waitress came back with our order. When she left again, I let out a sigh. “It scares me too.” I replied, reaching out and taking Daniel’s hand.

“I just don’t want to lose him.” Daniel sighed. I knew what Daniel was talking about, and I meant what I said. I didn’t want Cole do get too depressed that he would think about committing suicide. Daniel smiled and caressed my hand with his thumb.

Daniel paid the bill when we were finished eating. We didn’t say anything after lunch, and we drove back to Daniel’s house. All the time that we were silent, I thought of Cole and how I drove him into a deeper depression. He had told me that I was his second chance at love, that I was his salvation from his wife and son. But he lost everything when he thought that I had cheated on him for the third time. It was my entire fault that he was like this, and I couldn’t help but blame myself. As I thought more about what had happened, I felt myself feeling depressed too. Daniel noticed that I was heading towards a much deeper depression, and tried to lift my spirits.

“You know that Cole is going to have his last concert towards the end of the month.” Daniel said at the end of the car ride.

“What?” I was not listening, but I perked my ears up to hear what Daniel was saying about Cole.

“Cole is having his farewell concert on the twenty-third. It will be his last concert he will ever do.”

“Wow. I never realized that his new CD was already out.” I was in shock that Cole was still going to play his last concert.

“Well, it never did. He won’t release the CD, but he gave me a demo of it.” Daniel reached out to the CD player as he talked and he ejected the CD that was in it. “Here, you can have it,” he said, handing me the CD.

“Daniel, I couldn’t take it from you.”

“I insist. Cole told me how much you loved his music. He also told me that one of the reasons you fell in love with him was because of his music.” I lowered my head and my face turned red with embarrassment. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Cole I gave you the CD.”

“Thanks.” I quietly said, and took the CD from Daniel. I felt an overwhelming feeling as I held Cole’s CD in my hands, and I couldn’t wait to listen to it later that night. However, a part of me didn’t want to listen to it. I remembered how he had worked so hard sitting at the piano, writing the music and how much it felt to take a back seat to him writing music again. I was so furious when he ignored me, which was the reason why I cheated on him. Now looking back on it, I felt like I acted more like a child then a lover to Cole. I didn’t support Cole as well as I should have, and now look at where we were. “Are there anymore tickets to Cole’s concert?” I asked, looking at the CD in my hands.

“The tickets have been sold out for quite some time.” Daniel told me. “But I’ll see what I can do.” We arrived at Daniel’s home just as he said this, and he turned off the car.

“Thank you.” I smiled, and I got out of the car and headed inside to rest.


It was long, boring, and exhausting, but within two weeks I was able to finish my community service. The court had sentenced me to clean up the parks in the city. Every day I would show up at eight in the morning at a different park to pick up trash, clean the bathrooms, or repaint the playground equipment. Since it was winter, there weren’t any people at the park, which was fine for me because I didn’t want to be harassed by visitors. I got most of my work done since there was no one around, but I couldn’t work that fast because of the cold weather. However, it was Sarah that kept me warm. She was always a big help when it came to my community service, and would bring me a hot lunch and hot chocolate every day. She had also brought me a new heavy down jacket to keep me warm on the coldest days, and I was thankful for her actions. She was a real lifesaver, and I looked up at her as if she was my own mother. She laughed when I told her that one night when I was helping her clean off the table after dinner. I got red in the face when she burst out laughing, and I wanted to shut myself up in my room.

“Don’t be embarrassed.” Sarah said, hugging me close to her side. “I take that as a real compliment. Besides, it will give me some practice for when I am a REAL mom in eight months.”

‘So that was what all that noise was.’ I jokingly thought to myself. I laughed when Sarah told me she was pregnant, but I kind of knew. Daniel’s and Sarah’s room was directly over my room, and I could hear all kinds of sounds escaping their bedroom every night. I even thought that the ceiling was going to collapse on me one night. “Congratulations.” I beamed at Sarah, and she hugged me.

“We are both are happy about it too.”

Daniel came in a short time after we started the dishes, and I congratulated him too on his wife’s pregnancy. Daniel was kind of taken off guard by what I said, but thanked me. He was glowing even more than Sarah was when I congratulated him, and he asked if he could see me after I was done helping Sarah with the dishes. I nodded, and hurried up to finish rinsing off the dishes. I ran the dishwasher when I was done, and went into the living room. Daniel and Sarah were sitting on the coach when I entered, and I took a seat in the armchair next to them. When I sat down, Daniel smiled at me, and handed me a small envelope.

