Heaven Far Away

Interlude Four - Supporting Actor [Shoto Ren]

For as long as I have been aware of my existence, I’ve always been following someone else’s shadow. When I was young, it was looking at my older brother’s back and trying to walk in his footsteps; when I found this job, it was looking at Takumi’s every move and trying to move up to a spot that is of eye level with him.

In school, I did not excel in the academic classes that my parents would have liked. Seriously though, who needs them anyways? As if memorizing birth dates of the past emperors is going to help with anything in the future! I digress, the point is: academics aside, I excelled in everything else; from basketball to music festivals, you would not find my name missing from the list.

To my parents, such accomplishments were nothing; might as well have never existed in the first place. Even if I could win home the divisional championship in tennis, it is still nothing compared to a math contest that my brother won. The rebellious part of me has always wanted to tell my brother you and me, outside, right now! However, it is also the same rebellious part that told me to not care about how they feel and carry on as how I wanted to.

You only live once after all!

While my older brother pleased my parents with his prim and proper manners, his high achievements in school, and his ever considerate personality, I was given the role of the problem child. My friends were labelled as bad influences, my athletic pursuits a waste of time, and my club activities completely nonsensical. I would sling my bag horizontally across my body, walk and talk in a lazy and slouched manner, grin at ladies passing by, and wonder at night whether I was adopted as I differed so considerably from the rest of my family.

Of course, as expected by my parents, I was not accepted into any university at the end of my senior high years. The news itself did not sting me as much as my parents’ reactions did. I knew they were going to be disappointed, but the look –I cannot even begin to describe that look- made me understand that they would rather not have me as a son. To neighbours and friends, they would praise and speak endlessly about my brother –whom, of course was enrolled into the top university in our city without a problem- and acknowledged me briefly only when I was brought up.

You know how The Oscars has that award for best supporting actor? Yes, well, I am that best supporting actor. I win that award annually.

Without my consent, I was enrolled back into the last year of high school, in an attempt to upgrade my marks for a chance at an university. Even if it’s some second rate one. Hey, true words from my parents’ mouth. Well fuck them if they think I’m going to sit there and let them manhandle me as if I were an object. Maybe I was no better than a bug, but even a bug has its own way of living! So I went to school as they wanted me to, skipped all the classes that I did not care to attend. With the spare time that I allotted for myself, I played basketful with juniors and chased after skirts with equally slacking classmates. On the side, I utilized this year not only to leech off my parents and turn the school into my playground; but I had been constantly looking for a job that could get me far away from this family.

It was completely accidental when I heard about Opiate; in fact, it was so accidental that when I think back on it, I often wonder why the heck I did that in the first place!

Strolling on a nameless but still busy Tokyo street on some unknown day, I smacked right into another person. Truthfully, I was more surprised than anything; to be able to smack into someone shoulder to shoulder is rare. I stood at a solid 188 centimetres; it is rare in Japan for another person to be near my height. Therefore, the surprise allowed my senses to temporarily escape me and when I came back to reality, the person had already disappeared, but his cell phone had been dislodged from his pocket and I quickly bent down to scoop it up.

… that thing was an antique!

Just as I thought about throwing it away, it dawned on me that for someone to keep something like this with him… there must be a back story. So instead of tossing it out in the nearest trash bin, I shoved it into my pocket to continue on my day. Hours later, an unfamiliar ring tone caught my attention and after a frantic moment of patting around for the originating point, I realized that it was the antique.

Woah, it still works!

“Mmm, hi… this is mmm… well…”

“You have my phone.”

“Ah yes… yes, I do. You dropped it earlier when you bumped into me.”

Well, for someone who just lost their phone, the other end certainly didn’t sound thankful that it was found. In fact, the man on the other end sounded almost annoyed and angry. Che, what an asshole. I rolled my eyes at that thought.

“I’ll give you my address, return it to me.”

“What?!”

But he continued on as if he did not hear my protest and even had the guts to hang up without another word. What the fuck?! I looked at the phone and wanted to smash it against a wall. You’d think the people in this day and age would have more manners! And yet, regardless of how much I cursed at this unknown man, the next day, I still dragged myself out of bed to the designated location to meet with him. From across the street, I could already see the magnificent building and could not help but feel my jaws slacken. Okay, so maybe this asshole had some right to be so stuck up if he was affiliated with such a place.

