Why Bother?

Two glasses of wine.

That’s what Joanne promised herself that she would limit her alcohol consumption to before calling Jake. In truth, she probably shouldn’t have had anything to drink, but she knew she would never actually manage to make it through a conversation with him unless she had those two glasses.

“Hello?” Joanne’s voice was a little shaky as she spoke into her phone. Keeping her eyes glued to her ceiling, she waited for a response to come from the other end of the line while she held her breath.

“Jo?” a friendly male voice came over the line, seemingly happy to hear from Joanne. “Is that you?”

“Yeah,” Joanne bit her bottom lip and sunk deeper into her bed, closing her eyes and wondering if calling Jake was the stupidest idea she had ever had.

“You sound weird. Is everything alright?”

“I guess,” Joanne hated the whiny tinge to her voice, but she couldn’t help it. She actually wasn’t alright – she was the polar opposite of alright at that moment. “Sort of,” she added, a bit more honestly.

“Okay…” There was a momentary pause before the conversation was continued. “Um, you want to call him, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Joanne admitted in a soft voice, feeling like her chest was tightening up just at the thought of it. “But I don’t know if I can, Mark. I mean, I don’t know if I should. What should I do? Can you tell me, please?”

Letting out a throaty laugh, Mark’s voice immediately soothed Joanne. “Well, it would be wrong for me to actually TELL you what to do,” he was slightly teasing towards his friend. “But just think of it this way: the person you have loved most in your entire life wants to talk to you; you want to talk to him; and from knowing you as long as I have, you fed yourself a couple glasses of wine to get up the nerve, but then you dialed my number instead…”

“Your point?” Joanne tried to sound annoyed, but in fact she was pleased that Mark knew her so well. That was the reason she had called him to get his opinion – because she knew he could rely on his advice. She also just needed to know that, should a call with Jake go terribly wrong, she had someone whose shoulder she could cry on – even if she had to do it over the telephone.

“My point,” Mark’s voice got uncharacteristically soft. “Is that you have to make this decision yourself, but if you insist on getting my opinion, I’ll be honest. I do think you should probably call him, Jo. You want to, and he wants you to. What’s so scary about one phone call?”

“Don’t even try that,” Joanne’s voice was sad as she replied to Mark. “You know what’s so scary. YOU, of all people, know why I’m so damn afraid to call him. That’s why I called you. Jackass.”

Laughing, Mark tried to find the right words to say to Joanne, something that would help her find her courage. “You called me,” his voice was supportive but firm. “Because you know that you want to call Jake, but you just wanted backup. Support. Affirmation. And that’s what I’m offering now, Jo.”

Grumbling slightly first, Joanne had to concede to Mark’s explanation. “But why?” she asked suddenly, her voice filled with childlike fear. “I mean, I am FINALLY at a point where I can start moving on with my life, after years of being stuck in the past. Why am I going to just fuck with my feelings like that again? Why am I even considering torturing myself like that?”

“Jo, I’m going to ask you something I NEVER ask you, because it’s just not a part of our friendship,” Mark’s voice suddenly grew serious. “Who was the last person you had sex with?”

“I don’t even see-“

“It was Jake, wasn’t it?” Mark interrupted, his voice kind. “I’m not judging you, Jo, but I’m right, aren’t I?”

Chewing on her bottom lip, Joanne felt tears stinging at her eyes. “Well, yeah, but…”

Mark didn’t interrupt Joanne further, but when her statement just stopped suddenly, he went on. “I’m not judging you, Jo,” he repeated, to make sure she understood him. “God, I know for a fact there are probably guys begging to be with you. And I’m not calling you a prude or anything…” That statement made Joanne giggle a little. “I’m just saying that you need to do SOMETHING about Jake. Start over, or end it completely. It’s just… Jo, you’re such an amazing person. You shouldn’t leave yourself in this limbo, where it’s just too hard for you to care about ANY guy because of your fear.”

“I hate you,” Joanne sniffled.

