Devil May Love

Sabi Notes :: I re-wrote almost all of this chapter AND extended it because it sucked beforehand. Please be sure to read it!! Things end quite differently than the old version and you'll be lost if you don't. Thanks By the way, I don't know if I mentioned it but I deleted my fic journal on LJ (sabishisa-fics) but you can still add my personal journal (kyo-ai) if you really want.

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The sky was thick and grey, the clouds ready to pour rain at any moment. 'Not exactly fitting for the situation,' Gaibriel thought, casting a sour and slightly pouting glance skyward. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets because they were shaking too badly. He wondered vaguely if he'd ever been so scared before outside of his home. What if Amanda's family hated him? Would they get mad at him and send him home? What if Jullien didn't show up? He hesitated, fighting the urge to just turn around and go home. With one final look at the dark clouds, he took a deep breath and forced himself to move down the walkway to the pale green door.

Amanda's house was a little small and painted in pale green and white. There driveway ran beside the house and curved around behind it, where he assumed the adults parked their cars. The white brick stairs leading up to the door where half circle shaped and the porch was cramped with various potted plants and wicker furniture. Gaibriel liked it immediately. It felt like a place that could be called home. There was a cat perched elegantly on the rail of the porch and it watched him as he approached the door. He looked back at the animal until the cat flicked its tail impatiently, looking to Gaibriel like it was telling him to get going already. With a deep breath, he raised his hand and knocked. In the brief seconds that he waited, Gaibriel found himself wondering and almost hoping that they wouldn't come, that they weren't home or maybe even that they hadn't heard his knock.

The door opened and a slightly chubby woman in a dark blue sweater and khaki pants smiled. "Gaibriel, hi! We almost thought you weren't going to come," she greeted, holding out a hand to him.

Gaibriel forced himself out of his stupor and shook her offered hand. "I-I'm Gaibriel, ma'am."

"Mom, is that him," a voice called from inside. "Get outta the door, I wanna see!"

"Judy, he's not some circus show." Gaibriel felt a little better when he recognized Amanda's voice. He'd opened his mouth to say it was okay when a tall girl with a striking resemblance to the woman in front of him nudged her way into the doorway.

"Oooh, so you're Gaib, eh?" She looked him over slowly and Gaibriel blushed. "I can see why Jules likes ya so much. You're actually sorta cute!" She reached out and pinched his cheek lightly, a big grin tugging at her lips.

Gaibriel didn't know what to say so he stayed quiet. He'd never met Judy before and he certainly hadn't expected someone so... open.

"Oh, Judy, stop that," her mom said lightheartedly, nudging Judy back out of the door and opening it, making an inviting gesture to Gaibriel. "Come on in. And don't worry... I'll try to keep her off you."

Gaibriel laughed before he could stop himself and heard Judy protest. "I'm notta dog," she said, sticking her tongue out at both of them. "C'mon, you can sit in the dining room with us until Jules gets here." Judy put an arm around Gaibriel's shoulders and led him to the table. To Gaibriel, everything was quickly becoming a blurry rush of activity. A drink was sat in front of him that he didn't remember asking for, questions were tossed at him from all directions and he couldn't keep up with who's voice belonged to whom. His family was quiet, almost silent but this one was talkative, jovial and a little loud. Even Judy's father sat with them to say hello and talk a few minutes before disappearing back into the living room. There was a television in the living room and Gaibriel couldn't help but keep glancing at it.

Mr. McNair was watching a football game. Gaibriel didn't know if he liked football... but he wanted to watch none the less. A bunch of men kept running and kicking in a flurry of activity that didn't make much sense. Someone would fall and then they'd all line up and do it again, just close to one end. When they finally reached an end, everyone cheered. He wondered why they didn't just keep going the first time they lined up. Maybe it was to build suspense... He wondered if it was rude to keep looking at the TV screen while everyone was talking with him. No one seemed to be offended but Gaibriel was feeling too unsure to risk it. After one last glance, he turned his back to it. Dizzying as this visit was so far, Gaibriel was enjoying himself. He was smiling a little and laughing at the jokes they made, mostly at Judy's expense. He didn't want to be sent away for being rude.

What seemed like hours later, there was a rapid, rhythmic knock on the door and Judy bounced up from her chair like she'd been kicked. "Jules," she shouted and dashed for the door. "He's gonna be so stoked to see you," she called over her shoulder as she opened the door.

Gaibriel didn't realize he was holding his breath until he let it out again. Jullien was attempting to detangle himself from Judy, flicking her on the nose when he finally managed it. He waved to Mr. McNair then turned to the dining room. Gaibriel saw him stop, both of them feeling like a deer in headlights. It was, surprisingly, Gaibriel who spoke first.

"H-hi, Jullien..." He blushed when he voice cracked and wished he hadn't spoken at all. His heart rate had picked up when the doorbell rang and it was positively fluttering now.