“What’s this for?” I asked, taking it the envelope.

“It’s a gift for doing such a fine job with your community service.” Daniel replied.

I smiled and opened the package paper. Inside was a card. The card didn’t have any words on the cover, but it did have a beautiful picture of Van Hogh’s “Starry Night” I glanced over the cover of the card for a moment before I opened it, and when I did, something fell out. I was a little shocked at what had fallen out, but I picked out the small piece of paper that had fallen into my lap.

“Daniel.” I gasped, turning the paper over to see a ticket to Cole’s concert. “Thank you!” I gasped again.

“You’re welcome.” Daniel replied.

“How did you get it?” I thought the concert was sold out?”

“It is, but I pulled some strings and was able to get a ticket for you.”

I relaxed my shoulders and cocked my head to the side, giving him a cocky smirk. “You asked Cole didn’t you?”

Daniel slightly nodded. “I did. He had asked me who it was for, and I said it was for my mother. She is as much of a fan as you are.”

“Thank you again…both of you.”


You are welcome, Kyle.” Sarah replied this time.

I was speechless after that. I just held the concert ticket in my hands. I studied the ticket, and memorized where I was going to sit. “Seat Z1, balcony.” I was kind of depressed that I was going to be sitting in the last row in the house, but that was okay. I did not want to sit so close to him so he would see me, so the seat Daniel got me was just fine. A feeling of joy came rushing over me when I held the ticket, but at the same time I felt down- hearted.

“Is there something the matter?” Sarah asked.

“What?” I hadn’t noticed that my smile had faded away, and I was staring blankly into space. “Yeah, I’m fine. It just has been a long day.” I got up, placed the ticket back into the card, and stretched. “See you guys in the morning.” I waved goodnight to them as I passed, and I headed towards my bedroom.

I wasn’t tired, but I didn’t want Sarah or Daniel to see me depressed. I was thrilled that they got me a concert ticket, but I was ashamed of going. With everything that I had done to Cole, I should not even be able to go see him play. If I did, then he probably would have security on watch for me, and throw my ass out of the theater. I kept debating whether or not I should go, but every time I thought of it, I would come up with a new excuse on how Cole would throw my ass out. The concert was two days away, so I still had time to think, and I fell asleep thinking about my dilemma.


The next two days went by fast. Since I was done with my community service, I didn’t have to wake up early, so I decided to sleep in. When I woke up, I noticed that I had slept away half the day. It was two in the afternoon, and I was shocked to see that I slept so late, and got up to see if Daniel or Sarah were home. Most of the days Daniel would be at his office, or in court, but once in a while, he would take a day off and we would talk. Sarah ran a small business from home, but sometimes she would go out to an office she owned to work there. Today, both Daniel and Sarah were gone, but they did leave a note.

“Kyle,” it read. I knew from the handwriting that Sarah had written the note. “Daniel and I have gone out for the day. There are leftovers from last night for lunch. If you would like to have dinner with us before Cole’s concert, please call me or Daniel by four. Have a good day.”

My mind snapped. Tonight was the concert, I forgot all about it, and I still could not decide if I wanted to go or not. I heated up some leftover meatloaf while I thought about if I should go or not, but I couldn’t think. It made me sick to my stomach that I couldn’t decide whether or not I should go. I lied down to try to settle my stomach down, but it got worse. Not even the pain killers that I took made my stomachache go away. Feeling a sharp pain in my stomach, I picked up the phone and called Daniel to tell him that I couldn’t go. Both Sarah and Daniel were disappointed that I couldn’t go, and said that they would pick up something for my stomach on the way home. After I called Daniel, I ignored the warning label on the box, and took two more pain killers. Fifteen minutes later my stomachache was gone, but a new pain shot through my stomach. It wasn’t like the one I had before, but I knew what it was, it was guilt. It seemed like my body was over-stressed and it caused the pain in my stomach, but it seemed like I was only faking it so I wouldn’t go. But I did. I did want to go; I was just too scared to go until I called Daniel. I wanted to call Daniel back to have him come pick me up for dinner and the concert, but I felt like an ass if I did that. He thinks that I am sick, and calling him back would only make him think that I was faking it. I looked at the clock; and saw I had two hours to get to the theater. Picking up the phone again, I opened the phone book and called a taxi to drive me to the theater. The theater was at the university, and with the icy roads, I knew that it will take at least an hour or so for the taxi to get there. When I got off the phone, I grabbed the bottle of pain killers just in case my stomach pains came back, and waited for the car to come.

