life

Chapter Two

I remember living in a motel when I was around 7 or 8. It was a city Called Baldwin Park. I would walk to school from there. By this time we had gotten rid of the head lice again, but it was a problem that would come back over and over again.  Around this time my mom was the only person I felt safe around. My older sister hated me and I was still afraid of my father. I started to play with a little boy who lived down the street from me in a trail park. We would walk to church together and play in the little field area of the motel I lived at. Later that year I remember I was so mad at him because we were going to walk to church together. He never showed up to take me. I found out that week, that he had died. He was riding his bike to come and walk with me and a car had hit him. It was a hit in run. If the driver would have gotten out and called the cops he would have survived. I knew he was riding his bike to come and get me and even till this day I feel such guilt over the situation.

Around this time my older sister started to walk me to school. I hated to walk with her because I new she did not like me. We were walking one day and as we were leaving the house she told me I had better walk three feet behind her so no one would know we were related. I still remember how much that hurt. I would have given anything for her to like me.

One day as we were walking she yelled back that she was going to walk with her friend to her house and I should walk home myself. I did not want to and I was scared I would get lost. I never really paid attention when we walked home. I would just walk behind her and look at the ground.  I was about half way home when a car pulled over and the driver asked me if I knew where the freeway entrance was. As I looked up I noticed that the guy in the car had his pants down and was stroking his erection. I panicked on the inside. I did not know what to say. I was instantly scared. I told him it was down the road and pointed behind me. He asked if I could show him. I declined and started walking away. I never saw that man again but the experience has stay with me my whole life.

At this time My mom had a friend who would bring her daughter over to play with me. We will call her Alice and her daughter May. May and I would play together all the time. One day she said we should play house. I remember thinking that it was a good idea. We started playing house and she was the daddy and I was the mommy. We were having fun pretending to fix dinner or bake a cake. That is until she put her hand on my crotch. She said that is how mommy and daddies play. I did not want to lose the only friend I had to I said okay. I remember she would kiss me and put her hand down my pants; then she would expect me to do the same for her. I did not know what to think of this, and it became the only game we played when she would come over.