Pain and.. pain?

Sorry about the short chapter, the next one will be longer again.

Thanks for all the reviews, i really appreciate it, it helps me write. At the moment writing is easy, it's the spell check and editing that is doig me in.

hope you like this one, things are slowly moving along. jason is about to hit rock bottom.




CHAPTER 24



The diagnose was crushing. I was torn inside and my body and mind was in shock. Basically the doctor told the Keeper that he would kill me if he’d put me to work now. Needless to say, the Keeper was furious. I was exhausted and Kevin was quiet while helping me get dressed in pajama pants and a warm sweater. I expected to be told to get out of number eleven but it came as a shock when the Keeper told me I was going home. I wanted to beg him to not to kick me out but the look on the man’s face convinced me to just keep my mouth shut. Kevin wrapped me in a blanket and carried me down to his car. When he set me on the passenger seat and buckled me up, I found myself unable to move, my arms inside the blanket. Kevin got on the driver’s seat and I realized that I was still wearing the clothes he gave me.

“Where are my clothes?” My voice was weak and hoarse and Kevin glanced at me.

“In the bag by your feet.”

I nodded tiredly and closed my eyes, settling into my cocoon of warmth. It was scary to go back home and I didn’t want to see dad but I was just too exhausted to worry about it now. When we got to our building, Kevin unbuckled me and gave me the bag containing my clothes before picking it up. I winced but kept quiet and rested my head against Kevin’s chest. It didn’t feel right that he could carry me around easily like I was a child when I was really seventeen but at the same time I was glad I didn’t have to climb up the stairs myself. I was afraid that we would run into some of the neighbors but luckily no one seemed to be on the move. Kevin held me up with one arm when knocking on our door and I flinched when the door was yanked open suddenly. Dad had bloodshot eyes, he stank of old alcohol and he looked like he hadn’t showered in days.

“Just put him in his room. Down the hallway on the left.” He grunted and turned away from the door.

I could feel Kevin tense and looked up at him carefully. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were burning. The door to my room was ajar and Kevin pushed it open with his foot. He stopped at the door for a moment and looked around in my small room, looking at the bare walls and thin mattress on the floor. Cursing under his breath he walked in and set me down on my mattress slowly. I pushed the blanket away tiredly and wrapped myself in my own comforter, curling up and ready to sleep.

“Thanks.” I whispered and Kevin ruffled my hair with his hand.

“You’re welcome, kid. Keep the clothes.” Kevin said and I looked at him. I hadn’t figured out yet why he was nice but there had to be a reason for it. I had to admit though, Tristan had been right; Kevin wasn’t nice because he wanted to fuck us. He had some other reason for it. Kevin watched me for a while with a kind of sad smile on his face before reaching inside his pocket suddenly. He pulled out a pen and a piece of paper which turned out to be a receipt and wrote something on it. Then he lifted the corner of my mattress and pushed the piece of paper under it.

“My phone number. If you ever need help, don’t hesitate to call me, alright, kid?”

I nodded timidly and Kevin ruffled my hair again before getting up and leaving. I watched him go and when the door closed behind him, shut my eyes and tried to block out the pain in my body so I could sleep. I heard dad come into the room but didn’t open my eyes, not wanting to talk with him now. He just stared at me from the door for a moment before closing the door again and leaving me alone. I sighed from relief and opened my eyes for a moment. My room was dusty from being empty for weeks and I wished I had the energy to clean it.



The next day I wasn’t feeling any better. A fever had risen again and I kept shivering while sweating until my clothes were soaking wet as well as my blanket. Dad came in my room again in the late afternoon, looking a bit fresher now and asked.

“So, Jonathan did this?”

“Y-Yes, s-sir.” I stuttered through clattering teeth and dad grunted.

“Your antibiotics and painkillers are in the kitchen. Eat something and take them.” He said when leaving and I closed my eyes tiredly.

In the kitchen. That meant I would have to move. I pushed the blanket aside and bit my teeth together while climbing on my feet shakily. I felt dizzy and had to lean on the wall to keep myself upright. My legs were trembling and I begged for them to hold long enough for me to get to the kitchen and back.

Dad was in the livingroom when I padded slowly across the apartment to the kitchen, shaking violently and constantly holding onto something for support so I wouldn’t tumble. I saw a half eaten pizza on the kitchen table and glanced towards dad hesitantly.

