House Cat [temporarily complete]

c.h.a.p.t.e.r t.w.e.n.t.y f.o.u.r

Eiji remained in his room without a word to the outside world for a full seven days. Kiba and the three fullgrowns were the ones to move in and out of the bedroom, tending to his few needs and making sure he was alive.

The wolf appeared frustrated every time he left Eiji\'s room; he\'d return to wherever Isiel was and sit alone, a frown on his face and every once in a while a shake to his head. Once he muttered something aloud, but he caught himself and closed his mouth immediately.

At the end of the seventh day, Eiji emerged from his room dressed in proper business attire. He stood up straight and one wasn\'t able to tell he\'d ever been injured at all as he walked down the hall and the stairs, and into the entrance, towards the door.

Once again Isiel had immersed himself in the comforting monotony of studying the many books he still had to read and hadn\'t spoken a word since he emerged from his room purely to sate his hunger before returning once more and grudgingly letting Kiba express his annoyance even if he did his best to ignore it. He was aware of Eiji\'s solitary confinement, but didn\'t try to visit him even once and as Eiji approached the front door it was only by chance that he was passing by on his way back up to his room, clutching another book to his chest and looking worn from lack of sleep. He paused, but didn\'t say a word, fully expecting to be ignored. \"......\"

The man paused in the doorway when he saw Isiel, and turned to the boy. Calmly he said, \"Do well with your studies. Make sure to go to sleep at a decent hour and eat well. Listen to anything Kiba has to say. Keep your room clean while I\'m gone. I\'ll be back in a month. Maybe two.\"

Isiel looked down at the floor, nodded and then carried on towards his room. Eiji was better off far away from him just like everyone else.

He left unceremoniously, closing the door behind him and walking down the steps towards the car.

Dorian sat at the edge of the balcony on the second floor, watching Eiji leave and the way Isiel ignored him. He scowled and got up, walking down the hall towards Oriel\'s room, where he opened the door and closed it behind him, locking it. The neko took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly as he sank to the floor, holding his hands to his chest.

This room didn\'t smell like dust, or old wood; the place was kept in perfect upkeep as though Oriel might return one day. It angered him, that nothing in the house was ever left to rest and wither away. When nekos got older, they left to pursue careers or families or relationships. When anybody became even slightly happy, they were immediately dragged into a world of despair or killed, like Oriel.

On the outside or on paper everything that went on here sounded good; as did Eiji\'s aspirations. But when you actually lived here, you could see the hideous beast that this estate was. One could near taste the foulness in the air, the wretched stench of rotting souls and unattended yearnings. As a kitten he\'d thought this place heaven. Now as a full-grown man he knew it for the vile dwelling it was and the way relationships were torn apart.

It was Eiji\'s fault, all of it. He was sure about that one thing. Forcing Dorian to love him and then keeping him at more than arm\'s distance-- tearing the relationship between Dorian and Isiel apart, that was Eiji\'s fault, too. The neko began to weep as he pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in his arms. He could jut leave, couldn\'t he? That was always the option presented to them. If they didn\'t like it, they could leave.

But that wasn\'t what he wanted, either. He wasn\'t sure what he wanted any more; what was once love was being corrupted into loathing by Eiji alone.

The neko reached into the hidden pocket he\'d sewn into his loincloth, and removed the small scrap of paper he kept hidden there, staring at the address written hastily on it. He pursed his lips and re-read the words for the millionth time since it had been given to him in the marketplace by the man in the trench coat and hat. \"I can make all your problems disappear,\" he\'d said to the neko. \"I know you\'re unhappy with how things are right now; I can make it so that all your fantasies come true. All you have to do is help me.\"

Dorian crumpled up the paper and placed it back into the hiding place silently, a defeated expression on his face as he buried it in his arms once more.

The wolf yawned idly and rolled onto his back, watching as Isiel entered the room and not caring one way or the other about the boy\'s expression and what it meant. \"I\'m to leave the estate again in a few days,\" he muttered as the boy passed by him. \"To use Eiji\'s words, the house has no need of a \'nanny\'. I\'ve taught you everything I can and you\'ve accepted what you wanted and rejected what you didn\'t. I have to admit, it was fun for the most part.\"

Isiel sat down on the bed, crossing his legs and opening up the book although he couldn\'t bring himself to concentrate upon a word written before him. It was difficult to know how to feel about Kiba leaving; that was one less person by his side, free to go on with their life away from his idiocy and yet now he would be truly alone in the mansion, in charge of nekos who barely respected his authority and according to Dorian didn\'t even like him. When he spoke his voice was slightly hoarse from lack of use, \"Thank you for training me.\" He uttered softly without looking up.

