Heaven Far Away

Chapter Twenty - Decisions Undecided

It was a little too early in the morning for him to be ringing up on anyone, but Kazuya had tossed and turned the entire evening and did not get a wink of sleep. His mind rolled with the images of Kain, the owner and Chitose. He made up story lines, he made up possible endings, and he thought about the consequences and wondered if he was truly fit to be fighting for the owner when the owner’s decision has been made crystal clear. Yet, wasn’t there always an opportunity as long as he’s near by? However, Kain’s offer was tempting. For someone like him, seeing the world on a cruise ship is something that he cannot even dream of. Would it be a good trip to take in order to get over the owner? No, that thought alone pained his heart; he did not want to just let the owner go.

At dawn’s break, Kazuya finally sighed and rolled out of bed. He paced the floor of his bedroom and then paced into his bathroom. He wanted to speak to Bakusui about this, but the older man would just tell him to give it up and go with the client. He can’t speak to Gen, since he’s happily involved with a client. He can’t speak to Ren, the older host will just laugh and tease him. In the end, he realized that he could only speak to Takumi. And so, this is why he’s standing outside of Takumi’s door at eight in the morning waiting for someone to answer. He had made sure that Takumi was not booked out last night, so the number one would have to be in his room! Just as he was about to press the door bell again, he heard shuffling from across the door and within seconds, it opened.

“Morning Takumi-san, I know this is early. I’m sorry.”

“Kazuya-kun?” The number one host was wrapped in a white bath robe with his eyes half open, but he still managed a smile and let him in. “It’s alright, why are you here so early?”

Once inside the room, Kazuya broke into a nervous pace again, wandering from one corner of the room to the next. Thankfully, the bedroom door was closed or else he would have gone in to pace a little as well.

“Kazuya-kun, what is it?”

“I’ve been seeing this client.” He finally confessed, in a hurried manner, words falling out of his mouth. “Well, that’s not true; I’ve only seen this client twice. Anyways, the point is, he asked me to go on an exclusive with him yesterday.”

“Shouldn’t this be a joyous occasion? It means you are working successfully. How long is the exclusive?”

“Ten years.”

“What?”

Kazuya bit his bottom lip and looked at Takumi’s shocked face with a bit of guilt before nodding slowly. “Yeah, I know… it’s…”

Crazy.

For a moment, the number one did not know how to speak. Or what to speak. He thought Chitose’s exclusive of five years was bad, but to be gone for ten years? You might as well be removed from the host club completely. As if the client had just bought out a host. “And you? How do you feel about this?”

“I don’t know.” Kazuya admitted with a sigh, shoulders slumping with it. “I…” He hesitated and bit his lip again, wondering if this was appropriate to discuss with a fellow host. “… I love the owner.” He finally said quietly, gaze directed towards the floor. “I don’t want to leave the owner; I want to be near the owner, so that maybe in years, he will finally be able to see me. However, towards the client… isn’t one of the rules to always obey the client?”

“Are you more inclined to agree then?”

That was the million dollar question, and Kazuya had to consider it again. After a moment, he picked up his head and blinked back fresh tears. “I want to think that I will have a chance with the owner, but I know he loves Chitose-san, so... so… I think… I am inclined to say yes.”

“The owner…” He started but stopped. His eyes lingered on the bedroom door and swallowed his own words. In the end, he could only sigh and run a hand through his hair. “Kazuya-kun, no matter what other people feel, this is your life and your decision. It’ll be ten years, how many ten years can one have in one’s life? You need to consider everything very carefully.”

When he hears it from someone like Takumi, he realizes that ten years indeed is not just a joking number to brush aside casually. Takumi was right, how many ten years can you afford to lose in your life? For a long, silent moment, Kazuya’s head buzzed with what ten years could mean to someone. Will ten years be enough to get over the owner or will it just make the wound raw again? He wondered, when he returns in ten years, will he be able to look at the owner’s and Chitose’s happy faces and really congratulate the both of them? Finally, he nodded slowly and bowed deeply. “Thank you, Takumi-san.”

Takumi’s lips moved but no sound came out. To him, Kazuya is just another host in the club; but Chitose is completely different. So he walked Kazuya to the door and watched him depart down the hallway before closing it with a sigh. Behind him, the bedroom door creaked open and Chitose stepped out with a sheet wrapped around his body, looking at Takumi with a passive expression.

“Why didn’t you say it?”

“Say what?” Takumi turned and faced his senpai.

“The owner loves him. You were going to say it, why did you stop?”

“I…” Takumi started but his throat closed off, so he stopped and looked away. I don’t have the heart to hurt you. Last night, Chitose had spent the evening in his room, in his bed and in his arms. They are not so naïve to think that such close contact will be platonic. No; not at all. It would have fulfilled many clients’ disgusting fantasy of seeing the two number ones together. No; it was a personal and private moment between the two of them. As much as Takumi felt for Kazuya, his more human and primal aspects instinctually wanted to protect Chitose. “Because, it was not in my place to say.”