At that time, I had no idea what this building represented. From its outwardly appearance, I had thought that it was a hotel of some sort. Perhaps a restaurant? With such thoughts, I crossed the street to its glass front doors, only to be stopped by the security guards standing at the doors.

“May we help you?”

I blinked at the men and fumbled with an answer and tried to recall that brief conversation I had with the owner of this antique. This is proving to be a most unprofitable business after all.

“Bakusui? Bakusui Eiji? I’m supposed to meet someone with that name here.”

For a second, I thought they would ask me to leave, but instead, they stepped out of the way and one of them even escorted me in. Woah, this fucker must be rich! Maybe he’ll even pay me for taking such good care of his cell phone! I followed him to the front desk where the security told the lady that I was here to see Bakusui. Their conversation escaped me as I was too busy looking at the interior of the building. Shit, to be able to work here, it would be a dream come true! I’d like to see my parents’ faces then!

“Bakusui-san is waiting for you in room 4908; the elevators are up the stairs and to your right.”

Forty-nine… how many floors does this building have? I felt like a little mouse in a gigantic maze, no matter which way I turned, I could not see the end. For the first time in my life –despite my size and height-, I felt small. Even when I was in the elevator and going up to the forty-ninth floor, I could not help but stare at the mirrors surrounding me, each angle showed me every little thing about myself. On the ride up, I concocted many-a-tales regarding this mysterious owner of such an antique. However, no matter what sorts of tales I weaved for myself, they did not prepare me for the scene that I came across.

Stepping out from room 4908 were two men, and as I drew closer, they were clearly locked in an embrace. My eye twitched with a pinch of awkwardness, but thankfully they broke apart when I drew closer. The shorter man merely looked at me before brushing past me, leaving the taller and older man by his threshold, looking at me. He was dressed in a black bath robe; the two flaps were tied at the waist loosely, exposing a rather scandalous portion of his chest.

“You are here to return the cell phone?”

What cell phone? I mentally rolled my eyes at the mention of that antique. However, my hand still reached into my pocket to retrieve the cell phone and held it out for the older to take. Now, I was not only curious about what this man did for a living, but also about this entire building. “Here.” I moved a cautious step forward with the cell phone. He looked at me and took it without another word. His actions did not give me the impression that the antique is of any importance, but he had earnestly called for it. What a difficult person to understand!

“Ask.”

“Huh?”

“I know you are deathly curious. Go ahead, ask.”

A slow and somewhat sheepish grin broke across my face as I realized that I had been caught. “I just… this building seems really cool and what-not; what sort of business does this…”

“Host club.”

“Eh?”

“This is a prestigious, members-only host club.”

“Oh, so one of those disguised prostitution houses, right?” I snapped my fingers, though immediately afterwards, I had to look at the other with nonplus. “Seriously man, you don’t look like the prostitute type.” Something flashed in his eyes, but at that moment, I thought it was my imagination. “So was that man a client? How much do you get paid per evening?”

There resided a moment of silence when neither of us spoke; in my defence, I was awaiting an answer. Finally, he grinned and leaned his head against the door frame, looking down his nose at me. “Trust me, little kid; no matter how much you may mock and make fun of this profession, you would not be able to last a day here. Why don’t you just scurry home and go wait on your milk, mm?”

Afterwards, there were colourful words thrown out towards his direction. If there is anything I hate, it’s the mention of my family. I did not want to be connected to my parents in any shape, way, or form. They say I disgrace them, but they embarrass me as well. I think I even went as far as to grab the old man’s collar and threaten words that probably made no sense. I never said I still have extra neurons to think when I’m incensed.

So, as you can probably all conclude by now, I voluntarily signed up for this job an hour later with the owner. I stood in his office proud and with my head held up high. That bastard of an old man sat on a sofa nearby and smirked at me the entire time.

“You are to begin training as soon as possible. Bakusui here is the trainer for this club.”