“Yeah…”

“And I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Mark said in a caring voice to Joanne, glad that she seemed to be feeling a little more confident than she had when she first called him. “Now, stop drinking any more wine – because, you, my friend, are a lightweight – and just call him already, okay?”

Staring down at her comforter, Joanne said nothing for a moment, but Mark just waited patiently. “Okay,” she said finally, resting her head back against the headboard and sighing. “But if this all goes horribly wrong, I’m blaming it on you,” she told Mark threateningly.

“I would expect nothing less,” Mark’s grin could almost be heard over the phone line.

“Mark?” Joanne’s voice suddenly got shy. “Thanks. Just… thanks.”

There was a silence on the phone for a moment before Joanne finally heard Mark let out a soft sigh. “There’s no need to thank me, Jo,” Mark finally said. “Your friendship is more than enough thanks. You are one of those rare people who has no idea how much they affect other people around them. I am ten times the person I would have been if I had never known you.”

Tears of gratitude began running over Joanne’s cheeks, but she tried to keep her voice normalized. “And you’re the best friend I’ve had since-” Faltering suddenly, Joanne realized she wished she hadn’t drunk so much wine – it was the only reason she had almost slipped up with her words.

“Since Eve?” Mark finished Joanne’s sentence for her, his voice wistful but not quite sad. “Because, if that’s what you were going to say, I want to tell you that I couldn’t be more complimented.”

“I said I love you, right?”

“Yep,” Mark’s kind voice showed that the conversation was winding down. “And I said I love you. The love has officially been declared. Now, call me in a few days and let me know how things with Jake go, okay?”

“Okay,” Joanne whispered.

“Okay. Bye, Jo.”

“Bye, Mark.”

-----

“Hello?”

Despite the fact that two years had passed, Joanne immediately knew the man who answered the phone was not Jake. “Hi,” her voice shook slightly, and for just a second she considered hanging up. “Um, is Jake there?” She finally got up the nerve to ask the question, although her voice was very soft as she did.

“Yeah, hold on a sec,” the guy replied gruffly. “Jake, it’s for you,” Joanne heard the person who had answered the phone yell out. There were several male voices in the background, and what sounded like a video game could be heard. “It’s a chick. FINALLY.”

Biting her lip, Joanne couldn’t help but smile at that last comment. At least Jake didn’t have a ton of girls calling him. “Hello?” Jake’s voice came over the line. At the sound of it, Joanne immediately froze; she didn’t know if she could find her voice. “Hello?” Jake repeated, sounding like he wasn’t sure that anyone was actually on the line.

“Jake?” Joanne asked softly, even though she knew it was him. Squeezing her eyes shut tightly and holding her breath, she waited for his response.

“Joanne?” The recognition of her voice right away, along with the sound of hope that permeated from that one simple word coming from Jake’s mouth, made a lump form in the back of Joanne’s throat. “Jo?” he asked again, his volume slightly lower than it had been a moment before.

“It’s me…” Joanne confirmed quietly, shocked at how easily she was affected just hearing Jake speak her name. “Mark… Mark gave me your number. He said you wanted me to call you?” The last thing she had said was meant to be a statement, but had come out more like a question.

“I did – I do. Just… Just hold on one second, okay?” Jake replied quickly. “Sorry,” he said a moment later, just after Joanne heard what was probably a door closing and the muffling of the voices she had heard when she first called. “I just wanted some privacy. My dorm is kind of filled with people right now.”

“Okay…” Joanne chewed on her bottom lip, not sure what else to say. After all, Jake was the one who had requested that she call. Now that she was on the line, she just wanted to know why.

“Jo, thank you so much for calling,” the honest appreciation was evident in Jake’s voice, which was also tinged with an edge of nervousness. “God, I didn’t know if you would call, but I was hoping… How are you doing?”

Taking a deep breath, Joanne tried to calm her nerves, but that was nearly impossible in this situation. “I don’t want to do this,” she blurted out before her brain had the chance to censor her mouth.