It took the taxi thirty minutes after I called them to arrive, and I rushed out of the door. Thirty minutes had already gone by, and when I stepped out of the house I saw it was snowing, which made me think that I was going to be late for the concert. I worried that I was going to miss Cole’s whole concert, and I felt my stomach pains start to come back. I was tempted to pull the pain killers out of my pocket, but I didn’t. I kept my eyes on the dash- board clock as the taxi driver inched his way through the snow to the university. Each passing minute seemed like an eternity to me, and I felt like I was never going to get there. I took out the concert ticket I had in my wallet and memorized the time of the concert; seven o’ clock. I looked at the clock again, it was six thirty. I groaned and asked the taxi driver if he could go faster. He did the best he could, and managed to get to the university theater five minutes before the curtain rose. I practically threw the fare at him, including a tip, and ran out of the cab to the entrance. I had seen the modern theater building before with its large lobby windows; it was a beautiful building, but I couldn’t pay any attention to it now. All that I concentrated on was getting inside the building and into my seat. I booked it all the way to the entrance door, and I made it just in time before the ushers closed the doors. I gave the woman at the door my ticket, and with a smile, she showed me to my seat. As I climbed the stairs to get to the balcony, I could hear the loud roaring applause of the audience as the concert was starting. I felt a knot in my stomach start to form, and I stopped in mid-stair. The usher noticed that I had stopped, and asked if I was okay.

“Yeah, I am.” I gulped, hearing the applause die down. “Where is the closest restroom?”

“Down the stairs and to the right,” the usher told me, and I rushed back downstairs to the bathroom.

The bathroom, just like the lobby, was empty. It was nice to have the bathroom all to myself, and I went over to the sink to wash my face. I let the water get warm before I put my face to it, and I began splashing water.

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen.” I heard Cole’s voice, and I stopped and stood up. I looked up at the mirror, and saw that the bathroom had built in speakers. “I would like to thank you all for coming out to my final concert.” I heard his voice continue. “Tonight, will be my final night of performing music. And I would like to dedicate this concert to my loving wife Linda and to my son Jared, may they rest in peace.” There was silence after that, and I turned off the water and I leaned up against the sink to listen as Cole continued. “I hope you all enjoy yourselves tonight, as I will be playing a mix of old and new songs. I hope you enjoy.” There was another roar of applause and after that, silence.

I let in a deep breath as I heard Cole play the first notes of his first song. I could tell that he was not playing his best, but it was beautiful all the same to hear him play again. The speakers were not all too great in the bathroom, but it was better than sitting in a seat in the balcony. I didn’t want to be sitting all the way up on the top row, listening to Cole play without seeing his face. I wanted to be sitting in the front row with no one else in the rows. Just how it was when we were together, with him playing the grand piano at his house and with me listening to him and helping with his music. I smiled at how happy we were, when we weren’t fighting and I missed it, I truly missed it. I let my breath go and wandered over to a corner and sat. The floor was cold, but welcoming, and I rested my head against the tile wall.

“Rose,” I breathed, recalling the name of the song Cole was playing from his first CD. “Come to The Light. True You, Whispering.” I named off every song Cole played, and each one was just as beautiful as the last, and I applauded each and every one of them.

“Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.” Cole said at the end of “If Only”, one of my favorites. “I would like to close the night out with a piece that I actually had not intended to play tonight.” My ears perked up, and I listened to what Cole had to say. “This score was actually never meant to be heard, and I had planned to burn it once it was finished. However, I do not want to disappoint you in ending a show on such a sad note, so I would like to play it for you. This song is dedicated to a boy name Kyle Wolf…” My heart skipped a beat when I heard him call my name, and I felt like shit. I had forgotten about the music that he said he had written for me. I thought that he discarded the piece, but he didn’t, and was going to play it for the house. Tears welled in my eyes, and I got up off the bathroom floor. I wanted to hear this with my own ears, and see Cole playing it on stage. Exiting out of the bathroom, I made my way to the nearest door to the main theater, and stood in the shadows as I watched Cole.

What Daniel said about Cole’s appearance was true. I was twenty rows back, but I could tell that he had aged quickly since the last time I saw him. A fake smile was plastered on his face as he gave a slight bow, and went back over to his piano. He smoothed out his black pants of his tuxedo as he sat, and he pulled some loose strands of gray and brown hair behind his ears. I couldn’t see any other detailed features on his face because I was so far away, but I could tell that he did look as Daniel said he did; a man in his forties, who appeared to be in his sixties.

