August

May 2

Just after midnight, upstairs in his room, Caddy still lay in the dim light shivering, his arms wrapped as tightly as he could manage around his stepbrother. In the tangle of arms and legs, Anders shushed him and smoothed his fingers through the curls of hair, working out a tangle here and there. Holding him this close, he noticed for the first time how similar he and Caddy were in some ways - the golden tone of their skin, the curl of their hair, the brightness of their eyes. So different from their fathers. In the low light, it was difficult to distinguish where his arm ended and Caddy's began. They were almost beautiful, Anders thought idly, lying there intertwined. He shook the thought from his head.
"Come on now, Caddy. It's alright. He's gone."
Caddy just shook his head, because how could he explain to Anders that it wasn't Kosin, it was everything - the tremendous fear, and the anger with no outlet, and the lack of independence, and the inevitable truth that someday there would be a Kosin who no one would stop, and the simple heartbreaking reality that he couldn't stay a child forever. The agony of the idea that he only had one shot; just one chance and that was it. And it could all be gone so quickly...
Anders sighed; not a sigh of impatience, but of worry, and stroked his head.
"Do you want to talk about it more?"
They had already talked it to death. Caddy shook his head and laid against Anders' chest.
"Just don't leave, OK?"
Anders hesitated - his father might come in and see him, and then that would be the end of trusting him in the house.
Caddy fisted his hand in Ander's dress shirt, wrinkling it.
"I don't care if your dad comes in. I don't care if my dad does. It's not that big of a deal; nothing's going on. I'm just...scared and I don't want to sleep in the dark and so just please don't leave me, OK?"
Sometimes it was like Caddy could read his mind. Anders looked down - Cadmus was looking up at him, so innocently, so beseechingly, and his eyes were so wide and still frightened...how could he leave him?
"OK, Caddy. I'll stay." Caddy exhaled his relief. Anders nodded and patted his head. "I'll stay."
Then, impulsively, stupidly but quixotically, he kissed Caddy's hair. Cadmus froze for a moment - not even a second, but long enough for Anders' heart to drop, and then he practically purred his contentment and settled down against Anders' chest to sleep. After a moment, Anders leaned over to shut off the lamp beside them, so that he could lie in the dark and wonder what the hell he had done that for.

~:~

The party had gone on till midnight. Henrik, not wanting to upset his guest or bring undue embarrassment to Caddy, had allowed this. Kosin was suitably removed, from their party and their lives, and there was no sense in ruining their wedding evening for a madman who had no sense of propriety.

Now it was almost one, and the remaining guests - those staying at the house - were still milling around, unbuttoning their shirt collars and finishing off bottles of champagne in honor of Phidias and Henrik.
Phidias was sitting on the sofa in the sunroom beside Mahir, who was reclining with a glass of water. All the furniture had been shifted to encircle the round fire pit, and the little fire in it burned hotly, warming them all. Anthony sat in the chair next to Mahir's end of the couch, his tie undone and shirt only half-buttoned; he looked close to dozing. Tyson's husband Everett had insisted that he needed rest for the baby, and had hustled them both off to bed, despite Ty's protests, hours beforehand. Amin and Denis and their husbands had gone as well. That left just the five of them - Phidias, Henrik, Mr. Paul, Anthony and Mahir. The men were deeply engaged in conversation over some little happenings of the reception - who had met who, who had slighted who, and so forth. At intervals, Henrik would glance over at Phidias and sort of smile slightly, then delve back into the conversation. At one point, their voices lowered and Henrik moved closer around to the other side of the fire pit so as to be heard only by Anthony and Mr. Paul. Phidias could only guess he was speaking about Kosin. Mahir suddenly moved, repositioning himself so that he reclined against Phidias, his arm falling easily around his new friend's waist. Grinning, he leaned over to whisper in Phid's ear, twining his hand through Phidias' hair where it had been let loose.
"You need to get out of here. Your husband can barely control himself, he's so hard up for you."
Phidias' eyes widened in surprise, and he jerked his head away.
"What?!"
Mahir laughed and guided Phidias' closer.
"Look at him - how he keeps glancing over here. He wants you, and for good reason - it's your wedding night!"
Phidias swallowed and reached for his own glass of water, which had been sitting on the end table.
"He's talking to Tony and Paul."
Mahir rolled his eyes.
"So? Get up and say you're going to bed. I'm sure he'll take the hint."
Phidias reddened.
"I can't do that."
Mahir scoffed.
"Virgin." Phidias rolled his eyes. "Let a pro show you how it's done." Mahir looked over at his own husband. "Tony? I'm tired."
Mahir dragged out the r until it was practically a purr. Across the fire pit, Anthony smiled a wolfish grin and got to his feet, then turned a conspiratorial smile on Henrik and Mr. Paul.
"I'm afraid it's past our bedtime. We'll see you all in the morning."
Mr. Paul got to his feet as well, and gave Anthony a brisk nod.
"Ten o'clock. See you then."
Anthony made his way over to Mahir's side. Mr. Paul began to collect empty glasses for the kitchen staff to clean. By Phidias, he paused and nodded his head.
"Dr. Angstrom. 'Til the morning."
Then he was gone.
And, when Phidias looked over to the other end of the couch, so was Mahir.
He and Henrik were alone.
In the light of the fire, his husband's eyes were dark, but it was apparent where his attention lay. Abruptly, Phidias became aware of his own groin, of the growing heat there. Embarrassed, he looked away, let his hair fall into his eyes. Henrik fingered the scotch glass in his hand.
"Shall we go?"
Phidias took another swallow of his water and wished he'd drunk more water and less champagne all night. Then he got up and reached for Henrik's hand.