“You can take the fucking pizza. Grow a spine.” He grunted, clearly not in a good mood and I nodded quickly.

“Y-Yes, s-sir. T-Th- Thank y-you, s-sir.” I stuttered and grabbed the small bag with my pills, a glass of water and the rest of the pizza before heading back to my room. It took all my strength to not to fall down on the way there and when I finally reach my destination and got back on my mattress, I just sprawl on my back for a moment panting hard before pushing myself up to a sitting position. I didn’t really have an appetite but I knew I needed to take my medicine so I would get better soon. I didn’t like being this vulnerable when dad was around.




Three days later the fever had gone down, thanks to the medicines I had. I had thought about the antibiotics and painkillers and decided that dad hadn’t bought them. He would never spend that kind of money on me. I doubted the Keeper had paid for the pills either, he was a business man; he wouldn’t spend money on someone who couldn’t bring money in. So that left Kevin. I still couldn’t understand him and it made a nervous.

Today I was feeling strong enough to go and take a shower which was good because I was smelly and my hair was greasy. I didn’t dare take too long under the spray even though I wanted to let warm water cascade over me for hours, it felt so good. I didn’t want to anger dad.

After getting dressed, I sat on my mattress for a while, just staring at the floor. It was weird being back home after so long, not having to work or put up with Kevin nagging at me. I bit my lip nervously and leaned against the wall with a frustrated growl. I couldn’t believe I was actually missing Kevin breathing down my neck all the time. My eyes hit the bundle of clothes lying abandoned on the floor in front of me; the clothes Kevin had given me, ducky pants and a blue sweater. I smiled sadly and got on my feet. I needed to wash them and my sheets. Now that I was clean, I had no desire to wrap myself up in sweaty sheets anymore.

I gathered the things I needed and headed downstairs to the laundry room with a slight limp. I breathed in the familiar scent and smiled. I turned two machines on and sat on the floor to watch them. I was still sore and covered in bruises but with the fever down, my energy level was a lot higher.

I had my laundry done and I was heading back upstairs when I met a familiar figure in the stairs.

“Jason.” Troy said in a strange voice and I looked down nervously.

“H-Hi, T-Troy.”

“So, where’ve you been? You just disappeared.”

“I-I’m s-sorry. I.. I was o-out of town.” I mumbled awkwardly and Troy just huffed.

“What ever man. I thought you liked me but what ever. I gotta go.” He said and pushed past me in the stairs. I watched him go and felt a twinge of guilt in my chest. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry and that I did like him but knew it was probably better this way. Dad wouldn’t let me see him anyway.

I continued my way back upstairs and opened our door with a deep sigh.

“Where the hell have you been?!” Dad yelled at me as soon as I stepped inside and I closed the door quickly, not wanting all the neighbors to hear.

“L-Laundry, s-sir.” I stuttered, my eyes tightly on the floor and dad huffed.

“Fucking selfish little shit, first you go and fuck up everything and then you just do your own laundry. Ungrateful wimp, do my laundry!”

“Y-Yes, s-sir.” I stuttered and cursed myself for not checking his laundry before going downstairs. I went past dad carefully and received a smack in the back of my head.

“Move it!”

I hung my head and hurried to take my laundry to my room before picking up dad’s.



I spent the day sitting on the hard floor in the laundry room and cleaning the apartment. When I finally could go to my room, I was limping badly and exhausted. Cold sweat covered my skin and I felt a bit feverish again. My room was the only one not cleaned and no matter how much I wanted to clean it, I knew I had to sleep or I would get sick again.

I sat on my mattress with a sigh and rubbed on my cheek where dad had smacked me earlier when I had asked if I could eat the rest of his Chinese take-out. Needless to say, the answer was no. It seemed that now that I was able to move, dad didn’t care about my eating or if I took my medicine or not. I sighed again and changed into my ducky pants before curling up to sleep, thinking of Tristan to make myself feel better. I missed him but it made me feel better to know that he was home and not at the Cave.



