The one thing that keeps me sane...

DISCLAIMER : AGAIN WITH THE THIS IS MINE AND IF YOU STEAL IT I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND MAKE YOU CRY...USE YOUR IMAGINATION ON JUST HOW I WILL MANAGE TO MAKE YOU CRY!!!

ONWARDS --------->


Laraine lifted his head and looked at Ben, a smile sneaking onto his face. “Of course.” he kissed Ben. “I would love to.”

The next morning Ben rolled out off the couch and looked around. Why was he alone? He’d gone to sleep and Laraine had been there. Now Laraine was gone. God, this was what notes were for. Standing he looked around and groaned. After getting his clothes on he walked over to Angela’s and knocked on the door. At least he could find Jacoby.

“Hey Ben.” Angela smiled. “What is going on?”

“Is Jacoby here?” Ben asked him.

Angela looked at him confused a moment. “Um, no.” Ben immediately went into panic mode. “Lain came by and picked him up a little while ago. I think they went down to the park or something.”

Relief washed over Ben. “Thanks.”

Heading down Ben walked across the road and headed through the park. He could only imagine that Laraine and Jacoby would be at the jungle gym. He stopped and leaned against a tree seeing Jacoby hanging from the monkey bars, Laraine below him in case he fell. Jacoby dropped and Laraine caught him spinning him around.

“Ah!” Jacoby laughed as Laraine set him down. “Lain the slide!”

“The slide?” Laraine smiled and Jacoby took his hand pulling him over. “You go down and I’ll catch you!”

Jacoby ran up the stairs and slid down the slide, Laraine catching him and spinning him around. “Ah! More more!” Jacoby jumped up and down as Laraine put him down. “More more more Lain!”

Laraine stuck his tongue out at Jacoby. “Only if you can catch me!”

They began to run, Laraine running backwards and allowing Jacoby to ‘tackle’ him. They fell to the ground and Jacoby sat on his chest. “Gotch you!”

That made Laraine laugh. “Yes you got me.” Laraine sat up, Jacoby sliding into his lap. “What yah gonna do now?”

“Make you spin me!” Jacoby said sternly and lifted his arms up. “Spin spin spin!”

“Spin?” Laraine asked and stood, spinning Jacoby around. “You throw up on me I wont be happy!”

Jacoby was laughing and the moment Laraine set him down he tried to run and fell over. “I’m dizzy!”

Laraine ran over to him and began to tickle him. “Dizzy huh?” Jacoby was laughing and squirming beneath him. “That tickle?”

“Yes yes yes!” Jacoby yelled. “Please Lain!!! Stop!!!”

Sitting down by the boy Laraine smiled. “Alright, I’m done.”

Jacoby sat up and looked at Laraine. “What were you and daddy doing after the movie?”

A blushed broke across Laraine’s face. “W...what are you talking about?”

“I wanna know what you were doing.” Jacoby answered. “Did daddy hurt you cause you yelled?”

“Oh...” Laraine smiled uncomfortably. “Um, no. Your daddy wasn’t hurting me.” he bit his lip trying to think. “We...we were just doing grownup things.”

Jacoby had to think about that one. “But daddy calls you a kid, not a grownup. So you can’t do grownup things.”

Oh god, why didn’t this kid talk to Ben about these things? “Um, I’m old enough.” Laraine told him. “I’m almost a grownup.” he ran a hand through his hair. “So you see, it’s okay.”

“Mommy used to do that.” Jacoby told him, like it was no big deal. “Mommy told me it was bad that daddy did that with a boy.”

“No.” Laraine shook his head. “It’s not bad at all that your daddy does...that...with boys. Not at all. Your mommy just didn’t like your daddy being with other people.”

Jacoby was clearly not getting this. “So...then daddy wasn’t hurting you? Cause it sounded like he was hurting you and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Honestly this kid needed to talk to his dad more. “No, I promise he wasn’t hurting me.”

“Then what were you doing?” Jacoby asked him.

“Oh...” Laraine blushed again. “It’s just something that grownups do. To show that we like each other. It makes us closer together.”

