Heaven Far Away

Chapter Eighteen - My Entire Heart

Inside his room, Kazuya wasn’t sure whether he was breathing completely or perhaps he’s suddenly turned into an anaerobic being. He felt light headed and yet his heart thudded against its cage. He closed the door behind him and locked it slowly, wanting to lock away his wildly thrashing heart as well. When he finally gained enough courage to turn and face his client with a smile, he found that Kain had already shed his outer layer that was a long trench coat. That’s right, it’s already late November, and the weather had indeed turned cold.

Ah, it’s only a month away from Christmas. Momentarily, Kazuya’s thoughts lapsed and he wondered what he should get the owner for Christmas since he was unable to give Konbayoshi his birthday present. However, what passed between the two of them that evening flashed through his mind and Kazuya couldn’t even control the flush on his cheeks.

“Blushing at what’s to come?” Kain’s voice brought him out of his reverie, and Kazuya quickly looked up at the other. “Is this a host’s charm or should I decipher that as me being the fortunate first client?”

Kazuya thought his eyebrow twitched at the cocky attitude that Kain displayed, but his lips moved as his feet moved to draw him closer to the client. “Why don’t we let a first hand experience answer your question, Kain?” A part of him was surprised at how bold he was, yet another part played up this role easily, almost enjoying it. However, all thoughts were tossed aside when Kain offered him a smirk and the client lifted an eyebrow before surveying the room.

“Why don’t you take a shower first?”

It was a first step towards something, wasn’t it? Kazuya thought a tremor ran through his body but he kept his composure and nodded with a small bow. “Well then, please excuse me. Please make yourself comfortable, I will not take long.” Kazuya then bowed again and made his way into his bedroom, keenly aware of the fact that Kain had followed after him. Kazuya knew that his bathrobe is in the bathroom, on a hanger behind the door so he wasted no time entering and closed the door behind him.

The mirror revealed to him a disorganized and perhaps a frightened boy, for the first time, Kazuya realized that he was still young indeed. Although twenty can be considered an adult already, what he’s doing right now did not reflect anything that an adult would be proud of. Quickly, he discarded his clothes and turned on the shower. His brain told him that he cannot keep a client waiting for long, but his heart told him to stall for as long as possible and maybe Kain will grow tired of waiting and just leave.

So he washed his upper body quickly and the remaining slowly only to speed up again; his actions reflected his conflicting thoughts. However, when he was wrapped in his bathrobe with a hand on the door knob, Kazuya had to take several deep breaths to calm his heart and he then swung the door open. “I’m sorry for the long wait.”

In his room, Kain had settled himself on his bed. The trench coat was left in a chair over its arm along with his suit jacket and tie. The client sat with elegant ease, today’s newspaper spread open on his lap. Kazuya knew that he was lucky to be with such an attractive client, but such a posture and character were doing nothing for his nerves at this moment. Kain looked up when Kazuya exited the bathroom and without a word the client would raise as well, newspaper –quite literally- brushed aside, Kain approached him. Kazuya’s eyes widened and his fingers gripped around the sleeve of his bathrobe to control the trembling of his body. Instead of touching him, Kain merely walked past him into the bathroom and closed the door.

Saved by the shower?

Kazuya doesn’t even know anymore, all he understood is the fact that he had just been given some extra time. His eyes landed on the newspaper and Kazuya walked over to pick it up, folded it accordingly to leave it on his night stand. From the drawer, Kazuya grabbed a handful of condoms and packed lubrication to leave them atop the newspaper. Although lubrication is an option for the clients, condoms are musts.

That only killed about a minute of his time, now what? He looked around the room and quickly ascertained what would be needed. Firstly, he would look through the standard collection of alcohol in his room. It’s a shame that he cannot remember Kain’s order from downstairs and could only pour out a glass of whiskey for the client. He would put that by the opposing nightstand and then went to rummage through the closet for an extra set of bathrobe. Kain had entered the bathroom without a word, it was obvious from the client’s attitude that such things should be taken care of by the host. And so, he will; like a good host is supposed to do.

