Gravity of Love

Slipping away from Marcus was no easy task. I had to maneuver out of the bed without waking him up—a hard task when he was clinging to me for dear life. I managed to pull it off but ended up falling on the floor. I bit down on my tongue to keep myself quiet as pain shot up my ass and back. I wanted to be at a nice and safe distance when Marcus finally woke up; it would be better for both of us that way. I wasn't sure if I wanted a repeat of what happened last night so until I made up my mind I'd put some distance between us.

Don't get me wrong, I loved the sex—my only problem was that I was sleeping with someone I normally wouldn't. A libido was a dangerous thing and I knew that Marcus would only end up hurt. He wasn't that young but I'm sure he was naïve enough to believe that last night meant something.

I put on my robe and snuck out of the room like a father leaving his son's room after some 'secret time'. I realized then just how guilty I truly felt. I can just add it to my already long list of guilt and regret. I let out a sigh of relief as I made it out into the hallway and closed Marcus' door shut. If I had turned around I would have seen Mannix walking down the hallway; instead I turned too sharply and bumped right into him.

"Where's the fire, Gavin?" he asked playfully.

I looked at him angrily. Damn him, he was beautiful as ever. His hair was spiked and tousled like he just got out of bed but I knew he paid 100 bucks at the hair salon for it. A sexy 12 o'clock shadow hardened his soft features and gave him that 'bad-boy-you-love-to-hate'-look. There were little signs of aging here and there but essentially he was the same Mannix I met when I was a kid. Technically Mannix was only six years older but he always managed to make me feel like a stupid teen.

Instead of cowering in fear, I faced him with a sly smile. "Under your ass since Ren seems to be occupied with you lately, you rushing to get to him now?"

Mannix was shocked into silence, staring at me strangely. It didn't long for him to recover and he gave me a hard pat on the shoulder. Fuck, that hurt!

" Why rush to something that you know isn't going anywhere?"

I frowned. "You have him trained now? Ren's your pet?"

Mannix laughed. "Hardly. I'll try to dumb it down for you so you can understand. Ren sticks around when it's important and we both agreed to keep a certain…agreement. Got it?"

"So I'm not important?" I sneered.

Mannix smiled and it was the creepy kind that left his hazel eyes cold and dangerous. "Wow, Gavey, you're not as dumb as I thought."

That was it. I not only had enough of Ren's bullshit but Mannix's as well.

I gave him a nasty grin. "I had to be worth while for something other than sex and money or why else would Ren have bothered with me this long? And he doesn't even truly love me so what does that say about you?"

That one got to Mannix and his face wrinkled in anger. "I told you what you were, Gavin. You reach an epiphany and fuck poor Marcus and you suddenly know everything? Ren dug his claws into you because he was jealous of me and David, you stupid shit."

Now it was my turn to be silent. It surprised me that he knew where Marcus' room was but if Ren had fucked him, why not Mannix too? But the other thing? I wanted to curse him and deny it but I had no idea what relationship Mannix and Ren had five years ago. How long had David suffered with Mannix? That would explain why David was as fucked up as he was; I tried to imagine growing up with Mannix as a guardian and nearly shit my pants.

"You'll say anything to make me feel worthless," I spat even though part of me knew he was telling the truth.

Mannix shook his head. "Not today, Gavin. I said no more games with you and I meant it. You stay here and you'll find yourself in the same state David was, crazed and disillusioned. In the end all he was only a walking shell."

In the end? Was? Oh God, no. I felt a sense of dread as Mannix's words sunk in. Had Mannix finished what he started and just killed David off? I was sure Ren knew the moment it happened so why didn't he tell me? He would have thought it hilarious to see my misery.

I moved before I could think and my fist met his jaw, knocking him back into the wall. Mannix sagged against the wall but quickly recovered and licked the blood from his lips.

"That wasn't smart, Gavey-boy," he whispered and he lunged for me. I was quick and a pretty good fighter but Mannix was better. Not only was he taller but he also outweighed me. I didn't register the first hit to the face until I tasted the blood in my mouth. I staggered back and Mannix took advantage of my vulnerability and grabbed me by the collar of the robe. He twisted the cloth so it was unbelievably tight around my throat and I gasped for air.

"You're not under Ren's protection anymore so I could kill you right here and he wouldn't say a word." Mannix hissed at me.

I struggled against his grip but couldn't slip away. "That's a lie! He might not cry but he sure as hell wouldn't like you destroying what's his and you know it."