Chitose regarded Takumi evenly for a long moment, gauging his expression before dropping his gaze. He knew why the younger didn’t continue with his sentence. Part of him was thankful, but another part…

“Takumi, I don’t need to be pitied.”

“I do not pity you.”

“Even without the owner, I will survive.”

[Kazuya’s Room]

Upon departing from Takumi’s room, Kazuya took the long way down to his room. Abandoning the elevator, he chose the emergency staircase at the back of the club and circled down aimless numbers of stairs. The silence and solitude gave him time to think and maybe he used the time to shoot up some courage in himself. He wanted to become someone suitable for the owner, someone independent and who is not affected by jealousy. Even if he has to put a knife to his throat, he will do it! So when he got back into his room, everything aside, Kazuya grabbed his phone and dialled Kain’s number.

If you don’t pick up, then there is all the reason for me in the world to refuse you.

But he did.

And he did on the second ring as well.

“Ah… Kain-san… this is Kazuya? From Opiate?”

“Yes. Have you called to give me an answer?”

“Yes.” Kazuya took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. He is imagining himself taking that first step in becoming a mature person who will be fitful for the owner in the future. “I would be honoured to accept your exclusive, Kain-san.”

“Good. I will be over at the club tomorrow afternoon to sort matters through. Until then.”

“Yes, until then.”

The line cut on the other end first, Kazuya was left with just his room once again. He did it. Kazuya looked down at his phone; it was the evidence of his conviction. He really did it. There was no joy, no relief, no happiness; just a numb and almost surreal feeling that clouded over him. Did he just do the right thing?

A string of knocks came from his door and Kazuya looked up, startled. Quickly putting the phone back onto its charger, Kazuya opened the door and found Chitose looking back at him. Of course, the number one host is always properly attired.

“Morning, Kazuya-kun, may I come in?”

“Ah… yeah, sure.”

Seeing Chitose reminded Kazuya of the happenings last night. From the kiss to the corpse, neither were memories that Kazuya wanted to remember. Yet, the number one host looked pleasant as usual.

“I hope you are alright after last evening.”

What? When the owner’s tongue was practically down your throat? Kazuya offered Chitose a tight smile and shrugged. “Yes, I’m fine, thank you for your concern.” Ooh, Kazuya liked to think that he carried that off very well. Maybe he was shedding some of his own innocence and had learnt how to play in the shadows.

“Takumi told me that you have been offered an exclusive?”

Kazuya’s eyes widened and he recited a curse for the other number one in his head. He should have known that Takumi would tell Chitose straight away! What was he thinking going to speak with Takumi? That was just digging his own grave! No doubt Chitose had come in hopes to see his confused and, perhaps even, frightened expression. Kazuya will not give him such satisfaction.

“Yes; yes, I have been. And actually, I have just called the client back and gave him my approval.”

And Kazuya wanted to smirk at the shocked expression on Chitose’s face. Yes, take that, I am capable of a snub as well! It took but a few seconds for Chitose to recover and he took a step forward as if trying to ascertain the situation. “With this move, may I interpret it as you giving up on the owner?”

“You may not.” Kazuya inclined his chin and looked at Chitose. “You need not lie; I saw you and the owner yesterday.” He did not wish to go into the details, for even just saying that much hurt his heart. “The owner may have chosen you right now, but the future is still undetermined. He may love you right now, but when I return, for the rest of his life, he will be with me.”

Chitose wanted to remind him that it will be ten long years. He wanted to say that four years have changed things to an irreparable state; ten years will probably changes things to be impossible. His gaze narrowed and he wondered if his tactics have been faulty. “Will you leave no matter what happens?”

“Yes.”

“Even if I tell you that the owner loves you?”

“… that is impossible.”

But damnit if his heart did not thud at that possibility.

“What if it is?”

“Look, I don’t know what you’re trying to do here. It’s clear from last night that the owner loves you, so why do you keep on wanting to rub it in? Shouldn’t you be crying to me with tears of joy since your rival just backed out?”

Allow him to use this analogy: this insolence is almost giving him a heart attack. So he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, willing for his insides to calm. “Do you think a relationship will just fall onto your lap easily? Do you think you can just fight for it when you feel like it and back away when you’re frightened?” His eyebrows were ceased when he looked back at Kazuya again. “Do you remember Shuusei-san and Tanrin-sama from last night?”

How can he not?! Kazuya nodded his head.

“For years, Shuusei-san battled with an illness that would have killed him, but he risked surgery for Tanrin-sama because he wanted to be with Tanrin-sama. At the same time, Tanrin-sama risked being evicted from his own family and losing his position as the boss because he wanted to be with Shuusei-san. Even ‘till this day, they still fight and struggle with each new obstacle thrown their way, all because they are sure of each other.” His few months’ worth of stay with Shuusei when he was still living underneath the previous owner’s orders allowed him to see a love that surpassed all impossibilities. “What do you and the owner have to worry about? Just me, right? Is this all you can do? Run away with a client to lick your wounds just because you saw us kissing?”

