Turn Around

Part two, chapter three

I am brave

 

 

"I have a daughter."



He stared at me for the longest time, his hold on my hands never lessening. He had to be thinking of how to gently let me down. I couldn't stop the tears and sniffling. When I noticed him start to cry also, I knew it was over. Until he pulled me close, tucking me quickly into his lap as he kissed me, letting go of my hands to hold my cheeks instead. When he started laugh, I was more confused than ever.



"What the hell are you laughing at?"



"How... On earth... Did you manage to fuck a woman?!" He burst out into more laughter and held me, kissing my shoulder. "I don't mean to make fun of you, it's just that I can't imagine it ever happening."



"You're mean, ya know that?" But he kissed me again and made me forgive him in an instant.



"I know, baby. I'm sorry. I'll be nice from now on. I know it was something you didn't want to talk about. I have... A lot of questions. If you're willing to answer them?"



"Of course. You need to know stuff, I think."



"Where is she? Your daughter, I mean."



“Home.”



"So you used to see her?" This wasn't going to sound good at all.



"No." I swallowed hard. "Her mother was able to get the court on her side. I wasn't allowed access due to.. Reasons."



"Reasons being your mental health?"



"Reasons being my mental health." I nodded, squeezing my eyes shut. "I was never... I would never hurt my own daughter, Sem. I never hurt her mother, either."



"It's okay. I believe you. That's what that dumbass lawyer kept calling about, huh?"



"She kept saying she wasn't getting paid. She was. I've always paid for my daughter, even though I haven't seen her in years. I send cards for her birthday and christmas, but I know she doesn't ever see them. I once got a very abrupt letter through our lawyers saying that I wasn't to send anything physical to their house again. So I send more money. I don't know what happens to it, of course." I shrugged, leaning against Sem. It felt good to finally tell him, but bringing it all up again was unpleasant.



"How old is she?"



"She'll be six soon."



"Drunken mistake sleeping with a woman?"



"You know I don't drink, Sem. But it was a mistake, indeed. It happened twice, or so I'm told. If it did, then she must have managed to have sex with me while I was asleep. We weren't together or anything like that. No marriage, no real feelings of any sort. It just... Happened. I offered to be there for her. I wanted to be there for our child, but she didn't take the news that I preferred sleeping with guys very well."



"What's her name?" His fingers touched my cheek. I leaned into them, looking for relief, escape, a break in the pain.



"Rosie." After that there was another pause where he did nothing but hold and kiss me. When he finally found words, they shocked me, churning up the agony within.



"Why don't we go to where you're from, to where she is. You could speak with her mother and show her that things are better now. You're better now. Things have calmed down and you're doing good. You're standing on your own two feet-".



"I've basically moved back into your apartment and got us both fired. The days I tried to stay at my apartment, I felt like I was going insane and ran to Walker's. I don't think she'll see that as me standing on my own two feet."



"You do what you have to in life. You did the right thing by not staying there because you were scared and it's normal. It's normal to feel fear. You were brave enough to talk to someone about it. Be proud of how much you have changed for the better since being here, Joonas."



"You really... I don't know how to make you understand." Well, that was a little lie. I knew. But the only way was by showing him something that was back there: 'Home'. And I didn't know if I had the strength to return. "Sam is there, the people I used to work with who think I'm a nutter, and all my ex boyfriends. You don't know what you're asking me to do. It's not like we can just hop in your car and go."



"She’s got a restraining order on you?"



"I cannot go to a place where I know Rosie will be... But I don't have any idea what she does in life. Her mother wasn't kind enough to tell me anything."



"So you can't be arrested or anything. I would be with you. If Sam so much as looks at you wrong I'll beat him through a fucking wall." When I looked at Sem I could see that he meant his words. He gritted his teeth and balled his fists until I kissed his cheek.



"I don't think that will be needed. He'll have moved on. Seems like he survives on getting into random peoples pants from how he acted with me. He can try schmoozing his way about, but he has no hold over me anymore. I'd let you beat him through a wall though... It would probably turn me on."



We both laughed and he wrapped his arms back around me, kissing my forehead.



"Shit... I really cannot believe you've got a daughter."



"Would it be more believable if I had a son?"



"I don't know. Maybe. I bet you'd be good with her. Or any kid you had."



"But you freaked out when that woman in the red dress told you she had a kid..."



"Woman in red dress? ... Diane."



"Yeah.. I don't really wanna know her name. The fact that she touched you over clothes is enough. Too much."



"It was different with her. I wasn't in love with her. I wasn't connected to her. I wasn't living with her."



"In love."



"In love."



"In love?"



"Stop staying 'in love'. Yes, I love you. I'm not in love with her. Your daughter is a part of your life. A tiny part right now but she's always in your heart, on your mind. I think you would be a much happier person if you managed to sort this shit out. Prove to them all that you're not crazy because you're not... You're not." He sighed and caught my lips with his teeth, nibbling before kissing me properly.



He had no idea.



01010



"Come here, Joo-Joo!"



He was calling me from the bathroom for some peculiar reason and I was still laying in bed, trying to avoid the world in general. It had been two days. Two whole days. It was Monday. I was meant to be at work already.



I hauled my ass out of bed and wandered to the bathroom. I was dressed like a slob in one of Sem's shirts.



"What?"



There he stood, still dripping and steaming from his shower, rubbing his hair dry with a towel. Moving over, he kissed me in a sort of 'Hi, good morning' polite way. He always left me wanting more.



"Pack a bag, okay? No questions. Just pack a bag. I've had enough of you moping around. I'm taking you somewhere better than here for a while."



"But what about if someone calls you for a job?"



"They already have."

 

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Author notes: Edited by Eroburn <3

Snow: Shit, I didn't realise you were Snow... Unless multiple people use that name :o I remember youuuuuuuuuuu. Thanks for reviewing... Might share an oreo with you now.

Yohtarama: Perhaps, perhaps... Though really the story in my eyes ends on an odd note. We shall see. Thanks for reviewing.