“Oh,” the hurt was evident in Jake’s voice, but he tried valiantly to recover as quickly as he could. “I mean, I guess I get that-“

“Not on the phone,” Joanne interrupted him, finally getting a little bit of hold over her words. Sitting up a little straighter in bed, she glanced over at her nightstand to the picture of she and Eve, hoping to gain some strength from it. “It’s too hard on the phone… You and I… there’s too much… we have so much history together… I just think we should talk face to face.”

Letting out an audible sigh of relief, Jake accepted this recommendation immediately. “That’s fine,” he told Joanne gently, the sound of hope back in his voice. “I mean, if you’re willing to see me… I could be there tomorrow. Hell, I could drive there tonight if you wanted me to…”

Letting out a quick chuckle, Joanne couldn’t help but be touched by Jake’s eagerness. Picking at an invisible spot on her jeans, Joanne bounced the idea through her head for a moment. “I think tomorrow will be fine,” she told Jake. “You should come here tomorrow.”

“Really?” Jake sounded surprised – but beyond pleased – as if he really hadn’t expected Joanne to agree to see him. He spent the next few minutes getting directions from Joanne and making plans for the next day, nervous anticipation expressed plainly through his voice. “And Jo?” he finally said when they finished.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” Jake’s voice was as gentle as it had ever been, causing Joanne’s eyes to fill with tears. “I mean… really. It was so fucked up of me to not see you before I left. It was such a dick thing to do, just writing you a letter, after all we’ve been through. So, just… thank you for being willing to even see me.”

“Yeah, well…” Joanne’s cheeks heated slightly at Jake’s kind words. “You know…” Rolling her eyes at herself, Joanne couldn’t believe that the lame response she had just given Jake was the best she could come up with. “I mean, you were a big part of my life for a long time…” she added more honestly.

“Okay,” Jake sounded pleased enough with this answer. “So, I’ll see you around lunchtime tomorrow, then?”

“Yeah,” Joanne confirmed, feeling terrified but also relieved at the same time. “See you then.”

Hitting the ‘Off’ button on the phone, Jake sat silently in the hallway of the dormitory for a moment, suddenly taken by a wave of fear. He had spent so much time afraid that Joanne would never want to talk with him again, he had never considered what he would actually do if she was willing to.

“Hey, loser,” Jake’s roommate, Devon, opened the door to their dorm room and gave Jake a grin. “It’s your turn. So unless that was a booty call, get your ass back in here.”

Sliding up the length of the wall, Jake smirked at Devon. “I’ll be right there,” he rolled his eyes.

“So, not a booty call, I presume,” Devon grinned devilishly at Jake. “Not that I’m shocked in the slightest. I mean, I know you’re not gay, but you also don’t respond to any of the FINE women that come on to you. Are you… what the hell is it? Like Morrissey?”

“Asexual?” Jake chuckled. “Um, no. I’m just still kind of stuck on a girl I used to be with. That’s who just called.”

Looking his roommate over, Devon nodded as if in understanding, but then smirked at him again. “Pussy,” he finally teased Jake with a grin. “Anyway, get your ass in here. You’ve got the whole game on hold, waiting for you.”

“I’ll be right there,” Jake grinned, watching Devon return into the room. For the first time in a long time, Jake finally felt like his life was actually moving forward. And now to hear from Joanne, and to have her say she was willing to see him…

“Okay,” Jake entered the room with a smile a moment later. “I need a beer and my controller. I’m ready to militarily overpower an island of villagers. Okay, does this game seem a little strange to anyone else?”

-----

“I cannot believe I’m going to miss meeting him,” Laurie grumbled as she tossed some clothes into a duffel bag on her bed the next morning. “After nearly two years of trying to pry SOME information from you about this guy, you invite him here the one day I’m going to be out of town.” Laurie and some of the other people from Joanne’s dorm were going to San Diego for the night for a music festival. “This sucks. I demand details when I get back tomorrow.”

