Forever Ignored

This one is a bit longer than my normal but I'm sure that is not a problem for anyone. ;) I'm on holiday now (only for a week though...) so I'm trying to get as much writing done as possible. :)

Traxie

 

Chapter 20

 

 

 

It had been almost a week since we had arrived at the farm and I was working on the hay field, lifting huge amounts of hay onto a horse pulled trailer with pitchforks, Mist sweating next to me. We had started about an hour ago and so far not a word had been spoken. Just like every other day so far, Mist had no interest Mist seemed to avoid looking at me all together and as time passed, the silence between us seemed to get heavier and heavier, until I couldn't take it anymore. I glanced at Mist from under my straw hat and cleared my throat carefully before asking.

”So, how long did you stay in the City after I disappeared?”

The pitchfork slipped from Mist's hold just for a second before the other boy corrected his hold and continued to work as if he hadn't even heard me. I frowned at his silence and reached to touch his arm to make him acknowledge me when Mist grunted out his reply.

”About a week. Missy freaked out after you vanished, she wouldn't let me go out to look for food. We would have starved to death.”

I nodded and turned my attention back to the task at hand. ”How did you find out about this place?”

”Seff. He came looking for us, told us what happened to you and suggested that we come here with Nana and Tania.” Mist spoke in a quiet voice and I nodded again, thinking about the little girl who's mother I had found dead from the pit. It seemed like it had been a decade since that had happened.

”Why didn't you come here with Seff?” Mist asked and it was my turn to avoid his eyes.

”Don't know. It was stupid.” I muttered and Mist's kept his eyes on me when he continued.

”You went back to him then.” Mist wouldn't say his name but I knew he was talking about Vasco.

”No, I didn't.” I huffed and stabbed the pitchfork through the soft ground. I didn't want to talk about Vasco, least of all with Mist.

”Then how come you came here with him, huh? He grabbed you off the streets and forced you to come?” Mist snapped and I lifted my eyes off the ground to match eyes with him.

”He did grab me off the streets. But he didn't force me to come here. He offered to bring me here if I wanted to.” I said, my voice a little gruff. I wanted to ask Mist if what Vasco had told me was true but were nervous of his reaction to the accusations.

”Yeah, because he's just such a nice guy.” Mist snorted and turned back to work. I watched him shift hay for a moment before picking up my courage and blurting out.

”He told me what happened.”

I saw the way Mist's shouders stiffened at my words but he didn't stop working.

”I need to know if it's true, Mist. Did you trade me for yourself?” I asked quietly and continued when Mist still wouldn't react to my words. ”I'm not mad if you did, I just-”

I didn't get a chance to finish when Mist had already turned around and punched me in the face. I fell backwards with a yell and looked up with startled eyes when Mist stood above me with his pitchfork raised.

”Shut up!”

”I just want to know the truth!” I cried out and tried to scramble backwards, away from the fuming boy.

”Nobody missed you while you were gone!” Mist spat at me and my eyes were locked on the pitchfork held threateningly above me while my heart was trying to beat it's way through my ribs. I felt paralyzed and gasped for air when it became hard to breathe. He wouldn't hit me with the pitchfork! He wouldn't! He wouldn't! I couldn't convince myself, no matter how hard I tried.

”You should have just stayed missing!” Mist continued venomously and tightened his hold on the pitchfork, as if to strike it down on me. I screwed my eyes shut and brought my arms up to protect myself, a strangled scream getting caught in my throat when I waited for the iron spikes to stab through me.

There was loud yell and I oofed when someone trambled over me to knock the pitchfork off of Mist's hold. Strong fingers wrapped around my arm to yank me off the ground and I gasped when pain shot up my limb, all the way to my shoulder. I looked at Mist and saw one of the older farmers pinning him against the trailer, shouting at him on the top of his lungs. Mist was getting an earful but instead of listening to the man shouting at him, he was looking at me with his eyes blazing. He didn't regret hitting me and if given the chance, he would have stabbed me with the pitchfork. I was simply shocked.

I was dragged forward none too gently towards the main house and I jerked my head around to see who it was that had pulled me off the ground. I went tense when I saw Vasco and pulled on my arm when I had trouble keeping up with his pace. Vasco's head snapped around to glare at me and I tried to back away from him when I saw him raise his free hand.