Why was he trying to explain this to the child? It wasn’t like Jacoby understood. “But those men hurt my daddy...” Jacoby told him. “How come that hurt my daddy but it didn’t hurt you?”

Laraine’s mind stopped in it’s tracks. That’s what his uncle had had done to Ben? That is what he wouldn’t tell him? “Um, because they were making your daddy do that. You don’t like to do things you don’t want to do right?” Jacoby nodded. “Well, if someone does that to you and you don’t want it then it hurts.”

“And you wanted daddy to do that?” Jacoby asked him.

“Yea.” Laraine nodded and sort of dropped his head. “Exactly.”

“Daddy!” Jacoby jumped up and Laraine looked to see Ben walking over. “Did you come to play with Lain and me, daddy?”

Ben sat down by Laraine but Laraine would not meet his eye. “Monster why don’t you go play on the jungle gym while I talk to Lain okay?”

Jacoby nodded. “Alright!”

The moment the boy was gone Ben wrapped an arm around Laraine and kissed his cheek. “Wanna tell me what’s wrong baby?”

“How could you not tell me Benjamin?” Laraine asked him. “That my uncle had that done to you...”

Laraine felt Ben’s body tense next to his a moment before relaxing. “Baby, it’s over and done with. I didn’t want you to worry or be more upset then you already were.”

“You should have told me Benjamin...” Laraine brought his knees up, hugging them, and set his head on them.

“So you could have done what Lain?” Ben asked him and managed to lift Laraine’s head to make the boy look at him. “What would you have done if you would have known? You would have worried more and gotten even more upset. You think I wanted to see that?”

The boy shook his head a little. “I don’t know. I just...I don’t want to have to hear things from your son that happened to you Benjamin. What if something really bad had happened? You’d just wait until I heard it from ten other people?”

Leaning down Ben kissed Laraine. “Baby I promise you from now on I’ll tell you. Okay?” Laraine nodded. “But you have to promise me that you are gonna tell me if something bad happens.”

“I promise Benjamin.” Laraine muttered and leaned against the older man.

“Heya!” the two jumped as Ryan slid in front of them. “Sorry to interrupt the touchy feely moment here but are you two comin’ tonight?”

Ben pretended to kick Ryan in the face. “Comin’ to what?”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “The beach tonight! Hello! Bonfire! Ring a bell Ben?”

“Oh that.” Ben nodded. “I dunno,” he turned to Laraine. “You wanna go babe?”

“Sure.” Laraine shrugged. “Sounds interesting enough.”

“We’re going.” Ben told Ryan.

That night, after Ben finally got Angela to take money for watching Jacoby, the two made it to the bonfire. There were already a lot of people there, not one of them did not have a beer in hand. Ben had an arm around Laraine’s shoulders as they walked through the people, Ben getting a beer out of god only knew where.

“You want something baby?” Ben asked him.

Laraine shook his head. “No, you know I don’t drink Benjamin.”

Ben smirked and pulled Laraine in for a kiss. “I know baby. Just thought I would try.”

They walked around until someone Ben knew came up to him and started talking. Laraine was starting to wonder why he had even said yes to coming here. He’d known there would be no one he would know and that Ben would know everyone. Taking a walk sounded best and so Laraine told Ben he was going to go look around.

As he walked he tried to think. Ben had asked him to move in but there were so many complications to that. One of the biggest ones being his mom and that she would absolutely freak out if Laraine even asked her. Another one being Jacoby. Laraine really didn’t want to confuse the boy or scare him. After what had happened earlier that day Laraine wasn’t really sure he was EVER going to have sex with Ben while Jacoby was in the same state. Then again he really wanted to be there, with both of them. It was just all confusing. The fact that he was sixteen just kept replaying in his mind. How it wouldn’t be good for someone who is only sixteen to take on such responsibilities.

“Hey.” Laraine jumped and turned to see that Anthony guy walking up behind him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Just saw you walking over here by yourself and thought you could use some company.”

“It’s alright.” Laraine muttered and began to walk again, Anthony coming with. “I’m just trying to clear my head.”