~

Their bedroom was dark, and cool. Inside, Phidias tried to spin away from Henrik's touch, but Henrik shook his head and held fast to Phidias' hand, drawing him closer for a kiss. When they broke, Henrik brought both his hands up to grasp Phidias' face, tilting their foreheads closer to meet. His cufflinks were gone by then, and the sleeves of his shirt hung free around his wrists. The planes of his face, viewed up this close, were beautiful. His breath smelled vaguely of scotch, and sweetness.
"Go to the bed."
Every thought that was in Phidias' head now centered around the irresistible and unexpected depth of his arousal. He nodded, numbly, and turned to walk towards the bed. Henrik's voice deepened.
"Faster."
Phidias glanced over his shoulder, quizzically, but quickened his pace. On the way, he began to pull at the hem of his shirt, preparing to lift it over his head. Henrik, who had arrived silently behind him, slapped Phidias lightly on the ass. Startled, Phid glanced over his shoulder at him.
"I didn't tell you to undress yet."
The game was beginning to make sense to Phidias, and heat surged to his groin; he began to feel the novel wetness that accompanied his arousal. Somewhere, some part of him wondered if this was really a game at all, but its voice was muted by the champagne and anticipation and the lingering frissons of fear from Caddy's earlier attack. Henrik was removing his own shirt now, and Phidias let his eyes follow his husband's hands. Henrik spared a glance up at him.
"Put your hands on the bed."
Phidias did as he was told, and in a half a moment, Henrik was pressed up behind him, one hand pushing his natori up to his waist, the other forcing its way up between his legs - a knee began to separate Phidias' thighs and fingers dragged along his cunt, over the dampening cloth that barely covered him. Henrik pushed the thin fabric aside and plunged one finger directly into him. Phidias tensed and made a noise of complaint and tried to wrench away, but Henrik held him fast and pressed in further.
"Hush. Be still."
Phid was wriggling uncomfortably, but Henrik didn't move, just stayed where he was and let his bride calm down. After a minute, Phidias stopped moving, but then half-turned to protest.
"I - I don't - can we just - "
Henrik pressed a second finger into him and kissed the side of his neck.
"Hush."
Phidias bit his lip and just tried to breathe and to focus on the sensations. Positive sensations, the counselor had told him. Don't dwell on the uncomfortable. His excitement was coming in peaks - rising, rapidly, then falling. But this was OK...this was good. There was the delicious sensuality of being touched, being invaded so intimately...and then the rise and fall of arousal, the slickening of his body in preparation and the tight grasp it had on Henrik's hand...the ragged breaths Henrik was drawing and the prominence of his erection against Phidias' ass. Gently, Henrik began to move his fingers, sliding them in and out slowly, sometimes with more force than others. Oversensitized, Phidias went onto his tiptoes to regain some control. Henrik put a heavy hand on his shoulder, pulling him back into place, and Phidias felt his body jolt and shivered a little.
"Can we...go...now?"
Henrik shook his head.
"Wait."
Phidias made a noise somewhere between a groan and a whine of complaint. Henrik splayed his other hand over Phidias' hip and traced circles with his thumb, pressing forward against Phidias more strongly, rubbing himself against him. Phidias began to feel a little light-headed.
"Can you...please?"
Henrik nuzzled the junction of his shoulder.
"Please what?"
"Please fuck me? Please?" there was a pause, just long enough for Henrik to savor victory. But Phidias couldn't resist adding a command of his own. "Now, please."
Behind him, Henrik grinned; the hand disappeared from Phidias' hip first, and then, abruptly, Henrik's fingers were removed, and his hand withdrew from between Phidias' thighs. Phid had just enough time to wonder what he was doing before Henrik spoke.
"Get on the bed. On your back." Henrik's voice was rough with arousal, and Phidias glanced over his shoulder again to get a glimpse of his husband's dark eyes before he did as he was told.
He positioned himself, legs spread, for Henrik, but his husband did not join him - instead, he wandered around the bed, as if taking a moment to admire his prize. Embarrassed, even in the dark, Phidias made a move as if to cover himself, but Henrik slapped the bedpost and growled out a "No."
Phidias was riding high now, on a giddy cloud of arousal and fascination, and tried to look again at Henrik's face, but his husband's attention was engaged in undressing himself, and so Phidias watched him do that instead. Naked, Henrik somehow looked more powerful - he approached the bed with purpose, going directly to Phidias, reaching for his wife's natori, unwrapping it with both hands and casting it off to the side. Underwear came next, and then his shirt, and then Phidias was exposed completely to his husband's gaze.