\"Wasn\'t my choice; I didn\'t even want to at first,\" the wolf admitted with a shrug. \"But as I said, it was fun.\"

He let the words linger in the air for a long time before laughing a little. \"I wonder what you\'ll be like in a few years. Three perhaps? Five? Still cooped up here, scared and sad and alone all by your own choice, wrapped up and choked by your emotional constipation. I thought Eiji was bad, but you\'re far worse, you know that?\"

Isiel\'s ears twitched and flattened against his hair as Kiba\'s laughter cut through him, all he could think of to whisper as he turned the page was, \"....leave me alone...\"

\"Aye,\" the wolf nodded. \"That I will be doing. If that\'s how you feel, I can actually leave now if you\'d like. Eiji\'s specification was for me to be gone before he returned. That means I can leave right now, too.\" Kiba shrugged. \"Later, kid.\" He headed to the window and got up on the sill, leaping out the window and onto the overhang.

Isiel waited until he could no longer hear Kiba and then closed the book, getting up off the bed to lean against the window sill as he looked out over the grounds and tried not to think of anything at all. Alone as he was he practiced smiling for the nekos under his protection, but failed miserably each time and eventually returned to a blank, safe sort of contemplation that would keep him awake all night if he let it.

Kiba traveled fast and freely, a sense of relief washing over him as he leapt over buildings.

Once more he was free to do as he pleased and lounge in the sunshine-- to hunt the grounds of Eiji\'s other estate where all of his accountants, and informants, and everyone else who wasn\'t fit to meet with Eiji at the house would frequent. Like a toy put away he remained there for years, until the call had come to raise Isiel. It had been an interesting two years.

Mildly he wondered if Isiel survived long enough to appoint his own heir-- which he highly doubted-- whether or not he\'d be called upon to raise that squealing young kit as well. It annoyed him to think about it, so he thought instead of the free-range pigs waiting for him, and licked at his lips with a hungry grin. If he was to remain a slave all his life, he decided, he might as well focus upon the parts of it that he liked.

Dorian watched the wolf leave the property with shock, and stood up from his place seated in the backyard as Kiba didn\'t look back.

A day went by and the wolf didn\'t return. Dorian stood watch, and waited.

A week passed, and still the wolf didn\'t return. It seemed final. Kiba was gone at last, Isiel was remaining cooped up in his room and looking worse for wear as each day went by, and the house continued to run quietly and efficiently with the fullgrowns taking it upon themselves to serve the meals and dispense of the chores since there didn\'t seem to be anybody in charge.

After a month of building agitation, Dorian finally went to Isiel\'s door and knocked on it, knowing he wouldn\'t get an answer. If the boy was listening, then perhaps he\'d hear the first words Dorian had spoken to him since Eiji had come home wounded. \"How long are you going to hate me?\" he asked the wooden door quietly.

Isiel jumped slightly at the knock upon his door and stopped mid-step between his desk and bed, changing direction to approach the door warily in complete silence save for his gentle footfalls upon the carpet. Dorian\'s words did filter faintly through the wooden panel and without realizing it the book he\'d been clutching slipped from his hands hitting the floor with a loud thump and missing his foot by mere centimeters.

\"That means \'I still do\' then, right?\" the full-grown muttered, touching the door and nuzzling it as though it was Isiel\'s throat.

Isiel padded towards the door, so exhausted from denying himself anything except the books he clung to that he almost fell against it, making another muffled sound. He could barely even remember if he\'d forgiven Dorian or how he really felt any more - just that it was probably wrong and it was better to remain quiet and indirectly tend to his duties than leave the sanctuary of his room and risk making anyone else unhappy. \".....Dorian...?\"

\"Of course it\'s me,\" Dorian muttered against the door. \"Why, is there someone else you hate you could possibly mix me up with?\" He sighed and shook his head. \"Sorry for bothering you. I just want to check in every once in a while, you know? On the off chance you\'d be willing to look me in the face, I came to see you. I\'ll go now.\"

Isiel unlocked the door, giving Dorian the choice to enter or not and returned to sit upon his bed which was covered in books by now, most of which he\'d made his way through in the many hours he\'d had alone since Eiji left. He\'d been spending some of his time under it, somewhat comforted by the darkness beneath the mattress and the warm enclosed space which sometimes lulled him into something akin to sleep.

The full-grown narrowed an eye suspiciously at the open door but entered Isiel\'s room anyhow, and then narrowed that eye further when he reached out and plucked a large dust bunny off the boy\'s head. \"Sleeping under the bed again?\" he muttered.

