Edge Of Nowhere, Half Past Never

 

18 Mercy

 

I woke up as soon as the lock clicked open, announcing the morning. Never realised gentle morning light could be so destructive. Who knew? I actually slept tonight. Drugs took the edge off again, apparently. Heard rustling below, others were getting up. Should hurry up and get my ass out of here, too. Attacks against my person weren’t as likely since the last demonstration of group’s power, but I shouldn’t rely on the circumstances too much.

To join the brat for few hours to ensure safety? Or wander around in well-lit areas? I’ll just stay in the lobby and wait for the rest to get up. If I don’t get called up by the freaks first, that is.

I got down and first thing to greet me were blows to the head and palm over my mouth.

“Finally, you’re all alone, Spineless.”

So. Somebody was waiting. For me and no other. It wasn’t the blond or any of his friends. Didn’t feel like it. Too much excessive force. Those operated smoother than this. I struggled to stay on my wounded feet, not allowing attacker to trip me. I’d end up in the bunk and it’s going to be a downhill ride from there on. I didn’t call for help. That would have been pathetic. Brat was unlikely to get up even if stampede was headed his way, anyway.

“Quit struggling and accept the retribution,” he hissed silently.

“For what?” I bit his finger, freeing my mouth just enough to ask.

“That innocent act won’t save you.”

“Dumbass. If you’re bestowing someone retribution at least explain the wrongdoing properly. Otherwise you’re missing the point of the exercise.” I wasn’t actually egging him on. I was curious. I believe I’ve been in similar situation once before.

“You motherfuckin’ Corruptor. The Child wasn’t enough for you? You just had to ruin the only couple of Longings that ever made sense.”

Oh. I finally caught up. So, people actually knew about me and Solitude. Or… No, that wasn’t the case. People couldn’t have known. A single person did, though. But, Deathly just wanted to have fun manipulating information flow, there was no gain for him like this…  However, I might have overlooked one more who could not avert his eyes from a certain somebody… And the only one with personal interest in the matter anyway.

“He asked you to do this, didn’t he?” That two-faced motherfucker. I always knew he was too nice to be true.

“He didn’t need to. After all he’s done for us…” And yet, this guy somehow got the wind of the affair anyway. Smart smart puppeteer. By the looks of it, attacker wouldn’t have minded the straight out favour anyway if Benevolent asked.

“They’ll fuck you up for this,” I took a stronger footing. This struggle was taking a while. I was slowly getting tired and overpowered, but still holding.

“No one will know,” man whispered. “Only that dumb Danger would be rash enough to mess around in the daylight with witnesses.” It was true, I still had no damn clue on who this was.

I pushed away from the wall with my legs. Guy didn’t expect that. We both fell over. He bonked his head onto something. I wasn’t waiting for him to recover. Got on top and punched. Punched so much until he stopped covering his face and even moaning. Until my own consciousness started becoming cloudy due to the failsafe. Pulled out the glass shard and marked guy’s forehead with an X. Will see who this is later.

Before I even realised it, I was out of the sleeping hall. Adrenaline was coursing through the veins at the speed of light. I don’t believe I was thinking at that point anymore. I felt elated, freed and powerful. Almost drunk on my first successful act of resistance. But that was far from enough. I had a black list way too long and it was time to pay my respects to them all.

Ran into Benign Longing legs first and tripped him over. I managed to land on my feet in the process. Guy probably didn’t even see what hit him. Was kicking and stomping in a fit of rage until someone dragged me off. My intense crazed glare never left that unconscious mangled heap of flesh for a second. I wasn’t done yet. He needs to get what he deserves. That damn faker.

“What the f… Isn’t that..? Why would you do that to him?” Somebody asked.

Still had the shard in my hand and stabbed it into neck of whoever that was holding me. Man backed off. Group of other not so friendly looking guys were heading my way, but that didn’t put me off in the least. Didn’t care, as I saw Collared Pug by the door. Threw myself onto him too, punched, and punched and then got punched myself.

Fell down and got up again. Was encircled by then. Fiercely overpowered, but the anger in me did no math. I wasn’t going to play by their rules anymore. I was sick and tired of being pushed around. I was me, dark dammit. I wasn’t theirs. The chain of self-restraint has snapped with the realisation that I can, in fact, finally defend my person.

