Gender Dysphoria: How it Feels to Live a Lie

Chapter XXI


Savannah covered her mouth and shook her head in disbelief. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Are you serious?” I nodded. “Of all the foolish, hair-brained, schemes you could manage to think of to make money, you picked prostitution? What were you thinking?!”

“I wasn’t.” I quickly replied. “I was just so desperate to make money fast and get my surgery, I DIDN’T think.”

“So now this Tony guy is after you…”

“Yeah. He’s determined to get me back. After setting Slim’s place on fire, I feel there’s nothing he wouldn’t do. That’s why I thought it was important that I tell you so you can watch out for yourself…Just in case.”

Savannah nodded, turning her glass of Mountain Dew in her hands. We both sat silent in my livingroom, pondering over the news I broke to her. “What are you gonna do?” She finally asked.

“I took a cab to the police station this morning and talked with an officer. After he got over the initial shock of finding out I was transsexual, he started asking me questions about what was going on. He didn’t seem to take it seriously though. To him, it seemed like some reformed tranny prostitute was trying to keep her ‘pimp’ at bay. I don’t think I’ll get much help there.”

The blonde made a displeased grunt and tossed her hair aimlessly behind her shoulder. “Well, be careful, Gwenie-poo. Protect yourself and don’t even think about going out anywhere at night…Do you want me to stay the night with you?”

I smiled. “No, mom.”

She smiled back, showing her dimples. “You laughing, but I’m serious, hon. Don’t let this tender face and femme exterior fool you. Your girl here got a black belt in kickin’ ass.” I laughed.

“I’m fine, really, Savannah. I’ll be okay.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“Okay.” Savannah stood up, stretching her back. “Well, I’ma head back home then. I’m not going anywhere tonight, so call me if you need me.”

“I will.”

Leaning over, she hugged me tightly. “Love you, Gwenie-poo.”

“Love you too.”

***

That night…

I opened my eyes as the bright morning sunshine beamed through the open windows. A warm breeze flowed in, circulating the white sheer curtains, and caressing my nude skin. For some reason, I thought I smelled a hint of bacon in there. Regardless, I smiled at the feeling, stretching my back, loving the luxuriating feel of the white satin sheets. I heard footsteps and I looked to the doorway, smiling widely at the man standing within it. Dressed in loose fitting tan linen pants and an open matching shirt, he carried a bowl full of fruit in his hands.

“Good morning, baby.”

“Morning, Marcus.” He walked to the bed, sitting on the edge. “You brought me fruit?”

“Mhm. But this is only something to get you out of bed finally. The real breakfast is in the kitchen…” Plucking out a grape, he fed it to me.

“Mmm.”

“So is it working?”

I shook my head playfully. “No.” I pulled the comforter over my head.

Marcu quickly set the bowl down on the nightstand and started to tickle me. “You are so hardheaded…”

I pulled the sheets down from my face. “Am not. I’m just lazy. I don’t want to get out of bed.” I touched the side of his strong neck. “I don’t want you to get out of bed either.” Averting my eyes to my hand at his neck again, I noticed something new was there. Shiny and gold, placed on my ring finger. He touched my hand with his and I noticed his finger carried the same ring…..We were married?

“Baby, we’re spending our honeymoon in Morocco. We should be sightseeing. After all, we spent our first two days in bed anyhow…”

I poked my bottom lip out in a pout. “Please Marcus honey,” I sat up, wrapped an arm around him, and started kissing his neck and jaw. “Just one more time and I won’t ask you anymore…………..today.”

He laughed at that last part. “Then we get to go out?”

“Absolutely. But you gotta do some ass-tapping first.” I pulled his shirt off, tossed it on the floor, then started to untie the string to his linen pants.

“You’re a mess, you know that?”