Isiel toyed with the edge of one of the books and shook his head slowly. He looked drawn, paler than he had been for years and as if he was ready to bolt right back underneath the bed at any moment. With the aid of good clothing and little food it wasn\'t too difficult to disguise his fatigue from the others, but here in his room it appeared all the more apparent.

He frowned and crossed his arms, tilting his head slightly to the side. \"What is it?\" he asked patiently. \"Is it because Kiba left? Is that why you\'ve reverted back to being Runt who was dropped unceremoniously in the entrance of our door?\"

Isiel kept his eyes trained upon the book, \"I can still study and run the house when I\'m needed so it doesn\'t matter.\"

Dorian snorted. \"That\'s what you think?\" he asked slowly. \"You think that as long as you\'re able to carry out the functions that have been asked of you, everything is grand? In that case, you might as well be a robot or a computer program.\"

\"It\'s what I\'m here for.\" He replied quietly, remembering why he chose not to let anyone in all of a sudden - it only led to conversations where he said the wrong things.

\"Balls to that!\" Dorian declared. \"How many times did Oriel say it? Kiba? I bet even Eiji has said it to you. You\'re here to be happy. For a little while, I almost thought you were. Now you\'re back to.... you know what you\'re doing? You\'re both the ravaged, poor little neko.... and the keeper that has him holed up in a cage at the same time. You\'re the only one holding you back. You\'re stuck in this \'poor Isiel\' little loop that nobody seems to be able to break. It\'s why Eiji is giving up on you; it\'s probably why Kiba left. And though I won\'t give up on you, there isn\'t anything I can do either, is there? No matter who it is and no matter what they do, you\'ll always be poor Isiel. Locked in his cage, starved and scared, worried who is going to come beat him next. And right now? Right now I\'m the bad guy, aren\'t I? I\'m the evil man come to make your life miserable. The more I try the worse of a monster I\'ll be to you. As soon as I try to show you the truth about your ways I\'ll be big bad nasty Dorian. You\'ve trapped yourself in this imaginary world of torment where everyone is against you and nothing ever goes your way. That\'s what makes me sick, Isiel. You have... so much. So much presented at your feet-- you had Oriel, you had Kiba, you had Master at your feet begging you to let them in and let them help you. All you did was run, run away as soon as you were asked to make a stand for yourself. Congratulations, you\'ve set up the perfect scheme; if anybody tries to break through your fairy tale world, they\'re evil. If they ignore it because you won\'t let them in, they\'re evil. If they try to force their way in, they\'re evil. ...Now this here is the point where you run, run away and hide somewhere, and stop eating all together, and cry yourself to sleep, yes?\"

Isiel sat in silence and finally raised his head, looking at Dorian as if he didn\'t know what to say or perhaps was just too scared to say anything at all as it would only re-enforce Dorian\'s ideas about why he\'d locked himself away. His ears were flat, almost hidden by his blonde hair and his shoulders shook, but he didn\'t move from the bed. \".........\"

\"Well? Tell me I\'m wrong then, if you don\'t agree with me,\" Dorian said quietly, shifting his weight back and forth from foot to foot.

\"....you\'re right....there must be something wrong with me.\" He whispered, placing the books aside in a neat pile as some weak form of defense against Dorian\'s little speech. He might have been correct, but it still didn\'t change the fact that even when he tried Isiel couldn\'t find anything beyond material things to be happy about and no way to explain how empty he felt without making people hate him even more.


\"No,\" Dorian growled. \"No there isn\'t anything wrong with you. Why do you do this, Isiel! I\'m not trying to attack you or put you down. I\'m not the bad guy here. Why do you revert to shame, or guilt, or any emotion to keep you from answering the questions? Why do you shy away and slink into the shadows? It\'s cowardice and fear that have no grounds here any more. I could understand you being this way back when you were first brought here, but not any more. It\'s been years since you came to live here. Has anybody locked you in a cage, or threatened you, or even so much as denied you dinner? Only you. You\'re the cause of your own suffering. Can you not see that? I really just want to know; help me out here, I\'m trying to understand why it is you\'re always the victim. Can you tell me that? And what exactly is making you that victim? Right now, use right now as an example. Am I talking too loudly? Is that what\'s hurting you? Am I making threats or something? Am I saying cruel things, calling you names, beating you down?\"

The blonde shook his head slowly, his eyes finding a spot upon the duvet upon which to focus - his voice still sounded weak from lack of use, but he forced himself to answer, \"I try to give the right answer and do the right things, but I always get it wrong...it\'s better to be away from everyone else so I don\'t make mistakes any more. I don\'t want Eiji and you to hate me.\" It sounded painfully simplistic and he tensed up, waiting for Dorian to laugh or tell him he was being stupid.

