Family Feeding Fairness
two
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A thoroughly insane chef created dill pickle and chicken liver ice cream. It was slightly more popular than the House of Representatives, since nearly four percent of people claimed they liked it.
The Speaker of the House was desperate to be reelected, but knew his chances were quite poor, like those of all his colleagues. After months of tough negotiations, they managed to create a new bill to improve their odds.
The Speaker announced in front of a huge crowd, and on national television, “Economic times are quite hard and our society is declining into a moral wasteland, with crime and sin being far too common. To rescue the morality of our children, all schools shall require students to pray for at least a half hour each day.” Hundreds of people clapped or cheered, but many others shouted “Booo!” or various insults.
He continued, “To be fair, and to rescue the failing pornography industry after the President’s Family Feeding Fairness program was put in place, all schools will show an hour of adult movies each day, to any students who buy tickets. Kids of any age will be allowed to masturbate or sex feed other willing students while they watch.” Most of the crowd gasped as he paused.
His speech resumed, “Sexual tension relief is important, so those who don’t or can’t buy tickets may masturbate in another room, but sexual interaction at school is only allowed for ticket purchasers. There will be several live feed cameras in each room, just so that parents and the public can supervise for safety, of course.” He snickered briefly, and several in the crowd released aroused sighs. A few females gasped in shock.
“As further sexual and economic relief, prostitution will be legal everywhere for anyone ten or older, with permission of a parent, of course. Anybody at least ten years old may hire hookers or become one, if one of their parents signs a form. They may buy pornography or perform in porn movies, too.” Several people in the crowd were happy, several were angry, but most were simply stunned by the shocking announcement.
“To prevent these things from harming social morality; all prostitutes, customers of prostitutes, and adult film performers will be required to attend church services weekly. They are allowed to select any religion of their choice, but must attend for at least one hour each week.” Many morality-minded viewers nodded in agreement and several voiced their approval. “Yeah. Good.”
He shared some of his personal experiences to be more relatable. “Every Sunday my family and I attend services at the Church of the Holy Handjob. Each family’s youngest daughter dresses as an angel and walks around fondling men and boys until they climax. My sexy little beauty Monique turned eight last month.” He held up a picture of a little blonde girl wearing nothing but a fake halo and angel wings.
“After church, I take my sons to visit the nuns at a new convent, the Sisters of Perpetual Sodomy. How can sex be a sin if an angel jerks you off in church, or you cum in a Holy Sister at her brothel… err, convent?”
He cleared his throat and continued, “Ahem. Our bill passed the House yesterday, and I expect it to become law next week.”
A reporter shouted, “How the Hell do you expect this crazy thing to pass in the Senate?”
The Speaker smiled confidently. “We worked out a deal, and will vote on their bill tomorrow. Good luck, Gods bless, and go donate some cash and cum to your local convent soon.”
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