I just winked back……

I turned onto my back in bed and made a very pleased groan when Dream Marcus hopped in bed with me and started kissing me all over. Such a lovely dream I was having……til I heard a scrape sound. Like someone’s foot grazed the floor. I quickly popped my eyes open and tried to get a clear look of my bedroom given the complete darkness I was immersed in. Sitting up, I nervously gathered my knees towards me. “H-hello?” I asked shakily.

That’s when I heard it. A deep, masculine, frightening, “Hi, Gwen.” I jerked my head to the right of me but before I could even think about focusing my eyes in that direction, the unknown man pounced on me, placing a contaminated rag over my nose and mouth. I was out in seconds.

***

I awoke to darkness. Total darkness. Apparently, wherever I was had no windows, so I had no idea what time it was or day for that matter. I was lying on what felt like a cold, stone, floor. The place was a bit on the cool side, so I’m glad my kidnapper at least let me keep on the pajama pants and tank top I wore. There was no guessing to who kidnapped me or had me kidnapped. It was Tony. So it was true. He wasn’t gonna rest until he had me back and that’s what he did. The bastard.

The door opened, slipping in some light from what seemed to be a hallway. Standing within the threshold was the silhouette of a man. Who, I don’t know. “Ohhhhh Gwennnn…” he sang. The voice sounded very familiar, but I couldn’t place who it belonged to. “Where are you, princess? Come out, come out, wherever you are…” I tried to keep quiet. Finding a corner and trying hard to literally blend myself in with it. With the darkness of the room, it’d be hard for him to find me……………..unless he cut on a light switch………which he did. “There you are.” I looked up from the ball I formed myself into and caught the red hair, sleazy smile, and greasy exterior. It was Morgan. If you recall, Morgan was the guy that would always grab the t-girls as they passed by him in the hotel. He’s also the same guy I ran into at the ice-cream shoppe me and Carlos were at. He made eating cherries disgusting? Yeah, that’s him.

He started to walk towards me. “Don’t come near me.” I demanded.

Morgan smirked. “What’s all the hostility for, huh? No one’s trying to hurt you…”

“Leave me alone.”

When he reached me, Morgan kneeled down so we could be face-to-face. “I just wanna touch you is all, sweetheart.” He made a grab for my hair and I smacked his hand away fiercely.

“I said leave me alone!”

Morgan started to laugh. “Just who do you think you’re yelling at, huh? You think I’m some push-over cause you kept turning down my advances back when you worked here? You’ve got a misconception about me, sweetheart.” He reached for my hair again, and I pushed him away again, agitated. But this time, he retaliated. Morgan backhanded me strongly. I could taste the coppery blood in my mouth. Grabbing my neck, he pushed me back, slamming my head against the hard cinderblocks. I cried out at the sheer force of it.

“I didn’t forget how you acted towards me. Brushing by me, acting like a stuck up bitch. I touched all the other trannies time and time again. And you had the nerve to waltz in there and act like you didn’t care to know anybody……like you were too good to be groped like the rest. But the money was good though, right?”

“Morgan—“

“Shut up!” He tightened his grip on my neck. “For a whole year, you brushed me off, giving me the cold shoulder. Not this time. This time, I’ma get what I wanted…” He immediately tried to grab me between my legs and I fought with all my might to keep him from doing so.

“Stop. Stop!” I yelled.

“Didn’t I say shut up?!” He grabbed the hem of my pajama pants and tried to jerk them off my hips. Frantic, I kicked a leg up, hitting him in the groin. He staggered back, loosening his grip on my neck. Taking the opportunity, I started for the door. But he grabbed my ankle, tripping me up. “You fucking little queer!” Turning me over onto my back, Morgan straddled me and reached for my pants again, pulling at the elastic. I struggled to get away but he pressed his larger torso against mine, suspending my arms. He managed to slip a hand inside and grope my ass.

“Please! Please don’t!”

“Morgan!” The red head paused once hearing the baritone voice call his name. I knew it was Tony. “Get off her! What the fuck are you doing?”

