August

May 1

Phidias woke up at half past eight to Caddy calling his name.
"Dad! Dad! DAAAAAAAAD!"
Phidias panicked first, the fear pulsing through his veins as it had that first day...on waking further, his mind began to interpret the tone of the shouting, and decided all was well - he could go back to sleep. Phidias tried to cover his head with the pillow, but someone insistently tried to pull it away; Phidias pulled it back.
"Dad! You have to get up. Get up!"
Phidias resolutely ignored this.
"Dad! Get up. It's your wedding day."
Phidias swallowed down the ball of nerves that rolled up into his throat at Caddy's simple pronouncement. He lifted his head with the pillow on top if it and looked blearily out at the world. Henrik wasn't in the bed with him. Phidias glanced around. Henrik was not even the room. Phidias wondered where he had gone. Caddy must have read the question on his face, because he answered.
"Henrik went to go get dressed. He can't see you until the wedding." Phidias stared blankly at his son. Caddy shrugged. "It's bad luck."
Phidias put his head back down and squeezed the pillow tightly over it.
"DAD!"
"I know!" he answered, muffled by the blanketing. "I know. I'm coming."
Phidias counted to ten, then shook the pillow off and sat up, remembering just in time that he was naked; he'd forgotten about last night. He covered himself discreetly with the duvet, but Caddy caught it quickly; his son glanced at him once, and then away, a slight grin turning up the edges of his mouth.
"Well, I'm going to go shower and stuff. Anders came home last night, and he made breakfast for everybody this morning, and the people are here with your clothes and mine and also to take all the pictures. And the carrier from the CEC who I don't like who did all the planning stuff is here, too. And some people I don't know. And some people I couldn't see too well because Henrik said I can't go downstairs. Which is stupid, because obviously I have to go downstairs at some point, and he's going to be mad. But Anders brought me my breakfast upstairs, which was cool; it was like breakfast in bed. With dessert. Oh, and Henrik got me a chaperone, because there's like a billion people around the house and he thinks I'm going to get raped."
Phidias blinked at his son. It was so early in the morning for Caddy's matter-of-fact weirdness.
"OK. Great." Phidias swallowed; his mouth tasted cottony. "I need some water."
"OK. Should I tell Mahir to come in?"
The night prior came rushing back to Phidias.
"How do you know Mahir?"
Caddy shrugged.
"Met him this morning. Henrik said he's the only person allowed upstairs. He came to introduce himself. He wants to help you get dressed."
Phidias nodded slowly, trying to make sense of all that Caddy had just said.
"OK. Well, where is he now?"
"In the study."
"Up here or downstairs?"
"Up here."
"Oh."
Phidias paused, letting questions roll around and form themselves into something utterable in his mind. Caddy appeared to be watching him closely.
"You don't like him."
"No!" Phidias replied, irrationally fearful of the accusation. "No, I just...I'm just tired." Phidias tried to gather his wits about him. "You woke me up." he added, pointedly.
Caddy grinned a mischievous little grin.
"And I bet you're tired, too. All worn out."
Phidias tugged the duvet up his torso a little higher.
"OK. Thank you, Cadmus. Get out. I need to shower now."
"Awww. OK." Caddy faux-pouted as he clambered off the bed and made his way to the door. About to open it, he turned back. "Should I tell Mahir to come in here?"
Phidias furrowed his brow. He could tell Mahir to wait in the study, but if he really was intent on helping Phidias dress, he'd be in the bedroom soon enough, anyway. And Phidias couldn't exactly refuse him - he was Henrik's friend. It was a matter of diplomacy.
"Um, send him in here, Caddy, it's fine. And ask someone to bring up some breakfast, and water. And ask Mahir to get my clothes from the clothier downstairs, please."
Caddy nodded and gave his dad a miniature salute, then disappeared out of the door.