"My, my we suddenly have a backbone what a surprise. You might be right but you're still overestimating your worth, Gavin. It'll get you killed one day." His buried his fist into my gut and he let go of my collar as I doubled over. I collapsed on the floor, holding my stomach, coughing as I gasped for air. Mannix gave me a rough nudge with the tip of his boot and walked away from me laughing.

I slowly managed to stand up using the wall as support. I heard the faint bang of he study doors being opened and closed and walked down the hallway towards it. I was angrier than before and it was probably suicide to follow him. But hopefully Ren would be in there too and I would force him to show Mannix that I was right.

I neared the double doors and was about to open them when I heard their voices. I crept closer and listened, waiting for Ren to chew Mannix out for abusing me without his permission.

"I saw Gavin sneaking out of Marcus' room," Mannix said with a chuckle.

Ren snorted. "I knew he'd fuck someone eventually."

"Is that jealousy I see on your face, Renny? If you didn't think you could handle not fucking Gavin you shouldn't have agreed to it."

He…he made a deal with Mannix not to sleep with me? Was that part of the 'agreement' Mannix had mentioned earlier? What the hell had happened over the past two weeks that brought this about?

"I meant what I said," Ren snapped. "All of it. What else do you want me to do?"

"Calm down, babe," Mannix whispered. I had to lean closer to the door to hear them as their voices lowered and softened. "I meant what I said too. We're agreed, remember? David's not my problem anymore. And I was tempted to off your pretty little Gavin."

I froze, waiting for one of Ren's insulting comebacks. I couldn't see the expression on his face but I heard Ren laugh softly. Laughing? Why the fuck was he laughing?

"What did you do?" I knew just by the tone of Ren's voice that he was taking the wrong kind of interest in my pain. I was expecting several reactions from Ren but not arousal.

"I hit him twice," Mannix replied smoothly. "I left him on the floor out in the hallway. He's gotten quite feisty."

"Show me where you punched him," Ren whispered. There was silence and then both men laughed quietly like a couple having an intimate joke. Soft rustling of cloth followed and then wet sounds of kissing and soft moans.

I couldn't take anymore!

I broke off into a full run down the hallway. The end of the hallway opened up into the living room and that horrible night came crashing down on me, hurling me back as if it was happening again. I remembered the pain and feelings of worthlessness that it made me want to jump in front of a bus. My knees suddenly became weak and I had to lean against the wall to keep from falling. Breathing became difficult and I gasped for air as my emotions became a physical force that was squeezing the life out of me.

I had already resigned to the fact that Ren didn't love me but somehow I had managed to sugarcoat it. A way to make the pain more tolerable so my heart wouldn't hurt like it did. Tears sprang forth uninvited and I hugged myself as I sunk to the floor, my hair blocking my vision. My hair. I had never wanted it this long but I gladly grew it because Ren asked me to. And I did it because I loved him. Perhaps I didn't truly love him back then, but I was in love with the idea of being in love. I destroyed my life over a man that never gave a damn from the very beginning. I pushed myself up from the floor and dragged my body to the nearest bedroom. I sat down in front of the vanity desk and stared at my reflection through watery eyes. Before me sat a miserable, lonely man that had lost the last piece of his life. What was I without Ren? Who was I if I didn't whore my body out? Everything was so clear as it usually tended to be during a breakdown.

I looked at myself and a small voice in my head seemed to answer. 'You're Gavin Schafer.'

Despite how I threw my life away it didn't mean it would end if Ren didn't love me. I've survived nearly six years with this man so nothing could truly be worse compared to that.

I opened vanity drawer and inside was a pair of scissors. I felt like I was inside a dream as I grabbed a handful of hair and then attacked it with the scissors. I cried and laughed almost manically as I continued to cut and cut. It wasn't just my hair I was cutting. The hair was a symbol of my love for Ren and my devotion to make him happy.

It was time that I let it go….

I ravaged my hair with the scissors until it barely reached my ears. It was an amazing feeling to feel this light and free like I had just exorcised an evil. I sighed deeply as I let go of the pain and knew that this change was definitely for the better. I admit, I was jumping into something that I wasn't sure of and I didn't know what was going to happen but I knew it would be all right. I wasn't sure how a guy was supposed to feel after a nervous breakdown. All I know is that, for the first time in months, I felt pretty fucking sweet.