“If it wasn’t for Kyle, then I would not be on this stage tonight.” Cole continued “He taught me how to love life again, and brought me back to my music. And even though he has betrayed me, I want to thank him by performing this piece. Kyle,” Cole said, as if he talking to me directly instead of thin air. “This one is for you.” The audience applauded as Cole placed his hands on the keys of his piano and waited. When the applause died down, Cole began to play and I felt like the door to my soul had opened.

Tears flooded my eyes as I heard the sweet melody of the piano play. It started out slow, but as Cole continued, it picked up fast and I found that the music was telling our story. Blinking, I felt my tears start to flow, and I exited out into the lobby. I couldn’t watch Cole as he played, and I sat on a bench and just listened. Closing my eyes, I pictured the past in my mind as Cole played. The steady melodic parts of the music where Cole and I met, the quick and rapid deep notes for when Cole and I fought and broke up, and the soothing soft notes for when Cole and I made love. It was all there, all except the ending. The ending was something else, and I couldn’t make it out. I could only guess that Cole had made it up as it ended on a note. There was a loud roar of applause from the audience, much louder than before, and I dried my eyes before I stood and applauded with them.

The doors opened soon after the applause stopped, and I quickly made my way over to the backstage entrance. Hearing Cole’s music again made me want to see him again, to thank him, and to try to apologize for what I have done to him. I just hoped that he would allow me to see him after what I have done. The lobby filled up quickly with audience members, making it easier for me to slip backstage. Once I was backstage, I made my way towards the dressing room. There was just as much commotion backstage as there was in the lobby, which made it easier for me to get caught, and difficult for me to move around. I managed to dodge in and out of the shadows as I made my way through the backstage without being seen, and I made my way to where I wanted to be. However, when I found Cole’s dressing room, it was locked. My mind cursed at the locked door. I didn’t want to knock, I just wanted to walk in and tell him I was sorry. But fate had other plans for me; there was no other choice but to knock. The worse thing that Cole could have done was slam the door in my face when he saw me and call security. But I would sacrifice being taken away by security then to never see Cole again. I took a deep breath in and raised my hand to knock. However, just as I brought my hand to the wooden door, the door slowly opened, and I found myself scrabbling to get out of the way. I rounded back behind the corner that I came from and peered my head around to see who came out of the dressing room. I hoped that it wasn’t Cole, and I let out my breath I was holding as I saw Cole’s agent come out.

“You did a great performance tonight, Cole.” I heard him say. “One of your best. I am just sad that it has to end. Don’t be a stranger; I hope to see you around.” And with that, Cole’s agent left, leaving the door open as he did.

I licked my lips and smiled. It looked like my life just got easier, and I slunk my way back over to the room. I poked my head into the room before I entered, and I saw that Cole was nowhere to be seen. My smile got bigger, and I slowly entered the room. I closed the door when I was in, and I looked around. The walls were painted white, with a small love seat on the right of me. A coffee table was placed in front of it, with a fruit bowl and a vase of flowers on it. A mirror was hanging from the far left hand side of the wall, and below it was a small wall refrigerator. Behind the fridge, I saw that there was another door that was closed, the bathroom. I only had a few minutes to get my story in order before Cole came up, but I couldn’t get my head straight. There was a baby grand piano in the room and I sat down at it. It had been almost a year since I played, but after a moment of staring at the keys, I remembered how to play and began playing. I wasn’t a very good singer, but I sang the vocals to the first song that Cole had taught me.

“Suntanned, windblown, honeymooners at last alone. Feeling high above par, oh how lucky we are.” I heard the bathroom door open, and I saw Cole emerge. My heart raced and my stomach pains returned, but I didn’t stop, I continued on. “While I give to you and you give to me, true love, true love. So on and on will it always be, true love, true love. For you and I have a guardian angel on high with nothing to do. But to give to you and to give to me love forever, true…..”

Cole slowly came closer to me as I played on. My heart started beating faster and I began to sweat. I didn’t know what he was going to do. But I played until the end, and I finished the song with a sour note. I tried to play out the song like Cole showed me, but I was so rusty that I couldn’t and stopped right after the song was finished. I placed my hands in my lap when I was done, and stared up at Cole. He had a blank look on his face and I couldn’t tell if he was going to throw me out or let me stay to say I was sorry. I lowered my head so I wouldn’t meet his gaze, but I could tell that those old wrinkled eyes were staring down into my soul. My body started to heat up as Cole continued to burn his eyes into me, and I took out my pain killers.