~:~

"We need to pull over."
Aaron Soyinka rolled his eyes and kept driving.
"No, we don't. We need to get to the hotel and check in before the wedding." Sheridan, who was riding in the front seat next to his husband, glanced tensely up at the rearview mirror. In the backseat, Harley had James' natori hiked up past his hips; the carrier was half-straddling his husband and being kissed fiercely on his lips and neck. Harley squeezed James' thigh with one hand, muttering something under his breath which made James's skin flush and his lip tremble. Sheridan thought he was going to be sick. Aaron's hand touched his.
"Are you alright? Do you need to stop?"
The drive to Phidias's new husband's house was only an hour from their own, and it was just another half hour on to the bed-and-breakfast they'd picked, so Sheridan really wasn't sure what all this stopping was about. He shook his head.
"I'm fine." I'm not a child, he wanted to add, but he left it and took his hand away from Aaron's to fold it in his lap. Aaron quietly went back to driving, glancing once more into the rearview mirror before focusing his sights squarely on the road.

~:~

"Hold still, or I won't be able to get it on you." Mahir scolded his young charge.
Enchanted, Caddy sat absolutely unmoving on the stool by the mirror in his father and Henrik's walk-in closet, which had recently been converted into a dressing room by the addition of a large vanity. Mahir dipped the brush in the black paint and drew it carefully across Cadmus' eye, outlining the bright hazel in black. Phidias, already dressed and painted up himself, was sitting in the chaise against the wall, watching the scene with a blank countenance. Mahir leaned close to inspect his work before setting on Cadmus' other eye. Caddy smiled to himself - he liked this carrier; Mahir was kind, and funny...and pretty, but not in the overwhelming way of most of the femmes at the Centre. Instead, he was bold, and interesting, and when he leaned close to line Caddy's eyes, there was the faintest scent of brass and spices. Caddy found himself drawn to it.
"There. All done."
Caddy turned to inspect himself in the mirror.
"Yay! Thank you, Mahir!!" he squealed.
Mahir snuck a glance at Phidias, who was still staring blankly at his son.
"Well." he said, turning to face the mirror beside Cadmus and smoothing the young carrier's hair down. "Don't get so excited you mess it up. Here, color your mouth."
"No." Phidias interrupted sharply, getting up to cross the room towards the pair. Caddy looked up, crestfallen.
"Dad! You said I could."
"I said something, and you got something - your eyes are done. And I said only for the wedding."
Caddy looked so stricken that Phidias felt a pang of regret.
"But it IS only for the wedding! And it's just two things! And it's just for a day, Dad."
Phidias hesitated where he was, standing in half-movement by the wall of the dressing room, facing down his nearly-tearful carrier son. Out of the corner of his eye, he realized Mahir was watching him.
"Caddy, no."
Caddy sucked in a breath, and Phidias knew it was the beginning of a pattern which would eventually descend into hysteria and tears. A mixture of emotions rose up in Phidias. He felt annoyed with Caddy for being so emotional, then felt irritated with himself for sparking the whole situation. He shouldn't have ever let Mahir in his room. Which was Henrik's fault in the first place, him and his stupid pressure, all just to keep Phidias from...anger was replaced by the stomach pangs of fear.
"But, Dad! You said I could, and it's only for one day!" Phidias's attention went back to his son. Caddy was making a poor attempt at appearing reasonable; his face was getting pink, and belatedly Phidias realized that his son might be feeling a twinge of embarrassment at being scolded publicly. Mahir was, after all, a guest, and for whatever reason, Cadmus seemed to like him. The fourteen year old continued. "Dad, I just -" Caddy took in a deep breath and blew it out, unsettling the hair that curled past his eyes. "I just want to look like a carrier today. An actual carrier - not so boy. That's it, Dad. That's all I want to do."
Mahir still didn't speak; only watched, and waited. Phidias stared at his son for another moment. Caddy stared at him back, then spoke softly.
"I'm not a little kid anymore, Dad."
Phidias stared at his son. With his eyes ringed in black, Caddy reminded him of the fashionable femme carriers he had seen at the Centre, but that voice...the voice was all Emily. Phidias felt a pang. She was here; even today, she was here. He shook the image from his mind and there again was Cadmus, his son, his little boy who had fallen and scraped his knee at the tender age of 4 and - shock to all - hadn't cried, had just gotten up and sucked in breaths for a minute, then turned the opposite way and run towards something else. Cadmus who had discovered an insatiable desire for carrot sticks at age 10 and an unquenchable thirst for Jules Verne at age 11. Cadmus who now was Caddy: 14 and curious, silly, and sometimes clever; long-legged and with a sudden interest in horses and seemingly less like his father every day.
Phidias shook his head.
"Fine. OK. It's, um, it's fine. It's just for one day, though, Caddy." Phidias added, warningly. Caddy beamed at his father.
"One day. Today. I promise."