Pulled up my sleeves and ripped few of the rings off the opposing hands. Will make just perfect knuckleduster. Blood dripped, couple of my opponents frowned at such rash self-mutilation. I waited for nothing, targeting those astounded faces.

Tried to break out of the circle and bestow some rightful punishment on those that really deserved it, but all of the faces were the same. Didn’t have the time to distinguish the small features anymore. I hit, hit and hit, expending my energy at a terrible pace. Eventually found myself unable to move. They caught me. An arm was painfully twisted behind me as the other guys took their turn punching me to the stomach.

However great pain that was, I refused to stop there. My anger wasn’t done yet. Still had some strength in me, too. I turned suddenly and heard the elbow crack. A guy who was holding deformed limb blinked a couple of times and fell down flat. He damaged me. Failsafe, so convenient. Perhaps I should have exploited that earlier. Regardless, that didn’t stop ten or so other guys.

Managed to throw few more punches with my healthier limb. However, I was soon down on the ground again, getting kicked like crazy. Was not allowed to get back up. Everything hurt too much to do that anyway. I bit somebody’s shin, pulled somebody else down on the ground with me but that was all I could do anymore. And then it stopped, suddenly. Not the sounds of brawl, but the impacts. Opened my eyes again and looked up. A tall, well-built giant punched their lights out one after another like it’s nothing and the others backed away a step. Silence fell, everyone stopped as if faced with the wall.

“What the fuck, Sparkling Mood? That psycho ain’t yours anymore, and he deserves what’s coming.”

“Get his team,” man demanded.

“Genius attacked almost all groups all on his own. Faultless won’t bother with it. Besides, messing with the Nice Guy…”

Like I care. Slowly and shakily I got up on my feet and punched the guy I wanted to punch the most. Candyman wasn’t fazed by it. Effortlessly caught my functional arm and tugged towards himself, comfortably locking me in an unwanted embrace – my back to his torso. I froze up from that nauseating touch but quickly restarted the struggle. Useless. I was held as tightly as a ragdoll by a six years old. Kicked his legs with the heels, Human Feast showed no concern. An opportunist used the chance to target me again and Lollipop kicked him an impressive distance away. He was quite a handful… Never ceased to amaze me. Sometimes even in a positive way. I gave up struggling.

The brawl has reached a stalemate and somebody went to wake my team. They’ll be pissed. More for having to get up so early than anything else. My rage seemed to have subsided in the face of immovable force that had its clutches around me. Blind wrath was gone. Reality was whacking me on the head with a lead pipe. I’m so in trouble. I probably was better off with spoiled what’s-his-face at this point…

A siren started hauling. Lights switched to red. That was new. I looked around in awe. A hasty voice announced from the ceiling, “Everyone is to vacate the entry room immediately. You are to leave number 587 behind. I repeat…”

Everybody looked around. One of the knocked out guys was lying in a pool of blood. The one I stabbed, most likely. They picked up other passed out Longings and left for the gym. As soon as we were gone, all doors leading to the lobby sealed shut flashing red lights too. A SWAT team ran in, took their positions all around the place and then a smaller group of people in white showed up. Looked like it would be pretty much impossible to break out using silly diversions. If I ever live long enough to plan it. They quickly carted out the injured Longing and everything returned to normal. Only a red stain on the floor said anything happened there at all. That, and the scowls all around.

Everyone was staring weird at me. “Why the fuck is he still standing?” Somebody asked. True. The failsafe probably had to knock me out.

Whispering and muffled chatter filled the room. “Another one?”

“That’s bullsh…”

“No. That just happens occasionally. With a right set of mind, such as self-defence.”

Seemed like they established the reason and calmed down a bit. Although, no one could be sure it was just a short-circuited programming. Perhaps, this will turn out for the better and keep some of them away?

Remembered the hand on my wrist. He wasn’t holding me pressed to him anymore, but still didn’t let go. As I looked up gingerly, man stared right back at me. As always, he was grinning but that probably didn’t mean anything good. Did he just help me? What’s with this illogical nonsense? No one can fuck him up but I? Very damn sweet of him. Felt sick and weak again. To mask that I lashed out aggressively, “Mind your own fucking business! No one needs you to butt in!”