“What are those?” Cole asked coldly, seeing me pop two tables into my mouth. “Drugs?”

“No.” I spat back. “Ibuprofen. My stomach hurts.”

“Yeah, drugs.”

“I did not come here to argue.” I stood and came around the piano.

“Then why did you come here?” Cole’s voice rose, and I felt the back of my ears heat up. I was furious.

“To apologize.” I took a step forward and Cole took a step back. “Were you planning on killing yourself?” I asked more calmly as I looked down at his right hand. He was twiddling with a razor blade in his hand, cutting the tips of his fingers as he did. That brought a new rage inside me and I wanted to slap Cole in the face for trying to commit suicide. Stupid way to go; cutting yourself.

“Yes I was.” Cole confessed. “I have no life anymore, not after what you did to me. Your apology is not accepted. And even if I did accept it, I would never take you back. You hurt me for the last time.”

“Killing yourself is not the answer Cole. What would your family say if they were here?”

“Fuck off Kyle!” Cole yelled. “Don’t bring my family into this. They are dead, and they have no say in this matter. It is my choice.”

“Then what would Daniel say? If he was here right now he would stop you.” Tears welled deep into my eyes and I sobbed as I tried to convince Cole not to slice his arms. “Please Cole, don’t do this. I love you too much. I don’t know what I would do without you.” I fell to my knees at Cole’s feet and held his hand, pleading with him not kill himself. I sniffled and sobbed harder.

“You don’t love me. You never loved me!” Cole snapped, pulling his arm out of my grasp. “All you wanted to do is find somebody else to fuck and play with their heartstrings.”

“That is not true. I have loved you. You don’t know how much pain I have been through after I was almost raped at Daniel’s wedding.”

“Rape?” Cole snorted. “Is that what you are calling it now? Trust me; with your kind it is not called rape.”

“You fucking bastard!” I snapped. “You did not see what happened! I…”

“Kyle!”

I stood up to confront the bastard, but I got up too fast and I became light-headed and passed out into Cole’s arms. Everything went dark and I felt like my heart had stopped beating. Over a short amount of time, I had taken a high amount of pain killers which resulted in me becoming light-headed and passing out. I could feel my heart slowly come to a stop, and I feared for my life. I didn’t even know what I was going to happen to me, and I feared that Cole was just going to leave me to die as payback for what I have done to him. However, as time slowly passed, I slipped in and out of consciousness, and I noticed that the scenery changed every time. I heard voices once, and it sounded like I was in the hospital again. When I had finally woken up, I noticed that I was in a hospital bed with an IV stuck in my arm. The TV. was on the Discovery Channel, and I became confused. I heard a muffled flush of the toilet from behind the bathroom door, and I turned to see the door opening. Daniel was taken aback when he emerged from the bathroom and saw me, but he smiled and came close to my bed to greet me.

“Glad to see you’re awake.” Daniel said, caressing my cheek. “We are all happy that you are okay. You gave us a scare.”

“Sorry.” I blushed.

“It’s okay.” Daniel softly said, brushing his fingers through my head. “Just go easy next time.” He then took his seat on the other side of the bed, and I stared at him.

“How long have I’ve been asleep?” I asked.

“Three days.” Daniel said.

“Did Cole come to see me at all?” It was a stupid question, but I needed to know. I had collapsed in front of Cole and he did not leave me to die. I was thankful for that, and if Cole was here right now I would give him a hug.

“No.” Daniel shook his head in disappointment. “However, he did bring you in and stayed until you were out of surgery.”

“Surgery?”

Daniel nodded. “Yes. The doctors had to pump your stomach out to get the ibuprofen tables out of your system. The doctors thought that you tried to kill yourself, but I convinced them not to put you on suicide watch when you woke up. Cole said that your stomach had hurt when you were talking to him. The doctors did an x-ray of your stomach, and found out you were suffering from an appendicitis. They had to remove your appendix.


“What?” I gasped, sitting up. I hissed and lifted up my hospital gown to find that there a thin row of stitches lined the side of my stomach. “Shit.” I breathed, and pushed the gown back down.

“Yeah, shit it right. But like I said, I am happy that you are alright.”

I smiled and I slowly lay back down. “Cole was going to kill himself after the concert.” I told Daniel abruptly. Daniel looked at me like I was from another planet, but he nodded and understood that what I told him was no joke.