Morgan pushed off me and stood up. “Nothing. I…..I was just messing around with her a little bit.”

Tony studied my face then frowned. He obviously caught the bruised and busted lip I had. Grabbing me tightly by my arm, he pulled me to my feet but immediately grabbed me by the throat to keep me still. “You been slapping her around, huh Morgan?” He shoved the other man in the shoulder. “How do you expect for her to make money with a busted up face?” ’Make money’? What did he mean by that? Surely, he didn’t think I would—

Morgan rolled his eyes. “Oh come on, Tony—“

“’Come on’ hell. Don’t mark up her face again or I’m putting a bullet in your ass.” He jerked me close to his face. “I can’t have my prize whore looking beaten down, now can I?”

“Fuck you. I’m not doing anything.” I managed to whisper out.

The tall man with the jet black hair smiled. “That’s what you think. As I mentioned to you before—you owe me. Business has slumped over the time you left working for me. If you weren’t here, customers didn’t want to show up either. I need my business to be up and running steady again……And you’re gonna do that for me. I scratched your back, now you need to scratch mine.”

Before I knew what had happened, Tony had threw me half over a wooden table, face first. Leaning over me, he had my wrists pinned down near my face. “But first, I’d like to satisfy my curiosity. See why so many men love fucking you.” He licked and bit my ear. “You must be really tight, I figure…”

I started jerking, pulling, and thrashing all over the place. Trying anything to maybe get my hands free. “Let go! Let go of me!” But all the moving didn’t seem to make Tony’s grip on me any lighter. Eventually, I came up with the idea of biting him hard in the hand. The pimp let go with a loud yell and I once again was free to run for the door. But once again I was stopped. Tony had quickly grabbed me by my waist and lifted me. “NO! NO! Let me go!” I could tell I was really pissing Tony off.

He dropped me to the cold floor like a bag of bricks, pulled off his belt and started to beat me with it. “I see you need to be taught your place!” How many whips was it? I don’t remember, I stopped counting after 20. All I know is by the time he stopped, he literally had beaten all the fight out of me. He tossed the belt away and lifted me crying back on the edge of the table. Grabbing my hands he pinned them over my head. “Morgan, get over here and tie up her hands.”

“Why?” The red head questioned.

“What did you just say?”

“You get to fuck her but I can’t? I’m just as a part of this operation as you are, Tony!”

“Morgan, I run shit here! You’re nothing! So don’t you ever put you and I on the same level, cause we’re not! Now shut the fuck up and get over here like I told you!” Blowing, Morgan walked over and did as he was told. He grabbed some rope from somewhere, tied my wrists together, and looped the knot around a metal hook that sat drilled to the short table at the other end. “Good, now get out of here. I can’t fuck while someone sits there watching.” Like a good little puppy, Morgan walked out without another word nor glance. In the midst of my crying, I felt Tony’s hot breath against my ear. “You ready, lovely?” He started kissing my neck and licking my ear.

“Please don’t do this.” I begged, my vision blurred from all the tears.

“You’ve bent over plenty of times for strangers………Why can’t you do it for me?” he pushed down his pants then pulled my pajama bottoms and underwear down to my knees.

The pain was immediate. Tony forced himself in without any consideration for the pain I was in. No prep work, no calming gestures, nothing. He just started pumping. Hard.

“AH!”

He pushed the back of my shirt up and started to lick and kiss my back. “You taste fucking delicious. And your ass is amazing. Makes me almost forget you got a dick.” I didn’t say a word. Not including my cries of pain and gasps, I felt there was no point in wasting my breath. He wasn’t going to let up on me anyway.

Thankfully, the raping didn’t last very long and Tony stopped soon after he started. But to further degrade me, he chose to come on my back.

Knowing I was too beaten to fight him, the raven haired bastard unhooked me from the table before leaving. Locking the door behind him.

I passed out onto the floor.