Rolling her eyes, Joanne smirked at Laurie. “I promise,” she told her roommate. “I’ll tell you all about Jake tomorrow. As long as I can borrow your black BCBG shirt today.”

Raising her eyebrows, it was Laurie’s turn to smirk. “Oh, so that’s what this visit is about?” She grinned mischievously. “I see how it is. You want to borrow my sex shirt…”

“Ew,” Joanne wrinkled her nose and laughed. “If that’s what you call it, never mind. I don’t need to borrow it.

Walking over to the closet, Laurie pulled the slinky black sleeveless shirt off a hanger and tossed it towards Joanne. “I’ve never HAD sex wearing it, dork,” she told Joanne as she went back to packing her bag. “It’s just the shirt I wear when I feel like making a guy WANT to have sex with me. It’s a fine line.”

Picking up the shirt to look at it, Joanne felt her cheeks heat slightly. It was a pretty sexy top; did she really want to dress like that for her meeting with Jake? Deep down, she knew the real reason she wanted to wear it was that she was terrified that the meeting would go poorly. If it did, Joanne wanted Jake to at least remember her as attractive when they said goodbye.

“Okay, I’m going,” Laurie threw her bag over her shoulder and leaned over to kiss Joanne on the cheek. “And listen… good luck. Really. Forget all the shit I just said. I was just teasing. I hope you have a great time. You totally deserve it.”

“Thanks Laurie,” Joanne gave her friend a genuinely appreciative smile. “You have fun tonight, too.”

“I always do,” Laurie gave Joanne one last big grin as she walked out of the dorm room, closing the door behind her.

Looking around the suddenly silent room, Joanne let out a soft sigh. It was only eleven, and Jake wasn’t due until one. But Joanne had had a tough time sleeping the night before, so she had gotten out of bed at six that morning. She was now showered, her hair was done, and she had put on a little makeup. All she needed to do was put on Laurie’s shirt, which she did.

“Now what?” Joanne grumbled to herself. “Two hours and nothing to do.” Deciding that there was no way she could concentrate on schoolwork, Joanne instead went about straightening up the room. She was only cleaning for about ten minutes, though, when she heard a knock at the door. Expecting it to be one of Laurie’s friends, she flung the door open and stood in complete silence when she saw Jake standing there.

“I know I’m early,” Jake said apologetically, his voice anxious and rushed. “I just couldn’t sleep last night, and I woke up early, and I just couldn’t wait any longer. I hope that’s okay. If you need me to leave and come back later, I can do that. I didn’t mean to catch you off guard. God, you look beautiful.”

Trying to take in everything that Jake was saying was difficult, considering the breakneck speed with which he was talking and the way he was bouncing around from topic to topic. His last statement, however, Joanne caught and knew her cheeks had flushed. “Hi,” she finally said, giving Jake a small smile.

“I’m sorry,” it was Jake’s turn to blush. “I didn’t even say hello. I guess I’m just a little…”

“Nervous?” Joanne supplied helpfully.

“I was going to call myself a gigantic loser,” Jake tilted his head and smiled self-deprecatingly. “But, yeah, nervous works too.”

Letting out a soft, uneasy giggle, Joanne stepped aside and motioned for Jake to come inside. “Sorry, I was still straightening up,” she motioned around the dorm room. She was about to say something else when she looked up into Jake’s face and froze.

Joanne had been so shocked to have Jake arrive early that she had barely looked at him since he had gotten there. Now, though, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. He looked every bit as gorgeous as he had in high school, and then some. His dark hair was slightly longer than he used to wear it, but his nearly black eyes looked exactly the same as she remembered – kind and loving. Immediately, Joanne felt tears prickling at her eyes and cursed herself silently.

Looking at Joanne studying him, Jake didn’t know what to do. He could tell that just looking at him seemed to be hurting her, and he hated himself for causing her any more pain than he already had in the past. “Jo, if this is too hard…” he told her softly, regret clear in his voice.