“It won’t surprise me if he tried.” Daniel stretched his body out when he talked, and he sounded like he had heard this before. “Cole had told me that he was going to kill himself for the past month now. Never thought he was going to do it. He told me he wasn’t taking his meds for quiet for a while. It was only a matter of time.”

“So you knew for a while.”

Daniel nodded. “Yes. However, he told me that he tried to slit his wrists when he called me to come to the hospital. Funny thing though, he said you stopped him when he heard you singing and playing the piano. He was impressed that you still remembered how to play, and he asked me what really happened at my reception.

“So you told him all the details?”

“Yes. After I told him everything, he thanked me and left soon after that. I haven’t heard from him since. Hopefully, he is getting his act together.”

I sighed. It was a relief that Cole did not kill himself after I passed out, and that he was the one who saved my life. Daniel stayed with me a half an hour after I woke, and told me that he would take me home tomorrow. I was glad that I wasn’t going to stay in the hospital for such a long time, and I counted the hours until I was going to leave this place. As I waited, I channel surfed to see what was on, but found nothing and ended up going for a walk. One of the nurses on the floor helped me get around, and asked how I was doing or if I needed anything. I just smiled when she helped me and just told them I was fine. I rounded the floor three times before I went to get ice chips from the ice machine that was on the floor and I went back to my room. When I returned to my room, I went over to the window to get some sun on my skin and I slowly ate my chips. As I ate, I stared down into the parking lot, and I thought I saw a familiar face.

“Cole?”

Cole was standing down below in the parking lot and looking up at me. I didn’t know whether I should be happy, but I tried to open the window to call out to him. He noticed that I was trying to open the window, and he got into his car and drove away before I managed to get it open. When opened it, I got a full blast of the winter air, and I quickly closed it. I was disappointed more than ever that I didn’t have a chance to talk to Cole, and I slid back into bed. I really wanted to talk to him and thank him for saving my life. But with how I tread him, there was no way he would want to talk to me ever again. All that I could do was move on with my life and go into foster care until I am eighteen.

Both Sarah and Daniel came to pick me up. Sarah was thrilled to here that I was awake, and gave me a present when she saw me. I thanked her for the present, but I wanted to wait until I got home. I knew that I had missed Christmas while I was in the hospital recovering, but I could wait a few more minutes until I was at Daniel’s house to open my gifts. However, I was still recovering from surgery and all I wanted to do was sleep. Daniel understood that, and told me that I could sleep until New Year’s. I laughed at his comment, but the pain in my stomach caused me to cut my laugh short. When we arrived home, Sarah helped me inside where I saw that all the gifts under the tree were still wrapped. I gave her a sideways glance, and she told me what I was going to ask her.

“We wanted to wait until you were home for us to have a regular Christmas.” She led me to my room as she talked and helped me into bed.

“Thank you. But you shouldn’t have waited for me to open your presents.”

“Nonsense, we wanted you to have a Christmas too. It must have been forever since you had a regular Christmas.” She pulled the covers over my body and tucked the sides under the bed so I couldn’t move.

“Actually, I have never had a regular Christmas.” I confessed. It was true. I never had the Christmas where the whole family got together to spend the day as one to open gifts and have dinner. I didn’t remember my parents celebrate it when I was young, and I didn’t celebrate it with my uncle, because he converted to Judaism. And after that I was always on the move in foster care to even have a nice Christmas. I would always imagine it though. Me, with all my family members sitting around the table eating turkey with all the trimmings, mashed potatoes, green beans, and fruitcake for dessert. And then afterwards, we would all gather in the living room to open gifts, where I would get everything that I had asked for.

“You never had a Christmas?” I shook my head. “Well…all the more reason why we waited. Now get some rest. If you need anything, do not hesitate to yell for either Daniel or I.” She made sure that I was tucked in extra tight, and she kissed me on the forehead before she left. I fell asleep after Sarah left, and I dreamt of the perfect Christmas.

I woke up to a shift in my bed. Usually I was a heavy sleeper when I was working. But since I was no longer in the soliciting business, I have become a much lighter sleeper. When I opened my eyes, the first thing that I saw was a beautiful bouquet of white roses on the nightstand. I noticed afterwards that somebody was sitting next to me on the bed, and I turned my gaze down. I was still sleepy from my nap, but I was shocked to see Cole sitting on my bed. He looked at me when he noticed that I was awake, and sighed.