From one corner of his room to the other, to the other, to the other… Kazuya wandered back and forth. This was a room he is intimately familiar with, but growing exceedingly new for him. When he could no longer hear the rushing of water, Kazuya quickly straightened himself out and strolled closer to the door to greet Kain. Like he had predicted, the client threw open the door without a care and stood naked. For a moment, their eyes connected and Kazuya almost forgot what he was going to say. “Ah here, a bathrobe.” He offered Kain a smile and extended his arms with the bathrobe. “I’ve poured you a glass of whiskey; I hope it is to your liking.”

Kain looked from him to the bathrobe and didn’t even bother with glancing at the drink. He moved forward and reached for him, Kazuya watched as that hand ignored the bathrobe and cupped around the back of his neck instead. Before he could react, Kain’s lips were already on his and Kazuya’s lips parted in a gasp that allowed Kain the opportunity to slip his tongue into his mouth. The kiss was passionate and skilful, but Kazuya felt no deeper feeling.

And why would he?

So slowly, he closed his eyes and returned the kiss as he was taught.

Kain was every little bit dominant, he towered over Kazuya and dwarfed him. When Kain would wrap his arms around Kazuya, the host felt trapped. Every little bit of him was scared, he wanted to push the man away and cry to the owner. Pride and a wounded heart prevented that thought from being entertained any longer and he would wrap his arms around Kain’s neck as well. The client differed from the owner in every aspect. Even when the owner was under the influence of lust, he had been caring; careful not to hurt Kazuya. Kain, although driven by a similar lust is still a client who came for his own pleasure. He asked Kazuya to do this and that without giving room for the host to object.

In his own bed, Kazuya laid back and spread his legs, watched as Kain settled between them and entered him with a single thrust that buried the client completely. He let his eyes drift shut and pretended that it was someone else moving with him.

That evening, it was the first time Kazuya felt like an alien in his own bed. Like a marionette, his strings were Kain’s every word and command, turning and moving as how the client would want him to. He was somewhat aware of the sun outside his window when Kain fell asleep next to him and his body could finally go limp from exhaustion. In his dreams, he saw darkness with a pinhole of light. He crawled towards that light and wished for some warmth. He understood now that there is nothing glamorous about this job, even in his dreams; he could not escape this darkness.

When the bed moved and Kain rose, Kazuya was already awake but he kept his eyes closed. It was one of the numerous lessons that he was taught. With a new client, stay in bed ‘till the client wakes and pretend to be sleeping for a moment longer to see what the client would do. He counted numbers inside his head, after thirty, nothing came and he opened his eyes slowly as if he had just woken up.

“You’re awake.”

Kazuya looked over at Kain and nodded his head slowly, embarrassed and certainly still awkward. “Shall I call for room service?” He pushed himself up. “What would you like to eat?”

“There is no need; I will be heading out after a shower.”

And the bathroom door closed once again, leaving him alone in his room, unsure of this entire reality. He looked at the pane of wood for a moment before dropping his head with a sigh. Even with the tiniest of movements, he could feel the general sore state of his body. This uncomfortable feeling served as a reminder of what happened. He had passed that first test of being a host.

He clutched the duvet tightly, willing for the ache in his chest to dull and disappear.

[Underground Parking Lot]

“You can keep on starring at me for as long as you like, my mind will not change.” Konbayoshi stated with ease as he started up the car and pulled out of the space that it was stationed in. Besides him, Chitose merely lifted an eyebrow but said nothing. Once backed out, Konbayoshi changed the gear to drive and proceeded to carry them out of the parking lot. The first ray of sunlight chased away all the shadows that they’ve gathered underground. Rounding the building, Konbayoshi’s intention was to take the road adjacent to the front entrance of Opiate, so he can glance over to make sure there is no ill activity.

“Konbayoshi Takahiro, you are ridiculous.” Finally, the number one host concluded with a light roll of his eyes and a toss of his head. “The café is literally two blocks away from the club and you are going to drive me over.” The number one host looked unconvinced but the reality is that he’s already sitting in the car. “I will become fat with this inactivity, and then where will I go?”