A smile spread over Jullien's face and he returned Gaibriel's hello, albeit with more grace. He strode into the dining room, taking notice of the way Gaibriel's eyes followed the movements of his hips and bent over him, hugging him gently. "Your bruise is fading," he said, running a finger down Gaibriel's cheek lightly. "Are things staying quiet at home?"

"F-for now... My father, he's been busy." Gaibriel swallowed loudly. He didn't want to tell Jullien that it hurt when he touched the bruise.

Mrs. McNair stood up, gesturing for Judy and Amanda to follow her. "Come on, girls. Let's give them some time together."

"But Ma," Judy started and was cut off by a warning look and a firm finger pointing into the living room. Gaibriel smiled at the exchanged and wished briefly that his mother could be as strong as this woman was.

Jullien took a seat next to Gaibriel, facing him, neither of them saying anything. The silence stretched on for quite some time before Judy's voice came from the living room. "Sure is quiet... Do you think they're makin' out in there?"

"Judy, upstairs," came a male voice that had to be Mr. McNair, followed later by a long whine and right after an indignant huff.

Jullien laughed first and Gaibriel joined in. Judy walked by them and stuck her tongue out as she passed. Jullien leaned close to Gaibriel and whispered into his ear. "She got herself sent to her room on purpose... from there, she can hide on the stairs and look down at us."

"Oh... Why would she want to do that?" Gaibriel was doing everything he could not to think about how Jullien's breath felt on his ear.

"Because she's nosey," he said simply. "Come on, let's go onto the porch. I don't feel like being spied on tonight." Without waiting for a reply, he took Gaibriel's hand and lead him out the front door.

"She looks like her mom," Gaibriel said as they sat down in seperate wicker chairs.

"What? Oh, you mean Judy. Yeah, she does but don't ever tell her that."

"Why not?"

"Her and her mom have a love-hate relationship."

Gaibriel blinked confusedly. "Why? Her mom's so nice..."

"Well," Jullien replied, his voice a bit more grave sounding, "not everyone knows how to appreciate what they have going for them. Judy's a doll and all but she's a little too spoiled sometimes."

Gaibriel didn't know what to say to that, however his brain was coming up with plenty of other things to say. He pressed his lips together to keep it all inside. He knew he didn't need to tell Jullien how pretty his hair was in the sunlight or how he really liked the pair of black jeans that clung low on his slim hips and the way a small bit of his stomach could be seen if he moved a certain way. And he really didn't need to tell him about how much he liked the shape of his lips. He was already staring at them enough as it was.

"I'd love to see those eyes of yours with some eyeliner," Jullien said suddenly, effectively corking the words that had been building up in Gaibriel's mouth. "They've got a really pretty shape... you'd be stunning."

"Um, thanks?"

Laughing, Jullien waved a hand dismissively. "Don't worry, I'm not going to attack you with my eyeliner pencil. At least, not unless you'd want me to." He winked playfully and Gaibriel felt his heart jump to his throat.

In that jump, it seemed, to him at least, that all rational thought and warning systems were forced up out of his brain completely. He heard himself speaking before he'd registered the words. "You can... I wouldn't mind." Wouldn't he? Gaibriel thought this over and realized that he hadn't lied. Ever since seeing Jullien that first night, he'd wondered what he would look like given the chance to live in Jullien's shoes. He'd always thought he'd look overly skinny and ridiculous but Jullien had said stunning... maybe Jullien knew something he didn't. And maybe he was willing to find out. Besides, the blonde man was a bit on the skinny side himself.

"Really," Jullien questioned without actually expecting or giving Gaibriel time to answer. "Well, okay." He stood up and dug down in his pocket, producing a pencil with a rounded black tip. "Luckily I didn't bring my usual blue. It would have been all wrong for your colors."

Gaibriel didn't understand a word of what he'd just said but nodded anyway.

"Okay, tilt your head up some and look straight up," Jullien said, bending close over him. Gaibriel did as he was told, inhaling the soft scent that clung to Jullien's body. Soft but woodsy... Gaibriel was reminded of a flowery vine curling its way gracefully up a strong tree. He jumped and blinked rapidly when the pencil touched his lower lid.

"Just be still," Jullien said softly. "It doesn't hurt, just feels odd the first few times."

Fighting the urge to blink and loosing, Gaibriel did his best to be still. His eyes were watery when Jullien finally stood straight again. "Oh, wow," the blonde man said, tilting Gaib's face to get a better look at him. "It does look good on you. And with the way your hair falls into your eyes..." He tisked and smiled broadly at Gaibriel. "You could break some hearts, boy."

Gaibriel flushed and looked down. "I-if you say so..." He cast his eyes up to Jullien, remembering the last time they'd been this close and alone. Not catching the words in time, be blurted, "Can we kiss again?" His hands flew up, covering his mouth in an attempt to jam the words back where they'd come from.