“Hello,” he said. His voice was soft, as if he was talking to me like I did not cheat on him, and he made a terrible mistake of jumping to conclusions. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m still tired from the surgery, but I’m okay. How about you? Have you tried to take your life after I stopped you?”

“No.” Cole shook his head and took out a rose from the vase beside the bed. “I have tried, but I could never bright myself to go through with it.” He brought the rose up to his nose and took a small whiff.

“Are those flowers for me?” I asked. I readjusted myself and pulled my pillow up underneath me so I could get comfortable.

“Yes they are.” Cole was embarrassed when he said it. “They are a get well and I’m sorry present. Daniel told me everything that happened. I am sorry I jumped to conclusions. I should have listened to you and not pushed you away. I know that you cannot forgive me for what I have done to you, but…”

I could not believe that Cole was trying to ask me to come back. If he had asked me to come back the first time he broke up with me at Daniel‘s reception, then I would have come back to him in a heartbeat. But asking me now to come back, I didn’t know if I could say yes. “I don’t know if I want to come back to you Cole.” I told him, answering him before he could finish his sentence. “You hurt me real bad with the hell you put me through. I went back to selling myself…” Cole’s face grew cold when I told him that, and I saw his body tense. “I got arrested for it, and Daniel came and busted my ass out of jail. I wouldn’t have gone back to the streets if it wasn’t for you. I know I have been a bitch and much more of a bitch than a boyfriend to you, but I do not want to continue to have a relationship where we are always fighting and there is no trust.” Cole lowered his head and nodded. He agreed with me with what I wanted in a relationship, and he set the rose down on the bed. “I am sorry for hurting you, and I know you are sorry for hurting me, and I forgive you for that. But I cannot be with you as a boyfriend or a lover. However, if we start all over, and we go slow enough; I believe we can rebuild our relationship.”

Cole smiled and playfully hit me with the rose. “I think we can do that. But in the meantime, how do you like the idea of having me for a foster father?”

I laughed. “Didn’t we try to do this already? It didn’t work; why do you think it would work now?”

“Because the last time I tried to adopt you. I was stupid to try to give you a proper family, a proper upbringing, but I don’t want to adopt you. I want to become your foster father, so if we do rebuild our relationship, we don’t have to break the taboo of incest.”

I laughed at how Cole found some kind of loophole for us so we could be together, if we got that far. “You went behind my back and signed the foster care papers, didn’t you?”

Cole chuckled nervously. “Yes I did. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. You were a great person taking care of me when I was living with you, so I know you will be a good foster father.” Cole’s smile grew, and I felt at ease.

“Did you two kiss and make up?” Sarah asked. Cole and I turned to see Sarah standing in the doorway, and we both smiled.

“Not quite. But we did make up.” Cole replied.

“That’s good. Come on, dinner is almost ready and Daniel wants both of you in the dining room.” Sarah disappeared back into the hallway and Cole helped me out of bed and out into the dining room.

Dinner was fantastic, one of the best that I had ever eaten. Sarah and Daniel had made honey glazed ham, sweet potatoes, yorkshire pudding, and steam veggies. Daniel was happy to see Cole eating for once, and he was even happier to see him happy again. Cole had apologized to his friends over how he had been acting the past few months, and I felt like everything was settling back to normal. I had offered to help with clearing the table off, but Daniel and Sarah did not want me to over strain myself. They got Cole to help Daniel, and Sarah and I waited in the living room for the guys. As we waited, Sarah started to pull out gifts for everyone. I wasn’t expecting that many presents. But when everyone was seated in the room, I saw that I had ten different gifts. Eight of them were from Daniel and Sarah, and two were from Cole. I didn’t expect Cole to get me any presents for the holiday, but I gratefully accepted them and saved them until the end. We took turns opening gifts, and I was the first one to open one. I didn’t know where to start, so Daniel threw a small box my way. I couldn’t wait to open it, and just like a little kid on Christmas Day, I tore open the wrapping and beamed at the present the couple gave me.

“Thank you!” I gasped. Sarah and Daniel had given me a black classic Ipod, and I squealed in delight as I opened it up and turned it on. Over the years I had thought about getting myself an Ipod, or even an Iphone, but I kept on putting it off. Now I finally got one, and I personally thanked Daniel and Sarah with a hug.

“I thought the dad is supposed to spoil the son?” Cole said, looking over at the Ipod.

