Love For Sale

There was a knock on my door as I was getting ready for the day. I ignored it, and finished getting dressed. There was another knock, and I rolled my eyes. Cole was determined for me to open the door. However, I would never open it for him. I had locked myself in my room and I only opened it when I needed to go downstairs to get something to eat. Cole had tried to coax me out of the room a few times with outings, but I refused every time. However, this was supposed to be a different day. I had overheard Cole talking with Daniel about me, and I found out that Daniel set up a couple of therapy appointments for me. Daniel had given me his number, so I called him up to get a better understanding about the therapy sessions.

“It is for your torment you endured while with Peter York.” Daniel replied when I asked him about the therapy. “Also, I want both you and Cole to work out your differences.” he continued. “Dr. Reef is a friend of mind, and I have asked him not to tell anyone about your relationship.”

I didn’t say anything when he told me that I was also going to couples therapy, and hung up the phone. I didn’t want to go, but I needed to talk about what I had been through. I hadn’t been sleeping well since I left the hospital, and I found that I had been having nightmares about me being tied up all over again.

I sighed as Cole knocked on the door a third time, and I was just about to throw open the door and give him a piece of my mind. However, Cole stopped, and there was silence. I lightly smiled and pulled over my shirt. I flopped on the bed when I finished getting ready, and I turned on the T.V. I had memorized the channels and switched the channels back and forth quickly. I stopped when I found something interesting to watch, but Cole interrupted me with another knock on the door.

“Kyle!” Cole yelled through the wooden door. “We are leaving in ten minutes.”

I didn’t say anything, and I heard Cole’s heavy footsteps fade away from my door. I shook my head and turned off the T.V. I took my time getting my socks and shoes on, and I shuffled over to the door. I heard Cole honk the car horn, and I unlocked my door and hurried downstairs. When I got to his car I took my seat on the right side of the back seat. Cole didn’t even acknowledge me when I got in, he just started the car and we drove off to the therapist office.

“So, Daniel has told me that you are in love with Cole Varini.” the therapist, Jason Reef said. “Tell me about that.” I was the first one to see the crackpot, and he seem to be an alright guy. I felt comfortable with him, and was able to tell him about my recent encounter with York. I had a two hour session with him, and we were now moving into the second hour.

“There is nothing to tell.” I replied. “I am not in love with him, nor anybody else.”


“You say that with such confidence. So, you don’t love him? Or did you once love him, but now you don’t?”

“I don’t know.” I replied truthfully. I was sitting on the bench by the bay window, and stared out into the overcast city. “I thought I was in love with him. But I had thought I was in love a thousand of times before that. I don’t even know what love is anymore. I just bounce from man to man and allow them to fuck me.”

“You know that I do not allow cursing.” Jason told me.

“Sorry. What I meant to say was to make love to me. Or is it still called ‘making whoopee’?” I smirked, making fun of Jason’s age. He looked like to be in his fifties, and he could still be using old slang words.

I got a chuckle out of Jason, and he wrote something down on the notepad he had. “It’s okay. Remember, this is just our first session. But you say that you do not know what love is anymore. Why is that?” I shrugged. “Do you think that it has to do with your past?”

“What are you saying?”

“I am saying that since you were moved around a lot with foster care, you never had somebody who truly loved you. And because of that, you strive for somebody who wants to love you for who you are. But when you find it, you don’t see it.” I heard those same words before from everybody that I know. But when I heard it from Jason, it sounded different. I guessed that it was because of the PHD he had. “Your mind is so closed off about finding the perfect man, that you cannot find him. A man just like your uncle.”

“Why do you say like my uncle?” I asked, thinking deeper than I did before about my situation.

“Well, you said that nobody ever loved you. However, when you talked about your past, you mention that your uncle molested you. But as a child, in your eyes, he loved and cared for you. And when he was sent to jail for ‘loving’ you, you began to look for a man that was like your uncle to fill the hole in your heart.”

“You’re right.” I sighed, thinking about to how my uncle treated me. “I never thought about it that way.” I never did think that I was looking for someone like my uncle. All that I knew was that I was looking for somebody to love. My uncle was one of a kind and knew how to treat me right, even the times we were not in bed together. He was a caring man, and I felt safe with him. I felt safe with Cole, but he was not my uncle.

After Jason had told me about how I was looking for someone to replace my uncle, he gave me his pad of paper and a pen and he told me to write down my uncle’s name and Cole’s name. “I want to go over with you the similarities and differences between your uncle and Cole.”

“Why Cole?”

“Because you had spent more time with Cole than any other man. So it seems right that he has more things in common with your uncle than anyone else. Unless you want to put someone else’s name down and compare it with your uncle?”