 

”Get your ass inside, now!” Vasco growled at me, pointing towards the house, before letting go of my arm. I drew my abused limb close and rubbed over the ugly red marks on my pale skin, my heart racing in my chest when I ducked my head low and hurried past fuming Vasco to obey him. He walked right behind me, no matter how fast I tried walking to put a distance between us, and I didn't stop until I was at the front door. I couldn't help myself, I had to turn around to look back on the field to check on Mist. I barely caught a glimpse of the other boy, who had already returned to his task, before Vasco walked into me like a buldozer and forced me inside with his body.

”What the hell was that about?!” Vasco snapped at me, his fingers curling around my arm again to keep me from escaping the situation, and I jerked away from.

”Nothing.” I muttered and kept my eyes down, cold sweat beading on my forehead. I was already in shock after what had happened out on the field, Vasco yelling at me wasn't exactly helping me calm down.

”What happened? Col?” Missy's asked from the doorway of the kitchen, her voice full of concern and her face worried when she came closer. Her eyes ran over me briefly before zeroing in on the sore on my cheek and Missy wiped her hands on her already wet apron when she hurried over. ”You're hurt!”

I barely had time to flinch when Missy was already touching my aching cheek, the one her brother had punched just moments ago, and a small hand took a hold of mine. To my surprise Vasco released his hold on my arm when Missy pulled me forward, simply following us when I was ushered into the kitchen and urged to sit down in one of the kitchen chairs. Vasco chose to hover by the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes glaring at me. I tried to ignore him, knowing that he was not going to be leaving me alone until he got some answers. A cold wet towel was pressed against my hurting cheek and I cringed, sitting still though and letting Missy do what she wanted.

”What happened, Colan? Did you fall?” Missy asked in a worried voice and I glanced at Vasco nervously when I replied with a lie.

”Yeah. I just tripped and... hit my face on the trailer.” I mumbled quietly and tried my best to grin sheepishly when I looked at Missy. ”You know me, always a bit clumsy:”

”Mmh.” Missy nodded, her eyes on my cheek, and I glanced at Vasco again. His jaw was clenched and his gaze steely when we matched eyes, and I begged in my mind that he wouldn't tell Missy the truth about what had happened. She didn't need to know what her brother had tried to do. She was so fragile and easily shaken that it would have been too much for her to handle.

When Missy was finally ready and let me stand up, I slipped past Vasco to escape from the kitchen. I had hoped that Vasco wouldn't follow me, but of course he did. It would have been just too easy if he had actully left me alone for once instead of making my life more difficult. Why couldn't he just let me be for once? He must have already known why Mist had hit me?

Once in the shared bedroom, I slumped down on my bed, tired and achy already even after only working for a few hours today, and lowered my head to rest against my sweaty palms when Vasco closed the door after himself. My gut clenched unpleasantly when I was painfully aware of the fact that I was in a room alone with the man who was considered one of the most dangerous men in the world. Not many people had survived to tell the tale after being in a room alone with Vasco.

”You confronted him then.” Vasco stated calmly, leaning agaisnt the door casually. ”What did he say?”

”That I should have stayed missing.” I sniffled quietly, tears burning in my eyes. It hurt to realize that despite everything that we had gone through together, Mist had found it so easy to throw me to the wolves to save his own ass. I wasn't even sure that he had done it to keep Missy safe, he had done it to keep himself safe. I hated to admit it, but Vasco had been right, Mist was no real friend of mine. I pressed my palms over my eyes and bit down on my lip to stay quiet. I didn't want to cry in front of Vasco.

”Why did you lie to Missy?”

”He's her brother. She doesn't need to know.” I replied in a shaky voice, trying to keep my emotions under the wraps. Oh god, I was not having a total melt down in front of Vasco! I couldn't stop sniveling and my face scrunched up when I tried to keep myself from sobbing, my shoulders trembling visibly.

Vasco surprised me yet again and I glanced at the door when I heard it open and close. Vasco was gone, the room empty, and I drew in a deep shaky breath before letting myself crumble. I grabbed my pillow and buried my face against it when I broke down in heart wrenching sobs.

It seemed like nothing made sense anymore.