“You are not my dad.” I replied, turning around and taking my seat next to him. “You are just my foster father.”

“Yet your father nonetheless.” Sarah said.

We all went in a circle until there were no more presents left under the tree, and the trash bag Daniel brought in was filled the brim. Each time I opened a gift I would thank Sarah and Daniel for the presents they gave me. Although I could have done without everything that they have given me. They had already been generous enough as it is. I didn’t need an Ipod, or anything else for that matter. However, they thought I needed new shoes, a jacket, and an itunes gift card to go with the device, and a few other little tidbits they gave me. Sarah and Daniel had gotten a few things for themselves too, as well as Cole. When it got down to the end, I was the only one who still had presents left. Both of which were Cole’s gifts. Cole had told me which one he wanted me to open first. He handed me a thick square package that when you held it in your hands, it felt like a stack of CD’s. I took my time opening it, and I found that it was just that. Cole had given me ten CD’s; all of his music. Looking through them, I saw that a few of them were old releases of his, while others were burned copies of CD’s. When I saw the top CD cases, Cole went into detail about the gift.

“They are all my songs that I have ever composed.” He told me, looking over my shoulder. “I wanted you to have all the music that I have created since I have been playing.”

“And the burned CD’s are ones that have not been released?” I asked, opening up one of the burned copies.

“Yep. Something your mother will never get.” Cole added to Daniel. Sarah and I laughed, while Daniel just rolled his eyes.

“Alright Kyle, open your last gift so I can kick you two out.” Daniel said, hearing enough of his mother.

I laughed harder, and I picked up the envelope Cole had given me. I ripped open the seal. Usually, when somebody gives you an envelope, a person usually gets money or an extravagant item. But when I opened it, I saw that it only had a piece of paper inside. Puzzled, I pulled the piece of paper out and unfolded it to reveal a picture of the Eiffel Tower on it.

“What is this all about?” I asked, holding up the paper so Cole could see.

Cole smirked and ran his fingers through my hair. “I want you to come with me to Paris,” he whispered in my ear.

“Paris?” I backed away when I heard Cole wanted to take me to France with him. “But what about the foster care people? Wouldn’t they take me away when they find out that you took me out of the country?”

“Not unless it is on vacation.” Daniel jumped in on answering. I looked at him and gave Daniel a confused look. “If you are on vacation, and you report to the foster care services, then you will be fine. Besides, I told the government and the foster care services about how Cole was going to France for a few months, and if you report to the US Embassy once a week, you will be fine.”


“So what do you say? Do you want to come with me to France, see the world?”

“I don’t know what to say. I mean, this is a lot to take in. I am still on probation until the end of next month, and I don’t have my passport.” I explained.

“Relax, Kyle.” Cole said soothingly. “I am not going until the first of February, and your passport is already taken care of.”

“What?” I looked from Cole back to Daniel, and I saw that they went behind my back and did something.

“Cole asked me to get a passport for you while you were still together.” Daniel said. “He was planning on taking you to Europe for a ‘romantic getaway’, as he put it.”

I snickered lightly to myself. This was a lot to think about. Going to Paris, the city of love, with Cole. I didn’t know what to think. I was thrilled that Cole wanted to take me to Paris, but I felt like this was a way of trying to win my heart again. I wanted to say no just because of that, but there was more behind this trip. Thinking about it more, I felt like this could be a great way of starting over and to get to know Cole a little bit more. I looked back at Cole, who was awaiting for my answer, and I gave him a sweet smile. “Can I think about it for a while?” I asked.

“Sure. Like I said, I won’t be leaving until the first week of February.” He ran his fingers though my hair, as if he was trying to get the style he wanted, and I pulled away.


“I am so glad that you have stayed with us.” Sarah said to me, giving me a hug as Cole and I were getting ready to leave after having dessert. “If you do decide to go to Paris, make sure you send me a postcard.”

“Okay, and don’t worry, I will.” I replied, pulling out of the hug. Cole hugged Sarah goodbye after me, and I went to go get my things from my room.

Daniel shook my hand as I said goodbye, but I pulled him into a hug before I left. “You take care of yourself, and if you have any problems with Cole call me.”

“Will do.”

“Ready to go?” Cole asked.

I nodded to Cole, and he took my suitcase as I carried out my Christmas presents to Cole’s car. As Cole started his car up, I took a deep breath in. It had been so long since I went back to Cole’s house. However, this time I was heading back with Cole as a foster father, and hopefully, a better and stronger relationship with him as well.