\"So?\" the neko asked incredulously. \"So what if you say the wrong thing? That\'s what apologies are for, and that\'s how you learn. You really honestly believe that it\'s better for you to be away from everybody because you might make a fucking mistake? My god. How is it better that way, exactly? Seems to me your hiding and self-victimizing has driven a huge gap between you and the world. Seems to me that you\'re making Eiji incredibly unhappy because of it. Seems to me that I spend hours agonizing over you and our relationship because of it. Seems to me that nobody feels like they can talk to you because as soon as they do you run off and hide. As soon as any sort of a tiny bump comes along, you run, tail between your legs. It\'s an easy pattern to follow, Isiel; see if you can figure it out. I\'ll sum up your entire time here. Isiel finds something he likes-- Isiel hesitantly attaches to it-- something small happens, and Isiel bolts in the other direction and enters another self-loathing state. Isiel likes something, he gets close, as soon as a little blip shows on the radar he\'s gone like a scared little cat. No matter who tries to get close, that\'s how it happens-- and we\'re back to my same argument. Do you not see what I\'m saying to you, Isiel? You\'re the conductor of your own misery through and through. Everybody in this house is willing to forgive you near anything at all, but you\'re unwilling to trust or to try.\"

By the time Isiel realized it, he\'d already picked up the book closest to hand and lobbed it deliberately past Dorian to slam into the door before landing it a crumpled heap at the foot of it. The first spark of spirit he\'d shown in months displayed in vivid contrast to his apathetic, self-pitying malaise as he looked up at Dorian once more, \"I trusted you. I tried with you and you lied to me. I might have run, but I came back and I forgave you. I was willing to let Eiji rot because I was too wrapped up in thinking about how happy I was when you were around and when I tried to make it up to him I couldn\'t.\"

\"Yes, you\'re right. And I\'ve told you why I hated you, Isiel. For this exact reason, right here. You have everything I could ever fucking want, and you\'re still the world\'s martyr. I told you the truth in the end, and then I asked for forgiveness for hurting you. You obviously still refuse to forgive me for that, but don\'t you get it? You\'re only perpetuating the exact same situation I hated you for! Isiel the victim, Isiel the poor boy, woe is Isiel. Instead of picking back up and trying again, you just sat here and let it fester inside you. And, don\'t you dare try to blame how you\'ve treated Eiji on me! That was entirely your fault! I didn\'t sneak up into your room and say, \'forget about Eiji, I want you all for myself\' did I? You\'re the one that jerked him around or ignored him. You\'re the one who let Eiji rot, I didn\'t ask for that! Hells, I\'d rather see you with him than see him in the state he\'s in now!\"

Isiel flopped back down onto the bed, getting upset didn\'t help, getting angry didn\'t help and he couldn\'t think of anything else to do except smile as if he\'d truly lost his mind and murmur, \"I\'m not blaming you....\"

\"Nope,\" Dorian smiled back. \"You\'re blaming yourself, I\'m sure. I don\'t even know why I came here to see you; I should have expected you\'d be exactly the same. You do have that good quality going for you, Isiel; you never change no matter what happens. No matter who tries to do anything for you, it\'s like bashing your head against concrete. You\'re as steady as it gets. If the economy collapsed, and the country went to war, and the estate was lost and Eiji was killed and you were in high power over the country and you won the war and you were in charge of the world somehow and there was peace on Earth... There would be Isiel, crying under his bed for one thing or another. If one of the countries refused your guidelines, you\'d cry and blame yourself. If a child was starving on the street it would be your fault. If lightning hit an airplane and it crashed into a mountainside killing everyone on board, it would be Isiel\'s fault.\"

He took a deep, shuddering breath and shook his head. \"Look, Isiel. I have some simple questions for you then. Are you ever going to let anybody in, and let them rough out the mistakes with you? Are you ever going to let yourself change and grow, or are you going to stay like this forever? That\'s what I\'d really like to know. Because, if the answer is yes, that you plan to stay like this forever, then I give up. I\'ve been trying and trying, and so has Eiji, and so was Kiba, and so was Oriel. It seems like no matter what or who or how, you\'re just going to push all of us away the second it becomes hard. Tell me now, please, so I can give up on you and be put out of my misery once and for all. Unlike Eiji, I don\'t have to stay here and put up with my heart being kicked around mercilessly, though I think he has found a rather effective way of not having to deal with what you do to us. Yes or no. Is there a point to everyone trying to help you?\"

Isiel lay in silence for a long time, looking about as miserable as he was capable, his smile having faded into nothing, but just as Dorian was probably thinking he might never get a response he uttered, \"Yes...\"


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e.n.d c.h.a.p.t.e.r t.w.e.n.t.y f.o.u.r