I snapped my head towards the lounging old man in shock, what do you know, I walked right into his trap. The next day, I woke up and thought about running away. But no, I am not such a person! So, I packed whatever crap I would need and left the house. My parents never knew where I went, and isn’t it heart warming to see that they’ve never put in any effort in looking for me either? Let’s just say the old man did not go easy on me. From the first second, I was used as an errand boy at day and a fuck toy at night. The owner and I agreed on the title of a seme, so for some perverted and fucked up reason, that old man prepared me as a bottom as well. Starring up at him when he entered me, I swore to everything holy and unholy: one day, I will castrate this man with my own hands!

The rest of the club proved to be a pleasant place. I did not see the owner much; some people tell me that he prefers to be alone and did not even want to take over this business in the first place. The number two uke is a feisty little thing who would throw things against the walls of his room. Truthfully, perhaps we both do mean well, but sometimes, things come out a little wrong. The number one seme is a mild mannered man who, truthfully, I don’t even know how he got this position. I mean sure, he’s good looking, but this is a host club for fuck’s sake, you’d have to be at least a little good looking to be in here. The old man tells me that Takumi has a charm that I will never be able to grasp, and I wondered if the lecherous old bastard had broken him in as well.

For the longest time, I’ve always wondered why there is only a number two on the uke side without going further up. Was the number spot unattainable? Come on, if the number one is out of the country for such an extended period of time, then surely the title should be passed down. And I know how much Gen wanted that title as well.

I had such a thought for three years before I was finally given a reason, and what a reason it was. That afternoon, when I had wanted a friendly chat with Takumi, in his room, I saw the recently returned number one. His long golden hair shone in the afternoon sun and when they pulled away to look over at me, I could finally understand why the number one position was kept for him this long. Surely, it would be rare to find anyone else who could match him.

At first glance, I felt like it was senior high once again. I’ve had my share of girlfriends and flings with lowerclassmen, but none hit quite as squarely as his pair of golden eyes and that small smile. I know I acted nonchalantly with a shrug of my shoulders when we were introduced, but part of me knew that I could not look at this golden one in the eyes without revealing what I already selfishly desired.

Once in a while, as if on a second thought, I would inquire bits and pieces about the number one. Unfortunately, it seems other than those hosts and staff members who have worked here for an extended period of time, no one really knew him well. It cannot be helped, I supposed; after all, he was gone for such a long time and the turn over rate in this industry is faster than you can say the word itself.

Chance came to me when the number one was hurt. Of course, it’s not like I rejoiced in the fact that he was hurt, but I could not help but realize that it offered me a perfect opportunity to at least have a chance to speak with him without seeming awkward. From there, at least I can say that we have been acquainted, so if I were to take a midnight stroll to his room, it would not be strange. At that particular evening, when I was nearing his room, Chitose stood outside of his door with his head bowed. Something ticked inside of me and I quickened my pace towards him.

“Chitose, is something wrong?” Perhaps I should address him by some sort of honorific, but he had said it was okay. At the sound of my voice, he looked up at me with such a startled and helpless look that my eyebrows ceased. “What is it?”

When I look back on it now, I wonder who really helped whom that evening. When the client was pronounced dead, it’s no joke that I panicked. Quickly, I ran out of the room to inform the owner. It was a chaotic evening and somehow at the end of that, a promise of a future date was set in place. Maybe I am a horrible person, but that night, I slept soundly with such a promise.

However, it wasn’t until almost half a month later did I receive the fruits of my labour. It was a cold November afternoon when the two of us exited my car after I had pulled into my high school’s empty parking lot. It was past the time for classes, but should still be perfect for after school club activities. Turning to look at Chitose after I had shut the door, I marvelled at how he is able to move gracefully in his multitude of kimono whenever and wherever. Even in a setting such as this –and I watched as he glanced around and took in the sight, even the kimono did not look out of place with him. Finally, Chitose turned towards me and offered that smile.

“Did you bring me here to boast about your previous achievements, Ren-kun?”

He asked teasingly and yet I couldn’t help a quick flush. Perhaps not achievements, but I did want him to see me at my best, second to being a host, of course. I grinned and jerked my head towards the gym in view, shoving my hands into my pockets. “What? Don’t tell me someone like you have never joined a club in high school.” We fell into step beside one another and made way for the indoor basketball court with brisk steps.

“Actually, I only went to junior high. And even that was not completed.”

“Seriously?”