“Even if you become fat, you’ll still be the number one, satisfied?” And he turned to face Chitose with a soft smirk, stopped due to a red light. Chitose’s reply was at the tip of his tongue, but it was held back when the smirk died away to be replaced by frown lines. The change in expression startled the number one host and Chitose turned his head to follow Konbayoshi’s gaze out of the window. His sight was set on the entrance of Opiate across the street.

Chitose was just about to inquire the owner on the intent gaze when he saw a small blonde exiting with another man’s arm around him. Kazuya? The two of them exchanged a few words at the entrance and the client leaned down to press a kiss to Kazuya’s lips with ease. Inside his mind, Chitose knew something broke and he could only turn his head back to look at Konbayoshi. The owner’s gaze was firmly planted outside on the proceedings of the club. Needless to say, his expression was all that Chitose needed to see for a conclusion. No, that’s a lie. Before he even saw Konbayoshi’s expression, he had predicted it.

Up ahead, the light changed from red to green, a go signal for everyone. Everyone except for Konbayoshi; who is still too engrossed in the scene to notice anything else around him.

“Takahiro.”

To no avail.

“Takahiro, people are honking at you.”

To no avail.

Chitose sighed and unbuckled his seat belt, the gesture as grand as a performer’s. Next, he would unlock the door and pull on the latch to push it open. The rush of traffic, people’s voices and the incessant honking behind them finally jolted Konbayoshi awake. Startled, he stepped on the gas to move forward a few inches before discovering his passenger seat empty.

“Chito…”

And the number one host has already crossed the street and was walking calmly along the side walk. It’s been twice that while in his presence Konbayoshi had forgotten about him, Chitose mused lightly. It’s been twice that he’s been shown the truth even when the owner desperately tries to hide it. It’s been twice that Chitose realized that four years has been a long time indeed. It’s enough to reaffirm some things and wash away other things.

Nothing should pass three.

Chitose made his own decision.

[Opiate]

Kazuya sent away Kain a little bit past noon, after the client had showered and ate his breakfast. Yes, that is considered breakfast in this world. The client had talked for the majority of the time, nothing of importance, but all about his great accomplishments as a child. Kazuya listened but he wasn’t really listening. He knew that Kain had already expressed his interest for a second meeting, but he felt a surreal calmness as he agreed to the date. Inside the restaurant, Kazuya kept on glancing around, wondering if the owner would walk pass. And then, what would be his excuse?

Wait, why would there be any excuse at all? He’s a host, so it is natural that he is with a client after all.

Shaking his head free of all such thoughts, Kazuya quickly jumped up from his bed, wanting to get away from this atmosphere. From his closet,

even his closet is growing in size slowly

Kazuya grabbed an autumn jacket and wrapped it around himself. It’s already late November, although the first snow has not fallen, the weather certainly has decreased rather dramatically. Nodding to the door guards as he emerged from the rotating entrance, Kazuya walked without knowing where he was heading to. The afternoon sun warm to the touch, but without it, the breeze reminded all outside which season is in charge. Bunching himself together, Kazuya sniffed and looked right… down a street that looked the same as when he looked towards the left.

In a world that’s this big, how can there be no place for him to go?

Now, that wasn’t completely true. The memory of a small café entered his mind and Kazuya turned on his heels to head down the side walk. He remembered that little shop to be only a couple of blocks away, always serene with the faintest backdrop music. There usually weren’t too many customers, and yet the shop is still thriving. Kazuya often wondered how it can still afford to hire employees. However, it certainly isn’t any of his business. So Kazuya tucked that train of thought away to the back of his head when he pushed the door open. The small chime above the door rang when he entered, informing the lady behind the counter of his presence. Kazuya offered her a smile before looking around for an empty table. There needed to be no words exchanged, for although he’s not been here many times, it seems the attendants have already remembered his preferences.

He found the last little table that remained free by the corner and unbuttoned his jacket for more comfort. Besides him, across a pane of thick window walked people with all sorts of backgrounds, Kazuya was sure. He wondered if he would see a regular client from Opiate walking these streets. Unlikely. These elites of society preferred to keep their hosts under the carpet, as quiet as possible.