Shaking her head, Joanne swallowed hard. “No,” she insisted. “I… I want to see you. Maybe… maybe it would be better if we got out of here, though.” Looking over her shoulder, Joanne chewed her lip. Having Jake in her bedroom – even though it wasn’t the same one they had spent time in during high school – seemed to be forcing images to flash in her mind, images of she and Jake that Joanne really couldn’t handle at the moment.

“Sure,” Jake agreed. “Have you eaten? It’s a little early for lunch, I know, but maybe we could do brunch or something. You still like pancakes?”

Giving Jake a watery smile, Joanne nodded. “I know just the place,” she told him. “Come on, let’s go.”

-----

Joanne had been right; getting out of her dorm room had been the right thing to do. During brunch at a nearby diner, she and Jake had both begun loosening up and talking. Jake told Joanne about how his mother was doing, about the soccer team, and just random bits and pieces of his life. Joanne told Jake about her parents, about her classes, and some funny stories about Laurie.

“You sound like you’re doing really well,” Jake told Joanne as she finished up explaining why she wanted to be a lawyer. They were walking side-by-side through the campus, which was fairly quiet that day. “I mean, you always were the smartest person I knew… It must have been rough, dating a dumb jock like me for so long.”

Jokingly bumping into his arm, Joanne shook her head. “The insecurity bit is played out,” she teased Jake. Pointing towards a bench in a fairly secluded part of the campus, Joanne led Jake over, and they both took a seat. “So…” Joanne looked down at her hands, trying to gather her nerve before looking up into Jake’s eyes. “It seems like we’ve covered all the good stuff. Should we dare delve into the bad…?”

Putting his arm along the back of the bench, Jake looked out silently across the campus for a moment. “Yeah,” he nodded, still not looking at Joanne. “We should. I guess I’m just being a bit spineless right now.”

“We don’t have to-”

“No,” Jake cut off Joanne, finally looking into her eyes. “We should talk about this. It’s the real reason I wanted to see you so badly. I wanted to apologize-”

“There’s no need-” Joanne tried to tell Jake, but stopped when she saw him shake his head, and allowed him to continue.

“I need to apologize to you, Jo,” Jake said in a kind but serious voice. “God, for so many things. I don’t even know where to start… I mean, I was such a fucked up kid when we met. The issues with my dad, with my temper, the ultimatums I kept giving you… And then…” Joanne could see Jake’s eyes glazing over. “Then losing Eve… especially knowing that I was a part of it…” He looked over at Joanne and gave her a sad smile, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. “I never treated you right, Joanne. And I’m just so sorry for that.”

Joanne’s vision became blurry as her own eyes filled with tears. “I’m going to say I forgive you,” she told Jake, nervously reaching over and taking his hand. “Because I think you need to hear that. But, in truth… I don’t hold any of that against you. You had so much bad stuff going on in your life for so long… But, in my eyes, the year and a half you and I spent together was, for the most part, amazing for me. I always thought you were so… kind.” It was the only word she could think of that came close to the combination of ways Jake had made her feel when they were together.

Without thinking, Jake reached forward and pulled Joanne into a hug. He was grateful that she saw things the way she did, because he had been carrying around so much guilt for so long regarding the way he had treated her. “Sorry,” Jake gave Joanne an embarrassed grin as he released her. “I just…”

“It’s okay,” Joanne smiled back at Jake. “I get it. And, listen. I’m so glad you and I got together. I really feel like this was a good thing… like, I can let go of a lot of baggage I was carrying around for the past few years.”

“I’m happy to hear you say that,” Jake told Joanne honestly. Glancing around the campus once more, his eye was caught by a clock on a big brick tower. “Damn, we’ve been talking for a while.”

“We have,” Joanne glanced at the clock and was surprised at how late it was already. “Well, do you have to go just yet? I mean, it is dinnertime…”

Shaking his head, Jake stood up from the bench and smiled. “I’d love any excuse to hang out with you some more,” he told her.