Anthony smiled. “Awe, one of those walks. I’ve had a few of those myself. Is it working for you?”

Laraine shook his head. “Not really. I’m sixteen-years-old and trying to make a life decision. My head wants to explode.”

“And you think a bonfire is the best choice to make this life decision? Why not just stay home and think about it?”

“Because Benjamin wanted me to come with him.” Laraine answered. “So I decided I should come. He’s been to things for me so I thought that I should go to something for him.”

There was silence a moment. “So, I take it this life decision has to do with him.”

Laraine nodded. “Yeah, it does. He asked me to move in with him and I’m not sure if I want to or not.” he looked up at the star lit sky. “I mean, I do want to but there are so many complications.”

“I can see that.” Anthony nodded. “Not to mention with Ben’s reputation-”

“What do you mean with Benjamin’s reputation?” Laraine stopped walking, getting seriously defensive.

Anthony sighed. “I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just that at the party I asked around about him after you left. You were right, everyone knows him, but it’s not like any of them have something good to say.”

How could Laraine argue to that? He knew Ben’s friends and what Ben used to do with them. He knew all the things that Ben had done in his past and he knew that pretty much everyone Ben hung out with knew also. “He’s changed. Most people don’t think he has or that he ever could but he has. He doesn’t do those things anymore.”

“Is that why he went back to see Greg last night?” Anthony asked him. “Because I may not know Ben but I know who Greg it. He’s drug central. Everyone gets their shit from him.”

“He did not.” Laraine snapped.

Anthony lifted his arms like Laraine had a gun. “Hey, I’m just telling you want I saw Laraine. I saw him go back there and heard a bunch of people talking about how Ben’s going back to the old days or something.”

Anger was not even the word for what Laraine was. He was beyond pissed off. “If Benjamin was doing something like that he would have told me. Even then he wouldn’t! He has a son to take care of and he knows that he can’t do that stuff.” Anthony dropped his hands. “He wouldn’t.”

“Sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself.” Anthony muttered.

“Of course I am going to be suspicious! I know his past!” Laraine hugged himself and kind of lowered his head. “I’m just worried is all. I don’t want him to go down that road again.”

Sliding over Anthony wrapped an arm around Laraine’s shoulders. “It’ll be okay. I mean, that’s just something I heard. It’s not like it was true. After all, Ben’s got you to take care of. I don’t know who would be stupid enough to fuck that up.”

A small smile curved on Laraine’s face. “I wish it were that simple.” he sighed and hugged himself tighter. “I know what drugs can do to you and how easy it is to get hooked again. No matter who you are trying to protect.”

“You really love him don’t you?” Anthony asked.

“Yeah.” Laraine nodded. “I really do.”

Anthony sighed and Laraine kind of glared at him. “I’m sorry. I just really think you deserve someone better. I realize that I haven’t really even known you for that long but I honestly can see you with someone who will be able to take care of you and who you don’t have to worry about.”

That actually really pissed Laraine off and he pulled out from under Anthony’s arm. “Benjamin takes care of me. Maybe not like some guy with a lot of money or whatever could but in his own way and I love him for it. I would much rather have Benjamin then any guy with some big house! And of course I worry about him! What guy doesn’t worry about his boyfriend! Benjamin knows I worry about his past and how it is going to affect him now but that is just something that we have to deal with!”

“Hey, I’m sorry.” Anthony told him. “I really didn’t mean to offend you and I am sure that Ben treats you wonderfully and everything but I just don’t see how you do it. With Ben having a kid and the past he has and the things you have to go through because of that,” he sighed. “I just don’t see how you do it.”

“Day by day.” Laraine answered, calming down a little. “That’s the only way you can do it.”

They stood there a moment in silence. “So, Ben’s never cheated on you?”

Laraine shook his head. “No.”

“I guess he really has changed for you hasn’t he?” Anthony asked and Laraine looked at him questioningly. “Well, cause Ben slept with so many people back then and everything I was just wondering. I’ve never actually met someone who has picked themselves up out of that place, at least not for long.”

“I need to get back.” Laraine muttered. “It’s getting cold anyway.”