What a lousy double standard.

“Here is your mocha latte.”

Kazuya was brought back from the outside world when a voice quietly informed him of his order. The host quickly looked up and

“Ah, thank yo…”

trailed off when he realized whom was standing in front of him. His hands were reaching for the cup, but they’ve paused mid way and he could only look up with what must have been a completely dumbfounded expression on his face. “… Chitose-san… you…” This situation did not allow his brain to function at a pace that is required for intelligent conversation. “… do you… work here…?”

No, that’s a stupid question, why would the number one host of Opiate have to work in a small café like this?! Kazuya realized seconds after and Chitose’s light chuckles certainly confirmed his own embarrassment. Quickly, Kazuya took the cup from Chitose’s hands and glanced down at it, still flushing red.

“What’s wrong, Kazuya-kun? Can’t I work here?”

“It’s not that! It’s just that… I mean… you’re the number one and…”

Chitose laughed again and Kazuya let himself trail off, there’s enough embarrassment for one day. Especially when it’s in front of the number one. In front of Chitose, Kazuya will always feel that inferiority that he wonders if anyone else feels too. The number one’s demeanour is always diplomatic, but his presence alone is enough to.... Ah, maybe it truly would be better for someone like Chitose to be with the owner after all.

Owner.

His hands tightened unconsciously around the china cup, the grip tight enough to shatter.

“Kazuya-kun?”

“Ah, yes!”

His frantic eyes lifted to meet Chitose’s. He saw concern on the number one’s face and wondered if it was real or whether the elder has been so experienced that it’s now carried over to every aspect of his life. But… wouldn’t that be a little sad?

“Are you alright, Kazuya-kun?”

“Yes! Yes, I’m fine! Why wouldn’t I be? Did I tell you, Chitose-san? I just had my first client last night! He was very nice and even said that he wanted to see me again! Even though no specific date has been set, he said he will come back for me. That’s great progress, right? The owner… the owner would be… pleased with me… right…?”

Right?

He didn’t even know any more. Chitose’s figure blurred in his eyes and he tried blinking the steam away, this mocha latte is too hot!

“Kazuya-kun.”

“I’m fine, really!” He tried to assure the older host. “I’m… fine…”

Then why are you crying? Chitose wanted to ask but refrained, it somehow did not feel like it was his right. And perhaps a little selfish part of him did not want to hear what Kazuya wanted to say. He had the frightening thought that once he hears Kazuya through, then

I will really lose you.

“Kazuya-kun, what’s wrong?”

But more so than losing you, I am afraid that you will not find happiness.

“Would it be despicable of me to say this to you?” Kazuya gave the other a dry chuckle, his smile forced and rigid. It was only when a tear drop rolled to his lips did he taste the salty liquid. “Would it be despicable of me to think this way? To hope this way? I just…” He paused, wiping away a trail of tears with the back of his hand. “I am in love… I love the owner.”

And even more so, I cannot stand to be the one who ruins your happiness, even if it’s not with me.

Out in the open. Finally out in the open. Kazuya didn’t even know whether it was a relief to hear himself say that out loud or perhaps it made himself feel even more ridiculous. He kept his gaze on his cup of mocha latte, Chitose’s silence was unnerving and he wasn’t sure if he could look up at the other. A tear landed in his mocha, the surface rippled and he blinked at his own obscured reflection.

“How much do you love him?

Kazuya looked up at the older silently.

“Will you fight for him? Will you stay true to those words even if there is obstacle in front of you? Will you take him no matter what he’s like? When he’s happy, when he’s sad, when he’s angry and even when he’s unreasonable?”

There was a pause, and Chitose gauged the other’s expression before carrying on.

“I’m here because I own this café shop. Because I said that I was bored as a number one when I have nothing to do. So, many years ago, for Christmas, the owner bought this place for me.”

Something was spread open between them. And slowly, something changed in the air.

“So, Kazuya-kun; if you want to love the owner, you will have to fight me for him.”

To be continued...