He nodded with a small smile but did not continue on. My lips opened because I wanted to ask more, but instead, I licked them and offered him a grin, tossing my head back towards in front of us. No, if he did not feel like sharing at this moment, then I won’t push him either. After all, we will have many opportunities in the future! I will guarantee it!

When we drew closer, we could hear the sound of sneakers squeaking against wooden floor and the dribbling of balls. Oh I was excited! I was sure that my entire demeanour spoke of it. At the door, I gripped the handle and pulled it open with haste to interrupt the happenings on the inside. Students looked back at me with curious and confused eyes and I was too excited to really look at anyone in the face.

“And here was my most beloved spot in school!” I announced and looked down besides me towards Chitose. He stepped up on par with me and looked at the interior slowly, I was well aware of the stunned gazes that he received. Yes, he is magnificently beautiful, and I am the one who has his company for the day!

“Shoto-senpai…?”

Someone approached me from the left and after a moment of mutual searching, a grin broke out on my face and I clasped him by the shoulder. “Ichida! Look at you, gotten taller again?” It’s been four years, but thanks to my staying behind one more year, the freshman from back then has become a senior and still remembered me. Under Chitose’s smiling eyes, I handed the number one my sweater and ran to join everyone else on the court. I longed to show the number one host what I am capable of outside of work and what better way to show him than with a sport that I’ve always enjoyed. It was a little rusty at first, the techniques and the passes, but with time, my body took over and I no longer needed to think.

Once in a short while, I would glance over towards the doorway and catch Chitose’s smiling eyes.

Two hours later, we bid my school mates a long farewell and Chitose had shivered violently with a gust of wind. I reached up immediately, wanting to take off my jacket to offer him but I realized that I was wearing a sweater. He did not seem to have noticed, but the slightest of frowns on his eyebrows spoke of his discomfort. We were currently roaming the streets of city centre and I recognized all these shops around me.

“I’ve showed you my world today.” I started, stepping just an inch closer to him in hopes that my body heat will be transferred to him. “Why don’t you show me a little bit of your world as well? Take me shopping!” Even though I desperately dreaded such an activity, I figured it would be a subtle way for Chitose to get himself something warm.

“Are you sure?” He smiled up at me and tilted his head. “Ren-kun does not seem like the type of person who would enjoy shopping.”

I laughed immediately, somewhat bashful at being found out, but I was determined to keep my role. “I never cease to surprise?”

“Well then, in that case…” Chitose paused momentarily to glance around us before locating a store. “Please come with me.” His words, my command. I followed after him easily and held the door open for him. Inside lined a plethora of different fur arrangements, from coats to hats and to things that didn’t even require fur but still had fur on it. A lady greeted us and Chitose spoke easily to her as we strolled deeper into the store. I recalled that I recognized this store, but I had to admit that I’ve never been inside previously. Up ahead, Chitose was fingering a large, white fur shawl. His fair skin seemed to have blended against it. And with a few more words, the lady was already taking it down for purchase. My brain flashed and I dashed forward, wanting to pay for it. However, my eyes caught the price tag and I knew that I stopped awkwardly.

I don’t want to talk about how many digits that price tag included; it hurt my brain just trying to figure out how much that was.

Fluently, Chitose signed the receipt and he wrapped the shawl around him before turning around to face me. At my stunned stare –still recovering from the price-, he smiled and held out his arms as if presenting himself to me.

“What do you think?”

In front of me, Chitose wore a midnight purple kimono with the hem and edges embroidered with white flowers. I could not identify them for the life of me. With the shawl around him, large and imposing, he looked to be of royalty who had walked out of his palace and agreed to an honoured meeting with a commoner. I supposed I was that commoner. At that moment, I knew that our worlds were impossibly far apart. Could he lower himself into my world? I did not think so. Could I ascend myself to his? I liked to think that with time, maybe it will be possible. For now, we stood on opposite sides of an unconquered river. I was at the river bank, ready to wet my shoes. And he? I did not know where he stood.

“It looks lovely. Very befitting of you. Truly.”

Still, I grinned and paid him his compliments. Perhaps not at this moment, but I know I will work hard to cross that river and meet him on his side.

This time, I was determined.
This time, I will not be a supporting actor in someone else’s script.
This time, I will be my own main character.

To be continued...