“No. I am fine with Cole’s name.” I wrote Cole’s name on the right side of the paper and my uncle’s name on the left.

“Now, I would like to list everything that your uncle was to you, and then I want to do the same with Cole.”

I nodded and began to list what my uncle had. The more that I thought and wrote down the trait’s the two men had, I noticed that they were almost identical. There were only a few differences between the two, but I found that they only lacked two things in common. However, those two things were the most important to me. The first one was forgiveness. Cole had showed me forgiveness several times when I cheated on him and ran away, but my uncle did not. My uncle did take me in when my mother went to jail, but he would always hit me and punish me when I did something wrong. I still had the scar he left gave me from when he threw a beer bottle at my face for playing ball in the house. The second thing that I listed was love. Both of the men had that trait, but for different reasons. Cole had truly loved me for who I was. He saw what was behind the slut that I had become and loved me from his heart. If it wasn’t for his love, then I would be still on the streets, and would not have finished my education (even if it was a home school education). My uncle on the other hand didn’t really love me. He only loved me for my body and sugar coated it with showering me with gifts. He never said “I love you” to me once. When I couldn’t think of anything else to write, I looked back at it and thought about what I wrote. The last thing that I did before handing the list back to Jason, was circle the two big differences between the men.

“Quite an impressive list you made.” Jason said, looking over the list that I made. “Do you mind if I photocopy this to keep in your file? You can to whatever you want with the original.”

“Sure, I don’t mind.”

“Alright. Why don’t you walk out with me; your session is about over.”

I pushed myself off the bench and followed Jason out of his office. We parted ways once I got the door that lead into the office’s waiting room. Cole was sitting in one of the corner chairs, reading last month’s Weekly Digest. He raised his eyes for a second from the page he was reading, to see who came into the room, and gave me a small smile. I didn’t pay attention to him and took a seat on the other side of the room. Jason came in a short time after I did, and handed me back my original list. I thanked him before he left, and he brought Cole into his office.

I didn’t wait too long before I left Jason’s office, and I headed over to the strip mall across the street, while I waited for Cole to get out of his session. As I waited, I went inside the supermarket and got myself a Rock star and read over the list that I made. I sat outside on the curb as I read, and thought more about what I wrote down.

“What do you have there?” I heard Cole ask.

I looked up from my reading and found him standing over me. I folded up the piece of paper as quick as I could and shoved it in my back pocket. “Nothing. How was your session?”

“Fine. Yours?”

“It was alright.” I shrugged.

“That’s good.” There was a small pause of silence after that and I felt something wet on my cheek. “Looks like it’s starting to rain.” Cole told me, looking up at the cloudy sky. “We should be getting home before it starts to turn into a downpour.”

I nodded, and followed Cole over to his car. When I got to his car, I didn’t feel like sitting in the back seat, and decided to sit up front with Cole. When I opened the front door, Cole gave me a questioning look, but he didn’t say anything and started the car. It really started to come down on us when we got home, and we made a mad dash for the front door. I was glad that the front porch had a covering, and I stood outside for a while to watch the rain fall while Cole got dinner ready. I came in shortly though, because I was getting cold, and asked if Cole needed help with dinner. He told me that he didn’t need any help. But I decided to help anyway, and chopped the onions that Cole had laid out. Helping Cole was a nice change of pace from being cooped up in my room, and I knew Cole appreciated it too.

Cole had made a delicious hot soup for this cold night and he the table for two. This was the first time since I arrived at Cole’s cabin, that I had dinner with the man. As I sat down for dinner, Cole set our dinner on the table, and took his seat on the other end of the table. I sighed as Cole took his seat, and I was just about to pour a ladle full of the homemade soup in my bowl, when the room went pitch black.

“Cole?” I gasped. I couldn’t see anything in front of me, and I dropped the ladle. “What just happened?” It was a stupid question to ask. I knew what happened, but I just wanted to make sure that Cole was still with me.

“Don’t worry, Kyle.” I heard Cole’s voice coming from in front of me. “The power just went out. I’ve got some emergency candles in the kitchen. Don’t move; I’ll get them.”

I held my breath as I heard Cole walk back into the kitchen. I could hear Cole roaming through the drawers as he searched for the candles, and I felt my heart beat faster. I heard Cole’s footsteps again and I turned my head back. From the lit candle he held, I could see Cole’s face, and I felt a strong sense of relief.

“Does the power go out here all the time?”

“It does,” Cole sighed, placing the candle he had in one of its holders. “But it usually goes out in the winter, when we have high winds.”