~

The ceremony was short and simple: a priest, an altar, Phidias and Henrik stood up at the front. Chairs were set up on the grounds behind the house, under pretty cream tents that billowed in the May breeze. Anders, Cadmus, Mr. Paul, Dr. Alan Long, and the men from the firm sat in the front row. The firm's carrier wives, along with Adrian, Sheridan, James and their husbands filled the rows behind them. Towards the back were the counselor and his - husband? date? - as well as Cadmus' friends. At the very back were other guests Henrik had invited - mostly officers, and Phidias had been too shy and preoccupied and uncomfortable to take much notice of their faces or names.

Phidias and Henrik faced the priest. Phidias barely listened; was too busy wondering what the crowd was thinking behind him, whether Caddy was fidgeting in his seat, where he'd left his glasses, and whether or not he still had a chance to get out of this. The vows, however, required his attention. Henrik squeezed his hand. The wind rustled the top of the tent and blew the cords that dangled from around the priest's waist. Love, honor, obey. Henrik put the ring onto his hand. He did the same. Love, honor obey. Henrik kissed him. It was all very simple.

~

The reception was held in the renovated old barn that had overlooked the pasture from a small knoll. The guests, almost a hundred in all, milled around beneath the lights that sparkled in the barn's rafters; a quartet played by one of the big bay windows, and tables laden with food and fine silverware lined one end of the room. Phidias followed around after Henrik, led by the hand from table to table. Every few minutes, he checked on Cadmus, but his son remained steadfastly seated at the table between his stepbrother and Mahir. Whether his suddenly sedentary nature was due to Henrik's edict or Mahir's attention, Phidias wasn't sure. His attention was called back to the present; his husband was tapping his hand.
"Phidias. Darling. I would like you to meet a colleague of mine." Henrik gestured to the man currently getting up from his chair to greet them. "Officer Ivan Kosin."
Phidias couldn't stop himself from recoiling; instinct told him to run, hide, get far away from this man. He looked around in a panic for Caddy, and Henrik, shocked, put both hands on his wife's shoulders and tried to calm him.
"Phidias? Phidias, what's wrong?!"
Behind Henrik's back, Kosin smiled slowly. Phidias couldn't speak.
"I - I didn't - I'm sorry - I - nothing." His voice wasn't even steady. Henrik stared at him in disbelief. Phidias' heart pounded - he wanted to tell it all, describe to Henrik in every blistering detail what had happened the day he'd been called into Kosin's clutches. Anger was welling up inside of him, churning his stomach and making him want to jump on Kosin and beat him as thoroughly and publicly as he had done Phidias. Tempering the anger was fear - abject fear that Caddy was here, and Dr. Long, and too many people who were at too much risk from Kosin's hand. Then there was guilt, too - Henrik had wanted today to go so well, and the worst thing Phidias could possibly do was start a fistfight in polite society. Chasing that thought was a cynical one that at least they were married now, and so it wasn't as if Henrik could get rid of him so easily.