 

 

I stayed at bed for the rest of the day and although being lazy wasn't looked over well at the farm, no one bothered me. It was one of the guys sharing the bedroom with me that came over to notify me when dinner was ready but I feigned sleep and ignored him. I lay in bed, my head buried against the pillow, wet with my tears, and stared at the wall in front of me with hazy eyes. I couldn't sleep. I felt numb after finally managing to rein in my frantic emotions. I lay unmoved for hours on end, the room growing slowly darker and darker around me. I listened to the others coming to bed as well and then how their breathing evened out when they fell asleep.

It wasn't until the early hours of the morning when my bladder finally forced me to move. I felt a bit clammy and the sweaty sheets clung to my skin when I sat up and twisted to lower my feet on the dusty floor. I moved as quietly as I could to the door and managed to slip out of the room without waking up anyone else. The house was quiet this early in the morning and I tip toed my way outside as quietly as I could to keep it that way. I wasn't ready to face the others yet, a little embarrased of my emotional breakdown now.

The outhouse was located behind the house and I walked towards it slowly, breathing in the cool early morning air. It was dark around me and I tried to shake off the discomfort I still felt whenever I was outside alone. The darkness scared me, as childish as it was. I followed the small well used path over to the outhouse but Instead of going into the small smelly space relief my bladder, I stepped to the side of litlte shack and pissed into the bushes. My eyes kept darting left and right restlessly the entire time and my ears tried to pick up any sounds that could alert me of approaching beasts.

There was nothing, just grasshoppers and the ruflle of leaves in the wind.

I tucked myself back into my pants and turned back towards the house, taking a moment to just stare at it from the darkness. I was reluctant to go back in. I had come to the farm because of Mist and Missy. Because I had wanted to see that my friends were really alive and well. My so called friends. Mist had only put up with me because he had needed help to take care of Missy. He didn't need me anymore. They had everything they needed right here at the farm, new friends even. Better friends.

My heart felt heavy when I walked towards the house slowly, sitting down on the front steps when I reached them. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go back inside. I had only come here because of Mist and Missy and I wasn't sure that I liked it here even if it was safe and I had never gone to bed hungry here. If Mist and Missy weren't my friends, did I really want to stay here? And if I didn't, where would I go? Back to the Broken City? I had nothing there either. I had no place to call home. It was a crushing realization.

I watched the sun start to come over over the horizon and stood from the steps slowly. I just couldn't make myself go back in, so instead of going inside to get ready for another long day of work at the farm, I took off towards the path between the fields. I had no idea of where I was going but thought that anywhere was better than here. Maybe I would go back to the City after all. Life was miserable there but at least it was familiar to me. I could survive on my own in the City now. I was determined to survive on my own, for the first time in my life. Mist and Missy didn't want to be my friends anymore now that they didn't need me? Fine. I didn't need them either. Or want to be their friend for that matter. I was fine by myself. I was.

Somehow I didn't quite manage to convince even myself.

 

 

As soon as I reached the forest, I regretted my decision to leave the farm. Or rather, I didn't regret leaving the farm but leaving with no preparations at all. It wasn't until the sun came up and begun roasting me from the light blue sky that I realized that I hadn't even taken a bottle of water with me. I cursed at my own stupidity and slouched down to sit next to a tree, trying to cool down in its shade. I studied the forest around me before looking up at the almost cloudless sky. It had to be the hottest day so far and of course I had chosen today for being stupid.

The forest scared me, just as much as it had when I had been a kid. I remembered walking through the woods alone, scared shitless, and back then I had had Mist and Missy to lead the way. This time I was completely alone. The thought was haunting and despite being tired, I forced myself to climb back onto my feet and move forward. The faster I'd get back into the city, the better I'd feel about this surviving on my own thing, I thought.

Just a few hours later I was staggering on my feet, feeling delirious. I saw everything in double when I stared at my surroundings with wide eyes, like a scared litlte rabbit, and when I spotted the bush loaded with big fat red berries it was all saw from that point forward. I stumbled over to the berry bush and started picking the red juicy berries with shaky fingers, having to squint my eyes to focus my gaze. I was feeling sick and I knew I needed fluids. Soon the red juice of the berries tinted my lips and I kept shoving them in my mouth in a hurry. At some point the tremble of my hands worsened and my legs folded out from under me. I collapsed onto the soft ground, berries mushed up in my clenched fist, and I blinked when my eyes tried to roll bakcwads into my skull. Fighting it pointed out to be futile and before I knew it, darkness had washed over me like a tidal wave and I fell face first into the bush in front of me.