“How long will it last?”

“That depends. Last year the town was without power for two weeks.” Cole placed another candle in a second holder, and lit it. “Luckily, this cabin runs on gas, so we have hot water to shower with and we can still cook on the stove.”

“That’s good.” I smiled, and stared at Cole through the dimness of the candle light.

We ate our dinner in silence and I thought how this dinner was like the ones that we used to have. However, we always ate with a fully lit room. But it was nice to eat by candle light. It gave the atmosphere a kind of romantic feeling. After dinner, Cole told me to place a few candles around the house while he cleaned the table and washed the dishes. I set a few lit candles around the living room and kitchen, allowing some light into the rooms, and I was able to get a fire going in the fireplace. After I lit the fire, I sat down on the couch and pulled out my list. I had been thinking about the list a lot today, and I noticed I was concentrating on what I said about Cole. Thinking about everything I had put down, I started to think about what Cole had done for me, and how much of an ass I had been since I met him.

I looked away from the list when my eyes started to strain, and I trained my eyes on the fire. The fire had died down a little, and I could hear the rain pounding on the roof. The wind was howling through the trees outside, and I could see the branches bend in the strong wind. I turned to see if Cole was still cleaning the dishes, and I found that he was now wiping the table down. He looked up from what he was doing, and I could see a faint smile rise across his lips. I gave him a small smile in return, but my smile was wiped clean with a burst of lightning. Thunder followed soon after, and I jumped from the couch onto the floor. There was another flash of lightning, and I groaned as thunder roared thirty seconds later. I hated the sound of thunder, and I clamped my hands over my ears to muffle the sound. However, when the next clash boomed over the coast, I found that covering my ears didn’t help at all. I pushed my hands against my head, hoping that I could still muffle to sound, but it didn’t help. The sound just got louder, and I started to get scared. I whimpered and tried to think of something happy. But every time I found something to help me relax, Mother Nature broke my concentration.

“Kyle?” I shot my head up to find Cole standing over me. He had his hands full with two coffee cups, and he handed me one. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I weakly smiled, taking the hot cup from him. I peered into the cup before I took a sip, and I saw that it was hot chocolate. My smile brightened and I cautiously took my first sips. However, at the same time thunder crashed, and I covered my ears, sending the cup of steamy hot chocolate flying through the air. “I’m sorry Cole.”

“It’s okay,” he sighed, wiping off the hot chocolate. Cole had dodged my cup when I spilt it, but a few drops of the hot substance splattered on his arm. He wiped his hand on his jeans when he finished wiping away the chocolate on his arm, and he sat down on the couch behind me. “What has got you so spooked?”

“I kind of have a confession.” My voice trembled with embarrassment, and I felt ashamed about what I was about to tell Cole. “I’m terrified of thunder.” I was ashamed to admit to Cole my secret. I had never told anybody before, not even Chad. But even though I was ashamed for telling, it felt good. I jumped again when there was another loud crack, and I buried my head into Cole’s knees.

“Why are you afraid of thunder? It is just a sound.”

“Yes, I know that it is only a sound. But it brings me back to the night my mom killed my dad. It reminds me of a gun going off. That night my father planned on killing both my mother and I. I know that he is dead, but every time I hear thunder, I fear that my dad has returned to kill me.” I gave a nervous chuckle, and tilted my head to the side. “Sounds ridiculous, I know.”

“No, it’s not ridiculous.” I head Cole softly say. I looked up at him, and he joined me on the floor. “I understand perfectly. He gave me a soft smile, and I softly smiled back as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. He pulled me into his broad chest, and I leaned my head against his shoulder. He was warm, and he scooted closer so I could keep myself warm as well. “I will protect you from the thunder. That is…if you want me to.”

I didn’t say anything to Cole. I could protect myself, I just wanted to him to hold me to keep me warm. I rested a hand over his thigh, and he placed a hand over mine. I let out a sigh and closed my eyes, and allowed my body to keep warm from Cole’s body. From the fire that was blazing in the fireplace, to Cole’s body, I was starting to heat up, and I moaned. “Why are you being so nice to me?” I asked Cole after a long moment of silence. Cole made a sound to let me know he was listening, but he could not produce an answer yet. “I mean, I have been such a fucking ass to you since we’ve met. Why help me?” I pushed off Cole to look into his eyes to see what his answer would be.