Jake and Joanne spent another couple hours talking. Now, though, things felt even better between them, like they had both gotten out a lot of what they had wanted to say. After dinner, Joanne had walked with Jake around the man-made lake in the middle of the campus, wanting just a few more minutes with him. Soon, though, it was getting to be time for Jake to get going.

The walk from the lake back to Joanne’s dorm was made in silence, although Joanne kept stealing glances at Jake’s profile in the light of the moon above. She was glad that they had worked through so much. Still, a part of Joanne felt sad; it seemed to her that the spark Jake used to have in his eyes when he looked at her was no longer there. She didn’t know why she had thought it would be, but she couldn’t deny that she had hoped it might still be there, even a little…

“Well, this is me,” Joanne said, standing outside her dorm room.

“Yeah, it’s getting pretty late,” Jake glanced at his watch. “And I still have over an hour drive to get back to school.”

“Well…” Joanne bit her lip, trying to figure out what to say. “I am glad you came to talk.”

Nodding, Jake’s brown eyes looked a little sad. “Thanks for giving me the chance,” he told her. “So, I guess now we’re… friends?”

“Yeah,” Joanne tried to give Jake a warm smile, but was less than successful.

“Okay,” Jake nodded resignedly. “Anyway, if you’re ever in LA…”

Reaching up, Joanne pulled Jake into a hug. “If I’m in LA, I’ll definitely call,” she whispered softly, shocked by how familiar Jake’s scent was to her.

The intimacy of the moment actually brought tears to Joanne’s eyes as she felt Jake put his arms around her waist and hold her close. When she heard him murmur, “I’m always going to love you, you know,” into her hair, she couldn’t help herself; the tears started flowing down her cheeks.

Pulling back, Jake wiped at Joanne’s cheeks gently. “I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he told her, his dark eyes wide. “I’m so sorry. I just had to tell you-”

But Jake’s words were cut off.

Joanne pressed her mouth to Jake’s needfully, her mind a blank except for hearing his words over and over again: “I’m always going to love you.” Feeling his arms wrap around her once more, pulling her as close as possible, she knew he wanted this as much as she did.

Jake could taste the saltiness of Joanne’s tears on her lips as he timidly traced his tongue over her bottom lip. He couldn’t believe this was happening; it was more than he had ever dared to dream possible. Pressing Joanne gently against the door, he felt her part her lips invitingly, and his tongue shyly entered her mouth, twining with her own. Slowly, he reached one hand up from her waist to cup her cheek, his fingertips whispering over her neck, causing Joanne to release a soft moan into his mouth.

Fumbling in her pocket for her keys, Joanne had to break the kiss in order to unlock her door. Stepping inside, she looked bashfully at Jake, who was still standing in the doorway. “Are you going to come in?” she asked nervously, seeing a look of apprehension in his face.

Looking directly into Joanne’s eyes, Jake swallowed hard. “Should I?” he asked softly. “I mean, I want to… But should I? Should we?”

Taking a step forward, Joanne took Jake’s hand and looked up at him with such an expression of trust, he felt his stomach flip. “I don’t know if we should,” she told him as she gently pulled on him to enter the room, and then closed the door behind him. “But I do know that I want to. I mean, if you do…”

There were no words that could possibly express how much Jake wanted Joanne at that moment, so he didn’t even try. He just took a step towards her and swept her into his arms, kissing her deeply and passionately.

Neither person could say who had reached for the other’s clothes first, or who had made the first move towards the bed. All they knew was that they were lying on Joanne’s bed, their limbs intertwined, their hands exploring, their mouths begging for one another. They didn’t even speak as their bodies aligned, and Jake finally thrust himself inside Joanne; the only sounds that were heard at that moment were a soft cry from Joanne and a gentle moan from Jake.

The first time Joanne came that night, unexplainable tears ran over her cheeks, but Jake didn’t seem to be bothered. He simply kissed them away until they were all gone. A couple hours later, as Joanne moved above Jake, she just listened to him whisper over and over that he loved her, seemingly unaware as he did so. And the night went on, both people pushing their bodies to extremes, to the point of aching, but neither caring, because all they wanted in the world at that moment was to be as close to the other person as possible.