Jullien chuckled, kneeling down in front of him and took his wrists, prying his hands gently away. "Not with your hands over your mouth like that, silly."

Gaibriel didn't resist and leaned into him as Jullien moved closer. His eyes opened again when he received a light peck on the corner of his mouth and felt Jullien moving back from him. It took a moment for his feelings to surface. He was confused and a little hurt. Gaibriel stared at his hands in his lap, them blurring a bit as he fought back tears that he didn't quite understand. Had Jullien rejected him? He looked up to the blonde for an answer but Jullien was avoiding his eyes and returned to his own seat.

The dam that had been holding back all his warning and misgivings collapsed suddenly and his brain was flooded with doubt again. What if Jullien hadn't wanted to kiss him? Was it because he was a bad kisser? Maybe coming here had been a mistake in the first place. Maybe all of it had been a mistake. Gaibriel was unconsciously working himself closer and closer to a flight response.

Across from the dark-haired boy, Jullien frowned as his own battle waged. Gaibriel was so young... too young, according to society. He was perverted if he touched the boy... a rapist even. Jullien didn't think he could live with that sterotype.

'But I don't think I could live without him either.' The thought came unbidden and from a place inside that he usually tried to silence. He immediatly pushed it aside. Of course he could live without Gaibriel. They'd only known in other in little more than passing. He was being emotional, that had to be the explanation. It had nothing to do with how cute Gaibriel looked... or how the smallest smile from the boy made Jullien's mouth turn up as well. And the strong desire to pull the boy into his lap and give him a kiss that would leave him breathless was just...

Jullien's thoughts were cut when Gaibriel stood up a little too quickly. "I-I think maybe... I should go home now," Gaibriel said, not looking up from the floor. There was a difference in his voice... a soft coldness that Jullien recognized from the first time they'd met and the boy had told him to go away. Gaibriel was continuing to talk, explaining himself in a fast tone. "Told my f-father that I was only going to be a little while today and if he gets mad he might come looking for me."

Jullien knew that Gaibriel was going to leave. 'And he won't come back again,' that same voice spoke up again, making Jullien frown deeper. 'Better get a good look at his face, 'cause if you let him go, it'll be the last look you ever get.'

"Thanks for, um... for doing all this. It was fun." Gaibriel was already gearing up to say goodbye. "I don't know if I'll be able to come back anytime soon. There's exams and I-"

His false excuse was cut off finally when Jullien pulled the boy into his arms. Gaibriel looked up to avoid getting his nose mashed into Jullien's chest, not at all expecting the firm, insistent kiss that was planted on his slightly open mouth. He closed his eyes on reflex and let himself melt into the kiss. Jullien slipped a hand around the back of his neck, stroking the skin there lightly. The soft touch was sending chills down his spine.

It was Gaibriel who pulled away first, left a little breathless. He hadn't expected to be kissed and wasn't good at controlling his breathing yet. He didn't blush this time and even felt brazen enough to fix Jullien with an accusatory look. "Why are you doing this," he asked in a small but steady voice. "You keep mixing things up and confusing me... If you don't want to, I understand."

Jullien hadn't let Gaibriel go yet and their bodies remained tightly pressed together. "Oh, Gaibriel," he sighed, mostly to buy himself time to think of how to vocalize his feelings. "I... I DO want to. Really," he added when Gaibriel's brow creased disbelievingly. "But you have to understand... you're young. Still a child... I'm grown. It's wrong for me to want to kiss you this much... over and over again."

Feeling better and better as Jullien spoke, Gaibriel smiled a little and looped his arms around Jullien's shoulders. "It doesn't feel wrong."

Jullien wondered how someone that had been brought up in such a strict house could be oblivious to basic taboos such as the one they were exploiting now. "I know... doesn't feel wrong to me either. But-"

This time, Gaibriel kissed him, standing up on his tip toes to close the distance between them. When Jullien felt the boy's tongue on his lips, he parted them without hesitation. The kiss was clumsy but passionate and Jullien could feel a warmth spreading in his lower stomach. Gaibriel squirmed too much to be pressed so close. Jullien slipped an arm around his waist with the intention of urging him to be still. His hand seemed to have a completely different objective and slid down lower until he was cupping Gaibriel's butt softly. It was firm and a lot more round than he had expected it to be. In a round-about way, Jullien did end up reaching his goal, as Gaibriel stilled at the touch.

Their kiss was broken soon after that and Jullien noticed that Gaibriel's face looked flushed. "But nothing," he said, his voice breathy and emotive. "Don't take this away from me, Jullien... I don't have anything else. I need this... I need you."

Jullien knew he was powerless to resist in the face of such a heart-felt plea. Pressing a kiss to Gaibriel's forehead gently, he said, "Then I'll be here... as long as you need me."

If he had known at the time just how prophetic that sentence was going to end up being, Jullien might have worded it differently...