Dad was acting weird and it made me antsy. Some days he was in a good mood and actually nice to me when on others he would blow up from the slightest thing. It was two weeks after Kevin had brought me home from the Cave and I was feeling better, physically. Dad had disappeared again this morning, telling me to clean the apartment and when I was done, to stay in my room. I found it weird but didn’t feel like arguing with him. When I was done with the livingroom and kitchen, I took a quick shower before going to my room and starting to clean it. I lifted my mattress up and leaned it against the wall so I could wipe the floor from underneath when a little piece of paper fluttered down to the floor. I picked it up and it took me a moment to realize that it was Kevin’s phone number. I had totally forgotten that he had given it to me. I just stared at the digits for a moment, repeating them in my mind slowly before jamming the old receipt into my pocket. I couldn’t let dad see it, he would go ballistic if he would.

I finished cleaning before settling down to read yesterday’s newspaper I had found in the kitchen. I flipped through the paper slowly, not in any hurry since it seemed that I would be sending the rest of the day in my room. I didn’t know what time it was when I heard movement from the kitchen. Dad was back, and he wasn’t alone. I tried listening carefully, wanting to know who else was here and frowned when I couldn’t here well enough to recognize the voice.

A weight settled in my chest and I pulled my knees up, hugging them tightly when I thought that it might be Jonathan. Dad and Jonathan were old friends. Just because he had stopped Jonathan from touching me once, didn’t mean that he would do it again, especially with his current mood. I heard footsteps closing in on my door and backed away into the corner, holding my breath in fear. The door opened and dad didn’t look at me while setting a big bottle of water, a brown paper bag and a bucket on the floor next to the wall. He closed the door again and I heard the lock click. He had locked me in. I lowered my eyes from the door to the bottle and bag he had left for me and wondered what the hell was going on.

More noises from the livingroom and then everything went quiet. I inched closer to the door and pressed against it in attempt to hear a little better but it was no point. Everything was silent now and it made me nervous. I pulled the paper bag closer and looked inside. Peanuts, a few chocolate bars, a mushy looking banana and some lump wrapped in plastic wrap. I picked up the suspicious looking lump and unwrapped it with trembling fingers. It turned out to be peanut butter sandwiches. I stared at the collection of food in front of me and tried to wrap my mind around what was happening.

Dad was gone again, that much was clear. I didn’t understand why he had locked me in, maybe because he didn’t trust me to stay in the apartment while he was gone. He had left half a gallon of water and food for me so maybe he intended to be away for few days. I bit my lip nervously and rewrapped the sandwiches before putting them back to the paper bag. I stashed the food away in the corner and settled back on the mattress, thinking hard about what was going on. I would have to ration my water and food for sure if dad was going to be gone for days. I tried remembering how long he had been gone the last time and got more and more worried. Dad could be gone for weeks for all I knew and it scared me.

I rolled on to my feet and changed into my PJs, ready to go to sleep. I had been wearing the ducky pants Kevin had given me, receiving some degree of comfort from wearing them which was weird because Kevin hadn’t exactly been nice to me either. Not with all the nagging and pushing me around but I had to admit that there was something about the man that made me trust him. Or trust him more than I had maybe ever trusted anyone before, except for Tristan of course.

I couldn’t sleep and ended up staring at the ceiling for hours. My stomach was aching from hunger and growling as if nagging at me for not eating. I rubbed my stomach in attempt to ease the pain and curled up on my side, staring across the room for a change. It took me another three hours to finally fall into a restless sleep.



I had no idea how long dad had been gone when my food started to run out. I only had some of the peanuts left and less than half of the water. I had been careful with the water, because I knew I’d be screwed if I ran out and also because I had no means to go to the toilet and I didn’t like the idea of peeing in my own room. So far I had drunk just enough to keep myself hydrated and not much had come through. The problem with the peanuts was that they were salted and therefore made me thirsty and drink more than was wise.

My days were filled with pure boredom. I had read the newspaper I had from cover to cover for more that ten times just to kill time and tried to figure out the crossword puzzle on the back pages. They were too difficult for me, I didn’t know half the words and I got frustrated quickly. My frustration with the puzzles led to anger. I was angry at dad for locking me up and leaving. I was angry at Jonathan for hurting me again. I was angry at Kevin for being so fucking confusing. I was angry at myself for fucking up everything again

By the time I managed to calm down, I had come to one conclusion. No one was going to help me, I had to help myself. And I couldn’t keep living like this; fearing dad, fearing Jonathan, fearing going back to the Cave. I needed to get the hell out of here.