It was shortly past dawn. Jake was kneeling in the middle of the bed surrounded by tangled bed sheets, his body covered in sweat, his arms around Joanne’s waist as she straddled him. Joanne released a shuddered sigh as her body tightened around Jake, urging him to come inside her once more before they both collapsed onto the bed. Pulling the sheets over them, Jake was still breathless as he pushed back some hair that had stuck to Joanne’s forehead with perspiration.

“I can’t believe this,” Jake said, his breath finally beginning to even out, as he ran his hands through Joanne’s hair. “This night… you… God, Jo,” he buried his head in Joanne’s neck and wrapped himself around her body. “I don’t know what this is for you,” he admitted softly, the heat from his breath warming the skin on Joanne’s throat. “If it’s a goodbye, or closure or something… or if…”

“If?” Joanne pushed, staring up at the ceiling, her heart beating wildly in her chest. She wasn’t going to venture a guess; she refused to hope and then have her heart broken yet again.

“If it’s more,” Jake lifted his head. Repositioning himself over Joanne’s body, he looked into her eyes. “I have made so many mistakes in my life. But the only thing I’m sure I never made a mistake by doing was by loving you. I want you, Joanne. I want you in my life, every day, forever. I want to make up for everything I’ve done; I want to grow old with you. I want to love you always.”

Swallowing hard, Joanne paid no mind to the tears rolling over her cheeks. “I don’t think I could ever be in love with anyone but you,” she whispered up to Jake. “But… Jake, I’m so scared. You’ve said this before… and then you changed your mind…

“I never changed my mind about loving you,” Jake told Joanne, looking directly into her eyes. “But I am so sorry I’ve hurt you. And I understand if you can’t trust me… if tonight was just…”

“Let’s see,” Joanne told Jake softly. “I mean… let’s see.”

Jake said nothing for several moments; instead his eyes searched Joanne’s face, seemingly memorizing every line and curve. “Okay,” Jake finally gave Joanne a small smile. “We’ll see.”

Sliding his body carefully off Joanne’s, Jake pulled her to him. When he felt her lay her head on his chest, he sighed. God, he hadn’t even realized how badly he had hurt her. But if she gave him the chance…

“I’m going to love you forever,” Jake whispered as Joanne drifted off to sleep in his arms. Placing a soft kiss on her forehead, he then closed his eyes and started to fall to sleep himself.

-----

“Ow,” Joanne thought to herself before her eyes even opened. Her whole body ached as if she had spent ten or twelve hours the previous day at the gym. Opening her eyes, though, she grinned to herself. “Much better reason to hurt,” she whispered softly, looking at Jake asleep beside her.

Joanne’s words caused Jake to begin rousing, and he opened his eyes, blinking a few times as he looked at Joanne’s face. “So… it really happened?” he asked her, his voice tender. “I didn’t dream last night up?”

Curling close to Jake, Joanne smiled to herself. “No,” she told him. “It happened. I’m still not quite sure how, but…” Tilting her head up to look directly into Jake’s eyes. “But I’m glad it did.”

“You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that,” Jake leaned down slightly to kiss Joanne’s lips gently.

“I had such a blast last night-” Laurie suddenly burst in the room. Her words faded and her mouth dropped open when she saw Joanne and Jake in bed together. Then she burst out laughing. “But apparently not as good a time as you had, Jo.”

Pulling the sheets up to make sure she and Jake were covered, Joanne looked at Laurie. “Do you mind?” she asked with exasperation as her roommate just stood there.

Rolling her eyes, Laurie put her hands on her hips. “I will get out of here,” she said. “Just introduce me first.”

“What?” Joanne’s eyes grew wide and round.

Without missing a beat, Laurie stepped up to Joanne’s bed. “I’m Laurie,” she smiled at the blushing boy in front of her. “You must be Jake.”

