Unforgivables

The car came to a stop outside the big house and I looked up at it in dismay. The guy pulled me out and I followed, like a zombie, into the house. Nicholas sat me on the couch and my body slumped. Brian was gone. What was I supposed to do? My mother was telling me I needed to find people and when I finally do, when I finally think that there might be something good in this world, something bad happens. Scratch that, something horrible happens.

Elise, Tran, and Brian. They were all gone. The only people I had in this world who actually cared about me, okay, well Brian cared about me and I could say that Tran and Elise would have eventually warmed up, were gone. The only people who I could have talked to, could have turned to, were gone. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to live the rest of my life with my aunt and her deranged government agents?

\"I always told your mother that she should have handed you over.\" my aunt said as she came into the room. \"I always told her that you would cause more harm then good yet she cherished you for some reason. She loved you more then her other normal children. Just think about what they had to go through being your sibling. I don\'t even want to think about it.\"

Why was everyone always thinking about the others? What the other kids had to go through? What my poor family had to go through because of me? My father could have not had children, could have not loved my mother, could have cut himself off from the entire human race and my family could have died along with him. It wasn\'t my fault. It could have been any one of my brothers. I didn\'t know why it was me, I didn\'t want it to be me! Why couldn\'t they see that I suffered also?

\"Are you hungry?\" Nicholas asked me and I didn\'t move. \"You need to eat something Christopher. I can only imagine the last time you ate something was before you left here.\" I saw a plate come into my view. I waited for it to get close enought before I hit it out of his hand onto the floor. \"Christopher...please, eat something okay?\"

\"Take him to his room.\" my aunt ordered and Nicholas helped me up. \"Make him sleep or something. He can eat in the morning.\"

My room was dark, just like I had made it before I left. I had actually taken one of the brightest rooms in the house and made it dark so I would be able to stay in it. I loved it. Nicholas sat me on my bed and he slid next to me. We sat there a moment not talking. I didn\'t want to talk to him. I didn\'t want to talk to someone who had done that to me, who had been the cause of their deaths.

\"It\'s really for the better, that they are dead.\" Nicholas finally said. \"I mean, they would have only caused us trouble.\" he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close. I let him, not feeling the need to do anything anymore. \"You\'re the only one who needs to be here Christopher. The only one that really matters.\"

His lips touched my neck and I closed my eyes in disgust. \"Don\'t.\" I didn\'t want him touching me, didn\'t want him kissing me, and I didn\'t even want him near me.

He pushed me on my back and was over me, kissing my neck. I kept my eyes closed, completely motionless. I felt like mush. I didn\'t care what happened to me anymore. I couldn\'t win. I would never be able to win, to do anything that would help. I\'d gotten Brian, Tran, and Elise killed because of the things that I heard. Clearly I could do no good.

Nicholas pulled my shirt from over my head and began to take off my pants. For a moment I considered screaming but I realized that there was no one in the house who would give a flying fuck what happened to me. \"I told you you wanted it...\" it was that man again. His voice was burning in the back of my mind. \"Told you that you wanted him to fuck you...\"


I didn\'t want it though. There just wasn\'t any point in stopping it from happening now. That and even if I struggled there was no way I could actually make NIcholas stop. Nicholas was stronger then me and there wasn\'t anyone around that would make him stop. I tightened my face as Nicholas spread my legs. He could do what he wanted to my body, I didn\'t care. There was only one person who could have ever taken me in the right way and that person had been killed. I didn\'t care what happened to my body any more because nothing could ever make me feel like that.

So I lay there, letting him take my body roughly. I turned my head and looked out the window, trying to ignore the burning, used feeling the experience gave me. I closed my eyes as tears began to fall. Even if Brian had been quiet I would have prefered to have him back. Prefered to have him be silent then hear the things I was hearing from hundreds of different people.

Warmth filled my lower body and I began to sob. It had been one thing to have him kiss me, to have him touch me, to have him in me...but something completely different to have him cum inside me. He pulled out and I was left on the bed. I reached over and grabbed a blanket to pull over myself. This was how I had always thought it would be. A quick fuck and then the person would leave. I\'d fall asleep to an empty bed and wake up with an even emptier heart.

The door opened and closed and I was left to lay in my own self-pity. \"Kit?\" it was my mother again. She seemed closer but I couldn\'t tell. I was to out of it to tell. \"Kit you have to find them. You have to get them Kit. Please, please hurry.\"

\"I can\'t...\" I began to cry. \"I can\'t do it. Please...please leave me alone.\"

\"Kit please.\" she begged me. \"You have to find them all. You have to get them out. Please...please you have to hurry.\"

I tensed under the covers. \"Who? Tell me who you are talking about? They died...they died and there is nothing I can do about that...they are dead you hear me? Dead!\"

She was silent a moment and I almost sighed in relief. \"The others Kit. You have to find the others. Sixteen...there are sixteen...you must find the others.\"

I couldn\'t take it. I didn\'t want to hear about it! \"They are dead!\" I practically yelled. \"Dead you hear me? They died! They were killed! And all because you had me look for them! Because you made me find them! No more! I wont get anyone else hurt! Not me! I wont!\"

With that she left my mind and I sighed, letting my body relax once again. I was only sixteen, only sixteen and already all of this was happening in my life. What was I going to do? I couldn\'t deal with this. I opened my eyes and looked at my bedside table. I had a pair of scissors on the table. Under the blankets I gripped my left wrist in my right hand.

Death?

Should I kill myself?

Just end everything that I had to go through and be with the ones who I loved and cherished? Be with my family again, with Brian and Tran and Elise again? Seemed reasonable to me. Then no one would have to suffer anymore because I would be gone.

I sat up and reached over. I opened the scizzors all the way and set the tip on my vein. What was the saying? Up the highway not across the road...? I didn\'t know. I didn\'t care. I pressed the scissors to my skin a little harder and stared at it. I could make everything go away...everything just vanish and only be in pain for a split second longer. Then my aunt would come in and have to deal with my dead body. I\'d get blood all over her nice wood floor too, just because I could.

The scissors hit the floor and I fell back against my pillow staring at the ceiling. My eyes drifted shut and I pictured my mother, my father, my siblings, Tran, Elise, and Brian. I wanted to join them, to be with them forever where they had gone to. I wouldn\'t though. I\'d never be let in where they had gone to. It wouldn\'t happen.

I sighed and lifted my left arm. I stared at my wrist a moment before dropping it back to the bed. For a moment I regreted my choice and then decided against it. I was weak.

I was just...

to...

weak.


A/N : I\'m back with another chapter! I get in little binge type things. I will write like four, five chapters in a row and then...I wont write for like two weeks just because I don\'t have it in me. But hey, you get this chapter now so be happy about it! Review please. I need reviews. I feed off them like a vampire does blood.

- I never want to be normal. Insanity is much more fun!