“If you want to die so much, I can help you with that,” Lollipop said with that repugnant expression on his face. Was that… a reminder? Suggestion? Threat? Didn’t know anymore. I was sick of being pushed around by this creature of no remorse.

“Let go of him,” small and nimble lizard jumped on the great dragon and began clawing and hitting wherever he managed. Lollipop swatted the brat off like a fly and let go of me in the process.

“What the fuck did you do to his arm?!” Kid shouted, ready to launch at him again. Was stopped by the grip on the nape of new equally intimidating presence.

“Pipe down. Looks like Menace saved your boy toy. Go fix him up. I’ll find out the rest,” grouchy Elitist commanded and the two of us walked out.

“What happened?” brat asked eventually, checking out my elbow.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Matters to me.”

I looked at the worry in his eyes and felt tired. It was hard to have people caring. Unsettling to trouble them. Depressing to disappoint the expectations. “I just screwed up. I’ll accept whatever that’s coming my way.” Excuses were meaningless and weren’t going to fix anything.

“Look, I won’t let them touch you. Saw an unconscious guy near your bunk. It wasn’t your fault anyway, was it?”

“It… sort of was.” Considering the fact that I did mess with someone’s person of interest. And I still wanted to mutilate everyone in my sight, no matter how far removed from the root cause they were. No one was innocent over here. Shook my head, “Whatever.”

He tried to pry out my side of the story but I didn’t give in. That probably would have made things worse. Brat set my bones back where they belong and locked the joint in place with a plastic compact brace. Great. Now I had two broken arms. Alongside all the other battle bruises. Those were unimportant, however. Longings healed rather quick, I noticed. Though, with the torture marks all over my body the excessive damage was making it hard to breathe at times. I won’t be able to withstand another scuffle. Hell. How will I look after the next session with Happy’s Master? Already most of my skin was covered in what will turn out to be lasting scars.

We returned to the hall tainted by the big red blotch and footprints all around it. That was quite the brawl, by the looks of it. As soon as people vacates this room the automated cleaning system will scorch all displaced organic matter out of existence. Hope that whole event could be erased from existence as easy as its evidence.

I left the team almost immediately. They had things to sort out. Best if I don’t hear the verdict ahead of the time. Let me enjoy this passing moment of peace. It’s all I ever had in this place. Withdrew my cube of charcoal and laid down on the desolate couch. Nibbled on it, but didn’t manage to chew or swallow. Throat hurt. Put it away. Luckily, I wasn’t hungry anyway. My damaged body took mercy on me and didn’t force me to consume anything.

I was surprisingly calm about this, I realised almost amused. That can’t end well. Thermodynamics. There’s only so much of peace to go around. Something vile will soon take its place there instead by the end of the day.

It’s been a long while and I still heard the home corner argue. Couldn’t make out what it was specifically, but the contents were still obvious. Flawless wanted to throw me to wolves, brat was against it and Deathly spilled more oil into the fire, hoping to see fireworks sometime soon. Sleeper had no interest in my fate whatsoever. Sloppy Blank… was probably with some other team.

I sighed. One issue at a time. I still had some unfinished business with somebody else. Got up, entered the gym. Funcracker was working out without breaking any sweat. He must have been bored - turned to me immediately after I entered. I sat opposite of the man. Collected myself. Wasn’t sure what I was after in this meeting.

“The last time I… Kept something of yours. I didn’t mean to,” I clicked the right armband open and handed it to him. Gently smiling man didn’t take it. I put it down next to him. No reaction.

“Can I get mine back?” I was surprised how civilised and normal I managed to come off. Especially, facing source of my filth. Oh, how I hated that smiling mug. How afraid of it I was. I was deeply surprised I managed to face him on my own volition at all.

“No,” he replied simply, without much intonation. Hell knows what it meant paired with that smirk. Hot damn pokerface. Wonder if Bony Gamemaster could read this guy?

I frowned, ready to burst with not so polite speech. Had very little to lose at the moment anyway. My gaze dropped towards my shackle as I was planning to rip it off off him. What I saw derailed my thoughts. Lollipop’s left palm held onto my armband tightly, knuckles white. The gesture seemed somehow desperate. Raised my eyes back to his face, trying to read it. Nothing.

