House Cat [temporarily complete]

c.h.a.p.t.e.r t.w.e.n.t.y t.h.r.e.e

The ride home was in silence, and the entrance into the estate was in silence. Eiji walked alone; as much as he stumbled and struggled, he walked alone.

He went up the stairs while using the railing for the first time, and walked down the hall to his room alone. At the bottom of the stairs, Kiba grunted and handed Eiji\'s bag off to Isiel, then wandered away as the three fullgrowns who had been at the entrance to greet them bowed respectively to Isiel then left as well.

Isiel shouldered the bag, barely acknowledging the fullgrowns’ respectful greeting as he gazed up at the landing - once they and Kiba had gone he walked upstairs cautiously and lingered outside Eiji\'s door, dithering while he was truly alone and no one could judge him for it before timidly knocking on his door.

There was no answer from within.

After a few more seconds of careful consideration Isiel opened the door just a fraction and peeked round the edge, intending to just put Eiji\'s overnight bag down beside it and beat a hasty retreat before he did something else wrong.

When the boy\'s gaze wandered near the bed, they settled upon Eiji\'s form; sprawled out on the floor, as though he\'d aimed for the bed and missed. One hand was underneath him, clutching his stomach, and the other was splayed out in front of him as if reaching for something unattainable just a little ways off.

Isiel dropped the bag instantly and ran over to Eiji, kneeling down beside him to check, with no great amount of skill that he was alright as he silently thanked kami-sama for his lack of tactfulness, yet at the same time cursed himself for not protesting the journey more confidently, \"Eiji-san....daijobu desu ka?!\"

\"I\'m....\" There was a long pause as Eiji\'s eyes squeezed shut, then he took a shuddering breath and muttered, \"...Fine.\" He struggled to get up, arms and shoulders trembling as he got to hands and knees, before he began to fall once more.

Isiel managed to stop his descent just about and helped him to sit down upon the edge of the bed. All the while his expression flitted between silent apology and overbearing concern which as much as he tried to he couldn\'t keep from showing through vividly now they were alone, \"Do you want me to get one of the fullgrowns...or Kiba?\"

Eiji, whose forehead was currently resting against Isiel\'s shoulder, shook his head slowly. \"I don\'t want the others in here,\" he muttered tiredly. Then, he fell silent; his breathing slowed for a minute before his eyes snapped open again, and Eiji sat up on his own with a wince, still clutching his stomach. \"I hate drugs,\" he hissed, staring blearily at Isiel. \"They numb the pain, and while you\'re on them you forget all resistance you\'ve built to the agony. Then when they wear off, you\'re vulnerable and weak once more, having forgotten how to ignore the pain. I\'ll be fine as soon as I get used to it again. Why did you come to visit me?\"

Isiel didn\'t hesitate even for a second as he bowed his head, glad to have been given a reason he could just about comprehend to explain their sudden departure from the hospital and yet still feeling a heavy sense of shame dragging him down slowly along with his fear for Eiji, \"Because I was worried about you.\"

Eiji sighed heavily, lifting his free arm and wrapping it around the boy\'s waist. \"So you too know what I know; my biggest weakness and fear: that I\'m only human. That I can\'t do everything I try because of it, that I have more to worry about because of it, that I won\'t be what you need because of it.\"

Acutely aware of Eiji\'s injuries Isiel moved closer, letting himself be drawn in by the comforting sensation of Eiji\'s arm around his waist as he pondered his words for a few moments and then spoke up softly, \"I\'ve met lots of humans....but no one as capable, strong and kind as you...it\'s not such a disadvantage when you act like you do...\" Hiding his face again he felt like a stupid kitten, unable to explain how he really felt.

Eiji shook his head. \"Don\'t patronize me. I know I\'m not what you want. You don\'t even have to be here.\" He let his arm drop away and sitting up warily on his own. \"You have no obligations to be to me what Oriel was. Whenever I cross the line, you\'re free to push me away or leave as you have in the past. It was foolish of me to press you otherwise. There are others who can tend to me as needed; you may enjoy your youth and your love of Dorian as you see fit, without guilt because of what I might think. I know he was your first here; I saw it with my own eyes. He is something I can never be, and he is yours to do with as you wish.\" Eiji moved on the bed until he was lying down, and closed his eyes with a slow exhale, pushing the pain out of his mind as well as the air out of his lungs.

\"What?\" Eiji asked slowly, a slight frown on his face. \"You\'re making no sense, Isiel. Try that again without letting your fears choke you. Honestly, after living here for this long, I\'d have thought you might have learned not to let them get the best of you.\" He rubbed the bridge of his nose between index finger and thumb with a heavy inhale and exhale once more. \"I suppose it\'s in your nature-- but you won\'t get very far in anything if you allow your fears to ensnare and rule you.\"

Isiel lapsed into silence for a few minutes, hardly trusting himself to say anything anymore - he was afraid, but more than that he hated himself for letting Dorian lie to him so easily and for forgiving him as if his feelings weren\'t crushed even in the slightest when in truth it still pained him intensely whenever he thought of the older neko. \"It doesn\'t matter anyway. It won\'t affect my studies.\" He replied dully, not feeling even one word and yet meaning them all.

The man sighed. \"Is that it, then?\" he muttered. \"Am I going to instead be your parent rather than anything else? That\'s what you want of me? Fine. I\'ll tell you this now: your studies are for nobody else but yourself. Whether you do poorly or well in them is only your own concern, not mine. I\'ll still train you to become my heir, but you needn\'t do anything else. You may stay here and dress and act as you please; you don\'t ever have to leave these walls again if you don\'t want to. Keep all your secrets and your worries and your fears as tightly wound around you as you like; I\'ll be the father who tries to reassure you as much as I can while I\'m here. When I am gone, you\'ll have your entire life to be afraid of what some kitten thinks of you.\"

Eiji appeared almost saddened for a moment before he turned his head to the side and ran a hand over his face slowly, letting his eyes slide shut. \"Perhaps it would be best if we were apart for now,\" he said quietly.

Isiel got to his feet and padded towards the door. He didn\'t know what to say to Eiji - everything came out wrong and seemed to drive a bigger wedge between them. Kiba regarded him as little more than an annoyance who sometimes did things to a passable degree and Dorian, despite his protests otherwise surely hated him on some level for making Eiji\'s life so troublesome. As he reached the door, practically hiding behind it he whispered, \"I\'m sorry.\" and closed it before Eiji could admonish him further, fleeing to his room where he slammed the door shut, pulled the curtains together and curled up on his bed, stifling guilt-ridden sobs against his pillow.


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