He gave me a soft smile as a response, and touched my cheek. “I am being nice to you because I care about you.” Cole replied. “Yes, you can be a fucking ass, and a pain in mine, but I care for you. You are like a second son to me. When I first saw you, I saw a lost and lonely boy, who needed somebody to look after him. I never intended to fall in love with you, but I did. And I am still in love with you. ” Cole laughed, mostly to himself, and shook his head. “It’s funny. I think of you as a puppy that cannot be house- broken. You just keep running away and pissing on the carpet, no matter how many times I got angry and rubbed your nose in it.” I laughed at how Cole described me, and I smiled. “It’s true. But one day, I will break you in. You might not know it, but you and I are almost the same. We are two broken souls, and we need somebody, anybody, to fill the gaps in our hearts. And when our hearts get broken, we fall hard.”

“Did Jason tell you that today?” I smiled. Those words sounded almost like Jason’s and I asked to be sure.

Cole laughed. “Yes it is. But it is true.”

I chuckled at the truth behind the words, and I shook my head. “I’m sorry, for everything.” I whispered.

I felt Cole’s chest rise with a sigh, and he pulled my head up. I stared into his eyes, hoping that he would say he would forgive me, but he didn’t say anything. I opened my mouth to ask him to say something, but he covered my mouth with his before I could utter a word. I let out a soft moan as he pushed his tongue passed my lips and I opened my mouth wider. Cole moaned and my hand that was resting on Cole’s thigh moved over till it was resting on his groin. I gently squeezed him to get the blood flowing, but I felt that there was already blood flowing in that direction. We both smiled into the kiss, and Cole pulled out to kiss the tip of my nose. My smile brightened, and he kissed my forehead before he pulled me back into the kiss again. I moaned louder as Cole deepened the kiss once again, but that turned into a gasp as thunder clapped over head. I jumped in Cole’s arms, and I squeezed him tight. I felt Cole tense and he hissed in pain. My hand was still resting on his groin, and I squeezed him too hard. He moved slowly to push me off him, and he cradled me in his arms. I apologized to him for grabbing him too hard, but he said it was fine. It was horrible enough to think that my dad would come back from the dead to kill me when I heard thunder. But it was just as horrible when I was making out with Cole. But as the thunder roared, and Cole held me in his arms, I started to feel safer and my fear started to fade.

“Where do you want to do it?” Cole asked devilishly. I laughed. He never asked that before. Usually we just did it where we were. But then again, since it was somewhat of a special night, I just we could find a nice place to do it at. “We can go upstairs to my room, or do it on the twin bed in yours. Or we can do it right here.”

I laughed again. “Does it matter?” I grinned. “I don’t recall having a problem of where you wanted to do it before.”

“Just thought I’d ask.”

I rolled my eyes and I thought how stupid a question it was. But I thought it was sweet for him to ask where he would want to fuck me. I leaned in and licked his nose before I kissed his cheek. I worked my way after that to Cole’s ear, and I licked his lobe. He withered below me, and I cupped my hand between his legs again. Nibbling on his ear, I began massaging outside of his pants. He moaned louder as I massaged harder, and I switched back and forth from nibbling and licking his ear. I could feel him getting bigger with every second, and I could feel myself get the same way. I readjusted myself so I could get comfortable, but I couldn’t. My cock was rubbing up against my zipper, which only made it worse for me. Cole wasn’t moving that much. He just sat up against the couch and allowed me to massage him. He must have been uncomfortable with an erection that big, so I decided to release him from his pain.

“Why don’t we just do it here?” I breathed, unzipping Cole’s zipper.

Cole licked his lips as I reached into his pants and grabbed him. He jumped a little when I grabbed a hold of his member, and I slowly took him out. He was pulsing in my hands, which made my own cock twitch in my pants and my mouth water. I swallowed what liquid formed in my mouth, and I undid the rest of his pants. While I unbuttoned Cole’s pants, Cole wasted no time with unbuttoning my jeans either, and I laughed at how he fumbled with the button and zipper. I didn’t know if he was nervous or excited about getting into my pants again. But I knew that he wanted to get them off. He stopped a second so I could pull his pants and briefs off and then he was right back fumbling with the clasps.

“Relax.” I said softly, placing a hand over Cole’s hands.

“Sorry,” Cole replied, pulling his hands off me. “It’s been a while.”

“I understand.” I placed a light kiss over his cheek. I quickly retreated from my kiss and slid down a little so I could easily undo my pants. When I got my pants undone, I pulled them down, along with my boxers. I threw my bottoms over the couch so they wouldn’t be in the way, and replaced my hands over Cole’s. “Better?”

“Not quite.” Cole chuckled. I gasped as Cole grabbed the hem of my shirt, and in one swift move, he pulled the fabric over my head. “Now that’s better,” he smirked, and he pushed me down onto the bear skin rug