Henrik stared at him for a moment, a starving man deciding where to begin at a feast, and then he was on him, kneeing his legs even farther apart, and Phidias found himself pinned under his husband's weight. Then Henrik was guiding himself into Phidias, and there was the same stretch as before - the tightness that skitted just across the threshold into pain and then returned to the realm of pleasure. Henrik pushed past the initial resistance and sheathed himself fully, shoulders shaking with the effort of waiting so long.
Buried well inside of Phidias, he waited for them both to catch their breath, and then he began to thrust; with an easy vigor at first, but more forcefully with each retraction, until he was nothing - just a rutting beast, pounding bodily, violently into his mate and Phidias had no choice but to wrap his legs around Henrik's back and try to ride it out. Henrik dropped down to support himself on his forearms, closer to Phidias, as he gained ferocity, and when he got close to climax, he leaned down to kiss the skin closest to him and groaned praise and endearments into Phidias' ear.
As he came, he told him that he loved him.
Phidias squeezed his legs tightly around Henrik before he released him, his way of saying that maybe he could possibly love him, too.

~:~

In the morning, Sheridan and Aaron Soyinka ordered breakfast in bed, made love while they waited for it to arrive, and then spent an hour watching an old movie on the small TV the B&B had provided. A third of the way through the film, Soyinka reached down to where his wife's head was cradled in his lap and ran his fingers through Sheridan's hair.
"We should talk."
Sheridan's heart sped up. He didn't move, pretended to be engrossed in the movie.
"About?"
"Children."
He couldn't pretend indifference now; he looked up. Soyinka was looking down at him with an even expression.
"Do you want to adopt?"
Sheridan felt sick. He looked away.
"Is it you, then?"
Soyinka was quiet a minute, running his hands through Sheridan's hair.
"No. It's not me."
Tears welled up inexplicably in Sher's eyes.
"It's us, then."
Soyinka didn't answer. Sheridan used a piece of the sheet to wipe at his face.
"I'm sorry."
"Sheridan." Soyinka's voice was gentle, but that was all he said. There was no further comfort. They lapsed back into silence. Then, abruptly, Soyinka spoke again.
"There are things that we could try."
Sheridan scoffed.
"I've tried everything."
Soyinka shook his head and gently turned Sheridan's face towards his. His eyes were unreadable.
"There are things that we could try."

~:~

On the car ride back to Woodacre, Sean dictated and Adrian took notes.
"And tell them they need to incorporate more outdoor activities; these carriers spend too much time inside."
Adrian wrote it down.
"And maybe teach them a little bit about small repairs. Just things around the house."
Adrian stopped writing and looked aghast at Sean.
"What?" Sean asked, defensively. Adrian pursed his lips.
"That's not appropriate."
"Sure it is - you guys are alone in the house all day, what's the sense in - "
"I'm not going to say that to Ren and June."
Sean rolled his eyes, but Adrian pressed on.
"They thought your other ideas were..." he hesitated, "...not appropriate, either. What are you trying to accomplish here, Sean?"
Sean gritted his teeth and focused on the road ahead.
"I'm trying to keep you three from raising an entire generation of idiot carriers."
Adrian drew up at this, taking offense.
"That's your own mother you're talking about."
"Stepmother."
Adrian just shook his head.
"It will be fine. We're not going to raise idiots. We're not dumb, you know."
Sean decided it was wise to let that particular subject drop for now; a few minutes passed in silence before he spoke again.
"Tell them they need to teach Dothan philosophy. Teach the carriers why they submit, not just to do it."
Adrian was busy drawing pictures on the margins of his paper.
"What does it matter why? As long as they do it."
Sean looked over at him, hard.
"Do I need to pull this car over?"
Adrian looked up, startled.
"What did I do??"
Sean frowned.
"Adrian, it's important to understand why we live the way we do. I don't want you to follow me just because. I want you to follow me because you understand, and you want to."
Adrian quietly drew an irritated squiggly on his paper.
"Adrian. Are you listening to me?"
Adrian shrugged. Sean narrowed his eyes and set his jaw.
"Fine. We'll talk about this when we get home."
Half of Adrian was annoyed with himself for getting in trouble again, but the other half couldn't seem to bring itself to care.

~:~