“Give it back,” I demanded only borderline restraining myself. Was this creep also planning to sneak up on me while I slept? I laughed at my own silly idea again. Right. He didn’t need to resort to sneaking. He could, and in fact did come at me head-on on multiple occasions and I wasn’t able to do damn thing about it.

“No,” he said in the same flippant manner with a face that mocked me. But in any case, I needed to break off all ties with this man. Even if it was just a stupid gesture. It was all I could do to resist him anymore. I didn’t want the proof of my former trust to live on. Needed to break off that wittering bond of friendship once and for all. Couldn’t stand being associated with this ugly smiling inhuman. There was no need to imply I consented. I was going to take my life back into my hands. As much of it as I could, anyway.

Now, how will I do that?.. Using force was out of question… I really thought it would be that simple. Just asking. Not like he cared anyway. Not like he planned to use it. Not like he needed to show off the ownership or status. On the contrary, wasn’t it dangerous for me to have his key? I could unlock his room while Smiley slept and let the angry mob do the job… I know more than few wanted to.

I felt weak. Sick, after a certain realisation hit me. “Did you perhaps… misunderstand me keeping it?” And in turn, made his freak Master misunderstand something. And then… No no no no no…

“Don’t take it away from me,” the tone and face were still the same, but no matter how I looked at it, it was a request. Plea, even.

“No,” I said firmly, with horror on my face. “No,” I repeated negating something that wasn’t even fully formed in my head. Didn’t know what it was, but I didn’t need it. “You make it stop right now. Give me back my sanity! Turn back the damn time!”

“Come back to me.”

I was dumbfounded. It was so preposterous I thought I misheard. “What?” As he was about to repeat, I realised that it did happen. “Are you serious?.. How can you…” Couldn’t finish up. My jaw started shaking going over the suffering I went through, likely caused by some silly misunderstanding on my part. 

“That’s the only way I can make it stop,” Smiling Man said dispassionately.

“Blackmailing me now? What is this, new sadistic game of yours? Giving me a choice? Ha. Why don’t you just chop my limbs off and hang me in your closet along countless others?”

I saw his eyes flare up with life. The offer has intrigued him. “I will. If you want me to,” he was dead serious. I gulped and shut up. For good, probably.

On the second hand, my bitterness didn’t know what self-preservation was, “Right. As if my consent ever meant anything to you. Or anybody. Go ahead. Do it. What do I care now? Don’t be shy. What’s some more gore after all that crap.”

“I had no more choice in it than you. I can’t disobey Master.” Programming was a valid excuse, but that didn’t cover everything.

“Yeah. And you just happened to fully enjoy the circumstances.”

“So did you,” he reminded joyfully and the idea ruptured my fragile mind. No. That wasn’t my fault. No. I was forced to. No. Loathed it all. Smiling Man pondered deeply and then spoke, “Before you met my Master, you said I’ve given you a reason to distrust me. What is it?” Looks like he was still hung up on that. The slowpoke.

I shrugged. Couldn’t care less. Whatever triviality it was back it, it didn’t even matter now. There were way worse issues at hand. Man was staring at me with intent and I figured there must have been a point to his question. He won’t back down unless I tell him whatever he wants to know. Recalled the meaningless detail eventually, “You were working with Tattoos, manipulating me…”

He raised an eyebrow. Asked calmly, “What made you think so?”

“You… Were fucking with them.”

Friendly face nodded, “I was.” Agreeing so casually, that bastard. Was my life a game to him or something?! “Would you have rather I used you for that?” Human Feast finished up whilst drilling me with stare. So Blonde’s friends were filling in for certain somebody who was unavailable because of them.  I crossed my hands silently disagreeing. Who can tell what was what now? What does it matter now anyway? “Is there anything else?” He asked again.

Shook my head. “I don’t care about any of it anyway.”

“What you’re saying is, there was no actual reason for you to distrust me.”

“Until you showed me around,” I was snippy. Who could blame me?

“Until Master got angry for me. I could not refuse his good will.”

“… Good will,” I scoffed. 

“I never asked him to bring you to me – I could have taken you here had I wanted. I could have simply not allowed you leave. However, I let you do whatever you wished thinking it would be best for us both. Don’t you see? He’s doing this for me. If you return, I can finally ask him to stop arranging the meetings.”

“Are you crazy? Who will stop you if I do? And if I desert once again, I’ll end up having no one!”  Flat out pushed the insane offer away. I wasn’t even considering it.