Phidias chewed his lip, closed his eyes, and tried to settle the rocking ship of his thoughts into something coherent and manageable enough to get him away from this moment. In private, he could tell Henrik what had happened - or some part of it - and ask him to kindly remove Kosin from their party. And, indeed, their lives. A thought struck him: colleague. Henrik had called him a colleague. What was that supposed to mean? What business did Henrik have with a man like Ivan Kosin? What did they do together? A penetrating fear slithered into Phidias. Were these two men friends? The thought lingered for a moment before good sense fought it down - if they were friends, Henrik would have said that. Henrik was direct. Henrik spoke his mind and didn't disguise. Henrik was still watching him, great concern etched into his face. Phidias swallowed thickly and was thankful he hadn't eaten yet. His husband touched his face, now, deep worry and something unrecognizable written in his eyes.
"Phidias." he said, simply, and Phidias took Henrik's strong hands in his own and drew them down from his face.
"I'm fine. Honestly. I'm sorry, I just - " he glanced at Kosin, who was boredly examining the tablecloth, " I just thought I saw someone I knew."
Henrik gave him a look which assured him that further discussion would be had about this later and turned diplomatically back to Kosin.
"Officer. My wife, Dr. Phidias Alexander."
Kosin extended his palm, and Phidias hesitated before taking it. It was the same palm that had held him down, rained blows, burned his skin...
"Pleasure to meet you, Phidias."
Kosin politely inclined his head. Phidias swallowed and nodded.
"Likewise."
Henrik tilted his head slightly.
"Officer Kosin works with carriers at various CECs around the country."
Kosin took a leisurely sip of his champagne.
"I most certainly do."
Phidias had thought he could handle it, he really had. But now he found himself going into a submissive defense: he wouldn't look at Kosin, wouldn't look up, and couldn't seem to let go of the death grip he had on his husband's hand. He sent up a prayer for something, anything to get him away from this man and this moment and this whole situation.
Suddenly, awfully, Cadmus came. He appeared like a vision, hair done up and eyes rimmed with black and mouth bright and reddened, at his father's elbow, and Phidias was confronted for the first time with the uncomfortable awareness of just how much his son had grown up.
"Dad?"
Henrik turned, smiling to acknowledge his stepson's arrival.
"Ah. Cadmus. Come, meet our guest."
Phidias wanted to dive between them and scream for it all to stop. But Henrik was still holding his hand, and Caddy was looking so eager to be introduced like an adult, and the guests were all around, and Phidias felt he really couldn't do anything to stop what had already happened. So instead, he stood mute and pale, suffering the indignity in silence. None of this was what he wanted. He didn't want Kosin to know Caddy; he didn't even want him to be sure what Cadmus looked like. He didn't want them to speak. He didn't want them to shake hands. Phidias wanted to keep Kosin and Caddy on opposite sides of the world, and he definitely didn't want Henrik to stand there, all oblivious and smiling nicely and introducing them - he felt sick again. Henrik glanced at him strangely. Kosin was extending his hand to Cadmus.
"Ivan Kosin."
Caddy glanced at Henrik, then answered with his own.
"Cadmus Alexander-Angstrom." Caddy gave a dignified incline of his head, a mannerism he had no doubt begun to copy from Henrik. "But you can call me Caddy. Everybody does."
Henrik raised an eyebrow.
"Not everybody, Cadmus." he said, pointedly, but Caddy just shrugged and beamed at Kosin. Phidias wondered what was in the glass his son was drinking. Kosin shook Caddy's hand gently, and shifted his stance to a more casual contrapposto, a vague smile creeping across his face.
"Nice to meet you, Cadmus. You take after your father, I see."
Phidias felt sick. He shouldn't have let Caddy wear a natori - Kosin could see his legs, and his hips and his waist where it was outlined by his clothes. He shouldn't have let him come to the party. He should have kept him safe, kept him hidden...he couldn't stand seeing Kosin's eyes on his son. Caddy grinned at Kosin and threw a glance over his shoulder at Phidias, then Henrik.
"Which one?" he joked, and Kosin smiled wryly.
"And you seem to have inherited Phidias' cheekiness, as well."
Caddy unwittingly accepted this as a compliment. Henrik glanced a question at Phidias, who was busy trying to keep his heart from bursting. All at once, it did and he spoke.
"DOCTOR Alexander." he burst in, voice strained. Kosin looked over at him, a bemused expression on his face. Clearing his throat, Phidias glanced at Henrik, who had on an expression of wonder at just what had gotten into his wife, and repeated himself to Kosin. "It's Dr. Alexander, actually. Not 'Phidias.'"
Kosin's smooth mask of civility flickered for just a half a second and Phidias thought he saw something there - something inhuman that flicked its tongue and slitted its eyes before Kosin concealed it again. He stared at Phidias, then looked at Henrik.
"Then shouldn't it be Dr. Angstrom?"
This was a topic that had not yet been discussed, and the group was muffled by the awkward silence surrounding Kosin's question. Caddy, insouciant as ever, tried and failed to conceal a giggle. Henrik turned to him, breaking the tension.
"Cadmus. I believe Officer Kosin's drink has nearly run out. Why don't you bring him another?"
Caddy, who had gotten much better at reading dismissal and had also been made more complacent by the wine that Phidias could now smell on him, shrugged, smiled once more at Kosin, and disappeared into the crowd. Immediately, Kosin turned his attention to Henrik, calmly twirling his half-full champagne glass between his fingers. The champagne bubbled against the sides; a drop slipped over the edge and spilt down the side of the glass.
"Beautiful carrier you have. Is he 15?"
Henrik answered honestly, without blinking.
"In December."
More things he didn't want Kosin to know. Why would he ask? There was only one reason why he would ask. Phidias felt his heart collapse in on itself, but he willed himself not to die on the spot. If he did, then there truly would be no one to protect Cadmus. Although it didn't look as though Henrik planned to do much of a job...at least he could change that - couldn't he? He would talk to Henrik, that's what he would do. He would talk to him and tell him that things had to be different, that he couldn't let Kosin even think about Cadmus, that his son was sacred, that Phidias would kill for him, that -
"Unfortunately, Cadmus has already been contracted for marriage."
Phidias' blood ran cold, and the nausea he'd been feeling since Kosin had first spoken to him was threatening to overwhelm. Now the man at his side was a stranger, and his son was chattel. Phidias began to feel light-headed. He looked at Henrik, took in his face, and for the first time felt doubt in himself and faith in his husband. Henrik's expression was as calm as it had been before, but Phidias spotted the lines of tension around his mouth, the too-tense set of his jaw - Henrik was trying to keep an even face. Henrik was lying. At his side, he squeezed Phidias' hand. Phidias understood.
"Yes. It was made almost a month ago, at the time of our engagement." Phidias added, wanting to give veracity and weight to his husband's claim. Kosin threw a nasty glance at him, now reserving all his civility for Henrik.
"Pity. If things do fall through..."
"I'll be sure to keep you in mind." the lines in Henrik's face were getting deeper. He turned his attention to Phidias.
"Are you sure you're feeling well? You look pale, sweetheart."
Phidias nodded.
"Just a bit tired of this." he answered innocently, looking directly at Kosin. Kosin's eyes narrowed. Henrik nodded firmly.
"Just a few more greetings, then we'll sit and you'll eat." he declared. Then, turning to Kosin, "You'll forgive us, Officer. So many guests at the party, aren't there. You understand."
Phidias took some amusement from the fact that every question Henrik asked Kosin came out as a command. Kosin's mask had been replaced. His face was blank. He nodded and bowed slightly.
"Certainly. Very nice speaking with you again, Mr. Angstrom." he turned slightly to Phidias, "Phidias."
Phidias sneered at him, but Henrik missed it as he shook Kosin's hand and steered his wife away.
"Oh, and Phidias," Kosin threw out as they were departing, "I believe Cadmus still owes me a glass of champagne. If you see him, you will send him my way. Won't you?"
Only Henrik's strong hands on Phidias' arms kept him from lunging at Kosin. Firmly, his husband pulled him off, into the crowd.