“You have no right to call me a coward when…” Kazuya had stepped forward, closer to Chitose so that they were barely inch apart, eyes to eyes and tip of noses almost brushing. Kazuya had upon his tongue a vault of retaliations for Chitose’s accusations when someone knocked on the door and both hosts blinked out of their current fiasco. They shared a look but before either could move away, the door had already been opened in a swift manner as Kazuya did not lock it after admitting Chitose.

“Kazuya, I heard Chitose is here, I need to…”

The owner paused in the threshold and looked at the situation with wide eyed curiosity and surprise combined.

“Owner-sama…”

What is this peculiar situation? The air swirled with heated emotions on both sides of Chitose and he wondered whether he would ever get the opportunity to have a catharsis. However, the role he played, the character he chose to portray and his part in this story prevented such a step backwards. So even if he wanted to scream that he feels the same, in the end, Chitose could only smile and lean forward to hug Kazuya tightly. “Sorry dear, looks like I have to go. I will certainly speak to you again very soon.”

“Wha…”

“You needed to speak with me? Let’s talk elsewhere.”

Chitose placed a hand on Konbayoshi’s arm and urged him out of the room and down the hall. Back inside, Kazuya stood in a cloud of confusion, not quite sure what the number one host tried to pull with that last little bit. He was sure that they were having a verbal fight and Kazuya might have wanted to get just a little physical as well. In his years, maybe he will never understand Chitose.

Outside of the room, walking down the hall, Konbayoshi looked at Chitose with a disapproving gaze one second and a guilty glance the next second.

He had gone to see Takumi regarding business when the other number one casually mentioned that Chitose had gone to see Kazuya. Instinctually, the owner told himself that he should not interfere; he trusted that Chitose will take care of things himself. And then, the what ifs started; so much so that Konbayoshi had to cut short his conversation with Takumi in favour of Kazuya’s room.

What he hoped for? He wasn’t sure. The child in him, the spoiled brat in him, and the nasty sinner in him wanted to interfere and ruin as many moments as possible for Kazuya and Chitose. This untamed, jealous beast stirred within him and he wanted to strangle it of its breath.

Ask me for my life and I will gladly offer it to you.

Yet, Konbayoshi cannot seem to cut away human feelings.

They walked in silence until the elevators. Each was consumed with their own thoughts. Finally, Chitose opened his mouth and broke this suffocating atmosphere. “Did you know that Kazuya has been seeing a client?”

“I have been informed that a client has been seeking his company.” Then quickly, he couldn’t help but add on. “Of course, that is to be expected, he is a host after all.”

Glancing at Konbayoshi out of the corner of his eye, Chitose resisted the urge to roll his eyes and carried on.

“Do you know anything about this client?”

“Nothing.”

“Kazuya just agreed to a ten years exclusive with said client.”

Even though it was childish, Chitose was satisfied to see the unhidden shock on Konbayoshi’s face and how his body tensed. Yes, how was that for a little too much information at the most inopportune moment? Chitose realized that he indeed is a vindictive soul after all. A little punishment? If no one else can avenge his feelings, then he will just have to poke and prod a little to gain some balance for his own broken heart.

The elevator chimed and Konbayoshi stepped off at his level, he was thankful for the familiar surrounding so he wouldn’t have to turn on his brain. That afternoon, he must have mauled over that simple phrase a hundred times per minute, not wanting to accept the reality. However, no matter how angry Chitose might be at him for his inability to grant Chitose Kazuya, the number one host wouldn’t tell him such a lie.

His glass of Scotch burnt his throat and Konbayoshi pushed it away along with the rest of his paper work.

Ever since this afternoon, he’s cooped himself up in his office with the excuse of work but the true reason was the uprising of emotions from within. As a host, Kazuya is doing well to have secured such a quick exclusive; Konbayoshi wanted to praise his skills but the idea of what and how well certain things must have been done burnt his throat worse than the glass of Scotch.

For someone like him, is someone like Kazuya even possible? The little things of his family, will he have to bare all for another to understand? If that’s the case, what will Kazuya think of him? Someone who’s been there for him throughout the hardest times and he has the heart to let that someone’s happiness slip away. What does that say about him?

Heaving a sigh, the owner reached for the Scotch bottle

the empty Scotch bottle

and tossed it aside. Has it been that long already? Has it been that long since he first decided to coward it out in his office? Teeth gritted, he told himself that this is for Chitose, for if he’s feeling like this, he can only imagine what Chitose must be feeling right now. With haste, the owner threw open his office door and headed for the elevators. At Kazuya’s door, the owner knocked, it was erratic and almost without control, this shaking of his arm.

He told himself that he will wait for ten seconds, that’s the most he will wait and then he will turn around and leave. It must have been on the seventh second when the door stirred and opened. In Kazuya’s surprised expression, Konbayoshi saw his own dishevelled stated.

“Owner-sama…”

“Has it been finalized?”

“Owner-sama?”

“Your exclusive, is there no other way out?”

To be continued...