Anthony nodded. “I’m just gonna stay out here for a while.”

Laraine headed back and began to search the crowd for his boyfriend. When he found Ben it wasn’t actually him who had found the guy. He was simply all the sudden grabbed and spun and caught a glimpse of Ben before his mouth was covered with the older guys. He held onto Ben’s upper arms, trying not to fall back considering Ben was kind of leaning him back.

“Benjamin stop.” Laraine pushed tried to push away as Ben kissed down to his neck. “Benjamin...please...”

“Where you been baby?” Ben asked him, taking a drink of whatever was in his cup. “You disappeared on me.”

Laraine smiled weakly. “I took a walk Benjamin.” he frowned and looked away from Ben. “You’re drunk.”

Ben ran a hand through Laraine’s hair. “Kinda yeah.” He smiled and kissed the boy again. “You’re upset with me.” Laraine shook his head. “What’s wrong baby?”

“I’m not going to talk to you when you wont remember it in the morning.” Laraine muttered.

A groan escaped Ben’s lips. “Don’t do this Lain.” he kissed the boy again. “Just have fun okay? That’s all I want you to do is have fun.”

“No, you don’t want me to ruin your fun!” Laraine argued.

“Jesus Christ.” Ben rolled his eyes. “If I had been worried about that I wouldn’t have brought you along! I brought you along so you could loosen up and have some fun! Truth be told you don’t do that very often.”

Laraine pulled away from Ben. “Maybe I just don’t like your kind of fun Benjamin.”

That made Ben laugh. “My kind of fun? What the fuck is that supposed to mean Laraine?”

“I’m going.” Laraine told him. “I’ll see you later.”

Ben threw down his drink and walked over to where Michael was. “What’s going on?” Michael asked him.

“Lain just left.” Ben muttered. “I don’t know what the fuck is going on with him but he’s just freaking out. I asked him what his problem was and he just fucking left.”

“Well,” Michael shrugged. “Greg’s here if you feel like it.”

Ben looked over at him. “Michael are you still on that shit?”

Michael nodded. “It’s a fucking hard habit to quite Ben. Ryan...he’s helping me. It’s just really hard. Now I know why you were such a dick those first few months.”

With that Michael walked off and as if on cue Greg showed up in front of Ben. “Did I hear Michael say my name Ben?”

“Fuck you.” Ben told him.

“Ben...I realize that we had our thing and that didn’t work out but is that any reason to be so hostile towards me? I really don’t think it is.” Greg pouted and showed Ben a needle. “Need it?”

Ben pushed Greg’s hand away. “I don’t need that shit Greg.”

Greg pushed his body up against Ben’s. “But you want it.” his breath tickled Ben’s lips. Greg was no where near unattractive. He could pretty much get any guy he wanted to and he proved that on many different occasions. Even if a guy didn’t want him he’d just drug him and then use him. It was how Greg worked. “Can I give it to you?”

There was nothing said for a moment before Ben hissed as the needle entered his skin. “Fuck...” he was so going to regret this in the morning. “God now I remember why I dated you.” Ben muttered as Greg began to suck on his neck.

“Oh do you?” Greg smirked and took Ben’s hand, pulling him along into solitude. Once they were out of sight Greg pulled Ben against him. “Well then...make me remember why I dated you Benjamin.”

Their mouths met and Ben pushed Greg to the ground. His head was spinning, he didn’t even remember where he was anymore. All he knew was that there was a body below him and that body felt very good. Greg began to lift his hips into Ben, grinding against him wonderfully.

“Remember now?” Ben asked him.

Greg smiled and began to undo Ben’s pants. “I’m starting to.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

What's up? It took me a little longer to get this chapter out but I needed to make it just right.
If anything was confusing...please email me because I hate trying to answer reviews...I have to
go back and remember what people said and it really makes my head hurt so...emailing would
be appreciated.
Okay, off to work on the next chapter!!! I can already tell it's going to be oh-so exciting!!!
Anywayz, review please. I'd do that "I want at least (insert number here) amount of reviews before
I update again...but I know poeple usually don't like that...
Alright, cyah
~Kay