Away from Kosin, Phidias felt real again, like he could breathe. The surreal, twisting feeling like he'd been the entire time in a horrible dream was gone. He was in the light again. Phidias sucked in air and squeezed tight on Henrik's hand. Henrik was even more worried now; his face made no attempt to disguise this.
"What's going on, Phidias? Are you alright? Do you know that man, Kosin? Did he hurt you?"
Phidias shook his head; slow down, his eyes pleaded. Henrik acquiesced and settled. Phidias calmed himself.
"I'm fine. Fine. I know Kosin, but it's not - can I tell you that much later?"
Henrik nodded curtly.
"I just want to be sure that you are alright."
Phidias offered him his best half-grin and nodded.
"I assure you I'll be fine." he furrowed his brow. "Thanks for covering for Cadmus, though."
Henrik blinked at him. A terrible thought flipped around in the pit of Phidias' stomach.
"You were covering, right? There's no contract on him. Right?"
Henrik blinked again and glanced to the side.
"There have been offers."
And he had considered them. That's what that meant. That's why he'd answered this way, instead of just with a simple yes or no, or even an "of course not." Phidias suddenly, absurdly decided that his parents should have named him Sisyphus instead. Given the inevitable tragedy of his life, and the unending frustration and apparent futility in trying to protect Cadmus, it seemed more fitting.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
Henrik sighed and glanced around. People were beckoning to them at various distances - everyone wanted to greet the bride and groom. He looked back to Phidias.
"There have been offers." he repeated. "Some of them very good. I had hoped we could talk about this later."
Phidias felt self-conscious suddenly; he glanced around.
"I don't want that for Cadmus."
Henrik inclined his head.
"I understand. But there are certain realities to the world that we live in, Phidias."
Phidias stared at his husband; Henrik's eyes seemed inscrutable, and Phidias' head felt swimmy. He acquiesed.
"Fine. Later."
Henrik nodded and showed Phidias his appreciation with a kiss to his cheek. Before he could lead them off in one direction or the other, however, a panicked-looking Anders came running up to the pair.
"Dad! Phidias! I can't find Caddy."