 

 

I woke up feeling sick. I had barely regained consciousness when my stomach cramped hard and my body heaved in a violent retch. My body twisted around and I screwed my eyes tightly shut when my stomach turned over and what little was in my belly came up. It wasn't until the violent retches calmed down that I realized that I wasn't staying up on my knees on my own, but there was someone holding me up. I spat into the ground, disgusted by the accid taste in my mouth, and drew in a deep breath. Cold sweat dripped from my forehead when I stared at the ground with glazed over eyes, the wheels in my head turning slowly when I tried to process what was going on.

”Done?” A dark voice asked from above and I muttered out a curse when Vasco pulled me backwards and helped me settled down on the ground again. Why did it always have to be him who helped me? I sat hunched over, feeling sweaty and shivery, and looked up to see the dark forest around us, the only light coming from the fire lit close by.

”What-” I croaked out, hugging my arms close to my torso in a desperate attempt to warm myself up.

”Why did you leave the farm?” Vasco interrupted me in a gruff and sat down by the fire too.

”I'm going back to BC.” I muttered, my head down and my eyes locked onto the flames dancing in the firepit.

”Oh, is that what you where trying to do?” Vasco asked, amusement clear in his voice, and threw more wood into the fire while I slouched up even more. ”You've been walking in circles all day. We're a few miles away from the farm house right now, idiot.”

A bright blush rose to my cheeks at Vasco's words. God, I was such a loser. I couldn't even follow a path back to the City on my own. But, why, why, did it always have to be Vasco who found me when I was crumbling?! A thought crossed my mind and I glanced upwards, trying to see Vasco's eyes in the darkness.

”Did you follow me?” I asked in a raspy voice and Vasco's jaw tightened.

”Someone had to. You were going to get yourself killed. Again.” The man said calmly, looking frightening with the flames dancing in his dark piercing eyes. ”Eating poisonous berries like they're candy? Ignorant. Walking off without any water? That's just plain stupid.”

”P-Poisonous?” I whispered shakily, hugging myself a little tighter. It hadn't even crossed my mind that the berries might not be edible. The nuns had taught us about plants and stuff and I felt embarrased of myself. I should have known that the berries weren't edible. I was an idiot.

”That's why you were puking your guts out a moment ago. You'll have stomach cramps and most likely a fever for the next twenty four hours or so before you'll feel better. You are damn lucky I followed you.” Vasco grunted and I rested my aching head against my palms, dreading the future if Vasco really knew what he was talking about. And he usually did. I already felt like shit, the knowledge of it only getting worse before getting better made me want to cry.

 

 

An hour later, I lay curled up on the ground, my body trembling violently. Vasco had spoken about stomach cramps, he hadn't told me that it wasn't going to be just my belly cramping but every single muscle in my body as well. The puking had stopped at least, simply because there was nothing in my belly to come up, but it didn't make me feel any better. If anything, it made things worse.

I had finally managed to fall into a some sort of a fever induced slumber, when my body was jolted around and lifted off the ground. A whined complain left my lips when I pulled up into a sitting position and my head was tilted backwards before a water bottle was set against my lips. I sputtered when the first drops of water poured into my mouth and a hand curled around my throat lightly.

”Swallow, or you'll drown.” Vasco's low rumbling voice spoke into my ear and he wrapped an arm tightly around me to hold me still when I tried to twist away from him. ”You're dehydrated, you need to drink to feel better. Don't fight me on this.”

I gave up with a low whine and stared ahead with half lid eyes when Vasco poured cool water into my mouth again. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep the water in, not enthused about another puking fit, but drank until Vasco lowered the bottle from my lips. My chest heaved when I found myself out of breath and I slumped against Vasco when he pressed his palm flat over my forehead. My joints and muscles ached and I was shivering from cold when Vasco let me lay down next to him. My back was pressed up against his leg and I curled up with my arms around my sunken belly when I let my eyes drift closed again. I felt like I was caught up in a nightmare that was never going to end. A nightmare that included Vasco fiddling with my hair with his fingers while I lay there just barely conscious.