Looking over at Joanne, Jake saw that the corners of her mouth were beginning to pull up. It would be easy to get annoyed with Laurie’s pushiness, but why do that when you could just be amused? “I am Jake,” he looked up at Joanne’s roommate. “And I am very naked right now. So if you could just give me a minute…”

“Sure,” Laurie grinned. “I’ll go get some coffee at the Student Union. You guys take your time. Oh, and Joanne? Good job. He’s a hottie. I guess my sex shirt worked – and you didn’t even want to wear it!” With that, Laurie flounced out of the dorm room.

“Let me guess,” Jake grinned as he looked over at Joanne. “That’s the girl that reminds you of Eve.”

Laughing, Joanne nodded. “Sorry about that,” she said, leaning up on one elbow and looking over at Jake. “So, listen, about last night…” Cringing, Jake braced himself for the worst. “I love you,” Joanne said simply, watching as Jake looked at her with a combination of confusion and hope. “I know I said ‘let’s see’, but the more I think about it… We live an hour apart. Either we try this, or we don’t… And I think I want to.”

Feeling a surge of relief and joy move over him, Jake couldn’t find the words to express how he felt. Instead, he sat up and pulled Joanne to him. “Thank you,” he whispered into her hair. “God, Jo, I won’t mess this up again. I won’t. I won’t. I love you so much…”

Tucking her head under Jake’s chin, Joanne allowed herself to just be held by him. Maybe it was dumb; maybe she was setting herself up for just another heartbreak. But Joanne didn’t care about any of that at the moment. “I love you,” she murmured into Jake’s chest. “I never stopped, and I never will.”

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The End

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WOW, THAT WAS A LONG CHAPTER! ANYWAY, THAT’S IT FOR THIS STORY. THIS WAS, WITHOUT A DOUBT, THE MOST DIFFICULT STORY I’VE WRITTEN. I DIDN’T LIKE THE BEGINNING, AND I’M STILL IFFY ABOUT THE END. I WAS HOPING TO SORT OF LEAVE IT AMBIGUOUS BUT HOPEFUL – TO SAY THAT JOANNE AND JAKE ARE GOING TO TRY TO WORK IT OUT, BUT THERE’S NO WAY TO KNOW FOR SURE IF THEY’LL MAKE IT. I HOPE I WAS ABLE TO PORTRAY THAT A LITTLE.

THANKS AGAIN TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED THIS STORY.

SPHYNX: JUST THANKS FOR BEING SUCH A LOYAL READER AND REVIEWER THROUGHOUT THIS STORY.

MATRIXCHILD: THANK YOU SO MUCH! WOW, I THINK I’M BLUSHING.

CU-KID: I HOPE I DID AN OKAY JOB OF NOT MAKING THINGS A ‘BUTTERFLIES AND RAINBOWS’ HAPPY ENDING. I WAS GOING FOR SOMETHING MORE UNCERTAIN. AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE CRAZY LONG REVIEW! YOU ROCK.

FOAMYFAN15010: I ACTUALLY THOUGHT A BIT ABOUT WHAT YOU WROTE, ABOUT HOW JAKE NEEDED SOME HAPPINESS. BUT I WANTED TO KEEP THE DARKER FEEL OF THE STORY AT THE SAME TIME. I HOPE I DID OKAY WITH THAT.

PSYCOSNAKE: I HOPE I EXPLAINED JOANNE’S FEARS A LITTLE MORE THIS CHAPTER FOR YOU. I THINK SHE WAS JUST SO SCARED OF BEING HURT BY JAKE AGAIN, SHE WAS ALMOST WILLING TO CHOOSE LONLINESS RATHER THAN POSSIBLY HAVING HER HEART BROKEN AGAIN. ALMOST.

IOTC247: IT IS COOL TO KNOW THAT A GUY GOT EMOTIONAL FROM MY WRITING. THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW!

THANKS ALSO TO ROSY, LUSTFUL X MAGIC, KATY THE BEAN, ADAEE AND KEYONNAMC, AND TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED THIS STORY. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS OR QUESTIONS!