~

What was wrong with the fucking chaperones? This was the thought that pounded through Henrik's head again and again and again. He thought of who was at fault - himself, Phidias, Anders, and the fucking chaperones. Henrik smiled at a guest; they knew nothing so far, and he didn't want to alarm anyone. Besides, wholesale panic would only decrease the likelihood that Cadmus would be found. Across the room, Anthony was prowling the perimeter. He locked eyes with Henrik and grimly shook his head. Mahir and Phidias returned from upstairs. Phidias looked awful, and waves of guilt rushed through Henrik like fire. What if it were his son? What if it had been Anders? Only it wouldn't have been, and wouldn't ever be. Henrik had seen to that. He disappeared down the hallway that led to the tack room and back door. Nothing. What if Cadmus had been taken out of the building? Worry seized Henrik's throat. Maybe he should census the guests. Who was here? Who was missing? He knew the answer already. Kosin. Had to be. The only authority the chaperones would have recognized. A CEC special officer. Henrik berated himself: Should have known. Should have read Phidias' reaction and known. Should have thought of it. Should have taken care of Caddy. Henrik passed a series of closets and checked every one. Nothing. Then a sound - so muffled it was almost silent. He froze. For long minutes, he stood in the semi-dark, in a back hallway with guests dancing off in the distance, in the middle of his own wedding party. But there had been a sound. Henrik's heart pounded. The hall remained quiet. Eventually, he decided to move. But then there it was, again.
Now he knew, and rage was within him. He looked upwards, checked all perimeters. Only one place the sound could be. He'd checked all the closets. Henrik went to the tiny bathroom that was hidden off to one side, between two tack lockers, tucked into a corner. He threw open the door.
Officer Ivan Kosin had both of Cadmus' hands in his left grip, his right hand covering the boy's mouth and wrenching his neck to the side. His thigh was between Caddy's legs. Surprised at the intrusion, Kosin's grip weakened momentarily, and Caddy leapt backwards, away from the touch. There was a second of broiling silence, and Henrik heard clearly Caddy's ragged breath.
"Cadmus. Get out. Find Anders. Go to the house. Upstairs. Close your door."
Caddy nodded tearfully and, for once, obeyed his stepfather without hesitation.
Caddy ran out, and Henrik and Kosin listened to the distant sounds of Mahir greeting him with relief as he appeared. Then just the two men stood in the staggering silence, facing each other down across the narrow, now-lit space. Finally, Henrik spoke.
"You fucking monster."
Kosin laughed.
"Me?" he demanded, stepping forward. "ME?"
Henrik, without hesitation, punched him cleanly in the gut.
Kosin coughed for a few minutes, trying to suck back in his breath. After he'd recovered enough to speak, he looked up, still grinning, at Henrik.
"You're twice the monster I am." he gasped out. Henrik narrowed his eyes.
"Cadmus," he said, calmly, "will be the last carrier you touch."
Kosin stared at him for a moment, confused, until the meaning of what he'd said began to sink in. He had just begun to comprehend when he felt it - the stab, the pinch, the little tingle of The Phantom...Kosin's mouth made an O of protest just before the needle was withdrawn. Henrik calmly capped the syringe and tucked it back into his jacket pocket. Kosin shook his head, still staring at Henrik's hand.
"No...you didn't....I - fuck...I...no..." he began clawing viciously at his shoulder, at the place where the needle had been, trying to stop it, make it go out, keep the liquid from reaching his blood. It was too late by far. But Kosin grabbed at himself anyway, panicked; he was a beast in that moment, an animal caught in an inescapable trap. Henrik watched, smiling slowly as understanding came over the man crouched in front of him.
"That was for Cadmus. And Phidias, too."
Kosin was gasping for air again. Henrik stared down at him, unmoved.
"I suggest you make your arrangements in the morning."

~:~