He put a finger across his lips, thinking. Spoke, “Master offered to buy you.”

Right. I was still to end up with this man. Who was I kidding? It can always get worse. No matter where and who with I was. Any arrangements I come up will mean nothing in this prison.

“Don’t worry. I’m only telling you to point out the fact, that you are still… free. The choice is ultimately yours.”

“Free? You’re joking, right? How any of this is being free?! How being forced to stick with you is a choice?! ”

“Because if he buys you, even I won’t be able to stop Master if he wishes anything of you. Whilst if you’re with me, I can promise you a safe existence at least while we’re here. I will also make sure you are not disturbed by others.” That almost sounded like a bargain.

Shook my head in firm negation. My mind sneakily started contemplating the horror that would befall me daily for the rest of my life. He was worse than my first handler. Way worse. And now I at least had a glimmer of hope he and his sicko owner would get tired of me soon. I didn’t find anything to say to that. He spent a while thinking too. “Yes. Master is harsh. And I am just the same. The way we express our affections isn’t acceptable to most. And I wasn’t going to force it on you. As we just cleared up, I was like this all along. I didn’t harm you before, did I?”

Yes, yes you did. Not then, but you did. And I will never forget that. I was afraid of this guy. Under the brash exterior I was shaking like an autumn leaf ready to be blown off a harsh wind.

“Why… Are you putting me through this?” I asked silently, looking at my feet. Was he really asking me to return? I didn’t want to make such a decision. It was like voluntarily jumping off a cliff. Just you didn’t die after the fall. You’d lay there for eternity, paralysed neck down. Bones dislodged and scattered all over the place, but still morbidly falling straight into your line of vision. Crows slowly picking off your flesh. “I don’t want to even see you anymore. Ever.” As if some sweet-talk would work to soften it up.

“I realised only after you left. I had no one to talk to. I missed that.” Who knew? Looks like the absent-minded optimist who saw flower fields anywhere his gaze landed did figure out there were other people around him. And that they shunned him. So that… was his big reason? Don’t entertain a bored psycho. Will keep that in mind for future.

Shook my head in negation, “Nothing will change if I go back to you. Nothing can undo what you did. No one loathes you more than me. They all know, but just a few here has seen the actual you, have they? I don’t care what you do about this. Tell your dumbass Master you’ve had enough of me. Find a new toy. Just leave me alone.”

“I can’t lie to him,” Sunshine said and I powerlessly shook my head in response. Man’s tone changed and I cringed, “If you don’t come to me, I will drag him into this, too. No one will be able to mind, since what goes on on the other side, stays on the other side. Just like your new buddies can’t sanction me for fucking you up now.” Looks like there was another card he could play. Healthy dose of blackmail in the morning. All I needed.

This got my attention, however. Raised my eyes to meet his, to see the lie in them. “You can’t.” Yes, yes, he could. My hands shook. “He doesn’t have anything to do with this! I haven’t even seen him in forever!” I shouted and then whispered powerlessly, defeated, “You said you weren’t angry. Liar.” All I could do was complain and accuse.

“I was not angry,” man repeated with conviction. Oh. I guess there were stronger words in the dictionary, now that I think of it. Ah, semantics. “So, what is your decision?”

I was not strong enough to deal with this. Not now not ever. I didn’t want to become another pain-craving freak. Nor did I want to spend rest of my pathetic life in catatonic sleep. The least of all, I wanted to see somebody I care about suffer such fate. I give up. You win.

Asked with defeat emanating from my whole being, “You can kill us, right?”

“Yes,” he nodded, smiling brightly. I guess for a Longing, especially this sick, a kill was an ultimate achievement. I won’t be able to leave him once it’s over. I will be forever his. Hah. So stupid. Dead is dead. And I’ll be gone.

“Kill me,” I asked.

Man nodded as if praising the choice. Even if it was his intention to force me to want this, I didn’t mind. Immediately felt palms wrap around my neck in a soft caress. Just for a second. Then the clasp tightened to take away my pain and sorrows. It hurt. Everything was spinning. I wanted to breathe. I struggled. I heard crackling in my throat as no air came or went. And it was dark. Finally. I found peace. It’s funny, even. He’s done something right at last. Maybe the Mercy Killer wasn’t all that bad, in the end.